No One Knows

The sudden brightness in the room roused Billie Joe from his sleep and he stirred, mumbling slightly in confusion as he put a hand to his face to shield his eyes. Jessie stared at him.

"What are you doing here?"
"Mom was in my bed when I got back from Mike's," he explained sleepily, rubbing his eyes, "And earlier she said you had gone to a friend's... so I assumed that cause you hadn't come back you were staying over... so I thought I'd just sleep in here... "

Billie Joe sat up slightly, drawing up his knees and propping himself up on the palms of his hands. He blinked, sleepily, like he was trying to wake himself up.

"I wasn't at a friends," said Jessie, by this point completely confused, "I was hanging out at the record store with Eddie and a guy I know from school... "
"Oh," said Billie Joe, with a slight shrug, "Then I guess Mom was covering for you to your Dad."

Jessie smiled a little at that. If Ollie really was covering for her, that was kind of cool.

"Okay," said Jessie, "But I still don't get why your Mom's sleeping in your room... ."

She suddenly felt nervous.

"Did you tell her... .about my Dad? What happened?"

Billie Joe leaned forward and rubbed his face with his hands.

"No," he mumbled through his fingers, "I didn't get the chance. I didn't see her on her own all day and... well, I guess I could have gone to the restaurant to talk to her but... I had a little run in with John myself this morning and it didn't leave me in the frame of mind to deal with all that shit today. And I have no idea why she's in my room. They must have fallen out about something while I was out, I guess... ."

Jessie sat down on the edge of the bed and nervously bit her lip.

"What happened this morning?" she asked.

He sighed. He knew she wasn't going to like what he was going to say, and for a moment he considered lying about it. But enough lies had been told already. He knew he and Jessie had to be straight with each other now.

"I got in an argument with him," he admitted, "I let him get to me straight away. And I ended up yelling at him for hurting you."
"Oh my God... "

Jessie felt the fear start in her stomach. He was going to kill her.

"I know I should have held back until I spoke to my Mom," said Billie Joe, regretfully, "Cause now he's on the war path. But he's heading for me, not you."
"No... " said Jessie, covering her face with her hands, "He's going to go crazy when he sees me. I'll be grounded again. And that'll be the least of it... "
"I know he'll be mad," said Billie Joe, feeling incredibly guilty and incredibly stupid at the same time, "But I think I'm higher on his list than you are right now. And like I said last night, he's not going to hurt you again."

Billie Joe's words didn't lessen her fear, but they did make her smile all the same. It felt good that he was so intent on sticking up for her. She had never had someone fighting in her corner before. After a moment's silence, Billie Joe stretched and stood up from the bed.

"I'd better leave you to it," he said, awkwardly.
"Where are you going to sleep?"
"I dunno... the couch, I guess"

Jessie sighed.

"You don't have to do that," she said, "It's a big bed. Just stick to your own side and, for fuck's sake, don't fidget"

Billie Joe smiled in nervous amusement. For a moment, John crossed his mind, along with the thought of how much shit would hit the fan if he found out he was even considering sharing a bed with Jessie. But another part of him felt almost vengeful about it. The idea of doing something behind John's back that he would so completely disapprove of had him feeling rather smug.

"Are you sure?"
"Yeah," she said, casually, "I mean it isn't like this is even my room, and you got here first tonight"

Jessie knew that sharing a bed with Billie Joe would be kind of weird, but her offer wasn't completely selfless. She hated to admit it, but the events of the day before had left her feeling entirely unnerved, and being around Billie Joe made her feel a little safer.

He smiled and thankfully hopped back into the bed, resuming the position he'd been in before she had woken him. The thought of the couch hadn't been that inviting anyway.

By the time Jessie came back from the bathroom, changed into her pajamas, Billie Joe was already slipping back into the slumber she had disturbed him from. She turned out the light and slid in next to him, both of them keeping their distance as strictly as if they had erected an invisible fence down the middle of the bed.

Jessie lay quite still for the longest time, unable to switch off her brain as she listened to the sound of Billie Joe's breathing drifting through the darkness, and wondered if he was sleeping or not. His breaths sounded irregular, so she guessed he was still awake, and she was suddenly very aware of how bizarre a situation this was, and how strangely unsettled she felt by the presence of his body lying next to hers.

She could feel him close, feel the warmth of him next to her, and she decided he must be nearer to her than she had realized. She turned her head to face him, but she couldn't see a thing through the blackness. She could smell him though. He smelled minty. He must have just brushed his teeth.

The sensation of his cool breath against her lips gave her goosebumps. How close was he?! She felt her heartbeat quicken and mentally berated herself. Billie Joe was not supposed to be making her feel this way.

The suddenness with which their lips softly met startled them both. Jessie was so shocked that at first she couldn't react at all. Her brain seemed to short circuit and she just froze, as his lips moved against hers and they both wondered what the hell he thought he was doing. But when she felt his tongue against her lips, the electricity that was already surging through her seemed to up about ten thousand volts, and before she'd had time to think about what she was doing she was kissing him back, parting her lips to give him invitation as she felt him exhale shakily, obviously as taken aback as she was by what they were doing.

As their kisses became deeper and their heartbeats raced to what they were sure must be their limits, there was only one thought that Jessie could make sense of in her scrambled mind: Damn Billie Joe to all hell for being such a fucking awesome kisser.

Resigned to the fact that her common sense had checked out completely, Jessie let out a breathy sigh which only served to embolden Billie Joe, and the speed with which he had maneuvered himself on top of her took her by surprise yet again. She barely had time to suck in another breath before he had captured her mouth in another heart-stopping kiss, as she pushed to the back of her mind the thought of how wrong it was that the weight of his warm body could feel so good on hers.

Jessie stiffened slightly as she felt Billie Joe's hand creep under her pajama top, and shivered at the sensation of his fingers against her skin. This was moving too quickly for her, but it all felt far too good to pull away from, and Billie Joe would be damned if he was going to slow down now.

Her heart pounded as his fingers ghosted down her stomach, his tongue still flickering against hers as his hand moved lower. It wasn't until she felt his fingers slide underneath the waistband of her pajama pants that her breath hitched in her throat and she pulled back from his kiss. What the fuck was she doing?

"Billie... " she whispered, breathily, her voice coming out shaky and unfamiliar, "Stop... "

She hadn't even gotten out a sentence before his lips reclaimed hers. But this time, she didn't kiss back. The reality of what they were doing hit her completely, and she panicked. She pushed him away, hard. Harder than she thought she had it in her, and it knocked the breath right out of him.

The lack of contact brought with it a strange mixture of longing and relief, and her eyes had accustomed to the darkness in the room just enough to make out the shocked frustration and what looked a little like humiliation on Billie Joe's face.

For a moment the only sound in the room was the mixture of their shocked, ragged breathing, before Billie Joe let out a breathless,
"What the fuck was that for?"

Was he kidding? Was she the only one seeing the madness in what they had just been doing?

"What do you think?" she responded, incredulously, trying to keep her voice to a whisper to avoid alerting Ollie and John to their activities. "Jesus, Billie, what the hell are we doing?"
"I don't know," he frowned, "But I didn't hear you complaining"
"That isn't the point!"
"Wait a minute," he said, in a hushed voice, "How is this my fault?!"
"You started it!"
"If I jumped off a cliff, would you follow me?"

Jessie let out an exasperated sigh. Why did he have to be so maddening?

"You took it too far," said Jessie, accusingly. "I told you to fucking stop and you just ignored me. You can't do that."
"For fuck's sake!" exclaimed Billie, his voice an angry whisper, "Your telling me to stop didn't exactly sound convincing, Jessie"
"It doesn't fucking matter how it sounded, the point is, I told you to stop and you didn't!"

Billie Joe groaned in frustration, throwing back the covers and jumping out of the bed as he felt the anger and rejection coursing through him.

"You're acting like I tried to fucking molest you," he hissed, bitterly, through the darkness, "I'm gonna sleep on the fucking couch after all, since I obviously can't be trusted around you"

As he stormed out of the room, Jessie groaned inwardly and flopped back onto the bed, her head hitting the pillow with a thump. How did she get herself into these messes?

Billie Joe sat in the kitchen in the dark, his head resting in his hands, stewing in his anger both at Jessie and at himself. What the hell had he been thinking? Where did all that come from? And why was he so fucking bothered that it was over? He put his forehead down onto the cool wood of the kitchen table. This was Jessie. It was Jessie. He didn't even like her that much. He only hung out with her because he had to. He only looked after her because he felt sorry for her.

So why had it felt so damn good?

He heard footsteps on the hardwood floor, and raised his head to see Jessie leaning against the door frame with her arms folded.

"What do you want?" he asked, sulkily.
"We aren't supposed to be fighting with each other... . Remember?"

Billie Joe raised his eyebrows as he leaned back in his chair.

"We aren't supposed to be making out either but that hasn't stopped either of us."
"I know," she said, biting her lip, "It was ridiculous. Let's just forget it ever happened. Okay?"

Something about that pissed him off even more, although he couldn't really say why. Probably because pretending it never happened was the coward's way out, and he didn't want to be a coward.

"I can't forget the fact that you blamed it all on me. I didn't notice you being in control of the situation either, Jessie"
"I was the one who stopped it! That was me being in control of the situation!"
"Yeah, that was a really coming to a controlled stop, wasn't it? Throwing me off you like I'm some kind of pervert. It takes two to fucking tango, remember?"

Jessie groaned in frustration. She knew she should just leave the argument there and go back to bed but she somehow couldn't help herself.

"It was just a kiss," she argued, "Which was stupid enough in itself. But then you had to make it worse by turning it into more."
"Fine!" Billie Joe retorted, his voice raising to a level that made Jessie panic. She was sure they were being loud enough to wake John and Ollie. "It was all my fault, I'm an out of control teenage guy with no hold on his hormones and you're Little Miss Fucking Perfect, as usual."
Jessie narrowed her eyes at him.

"Now you're just being pathetic," she hissed.

"I'm being pathetic?" he responded, incredulously, getting up from his chair and walking towards her, "I think your whole pass-the-buck response is the most pathetic thing happening in this room, Jessie. Just so you can pretend that you didn't feel anything and that I forced you into the whole thing."
"I shouldn't have felt anything!" she argued, her voice raising to a raspy whisper, "Neither of us should have felt anything!"
"I didn't say we should have done!" he threw back, "I'm saying we did! And you're fucking denying the whole thing! And now you wanna just pretend nothing ever happened!"
"It's the easiest way to deal with it"
"It's the cowardly way to deal with it"
"I'm not a coward," she said, furiously,
"So stop fucking acting like one!"

His voice raised to what she supposed was the whispering equivalent of a full-blown scream as he stormed towards her. He looked so furious that, without thinking, she squeezed her eyes shut tight and winced. When she opened them again, he was standing in front of her, his eyes filled with hurt and disbelief as he stared at her in silence for a moment, before he found his voice. And it was at least ten times angrier than it had been before.

"What the hell was that?!" he demanded.
"What?" she asked, nervously,
"You fucking cowered away from me, Jessie!"
"I... "

She hadn't meant to. It was an automatic reaction. With all the angry encounters she had been having with her father, it had become habitual.

"How dare you think that I'd do that?" he fumed, "How could you even fucking think that about me?!"
"I didn't, Billie, I-"
"I'm not a fucking thing like him! I thought you knew that!"

She could feel herself getting more and more pissed off.

"What do you expect?" she asked, angrily, "After everything I've been through, I shouldn't have to apologize for being a little edgy around angry men!"
"It's me!" he shouted, "I thought you knew me better than that! I thought you trusted me! I said I wasn't going to let you get hurt again! Do you think I've been lying to you this whole time?! I don't lie! I leave that to you!"
"I can't believe you just said that."
"Why not? It's the truth!"
"You're a fucking bastard sometimes, you know that?"
"You aren't exactly all sweetness and light the whole time yourself!" he shouted, moving closer towards her, his green eyes flashing with fury.

Jessie reached out and pushed him backwards, angrily.

"You have absolutely no understanding whatsoever!" she yelled at him, "I can't fucking wait till I move out of this place!"

In response to her angry shove, Billie Joe defiantly stepped back towards her and grabbed both of her wrists. She struggled against him, but he didn't let go. He was fuming, and he was going to make her listen.

"You keep fucking telling yourself that!" he hissed, angrily, his face an inch from hers. "You keep fucking telling yourself how much you hate me and how little you need me"
"I don't need you," she growled, writhing against his grasp, shocked that even Billie Joe could be this audacious.

"I don't need you either," he panted, his stomach clenching at the feel of her breath on his face, before everything went blurry as his self-control got away from him completely.

His lips crushed against hers with a bruising force that knocked her backwards, only just allowing her time to catch a gasp of breath before she felt her back hit the kitchen wall and his mouth claim another furious kiss as he fell into her.

Like any girl, Jessie had dreamed of fairytale kisses with the perfect guy, kisses that make time stand still and the world stop, just for them. But kissing Billie Joe was the exact opposite. His kisses seemed to make time run at double speed, and the world kept on flying by so fast she was sure that once they stopped, nothing would be the same.

She groaned in frustration and confusion as she took hold of his bare shoulders, partly to steady herself, partly to push him away, partly to pull him closer. The two teenagers struggled for control of the kiss, and Billie Joe won, as a wave of arousal caused Jessie to give in to him, despite the anger coursing through her veins at the sheer fucking arrogance of the guy.

She grabbed a handful of his dark hair, pulling on it hard enough to make him wince, as they staggered backwards out of the room, not breaking apart even for a moment as they crashed through the living room door. Billie Joe was taken by surprise as he felt the backs of his legs hit the arm of the couch and he fell backwards onto it, pulling Jessie down with him, his breath coming out in ragged gasps. She couldn't help but smirk down at him in satisfaction as she grabbed his wrists and pinned him to the couch. It felt good to hold him down, the smug bastard.

"Oh fuck... " he muttered, staring up at her, his green eyes drunk with lust and his chest heaving as he realized it was far too late to gain back any control over himself now.

Before she had a chance to suck in another breath, he was pulling her in for another clashing of lips and teeth and tongue, and she responded to it by biting down savagely on his bottom lip, making him gasp out loud. He scowled a little as he licked the blood from his lip, realizing just how much he must have pissed her off, and a little surprised by how much it was turning him on.

As he flipped them over and pinned her underneath him, Jessie felt a flicker of fear at the thought of how much noise they seemed to be making and what her father would do if he walked in on this now. But she pushed it to the back of her mind as Billie Joe kissed her again, hard enough to steal her breath.

He groaned a little as she pulled on his hair, and she was so caught up in the delicious feeling of his teeth scraping against her lip and his tongue dueling with hers that she barely even noticed clothes being peeled off. She was vaguely aware that this time, she couldn't blame Billie Joe for the direction things were headed. Sure, he started it, but neither of them were doing a very good job of ending it.

Her heart pounded and her mind raced as she trailed her fingers down his stomach, his breathing becoming even heavier and his kisses becoming deeper and more desperate as her hand lowered to its destination and he let out a soft groan. A little voice in Jessie's head told her over and over that she wasn't really doing this and she decided it would probably be best to believe it, but that wasn't easy when the kinds of sounds he was making in her ear were telling her otherwise and making her want to do anything other than stop.

She had no idea where the condom came from, it just seemed to present itself as if by magic, and the realization that he must have carried one around on him wasn't much of a surprise. In fact, it was pretty fucking typical really. Could he get any more arrogant? Not that it mattered anyway, because where it came from wasn't important, it was the fact that it was there at all, leaving her in no doubt as to where things were headed and that it was somewhere she most definitely did not want to go.

This was not how it was supposed to happen. Not here, not with him, and definitely not like this. So why in the hell wasn't she doing something about it? Why wasn't she telling him to stop? Why wasn't she pushing him away?

His forehead pressed against hers and his breathing was shallow against her lips as he thrust into her. She bit down on her lip to stop herself crying out from the shock and the pain, leaving him with no idea that she was feeling either. Although, he probably wouldn't have noticed even if she hadn't tried to hide it, as he was so caught up in the moment and how damn good it felt, the very real possibility of John coming in and catching them in the act only serving to excite him further. He felt the anger leaving him as sinful pleasure took him over and his brain went numb.

Jessie buried her face in his neck, furious with herself for getting herself so far into this that she couldn't back out, holding back tears and biting down a little on the skin under his jaw to relieve the pain and the anger at Billie Joe for being the one to cause it.

She gasped a little into his ear as the pain finally began to subside and the first wave of pleasure took her by surprise, thinking it was about damn time because it really didn't seem fair that Billie Fucking Joe was having all the fun.

And then she was lost in him.

He covered her mouth with his to swallow her cries as she reached her climax, pushing him over the edge into his as she returned his ravenous kisses. He collapsed in exhaustion, his head on her chest, rising and falling with each heaving breath, the only sound in the darkened room.

Neither one spoke for what felt like forever. Jessie absently put her hand into his hair, which was damp with sweat, as if to check he was really there and she hadn't just dreamt the whole thing. Her heart pounded. He really was there. She really had just let that happen. What the hell had she done?

She still couldn't speak when he finally raised his heavy head to look at her, his face flushed and his eyes glazed with exhaustion and satiation. He let out a deep breath before collapsing again, his head thumping onto the couch cushions next to hers.

"Y'know, it was real sweet of you to offer," he mumbled, drowsily, "But I think the couch will do just fine, after all..."