No One Knows

It hadn't taken long for word to get around that Green Day were recording an album with Lookout Records. Turning up at 924 on Sunday night, the three boys were swarmed with congratulations; some warm, others bitter and sarcastic.

Billie Joe ignored the latter, never having been one to give jealousy any more patience than it deserved. Surrounding himself with familiar Gilman Street acquaintances, he relaxed at the back of the main room; smoking, drinking, laughing, as they watched some new five-piece ska punk ensemble whipping up a crowd down at the front.

"You guys better remember us little people when you get all famous," slurred Jim, a familiar face who already looked like he'd attempted to drink his own body weight in tequila after being there less than an hour, "When you're big rock stars... selling thousands of CDs and... shit like that."

Mike laughed.

"You think you can keep us away from this place?" he grinned, "Billie and I have been sneaking in here since we were fifteen. We practically live at this place."

Billie Joe grinned at Mike. It was true. Gilman Street felt as much like a home to him as his own bedroom did.

He looked over at Tre, who was sitting against the wall not far away, talking animatedly to some girl with blond dreadlocks and occasionally sloshing beer onto her leg, which she either didn't mind or didn't notice. He hadn't spoken to Tre much that night, but he hadn't been unpleasant. He knew Tre was making an effort, he just wished he could be sure it was for the sake of rebuilding their friendship, rather than merely holding together their band.

Heading over to the bar a while later, someone caught Billie Joe's eye as he stood in line. He was sitting in the corner, smoking by himself, his eyes on the band, his face unimpressed. Al never was much of a ska fan.

He looked up as Billie Joe approached, and his eyes registered surprise, before he nervously dragged on his cigarette again.

"Hey," said Billie Joe, "Mind if I join you?"

Al waved his cigarette at the space next to him, but said nothing. After what seemed like an endless silence, he spoke up.

"Congratulations."
"Huh?"
"Your record deal. Congratulations."

Billie Joe looked down, guiltily.

"Thanks, man," he said.

The two boys kept their eyes on the band a while longer, before Al said,

"Billie Joe... I'm sorry Sweet Children ended the way it did. I guess it's for the best now though... right?"

Billie Joe nodded.

"I'm sorry I hit you," he said, picking at the label on his beer bottle, "I should never have done that."

Al shrugged, leaning over and stubbing out his cigarette on the grubby table.

"I deserved it," he said.
"But she wasn't worth it."
"I know."

Billie Joe sighed, taking another drink.

"I had this big fight with Tre," he said, placing his bottle back on the table, "Over a girl. He liked her a lot, and I knew it... and then I slept with her."

Al winced.

"Ouch," he said, "How'd he take it?"
"He went crazy and quit the band. Now we've pulled things back together, but it isn't the same. He isn't the same. I don't think he can forgive me."
"He will."
"I hope so... but this whole thing kinda showed me we all make mistakes... and we hurt each other. But it doesn't mean we don't care about each other or that we don't regret it."

Al nodded.

"Very profound, Lyric Boy."

Billie Joe smiled.

"Hey," said Al, a moment later, with a small smile, "Do you remember when we were kids, like, about ten years old or something, and your Dad built us that tree house in the park? We all used to hang out in it?"
"Yeah," Billie Joe smiled, feeling a lump in his throat, "It was right before he got sick... "

Al nodded, solemnly.

"It was awesome," he said, softly, "He made us rope ladders and everything. And I can remember there were loads of us up there - Mike too - and there were all these girls on the ground that wanted to try it out, but we wouldn't let them up."

Billie Joe laughed.

"I do remember that," he said.
"... and we just pulled in the rope ladders and said, no way, boys only," Al laughed, "Can you even fucking imagine what we woulda said if someone had told us then how much we let girls come between us now?"

Billie Joe shook his head. Then he leaned over and gave Al a quick hug.

"We're all cool now though... right?" he asked.

Al nodded.

"Definitely, man," he smiled, with relief.

After spending the next hour drinking with Al, Billie Joe was unsteady on his feet when he went to find Mike and Tre. Walking back through the hazy club, he felt a hand on his waist and stumbled a little as he turned to see who it belonged to, falling into the arms of someone whose arms he really didn't want to be in.
Billie.

"Are you okay, Billie Joe?" she asked, looking concerned, "You look a little drunk to me."
"I am a little drunk," he replied, taking a step back.
"You should have a sit down for a while," she told him, firmly, taking his hand and pulling him down onto the seat behind them. Billie Joe rubbed his blurry head.
"I heard you got a record deal," Billie gushed, "That's just so awesome. I knew you would, I mean, you guys are incredible. So are you gonna make an album?"
"Yeah."
"Wow. Are you gonna go on tour and stuff?"
"Yeah... hopefully this summer."
"That's so cool"

Billie rested her hand on his knee and leaned closer.

"Look BJ, I'm really sorry about the whole Al thing. Y'know, I was really drunk."
"It doesn't matter anymore," said Billie Joe, honestly. He didn't care enough to be pissed off about it, and he was far too drunk to discuss it.
"Really? That's great cause, y'know, I've missed you around here. Where've you been at?"
"I've just... had a lot of stuff goin' on, is all."
"You have to make time to have fun."
"Yeah... "
"You wanna hang out later?" she asked, hopefully, sliding her hand into Billie Joe's hair.
"Hmmh?" he muttered.
"We can go back to my place? It's still early. What do you say?"
"I-"

Before she'd taken the time to find out what he'd say, Billie had leaned impossibly closer and silenced him by pressing her lips against his, catching him completely off guard. He raised his hands to her shoulders and pushed her back.

"Stop... "
"What's wrong?"
"I don't wanna come back to your place, Billie. I'm not interested in starting all this up again."

She scowled.

"We used to have fun together."
"Our relationship involved hanging out at this place for all of one week, and having sex one time I can barely remember seeing as I was so drunk I couldn't even stand up."
"Good to know it meant that much to you, Billie Joe," she replied crossly.
"Don't take the high ground with me here, Billie, you're the one that ran off with my... ah, fuck it. I'm not in any state to go over all this again. Just leave me alone."

Jessie was still up when Billie Joe got home that night. She'd been drawn in to some late night movie on TV and she'd just noticed her eyelids were beginning to feel heavy when she heard Billie Joe scratching his key against the lock. She was just considering being nice enough to move from her curled up position on the couch and get up to let him in herself when she heard the front door open and, moments later, he stumbled into the living room.

She sat up when she saw him, giggling at his appearance; his hair sticking up in all directions, his eyes half closed and drunken.

"Good night, Billie?"
He muttered something incoherent as he crossed the room unsteadily and collapsed onto the couch next to her. She grinned.
"You look drunk."
"I am drunk."
"How was your night?"

He let out something that was half way between a sigh and a groan, before flopping sideways and dropping his head onto her lap.

"That good, huh?"
"I made up with Al... We hung out for a while... We drank a lot of beer."

Jessie smiled, as he rolled onto his back and looked up at her.

"That's good news," she said, "How was Tre?"
"Okay... . I didn't really... he was... not with me." Billie Joe slurred, "Then I saw... stupid-ass ex-girlfriend... "
"You mean 'She said it was fate'?"

He scowled, and Jessie laughed.

"Sorry," she said, "What happened?"
"She came onto me and I told her to fuck off. Or... y'know... something like that."

Jessie felt a flicker of triumph in her stomach. She tried to ignore it.

"You smell of beer and pot and... Gilman Street," she said, touching his damp, disheveled hair, "And your hair feels disgusting."
"Its probably just sweat," he slurred helpfully.
"Mmmm," she said, sarcastically, "Does it have to get all over my jeans?"
"I don't think I can move now," he apologized. "What are you doing still up anyway... ."

Jessie looked back at the TV.

"I was watching this movie," she said, "It was pretty good and I wasn't really sleepy."

He turned his head.

"It's black and white," he pointed out.
"Yeah... so what?" Jessie asked, "Some of the best movies are black and white you know, Billie."
"What's happening?" he mumbled.
"Well... that woman with the big hair has murdered her husband. She's trying to cover it up but its all going wrong and I think she's gonna get caught out soon. She's trying to frame his brother and... Billie?"

He didn't respond, so she gave him a poke.

"Hmuh?"
"Don't ask me a question if you're gonna just pass out!"
"Sorry."

She sighed, moving a piece of damp hair from his forehead, then she pointed the remote at the TV and flicked it off.

"I'm going to bed now. So you're gonna have to move"

He groaned.

"Noooo... let's sleep like this."

She laughed.

"Nice try," she said, sliding out from underneath him so that his head dropped onto the couch and he groaned in protest. Jessie laughed.

"Goodnight, Billie Joe," she said, as she left the room.

Half way up the stairs she felt his hands on her waist, and he clung to her as she made her way to her room. He wasn't sure if he would be able to negotiate the stairs by himself, despite how drunk he felt.

Jessie untangled Billie Joe's arms from around her waist as she made her way through her bedroom door, with Billie following, uninvited, behind her.

"Where do you think you're going?" she asked him, eyebrows raised.

He put his arms back round her and slumped against her, his head resting on her shoulder.

"I'm not going anywhere... " he slurred.

She extracted herself from him once again, smiling.

"I think you are," she smirked.
"But Jessie... we have cool sleepovers," he whined, "I sleep heaps better when I'm with you... "

She grinned, wishing he could take a break from being cute long enough for her to persuade him to get lost. He slumped his head back onto her shoulder.

"Please?"
"I don't think so."
"I bet I can persuade you."
"I don't think so."

Going by how sluggish the rest of his movement had been since he got home, Jessie was taken completely by surprise at the suddenness with which he lifted his head and kissed her, almost knocking her backwards. It was a disarming kiss that seemed to pick up pace surprisingly quickly. Before she knew it his hands were in her hair, and she could feel his teeth on her lip and his tongue running alongside hers. How he managed to kiss so well with so much alcohol in his system she had no idea but it was obvious that, that night, they were only going to have her self control to rely on, and she wasn't sure it was up to the job.

Breathlessly, she pulled away from the kiss and took hold of his shoulders. He was breathing heavily, and he only lasted a few seconds before he was leaning back in for more.

"Billie," she groaned, "Stop. You can't stay here tonight. You have to go sleep in your room."
"Why?" he pouted.
"Cause you're drunk. And you... drunk... in my bed... it just isn't a good idea."
"Why?"
"You know why, so I'm not gonna answer that question."

He groaned as she turned him around and marched him out of the room towards his own.

"Night Night," she smiled, kissing his cheek, "I hope your head feels okay in the morning."
"Yeah," he mumbled, grumpily, "I'm gonna remind you of this next time you want late night cuddles, Miss Perrone."

Jessie grinned.

"Sure you will."

Billie Joe hadn't had a hang over in a couple of weeks, and it seemed his body was making up for it by making this one worse than he felt he deserved. Had he been that drunk?

Rolling over, he tried to find a cool place on his pillow for his aching head but, having overlooked closing his blinds before he went to sleep, the sun was streaming into the room right onto him and there wasn't a cool place anywhere.

Pulling on his ratty jeans and staggering downstairs, he drained a glass of water at the kitchen sink before wandering out into the backyard, where Jessie was sitting in the sun reading a magazine.

Noticing she was only wearing her jeans and a bikini top, he averted his eyes at around the same time as the memory of kissing her the night before came back to him and he groaned, covering his face with his hand. What the hell was wrong with him?! Jesus!

"Are you okay, BJ?" Jessie called, watching his anguished expression with some amusement, "You don't look too great."

He ambled towards her, feeling himself blushing slightly with embarrassment and wishing he could remember more of what he'd said to her the night before. He took a seat next to her, then pressed his glass of cool water against his hot forehead and let out a deep sigh. Jessie snickered as she lowered her magazine. He looked at her.

"I was very drunk last night," he said, by way of explanation for whatever he might have done.
"Yeah... I did notice," Jessie replied.
"Very drunk," he emphasized, sipping his water.
"And how are you feeling now?" Jessie asked, seriously, trying her best not to laugh.
"I feel like about fifty different kinds of shit," he frowned, "Probably one for each beer I drank."

Jessie laughed, looking up as Ollie came out of the house, took one look at her son and smiled knowingly.

"How are you today, honey?" she asked, laying a hand on top of his head.
"Not very well," he grumbled.
"Must be something you ate, huh?"

Jessie chuckled again.

"Possibly," mumbled Billie Joe.
"Want me to make you some breakfast?"

Billie Joe grinned up at his mother.

"Yes please, Mom."

When Ollie had turned and headed back toward the house, Jessie grinned at Billie Joe.
"Sometimes you're so punk rock it scares me," she teased.
"Fuck off."

She grinned again.

"What's with all the venom? Anyone would think you were embarrassed about something."
"Fuck off," he said again, "My head hurts too much for you to mess with it this morning."
"Its two-thirty in the afternoon," Jessie pointed out, wryly, "I've already spent four hours at work, come home and had lunch."
"Ooh, have a medal," he said sarcastically, taking another sip of water.
"Do you even remember last night?"
"... Vaguely."
"Well, just to bring you up to speed... You went to 924, made up with Al, drank a lot of beer, got along with Tre - as far as I could tell - oh, and didn't get along with that slutty ex-girlfriend of yours."
"She wasn't that slutty," Billie Joe muttered.
"Um, yes she was. She was definitely that slutty. Anyway, then you came home and begged to sleep in my bed."
"'Begged'" he mocked, dismissively, holding his glass to his head again.
"Yeah... begged," said Jessie, smugly.
"Whatever," he grumbled, "You know you could tell me I said anything, so I'm just gonna choose not to believe you."

She grinned.

"You do that."
"And I'm gonna go eat my breakfast inside. Its too hot out here, I don't know how you stand it."

It wasn't too hot for Jessie. She was one of those people who liked to soak up as much sun as possible, just because she loved the way it felt on her skin. She knew she shouldn't stay out in it all day though, so she headed back towards the house, and stepped into the cool shade of the kitchen.

Her stomach lurched unexpectedly at the sight of Billie Joe, who was sitting at the kitchen table, fresh from his shower, reading a copy of the East Bay Express that had been left there that morning.

Jessie held onto the kitchen counter and gave her head a little shake. She needed to snap out of this... this thing that had taken such a hold of her recently. She needed to get a fucking grip. Fine, he was a good-looking guy, but she'd always known that and it had never made her insides do this before. This was Billie Joe. What was she doing?

Satisfied she was thinking straight again after screaming at herself inside her own mind, she looked back over at him in time to see him glance up from the newspaper and quirk an eyebrow as he saw the strange look on her face. Then all Jessie's insides started skipping about all over again.

There was something about his ignorance to how perfect he could look when he'd just stepped out of the shower, which somehow made him all the more attractive to her. His blue hair looked very dark when it was wet, and it was even messier than normal after being towel dried and, in true Billie Joe style, left to dry however it liked. The excess water occasionally dripped from the tips and ran down his bare chest, or landed on the newspaper, now spotted with watermarks and discarded on the table.

"Are you okay, Jessie?" he asked, "You look kinda weird?"
"Yeah... " Jessie exhaled, surprised to find she'd been holding her breath.
"Maybe you had too much sun. You shouldn't stay out in it all day, y'know."
"I know, I know... ," she said, fetching a glass of water.

"Hey, c'mere and take a look at this," he said, beckoning her over.

She walked towards him and began to scoot past to the chair next to him, but he pulled her by the belt loop so that she was sitting in his lap. He pointed to the newspaper.

"California real estate," he said, looking up at her, "Check out the prices of places in Santa Barbara. I'm gonna have to sponge off you for a while... "

Jessie smiled.

"You won't need to, not when you start selling all those albums."

He chuckled, and some water fell from his hair into her lap.

"Yeah, maybe," he said, "But right now I just hope it pays the rent."

Even though she knew he was planning on moving out soon, it was a surprise to hear him mention it. She hadn't had time to even think about it, and suddenly the thought of not living with him anymore gave her a pain in her chest.

"... when are you moving?"

He shrugged.

"When we can afford it."

Jessie nodded.

"... Are you okay?"
"Of course. I just... I forgot you were moving out. It'll be weird, that's all."
"Hey," he said, looking up at her, "It won't be much different. I mean... we're... friends now, right? We'll still hang out and I'll still come by here all the time so that Mom can wash my clothes and tell me I'm not eating properly."

Jessie managed a smile.

"But... It's just made me realise... I can't stay here long term either."
"Yeah, you can," said Billie Joe, firmly. "Mom loves you. She'll love that she still has you here when I go. Seriously. She doesn't think of you as a guest, Jessie. You can't outstay your welcome."
"So then I should pay rent or something... "
"Mom would never take rent from you. Quit worrying. You've got enough to think about right now. You'll always have a home here, just like I will."

Jessie smiled, glancing up into his eyes and wishing they weren't so remarkable. She bit her lip, as she reached out and squeezed some water from his hair. He shivered as it ran down his back.
"At least you can't complain about me smelling today," he commented, with a small smile.
"When have I ever-"
"Last night. You told me I smelled of beer and pot and Gilman Street."

Jessie smiled, turning in his lap so that she was facing him.

"You said you didn't remember last night."
"It's coming back," he smiled, "... Sorry I was a jerk."

Jessie smiled again, looking down, and then trying to work out whether it was safer to look at his eyes or his torso. She went for eyes.

"You weren't a jerk," she told him, "You were kind of cute."

She shouldn't have gone for eyes. He grinned.

"I was cute? You've never told me I was cute before."
"Well, maybe that's because you've never been cute before."
"I bet you I have. I bet I'm cute right now."
"Shut up... "
"You're just too cool to admit it... "

Jessie laughed, before surprising both herself and Billie Joe by leaning down and kissing him. For a few seconds, she mentally kicked herself, then gave up and decided the best way to handle the situation would be to just enjoy it, and then afterward pretend that it never happened. Yeah. That was definitely the best way to handle things.

After what had been, unbelievably, almost a week of occasional random kisses, this was the one they were the least prepared for. There was a passion behind it that kicked them both in the gut and stole their breath, and Billie Joe's mind went hazy as Jessie tugged on his wet hair.

Billie Joe put his hands on Jessie's hips and pulled her in closer, and she responded by bringing her arms up around his neck and kissing him more deeply. He let out a soft moan that went right through her, as he felt her tongue move against his own, and the sound only served to spur her on further, before they were interrupted by the sound of Ollie's key in the front door.

Jessie's heart jumped into her throat and she scrambled out of Billie Joe's lap and into the chair next to him, his heart aching in frustration as he buried his nose back in his newspaper.

"Hey guys," said Ollie, walking into the kitchen with a bag of groceries and setting it down on the table, "Wow, is it humid out there today. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a storm brewing up and... are you alright Bill?"

Billie Joe raised his eyes over the top of the paper, his heart still racing inside his chest. He hadn't listened to a word his mother said until he heard his name.

"Huh?"
"You look a little flushed. Are you feeling okay? You can't still have a hangover... "
"What? I... yeah. What?"

Ollie lay her hand on her son's cheek as she passed him.

"You do feel a little warm," she said, sounding concerned.
"It's a warm day," he said, with a scowl, "I'm fine."

At that moment, they were rescued by the sound of the phone ringing out in the hall, and Ollie hurried out to get it. Billie Joe let out a breath and covered his face with his hand, resting his elbow on the table.

"Fucking hell... " he muttered, blushing, "You really... can't do that to me, you know."
"I didn't hear you complaining," Jessie grumbled, "I didn't know you were going to get all worked up."
"Heh. Sure you didn't..."

"Billie Joe! Mike's on the phone!"
"Even better," Billie Joe muttered, standing up and heading out of the room, leaving Jessie at the table with her head in her hands.

Ollie had been right about the weather. There was a storm brewing. The air was hot and heavy and, later that night, Billie Joe could hear the rumble of thunder in the distance as he headed out of the house and into the darkness of the backyard. The grass felt cool between his toes as he headed towards the trees at the far side of the yard, and he felt relief surge through him just to be out of the house. He felt anxious.

He didn't know what he was doing, or what was going on, or how he felt, or how she felt, or what Mike was going to do to him when he found out about all of this. And Mike would find out. He wasn't an easy person to fool.

His eyes settled on the old swing hanging from the oak tree, and he sighed as he took hold of the frayed ropes and sunk down onto it, putting his head in his hands and pushing gently on the dusty ground with his toes so that the movement made his vision blurry.

It had been a long time since he had sat here. His dad put the swing up years ago, mainly for his sisters, and it came with a lot of memories of playing in the backyard as kids, of all the times that one of them had fallen off it, or been pushed, of his mother running out of the house to see one of the girls screaming on the floor, and one of the boys laughing triumphantly.

They were all grown up now though, and Billie Joe was the only one whose hips were still narrow enough to fit onto the swing at all. That wasn't something he was particularly proud of, but you can't help the way you're built. Lifting his head, he pulled his cigarettes from his pocket and lit one up, breathing the smoke out into the hot air as he saw a flash of lightening over in the direction of the bay and wishing he knew what was going on inside his head.

The electricity in the air was having the same, unsettling effect on Jessie. She sat in her room, feeling restless. She tried reading, in an attempt to make herself sleepy, but it hadn't worked. She wasn't sleepy at all. She had never felt more awake. Heading to the window to check out the progress of the storm, she saw the glow of Billie Joe's cigarette in the darkness of the trees, and it heightened her unease. Was he feeling as confused about all of this as she was? Or was he just taking it in his stride, considering it all to be as meaningless as the night they spent together before she ran away?

He didn't notice her approaching until she was quite close. His eyes were on the ground in front of him as he smoked in silence, and the low rumble of thunder in the distance disguised the rustling of the grass as she came nearer.

"Hey," she said, quietly, when he looked up, "Mind if I join you?"

He shook his head and beckoned her over, and she took a seat in his lap, pushing her feet against the ground so that they swung gently back and forth.

"Sounds like this storm's gonna be pretty big," Billie Joe commented, pointing to the skyline, "There's some awesome lightening coming over the water."
"Cool," said Jessie, her eyes following his finger, "We could do with some rain, too. So what're you doing all the way out here?"

He shrugged,

"Just felt like some fresh air," he smiled, whilst taking a drag on his cigarette.

Jessie playfully rolled her eyes.

"Ugh," she said, turning up her nose as he attempted to blow his smoke away from her face, "Well, don't expect any kisses from me after that... "

Billie Joe smiled, thoughtfully, before chucking his cigarette to the ground.

"I never expect kisses from you," he said, quietly, "... You just... surprise me with them every now and again."

Jessie looked down at her hands.

"Well... I never expect them myself," she said, "It's never something I plan on... "

Billie Joe put his arms around her waist and laced his fingers together over her stomach.

"Why?" he asked.
"Why, what?"
"Why don't you ever plan on kissing me?"

Jessie sighed, uncomfortably. They hadn't ever discussed this before, but she knew that they were going to have to discuss it eventually.

"Because... kissing you is dangerous," she said softly.

Billie Joe rested his head against the back of her shoulder, his brow furrowed in confusion. He hadn't been expecting that.

"Dangerous? Dangerous how?"

She bit her lip and scraped her foot in the dust, as a loud clap of thunder sounded in the distance, closer than before.

"Dangerous because... when I kiss you... sometimes I feel like... "

She trailed off, unable to put her feelings into words.

"Feel like what?" Billie Joe prompted, his voice almost a whisper, his heartbeat quickening.
"... I feel like I don't want to stop kissing you. And if I don't stop kissing you... everything will be ruined."
"I... how will it be ruined?"

Jessie took a deep breath, picking at the frayed rope which was holding up the swing, and briefly wondering if it would manage to hold the weight of both of them. She decided that right then she didn't care if it could or not.

"... because... if I keep kissing you then... this will turn into something different... We'll turn into something different. And it scares me because... It means too much to me, what it is already... because never in my whole life have I had a friend as good as you."

Her words made his heart ache and his breathing quicken. He pulled her tighter against him and pressed his nose into the hair that fell down her back, breathing her in. He let out a deep breath.

"Jessie... " he whispered. "I would never let anything ruin this. It means as much to me as it does to you."
"No... it can't. You have other friends. You've always had other friends. You have people around you who'd do anything for you... I don't have that. That's why I can't ruin this... "
"I don't have any other friends like you," he said, "And you do have someone who'd do anything for you, right here. I swear, Jessie. Nothing that happens between us will stop me caring about you."

Jessie turned to face him, and he lifted his head from her hair.

"You have to promise."
"I promise," he said, "No matter what happens. No matter what this turns into. We'll still have what we started out with. It means far too much to me to lose that."

Jessie lifted her hand and slid her fingers into his hair.

"But it can't," she whispered, her heart pounding at what he was suggesting, "It can't turn into... . It can't. Tre would... and your mom would... . and we're... we're friends... "

Billie Joe smiled a little as he cupped her face in his hands and placed a gentle kiss on her lips.

"Can't you keep a damn secret, Perrone?" he whispered, before he kissed her again.