No One Knows

"Are you sure you're going to be okay doing this, Hon?"

Ollie and Jessie stood on the front porch of the Armstrong house, hugging briefly, before Jessie set off to San Francisco for the day, ready to meet Andie again and learn what more she could about her late mother.

"Of course, Ollie," Jessie assured her, "I've already done the hard part, right?"

Ollie nodded, looking down. She hated that Jessie had gone through that by herself.

"Besides," said Jessie, with a smile, "It's not like I'm totally alone."

She nodded towards the street, where Billie Joe was waiting impatiently in the car.

"I have my cab driver."

Ollie smiled.

"Well, you give me a call if you need me," she said, "Promise?"

Jessie nodded.

"Promise."

Billie Joe tapped his fingers on the steering wheel and frowned as he watched Jessie finally make her way towards the car.

"Jeez," he complained, as she pulled open the door on the passenger side, "Don't haul me outta bed this early if you're planning on standing around talking... "

Jessie threw him a look as she tossed her backpack into the backseat.

"Your Mom just wanted to say goodbye."
"We're going for one day!" Billie protested, incredulously, "We'll be back in time for dinner! She's acting like you're leaving for good!"

Jessie grinned.

"Just shut up and drive, Armstrong."

Billie Joe gave her a wry smile as he turned the key in the ignition.

"Yes, Ma'am."

"You know what?" said Billie Joe, fiddling with the car stereo as they pulled off down the street, "I thought this time together would be the perfect opportunity for me to force you to listen to some punk rock."
"Oh, you did?"
"Uh huh," he nodded, blindly pushing a cassette into the player as he negotiated around the parked cars, "Lesson One: The New York Dolls. This is goin' back some time, but they were one of the first bands to take on the whole punk ethos, right?"
"Right... " said Jessie, reservedly, as she put her feet up on the dashboard.
"... This is before it was popular. This was setting the scene... "
"Are you going to spend the whole trip giving me a textbook history of the genre, or are you going to let me actually listen to it?"
"Alright!" he said, indignantly, "Fucking listen to it then, if you're not interested! And next time, we're doing the Sex Pistols. They pulled it outta the underground... ."

Jessie glanced at Billie Joe, an eyebrow raised in amusement.

"Next time?" she questioned, "You're planning on chauffeuring me around some other time?"

Billie Joe gave her a wry smile.

"Oh, come on," he said, "You say that like I have a choice. You're always talking me into driving you places."
"You offered this time!"
"Yeah," he said, with a warning glance, "This time."

"Well," smiled Jessie, tapping on the window ledge along with the music, which she had to admit she was enjoying, "When you're all rich and famous, you won't have to drive me anywhere. You can just send a driver to come get me in a limo."
"Ah... but then I'll want to drive you places. Cause I'll have an awesome car."
"You think?"
"Sure... If I'm rich and famous, then I'll have to have something pretty kick-ass, like a Ferrari or a BMW or... I dunno... a Batmobile."

Jessie laughed.

"I didn't see you as the sorta guy who cares about cars."
"I think all guys care about 'em if they're really cool cars."
"I guess a Batmobile would be pretty cool, huh?"
"Absolutely. Better than this heap of shit, anyway."
Jessie smiled.
"Yeah," she said, thoughtfully, "It isn't exactly sexy, is it?"
"Heh. Not exactly. Half the time I feel like I'm taking part in a soapbox derby. And losing."

Jessie smiled, staring out of the window as they joined the freeway, and the pair were quiet for a while, listening to the music, each caught up in their own thoughts, both considering what awaited them when they arrived in San Francisco.

"Are you nervous?" Billie Joe asked, suddenly.

Jessie glanced up.

"Yeah, kinda," she admitted, "I mean, it was always gonna be a little strange."
"What d'you reckon this Andie person's gonna tell you?"

Jessie's mouth skewed to the side as she thought.

"I really don't know. They'll probably have found out where she's been living and stuff. If she had a family."
"So... you might have some brothers or sisters?"
"It's possible, right?"
"Would you wanna meet them?"

Jessie smiled.

"Not today," she said, "Maybe one day... but not today."

Billie Joe nodded thoughtfully.

"Can I ask you something else?"
"Am I gonna be able to stop you?"
"Chah, I know you'll tell me to fuck off if you want me too. You've never held back before."

Jessie grinned.

"True," she said, "So shoot."
"Well, I'm taking it you haven't spoken to John about any of this... right?"

She glanced at him.

"I haven't even seen him," she said.
"Right. So d'you think he knows your Mom died?"

Jessie shrugged.

"I don't know," she said, "I kind of hope not though, only cause if he knew and didn't tell me then he's an even bigger asshole then I thought."
"Well... . I was thinking. You said your dad got worse lately, right? Like, right before he came to live with us? I mean... he was never violent before... right?"
"No... "
"So, couldn't this be one of the reasons he started drinking so much? Maybe he found out about your mom and... I dunno... couldn't deal with it?"

Jessie looked back out of the window.

"I guess that's possible... Detective Armstrong."

It was something she hadn't thought about, whether he knew. He had never spoken to her about her mother, not that she could remember, and he had always discouraged Jessie from mentioning her. Could he have known where she was all this time? Could the discovery that she was dead have pushed him over the edge?

"Either way," said Billie Joe, breaking into her thoughts once again, "It doesn't really matter. Cause it isn't an excuse for the way he behaved."

Jessie sighed.

"You're right," she said, "It doesn't matter anymore."

Once in the city, Billie Joe and Jessie pulled up at the Civic Center and Billie Joe gave the handbrake a forceful tug.

"I always find it scary parking on these damn hills in this city. Feels like I'm gonna roll down into the fucking water."

Jessie smiled absently, looking out of the car window at the revolving glass doors she had come out of in a daze the last time she was here.

"... You want me to wait here for you?" Billie Joe asked, gently.

Jessie took her eyes from the window and turned her head towards him.

"No," she said simply, "Come."
"Um... okay," he said, feeling nervous, "Are you sure?"

Jessie nodded, decisively, opening the car door and stepping out into the warm sunshine. Billie Joe did the same, before following Jessie into the building.

Jessie seemed to know where she was going, and Billie Joe followed close at her heels, feeling slightly uneasy as he glanced left and right and noticed he was getting a few lingering glances from the more smartly dressed people they passed on their way. With his vivid hair, he did kind of stand out in a building seemingly made up of shades of grey.

"It's good to see you again," Andie told Jessie earnestly, once they were inside her office.
"Thanks," said Jessie nervously, "Uh, this is my friend, Billie."

Andie shook Billie Joe's hand, smiling warmly before motioning for the pair to sit down. Billie Joe glanced at Jessie. She was chewing her bottom lip, looking anxious. He couldn't blame her. This was a pretty weird situation.

"How have you been?" Andie asked her.
"Fine," said Jessie, simply.

Andie smiled.

"Want me to cut to the chase, right?"
"If you wouldn't mind... "

Billie Joe smiled a little, as he watched Andie pick through the papers on her desk.

"Well," she said, "We've found out some stuff for you. Your Mom was living in Santa Barbara, where she'd been for the past five years."

Jessie's eyes widened. Five years? For the past five years she'd had a mother living down the coast from here?

"Where was she before then?" Jessie asked. Her voice sounded hoarse.
"Down in Arizona. That's where she went when she left Berkeley. But she missed California and loved Santa Barbara... and that's where she's buried."

Jessie swallowed.

"She's buried? In Santa Barbara?"
"Yes. And I've got the address of the cemetery right here. I thought you might want it."

Jessie nodded, dumbly.

"How do you know all this?"
"We got in contact with her husband, Richard, through the hospital that treated her following her accident."
"She had a husband? Did she have kids?"

Andie shook her head.

"Only you. But she did have a stepson, Xander, from her husband's prior marriage. He's sixteen, same as you."
"... Okay."

Jessie looked over at Billie Joe, who was paying close attention to all of this. When he felt Jessie's eyes on him, he gave her a reassuring glance. Jessie looked back at Andie again.

"So... do they know about me?"

Andie nodded.

"Why didn't she come and see me?" Jessie asked, her voice cracking a little, "Did they know? Didn't they say?"

Andie looked down.

"They couldn't really answer that question," she said softly.

Jessie felt herself getting emotional and took a breath. Billie Joe noticed and Jessie was surprised when she felt him slide his hand into hers. She glanced at him again, but he was still looking straight ahead. Holding hands with Billie Joe felt strange, but comforting.

"But," Andie continued, "Richard said he would like to meet you."
"He would?"
"Yes. If you'd like to meet him, of course. He can tell you more about your Mom than anyone, I expect."
It was an unsettling thought, going to meet a perfect stranger that had known her mother so well.

"He lives in Santa Barbara, of course" said Andie, "And I have his address too, if you'd like it."
Jessie nodded. There was no harm in taking it, after all.
"Right," she said, shakily.

Billie Joe shifted his hand a little in hers as he leaned back in his seat, but he didn't let go. Jessie bit her lip and looked back at Andie.

"So... is that all you know?" she asked, after a pause.

Andie sat up a little in her seat and cleared her throat.

"Actually, no," she said, "There was something else... concerning your mother's will."

Jessie blinked. Andie continued.

"It seems as though, although she hadn't seen you for such a very long time, she didn't leave you out of it... as you look like you were expecting."

Jessie's eyes were wide.

"She put me in her will?"
"Yeah," said Andie, with a little smile, "She sure did. Your mother owned a house in Santa Barbara, which she let out since she moved in with Richard. And she left it to you."

Jessie and Billie Joe gawped at Andie across the desk.

"What?" Jessie spluttered, "She left me a house? Why?!"

Andie shrugged.

"I can't answer that," she said, "I expect the only person who can is your mother. Or perhaps Richard, I suppose."
"Oh my God... " Jessie muttered, taking her hand from Billie Joe's and bringing it, shaking, to her face, "Oh my God... "

She turned to look at Billie Joe, who stared back at her, as wide-eyed as she was.

"How about that... " he wondered, aloud.

"What am I supposed to do with a house down in Santa Barbara?" Jessie exclaimed in amazement, when she and Billie Joe were standing, once again, on the sun-dappled sidewalk outside the building.
"Hmm, I don't know... sell it?" Billie Joe grinned, rubbing his hands together, jokingly.

Jessie smiled a little.

"I just... I wasn't expecting this, Billie, I... I can't believe it. It won't sink in."

Feeling a couple of irritating tears threatening to surface, Jessie wiped hurriedly at her eyes as they walked towards the car. Billie Joe reached out and stopped her in her tracks, and Jessie allowed herself to be pulled into a reassuring hug.

"This is pretty weird, huh?" he muttered, his head next to hers.

She nodded.

"Pretty weird," she agreed, as he released her. "I just can't believe... after all this time... Why not her husband?"
"I imagine she probably owned more than a house in Santa Barbara," said Billie Joe, leaning against the car as he pulled his cigarettes out of his back pocket. Sitting in the office on the edge of his seat all that time had made him a little desperate. After lighting his cigarette, he took it out of his mouth,
"He must have left this Richard guy some money or whatever," he said, waving it at her.
"I suppose," said Jessie, thoughtfully.

The pair were silent for a few moments, as they leant on the car and watched the people stroll past, both deep in thought, neither knowing what to say.

"So," said Billie Joe eventually, "Are we going to Santa Barbara?"

She looked at him, in surprise.

"Today?" she asked, "It's like a four hour drive!"

He smiled a little as he chucked his cigarette butt to the floor.

"It's a four hour drive any day," he said,
"I know, I... that's not what I meant, smartass."

Jessie chewed on her fingernail, her heart beating quickly. Her mother's life was in Santa Barbara, and now she had a chance to get a glimpse of it. Why did part of her feel like speeding all the way back to Berkeley and hiding from it forever?

"Hey," said Billie Joe, seeing her unease, "It was just an idea. We can do it any time. I just thought we might as well do it today. But, y'know, it's up to you. I know all this is a lot to take in."

Jessie glanced at him.

"I just don't know if I'm ready to face this Richard guy... "
"We don't have to face anyone," Billie Joe assured her, "If you want, we can just drive down, visit her grave, and drive back."
"That's a pretty long round trip for nothing... "
"It isn't for nothing," he insisted, "Besides, it's the PCH all the way. It's a nice drive. And it'll give me a chance to piss you off the whole time talking like a punk rock geek."

Jessie smiled.

"You seriously wouldn't mind doing this?"

He shrugged.

"What else am I gonna do today? Go to school?"

Jessie grinned, feeling warm. She knew she could never tell him how grateful she was for all of this.

"Thank you," she said simply.

Billie Joe smiled a little, before turning away and opening the car door.

"Come on," he said, getting in, "We've got a lot of music to get through."

An hour later, the pair were bound for Santa Barbara, heading along the Pacific Coast Highway to the strains of Anarchy In The U.K.

"Billie," said Jessie, nervously, suddenly aware she was gripping onto the window ledge rather tightly, "Do you think you can slow it up just a little?"

He rolled his eyes, as he took a winding corner and Jessie winced.

"You wanna get there or not?"
"Well, I kind of do, actually, yeah," Jessie frowned, "Rather than running off the edge and ending up in the ocean, I mean."

Billie Joe smiled, wryly.

"If I'm scaring you, Jessie, of course I'll slow down," he said, in his most patronizing voice, checking there was nobody behind him before slowing down to ten miles per hour.
"Y'know, you're so funny, sometimes I don't know how I stand it," said Jessie, sarcastically, folding her arms across her chest and looking out of the window.

Billie Joe laughed, pushing his foot back down on the gas. She really was fun to wind up.

Relieved by the slightly more modest pace, Jessie was quiet for a while, looking out of the window at the ocean as they passed the rocky bays. It really was a beautiful day. This route always was beautiful, no doubt about it, but that day, the sky was a perfect cloudless blue and the water was glittering. She watched a silvery fin break the surface before quickly disappearing again.

"Hey, did you see that?" she asked, peering out of the window, hoping to see the owner of the fin resurface.

Billie Joe glanced over.

"Actually, I decided to keep my eyes on the road rather than the water."

Jessie smiled.

"What's got you all bitchy?" she prompted, "I think I saw a dolphin."
"There are a lot of 'em about... " said Billie Joe, vaguely.
"You ever seen a whale out here?"
"Yeah... but only once," he replied. "When I was a kid."
"Really? I've never seen one."

She kept her eyes on the water, as if expecting one to pop up any second.

"I used to drive along here with my Dad sometimes," Billie Joe continued, after a moment of quiet. "My grandmother used to live in San Luis."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I remember being in the backseat with my sister, Holly. And I could hardly even see out of the window, so I must have been really young. But I can remember Dad telling us to look real fast, and then I stretched up in my seat, and we just saw this huge fin going down into the water, making a huge splash, exactly like on cartoons and stuff, y'know... "

He smiled at the memory. Jessie smiled too.

"That's cool," she said quietly, turning back to the window.

It was late afternoon when they pulled up on the promenade in Santa Barbara, and Billie Joe wearily rubbed his eyes. Jessie looked out of the window at the beach, which was, unsurprisingly, full of life on such a sunny day. She watched the kids running about with their buckets and spades, the beach balls flying back and forth, and part of her couldn't help wishing they were just here for a nice afternoon out as well.

"Seventeen Transfer Avenue," Jessie was reading aloud from the paper in her hands, which Andie had given her.
"Eleven... . Thirteen... "

The car crawled along the wide tree-lined street, as both Jessie and Billie Joe peered out of the windows, waiting to see the house they were looking for.

"... Seventeen."

Billie Joe slowed to a complete stop, and Jessie shifted in her seat and leaned across him to get a look out of his window. It was kind of shabby and unloved, with a broken porch and paint that had chipped here and there, but bigger than she had expected. She couldn't help getting a lump in her throat as she stared at it, knowing her mother had lived in it, and now it was hers. It was all so unreal.

"... Are you okay?" Billie Joe asked, close to her ear.

She nodded, fiercely.

"I can't believe you have a house," he said, "It's pretty big too. Fucking awesome."
"Yeah... " she whispered.

He watched her carefully, as her eyes flicked over the house in front of them. Her face was close enough to his that he could see the watery glaze in her eyes. Then she moved away from him and sunk back into her seat.

"Are you all done here?" Billie Joe asked her.

She nodded, not quite trusting herself to speak just yet.

"Are you hungry?" he asked, after a moment, "Cause we don't have to go to the cemetery just yet. We don't even have to go at all if you don't want."

Jessie cleared her throat.

"I do want to," she said, "But maybe just give it some time... so I can get ready."

He nodded.

"No problem," he said.

Billie Joe strolled along the promenade next to Jessie, his hands in his pockets as he squinted out at the ocean. Jessie walked silently beside him, and he could tell she was deep in thought after having seen her mother's house. It was pretty weird to think that her mom had probably walked up and down this promenade countless times over the years herself. And he knew that if he thought it was weird, Jessie must be finding it completely unsettling.

"Hey," he said, nudging into her. She looked up. "Wanna go down onto the beach?"
"Sure, I guess."

He hopped over the short wall onto the sand and kicked off his Converse, followed by his socks, before picking them up and striding purposefully towards the water.

"You aren't planning on swimming are you, Billie?" Jessie asked, warily, with a smile.
"Fuck no," he replied, looking over his shoulder, "I was just going to stick my feet in."
"Oh, okay," said Jessie, stopping to kick off her shoes as well.

Billie Joe waded into the water up to his ankles and turned to giggle at Jessie who was following him tentatively.

"It's fucking freezing!" she protested, just as a small boy sprinted past her and dived right in, showering her with water. Billie Joe laughed even harder.

"Oh fuck off... " she grumbled, shoving him slightly as she caught up with him and they started walking again, along the water's edge.

Billie Joe started to move further into the water, enjoying the feeling of the wet sand between his toes.

"I don't want to go in any further than this," said Jessie, warningly, "I don't wanna get jellyfished."

Billy Joe turned to her, eyebrows raised.

"You never struck me as the kinda girl who'd get wussy about jellyfish," he commented, with a grin.
"I'm not wussy about them," Jessie protested, "I just don't particularly feel like getting my legs slashed up today."

Billie Joe laughed a little.

"Especially since if you did get jellyfished, I'd have to pee on your leg to get the acid out of the slashes. It's the best thing for it, so I've heard."

Jessie grinned, folding her arms over her chest as she splashed her feet in the clear water.

"Oh, you'd just love the chance to do that, wouldn't you Billie?"

He grinned too, as he picked up a stone from the wet sand and tossed it into the water.

"Well, y'know, I'll admit... there have been times when the thought of peeing on you would have amused me... but I think my anger issues are all worked out now."

Jessie smiled, looking back down at the water.

They continued in comfortable silence for a while, until Jessie raised her eyes back up to the beach, where a game of volleyball was being played in the distance. Jessie smiled, then looked over at Billie Joe.

"Heh. Now I know why you were so keen on hitting the beach. You just wanted to watch the hot girls playing volleyball!"

Billie Joe looked up to the beach, and grinned.

"Busted."
"Ah, I don't mind," she smirked, "There're some hot boys playing further down."
Billie Joe smiled.
"There are? Even better. I'm not known to discriminate, you know."

He chuckled a little, swinging his shoes by the laces.

"... I've never told anyone that before."

Jessie looked up at him in surprise, but he was staring down at his feet, splashing the water as he walked. She smiled, thinking how strange it was that just hearing a sentence end with 'I've never told anyone that before' could make you feel so good.

Evening drew in, and Billie Joe and Jessie were still on the beach, sitting on the warm sand eating slices of pizza they had bought from the stand on the promenade. Billie Joe looked up at the sky, which was starting to turn pink, then back at Jessie.

"You still wanna do this thing?"

She turned to him and nodded.

"Yeah," she said, "I don't want you to have driven all this way just to see some old house and go paddling."

He shrugged.

"I don't care," he said, nonchalantly, "I quite like paddling"

She laughed a little, sliding her hand into her hair and holding it back from her face.

"I want to go to the cemetery," she said, firmly.

He nodded.

It didn't take them long to find it. Andie's directions had been perfect. Jessie followed behind Billie Joe, her heart pounding wildly in her chest as they headed through the maze of headstones. All she wanted was to run in the other direction, but she knew she couldn't turn back now. Partly because she thought she might regret it if she did, and partly because she didn't want to mess Billie Joe around by changing her mind, when he'd been so lovely to her all day.

Billie Joe found it first. It wasn't difficult to spot because it was newer than the others, a bright slab of white stone against it's dark, moss coated neighbors. He placed a hand on Jessie's shoulder, wordlessly guiding her in front of him.

She gasped a little as her eyes fell on the headstone. Elizabeth Farrow. It was strange, almost like a stranger's name. Of course, she hadn't expected her mother to keep her father's name. Not when she hated him enough to leave the way she had. She knelt down in front of it and Billie Joe did the same, settling slightly behind her, and staying at arm's reach.

Neither of them said anything for what seemed to Billie Joe to be quite a long while. He watched Jessie's face intently as she stared at her mother's grave. His heart ached to see the pain on her face. He watched as a couple of tears finally spilled from her eyes and began to roll down her cheek. They were tears that he knew had been held back all day, that only now was she failing to keep control over. He lifted a hand to wipe them away, then thought better of it. This was a time for letting them fall.

Eventually, she turned to face him, biting down on her quivering lip, and he moved closer.

"Are you okay?" he whispered.

She nodded, then stood up. He did the same, looking at her with green eyes that were heavy with sorrow and concern. He was surprised and relieved when she wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder, and he put his arms around her and held her close to him. He wished he could stop her hurting, but he knew that only time would be able to do that.

"I'm glad she left me the house," she mumbled eventually into his shirt.
"Me too."
"I think I was worried that she would have just pretended I didn't exist. But she hadn't been pretending."

Billie Joe shook his head,

"She wouldn't have left you anything if she didn't care," he said, softly.

Jessie nodded.

"I think I'm ready to go home now," she said, after a minute.

Billie Joe nodded, closing his eyes and pressing his face into her hair.

"I'll do whatever you want," he whispered.

It was getting dark by the time they got back to the car, and Jessie waited in the passenger seat while Billie Joe used the pay phone across the street to tell Ollie they wouldn't be back until late. She watched him walking back towards the car, swinging his keys from his fingers, and felt a warm flicker in the pit of her stomach. She tried to remember when she had made the transition from hating him so intensely to feeling so attached to him, but she couldn't. She didn't suppose it really mattered. Her feelings for him had always been intense, one way or another, and it left her with strange mixture of fear and excitement dancing in the pit of her stomach which she did her best to ignore as the car door opened and he slid into his seat.

"This is from Mom," he said, before leaning over and hugging her suddenly. She was taken by surprise, and laughed nervously, breathing in the scent of his hair as he pulled back and released her. She quickly looked away as he put the keys in the ignition and she heard the engine start.

Then she heard it stop, suddenly. She turned to look at him, but he was staring at the keys, his mouth twisted in thought.

"What's up?" she asked, her voice sounding suddenly nervous.

"Um... " He raised his eyes to hers, still looking thoughtful, "... I... think there's something I want to do before we go."
"... Okay... "

Why was he looking at her that way?

Jessie felt her heartbeat quicken and her stomach lurch a little as he leaned in towards her. She thought he was going to hug her again, but then his face was close to hers, and she could feel his breath, and her insides started doing somersaults.

"Bill... " she heard herself breathe, uncertainly, before she was cut off by his lips softly pressing against hers, and she stopped breathing completely.

Billie Joe's heart was pounding in his chest. He had no idea where he had suddenly gotten the courage to do this, and he didn't think he had ever been so nervous. As he pulled back, he had an incredible urge to leap straight out of the car door and run like hell, convinced he had just made things for Jessie even more fucked up than they were already.

His eyes widened as he felt her lips against his once again, before fluttering shut as her hand slid round the back of his neck, her fingers tangling in his hair as she pulled him in closer. Both their hearts were beating wildly at this thoroughly unexpected turn of events, and both felt the same electricity as the kiss became more passionate, tongues meeting briefly before pulling back, their noses touching as they caught their breath, which had been sucked right out of them by sheer surprise.

Billie Joe smiled a little, avoiding Jessie's eyes as he fumbled for the ignition key for a second time. He cleared his throat.

"Ok... " he said, shakily, "I think I'm ready to go home now."