No One Knows

Jessie's eyes widened as she stared at Annie, her heart beat quickening a little. Was she serious? Did she feel as if Jessie had moved in and taken her place?

Suddenly, Annie's face broke into an amused grin.

"Honey, I'm kidding," she said, with a small laugh, before she reached out and pulled a startled Jessie into a hug, "Good to finally put a face to the name and all - How's it going?"
"Uh, y'know... great," said Jessie, uncertainly, "It's good to meet you too. I didn't know you were-"
"Well," said Annie, as Jessie followed her back into the house, "You gotta keep these people on their toes and-"

"Holy fuck!" Billie Joe exclaimed as he appeared behind Jessie, apparently having found all of his clothes, "What are you doing here?!"

Annie laughed, hugging Billie Joe tightly,

"Hey Billie boy," she grinned, "Did you miss me?"
"Meh, a little," he smiled.

Annie ruffled his blue hair and smiled, teasingly.

"Have you grown since last time?"
"Uh... I don't think so."
"I don't either"

Jessie laughed, as Billie Joe scowled indignantly, folding his arms across his chest
"I take back what I said about missing you," he said, "I forgot what you're like."

Annie laughed, walking into the kitchen.

"I am desperate for coffee after that drive - Where's Mom?"
"The restaurant," replied Billie Joe, sliding his hands into the pockets of his jeans, "She's due home any minute though. She's gonna freak right out when she sees you."
"I know," Annie replied, with a smiled, "I was gonna call ahead and let her know I was coming, but I decided it would be more fun this way."

Jessie smiled.

"So what brings you back to Berkeley?"

Annie shrugged.

"I got homesick for no real reason" she said, "And I realised how long it'd been. And then that made me feel kind of bad cause I gather things haven't exactly been easy for you guys around here lately."

Billie Joe glanced at Jessie, then pulled out a chair and sat down.

"Not really," he said.

Annie looked at Jessie.

"I was sorry to hear about your Mom," she said, "And... all the stuff with your Dad, too. It sounds like you've had a shitty time."

Jessie smiled, ruefully.

"Pretty much," she said.

At that moment, the front door opened, and Ollie walked through it. Billie Joe had been right. She did freak out. She screamed when she saw Annie, and Annie laughed as she ran across the kitchen to hug her mother, with Billie Joe and Jessie watching, grinning.

"So how long are you planning on hanging around?" Billie Joe asked Annie.

The four of them were sitting in the kitchen having dinner later that evening. Jessie sat next to Billie Joe, and her hand was in his under the table, their fingers laced together.

"I'm not sure," Annie replied, "Probably just till the end of the week."
"You know, we might be playing a show at Eddie's store this week," said Billie Joe, "You should come see us."
"Awesome," Annie smiled, "Who's Eddie?"
"He owns a record store downtown," Jessie explained, "He's my boss."
"You work in a record store?" Annie smiled, "Heh, no wonder you and my little brother get along so well."

Ollie smiled.

"You should have seen them when she first arrived," she said, "It hasn't always been so peaceful around here."

Annie frowned at her brother.

"We're you mean to her?" she asked, accusingly.
"She was mean to me," Billie Joe smirked.
"I think they were mean to each other," corrected Ollie, diplomatically.

"So where's Jessie gonna sleep now Annie's come to kick her out?" Billie Joe asked, a few moments later.
"I wasn't serious about kicking Jessie out," said Annie, rolling her eyes, "Jeez, I'm not that much of a bitch. It's her room now, anyway."
"No, it's your room," Jessie insisted, "I don't mind you taking it while you're here. I can sleep on the couch or something."
"Or... we could always, like, put the roll-out bed in my room or something," Billie Joe suggested, innocently.

Ollie laughed a little.

"I don't think Jessie wants to sleep amongst all your junk, Bill."

Jessie sat up a little.

"Well, actually, I really don't mind sleep-"
"No, no, Honey, don't be silly," said Ollie, dismissively, "There's plenty enough room for the both of you girls in Annie's room. It'll be fine."

Billie Joe was holding Jessie's hand in a death grip under the table, and it was difficult for her to hold back her laughter when she glanced over and saw the desperate panic in his eyes.

"What the hell are we gonna do now?" Billie Joe hissed, when he pulled her aside after dinner.

Jessie giggled.

"Billie... it's no big deal... "
"Are you shitting me?! You have to sleep in a room with my fucking sister. I'm not gonna be able to sleep with you for a god damn week!"

Jessie grinned, laying her hand on his cheek and kissing him. He put his hand on top of hers and leaned his head into her touch.

"We'll be okay," she promised, "We'll just have to work around it. And maybe take a lot of cold showers... "
"I'm gonna die," he said, seriously.

Jessie giggled, wrapping her arms around his waist and kissing him. He slid his hands into her hair as he backed her up against the hallway wall, kissing her harder before Annie interrupted them by yelling for Billie Joe from the kitchen.

"God fucking dammit," he muttered against Jessie's lips, "I'm gonna want to kill her by the end of this week."

The next day, Billie Joe, Mike and Tre headed out to San Francisco with Andy to start recording at the Art of Ears Studio, while Jessie spent the day working at Eastside Records.

Eddie was at the back of the store when she arrived that morning, with four of his long-haired leather jacket clad friends. Jessie thought it looked scarily like he was hanging out with the Ramones.

"Hey Jessie," he called, looking up as she walked in, "Will you hold the fort here for a couple hours?"
"Yeah, I guess," she shrugged, "Why?"
"I'm going down to Gilman Street to help these guys set up their shit for tonight," he replied, "924. Tell Billie Joe and company they should check them out. It's going to be fucking awesome."
"Sure, okay."
"And you should come too," he added.

Jessie smiled.

"Maybe," she said.

Business was slow and quiet that day, and there wasn't much for Jessie to do. She stayed behind the counter browsing one of Eddie's imported British music magazines to entertain herself, until she was interrupted by someone hopping up onto the counter in front of her, and she looked up in surprise.

"Hey Freddy," she smiled, "How's it going?"
"I'm bored out of my fucking mind," he replied, grumpily.
"I know what you mean."
"Vacations suck ass. I mean, I know I never went to school anyway, but it was at least more interesting when I had something to skip."
"You can help me out here if you like," Jessie suggested.
"Do I get paid?"
"No."
"Can I smoke?"
"No."
He sighed.
"Well, I don't have any better offers."

Sliding down onto Jessie's side of the counter, Freddy spotted Eddie's Gameboy on the shelf underneath the cash register and picked it up.

"Sweet," he smiled, switching it on, just as Jessie was distracted by an actual customer approaching her.
"Is there a new Clash record out?"
"No. The last one was Cut The Crap and it's a couple of years old now."
"Oh. I heard there was a new one," said the guy, sounding disappointed.
"There's a greatest hits coming out sometime soon, but it isn't here yet."
"Well... thanks anyway."
"No problem," said Jessie, picking up her magazine again.

Freddy raised his eyes from the Gameboy as the guy left.

"Since when were you so well informed?"

She smiled.

"I think it's a mixture of Eddie and Billie Joe spurting information at me all the damn time. Its obviously sinking in somewhere."

Freddy grinned.

"How's Billie's band coming along?"
"They've gone to San Francisco today, to start recording."
"Holy shit, really? That's awesome."
"I know," Jessie smiled, "And in a couple of weeks, they leave for their tour."
"For definite?"
"Yeah," said Jessie, a little sadly. She didn't even want to think about how much she was going to miss them. "They've got most of their dates booked. They're starting off here in Berkeley, then going down to Oakland, and basically working their way right around the bay until they finish up in Richmond at the end of August."
"Man. They're gonna have a fucking blast."
"I know," Jessie smiled, "But hey, they're playing this store on Wednesday night. Eddie's just confirmed it. You coming down?"
"Definitely, man," said Freddy, with a smile, "Those guys rock. And tell Billie I'm dry, by the way."
"You're... what?"

Freddy smirked at Jessie, lowering the Gameboy before he spoke again, like he was trying to give directions to a tourist that didn't speak English.

"Tell Billie Joe... I would like... to purchase... some more... marijuana."

Jessie grinned, swatting him playfully with her magazine.

"Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you guys at all," she said.

That night, Jessie headed down to Gilman Street with Billie Joe to see Eddie's friends play. Billie Joe was pretty amazed that he'd managed to talk her into coming, but he suspected that, like him, her main reason for going was so that they could spend some time together away from the watchful eyes of Ollie and Annie.

"You should have seen the studio we recorded at today," Billie Joe said, excitedly, as he and Jessie walked down the street hand in hand, "It was fucking awesome. And the stuff we recorded sounded sweet."
"That's cool," smiled Jessie, leaning into him, "I can't wait to hear it."
"Ah, we were just playing around today really," he said, "Testing stuff out. We'll get into it properly when we get back from our tour."

Jessie nodded, quietly, feeling a familiar ache at the mention of it.
"Billie," she said, "... I'm gonna miss you, you know."

Billie Joe's heart lifted a little at her words, and he stopped walking, taking her other hand and turning her around to face him. Then he leaned in and kissed her softly.

"I'm gonna miss you," he said, quietly, before pulling her into a hug.

As Jessie stood there, wrapped up in Billie Joe's arms in the middle of the street, she was suddenly taken over, not for the first time, by the thought of how amazing it was that Billie Joe could make her feel this way. When had this happened? How had her feelings for him become so intense? What did all of this mean?

This wasn't about lust. This wasn't just a friendship that had turned into sex. She cared about him in so many more ways than that. Every time he looked at her, he wrapped her in warmth.

It was almost starting to frighten her, that he could make her feel this way. Because when she held him, she didn't want to let go. And she knew that she would have to let go. Everyone let go eventually. No one had ever held on to her.

"We'd better get walking," Billie Joe murmured into her ear, "We take any longer, Mike and Tre might get the wrong idea... "

Jessie smiled, nodding as they pulled away. Billie Joe kissed her on the tip of her nose, then took her hand again, before they continued on their way.

By the time they arrived at 924, the band were already on stage, and Tre and Mike were already drunk. Tre hugged Jessie tightly when she sat down next to him.

"You're here!" he exclaimed.
"I know," she smiled, "Cool, huh?"
"Check it out," he said, before holding a drumstick up to her face so close she was surprised he didn't take out her eye.
"It's a drumstick."
"I know! Jerry gave it to me."
"Who's Jerry?"
"The drummer in the band. The one that looks like Joey Ramone."
"I think they all look like Joey Ramone."
"He gave me another one too," said Tre, holding up another drumstick. Jessie giggled.
"Well, that will probably help," she said, as she felt a tap on her shoulder, and looked up to see Billie Joe leaning across the table toward her.
"Mikey and I are gonna go get some drinks," he said, "Will you be okay?"
"You don't need to baby-sit me, Bill," Jessie smiled, wryly, "I'll be okay here with Tre."
"Okay," he smiled, "Well... I'll be back soon."

"So... " said Mike, as he and Billie Joe stood in line at the bar. "How's it going?"

Billie Joe looked at Mike, sidelong.

"Good," he said, "And you?"
"Good," Mike replied, "And Jessie?"
"Uh... Good. So, everyone's good. What're you drinking?"
"I think we should do some shots. Stopped kissing her yet?"
"Y'know, I think I might just get a beer to start with."
"Are you gonna answer my question before you drink it?"
"I'll get some shots too."
"You haven't, have you?"
"I... not exactly."
"God dammit, Billie Joe!"
"Mike... "
"No. Look over there."
"Huh?"
"Look. Over there. At Tre and Jessie."

Billie Joe turned to where they were sitting. Tre was rolling a joint on the table top, talking excitedly to a laughing Jessie, who he was spending far more time looking at than the joint.

"Look at the way he looks at her," said Mike, "He fucking wants her!"
"But she doesn't want him!" Billie Joe argued, "Or she'd be with him!"
"He knows that," said Mike, "But its gonna hurt him ten times more that she's making out with you instead!"

Billie Joe leaned on the bar and put his head in his hands.

"I know," he said, quietly, but Mike couldn't hear him over the music.
"I just can't believe you're still doing this Billie! This isn't like you! Your friends used to be everything to you!"

Billie Joe looked up at Mike, angrily.

"They still are!" he shouted.
"If they were, you wouldn't risk hurting Tre for the sake of your own damn lust! Next thing you know, you guys will be fucking, and if Tre finds out about that he'll be - Oh shit, Billie... "
"What?" Billie frowned, guiltily.
"You are fucking, aren't you?"
"What?"
"I can tell by the look on your fucking face!"
"Mike... "
"Eat shit, Billie!" Mike yelled, "Do what the fuck you want. You obviously don't give a shit about what I say anyway. You don't give a shit about me and you don't give a shit about Tre!"
"Mike!"
"I don't wanna hear it!" Mike spat, before turning and storming away.
"Mike!" Billie Joe yelled, desperately.

Running after him, he grabbed him by the shirt and hauled him out of the nearby fire exit into the cool night air. Standing amongst the dumpsters out the back of the club, Billie Joe could see the fury in Mike's eyes, lit by the glow of the streetlights overhead. He didn't let go of Mike's shirt.

"Just shut the fuck up and listen to me!" he shouted.
"I don't want-"
"Listen!" he yelled.

Mike glowered, but remained quiet. Billie Joe was breathing heavily, adrenaline rushing through his body.

"Did it ever occur to you," he said, shakily, "Did it ever occur to you for one minute that this might not just be about sex? That I might not just be horny and selfish, but that I might not be able to stop doing this because every time I'm away from her I miss her so damn much I can't think straight?"

Mike stared at his friend. He opened his mouth to speak, but Billie Joe cut him off.

"I care about Tre," he said, "And I care about you. You guys are my best friends and I don't even wanna fucking think about what it would be like if I lost you. But I care about Jessie too. I don't know how it happened, but it did, and now the thought of just being friends with her, meaning exactly as much to her as you, or Tre, or Freddy... It makes me feel like breaking down and fucking crying, okay?! So tell me, what am I supposed to do? Cause I sure as shit don't know, Mike!"

Mike looked too shocked to speak for a moment, before Billie Joe let go of his shirt and turned away from him.

"Bill... " he said, finding his voice, "Billie, I'm sorry. I didn't know."
"Well... now you do," replied Billie Joe, curtly, "And don't say sorry, because none of this is an excuse. I'm still being an asshole to Tre, and I know that."
"But... now I understand why you're finding it so hard to stop being an asshole. Why didn't you just tell me how you felt about Jessie?"
"Cause I don't know," said Billie Joe, turning back around, "Everything's messed up, Mike. I'm not supposed to feel anything for her, and I do, and I don't know what it is!"
"Do you love her?" Mike asked, softly.
"No!" cried Billie Joe, indignantly, "Don't be stupid."
"It wouldn't be stupid, Billie."
"Yes, it would. It would be stupid. Fuck, Mike, I don't know what to do."
"You need to work out how you feel. And how she feels."
"Then what?"
"I can't make that decision for you, man... "
"Sure you can."

Mike laughed a little.

"No, really, I can't."

Billie Joe covered his face with his hands and let out a long groan. Mike hugged him. Billie Joe let out a breath of relief as he hugged him back.

"I'm sorry we fought," said Mike.
"Me too."
"Let's not fight about it anymore."
"Deal," Billie Joe smiled.

The band were good, and Jessie was enjoying herself, half watching and half joining in with Tre and Al's drunken conversation. She found it funny to think how terrified she had been of this place the first time she had come, because now she realised that it really wasn't scary at all.

"I'm going to the restroom," she said, standing up, "Don't go anywhere, okay?"
"Okay, but fucking come back," said Tre, "Mike and Billie left ages ago and then just disappeared."
"I'll come back," Jessie promised.

She looked around for Mike and Billie Joe on her way, but couldn't see them anywhere. She figured they had probably just gotten stoned in some corner somewhere and were now unable to move, so she didn't worry about it.

Heading into the girls bathrooms, someone pushed past Jessie roughly on her way through the door. Turning to glare at the person, she stopped, suddenly distracted by how familiar the girl was. It didn't take her long to make the connection as to who this was.

"Watch where you're going," she said, unable to keep the dislike out of her voice.

Billie turned around.

"Huh?" she frowned.

Jessie looked her up and down, feeling a stab of resentment and insecurity in her gut at how pretty she was.
"I said, watch where you're going."
"What's your problem?"

Jessie scowled.

"I don't have any problem, I just don't like people pushing me around."

Billie laughed in a way that made Jessie's blood boil.

"I think you should get used to it, cause kids like you in places like this, you're gonna get pushed around."
"I'm no kid," Jessie argued, "I don't suppose that you're 21 either, Billie."

Billie frowned.

"How d'you know my name?"
"You went out with Billie Joe."

Billie folded her arms across her chest.

"Yeah, I did. So?"
"He's my friend. And I know you as the one who screwed him over."
"You don't know a thing about it. Who the hell are you anyway?"
"Jessie. Like I said, I'm a friend of Billie Joe's."
"Ohh... wait. You're the kid he was babysitting the night we broke up," said Billie, smugly, "I don't remember him saying you were friends, but I guess you can always dream."
Jessie bristled.
"We're friends now," she said, "And I don't know what you're looking smug about, because he's more a friend to me than he'll ever be to you."
"I wouldn't get your hopes up about that, Honey. I'm pretty good at persuading guys to come around to my way of thinking."

Jessie scowled.

"You cheated on him," she said, angrily, "Why would he want to come around to your way of thinking just so you can treat him like shit and screw whoever you feel like?"
"What, you think I'm some kind of slut?"

Jessie gave Billie a look that suggested the possibility had occurred to her.

"You only wanted him cause he was in a band, and now you only want him cause he has a record deal. You never cared about him, you just wanted to fuck him so that you could say you had. You're just a shallow, selfish bitch."

Jessie had no idea where all this venom had suddenly come from, and she didn't know why she was so intent on provoking Billie into fighting with her. She knew she wasn't worth it, she knew she was no threat. Billie Joe had no interest in her anymore. So what was she doing?

"Shut the fuck up, you little bitch!" yelled Billie, "I don't need to hear this! You're just some kid with a crush on him and you're pissed that I got somewhere-"
"Yeah, past tense... "

Suddenly, Billie was lunging for her, and before she even had a chance to feel surprised, she was being pulled out of the way by Tre.
"What the hell's going on here?"
"She called me a slut!" yelled Billie, as Tre held her back. Jessie saw a flicker of amusement cross Tre's face.
"And I'm sure she's very sorry," he said.
"How stupid do you think I am?"
"We can debate that another time," said Tre, brightly, grabbing Jessie's arm and hauling her away.

"What are you doing, Jess?" Tre asked her, when they sat down again.

Jessie scowled.

"She just pissed me off."
"No shit. What's the point? You don't know her, all that stuff with Billie Joe happened ages ago. Why should it be your problem?"
"It isn't," she argued, "But she just pissed me off, how smug she was. For some reason Billie Joe actually liked her, and she just used him. She hurt him, and she doesn't give a shit."
"But its in the past... who cares?"
"I care."
"Why?"

Jessie folded her arms and looked away.

"I just do."

After returning back inside the club, Mike and Billie Joe had gone back to the bar to get their shots. By the time they finally found Tre and Jessie, they were a little unsteady on their feet.

"Where the hell were you guys?" Jessie asked, as Billie Joe sat down next to her.
"At the bar."
"For a half hour?" Tre questioned, "Jeez, you guys must have done some drinking."
"We did shots," said Mike, his voice a little slurred.
"What have you guys been doing?" Billie Joe asked, grazing his hand against Jessie's under the table.
"Well, I've been smoking," said Tre, "And Jessie's been getting into fights with your ex-girlfriend."

Billie Joe's eyes widened as he turned to Jessie. Jessie bit her lip.

"Sorry," she said, "She barged past me and... I got a little carried away."
"Was she a bitch to you?"
"No more than I was to her," Jessie shrugged, "Don't worry about it. Tre split us up before any blood got split."

Billie Joe smiled, linking their fingers together.

"I'm gonna have to do a better job of watching out for you," he said.

Later that night, after a lot more drinks, Billie Joe and Jessie were headed for home. Relieved to be away from the prying eyes of his friends and band mates, Billie Joe wrapped his arms around Jessie, leaning into her slightly as they walked.

"Jessie," he mumbled,
"Yeah... "
"You remember I said I wasn't gonna drink again... "
"Yeah... "
"I drunk again."
"I know, Bill," she smiled, "You're off your face."
"I'm not off my face" he protested, "I'm just not... on... my face."

Jessie started giggling, not entirely sober herself, but plenty capable of aiming them in a straight line towards home, something Billie Joe was having trouble with.

"Let's have a sleepover," Billie Joe announced, suddenly, like it was the best idea he'd had in years.
"No... no sleepovers... remember? Annie's in my room. I mean my room. I mean her room. You know what I mean... "

He grumbled a little as they reached the house, and he fumbled around for his key. He tripped as he went through the door, stumbling forward before saving himself by catching the handle on the kitchen door. Jessie started laughing. He grinned as he grabbed her and covered her mouth with his hand, before leaning closer.

"Shh... " he whispered into her ear, making her shiver, "We have to be quiet."

With that, he took his hand from her mouth and covered it with his, kissing her slowly as he pushed her back against the wall. Jessie let out a breath as he pulled away, before she grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him back toward her, kissing him deeply. Her hands went to his hair as his tongue slid past her lips, grazing against hers as he pressed himself against her and she pulled him closer. He let out a soft moan as she kissed him harder, before they were interrupted by the sound of footsteps on the stairs and they sprang apart, breathing heavily as Annie came into view in the darkness of the hallway.

"Oh, hey guys," she said, glancing between them, "... Are you okay?"
"Yeah... we... just got back," said Billie Joe, trying to control his breathing.
"Right... You run home?"
"Yeah," said Jessie, "You know... it's faster."
"Yeah," said Annie, slowly, "It usually is."
"Um... so, what are you doing up?" Billie Joe asked, as Annie walked into the kitchen.
"You sound drunk," she smirked, "I was just getting some water."
"Oh," said Billie Joe, his breathing returning to normal as he glanced desperately at Jessie, "Well... that's great."

Coming back out of the kitchen, Annie stopped and looked at the pair.

"Are you guys sure you're okay? Cause you look kind of weird."
"We're fine," said Jessie, "We're just gonna drink some water and then go to bed."
"Yeah, like... I'll go to bed and then... Jessie'll go to bed."
"I got that, thanks Bill," said Annie, with an amused smile, "Jeez, what have you two minors been drinking?"
"Alcohol," mumbled Billie Joe as Jessie followed him into the kitchen.
"Goodnight guys," chuckled Annie.
"Night Annie."

When she'd gone, Billie Joe let out a sigh.

"D'you think she knows?" Jessie whispered.
"Knows? Why would she?"

Jessie giggled.

"We ran home?"

Billie Joe grinned.

"I don't think she caught on. I think she just thought we were piss-ass drunk."
"You are."
"So're you."
"No, I'm not. See?"

Jessie proceeded to walk in a straight line down the center of the kitchen, inspiring Billie Joe to try the same thing. He fell into the table.

Once they were upstairs, Jessie leaned in and gave Billie Joe a long kiss goodnight. He leaned drunkenly against her as he kissed her back, before pulling away to whisper,

"Come to my room."
"Billie!" she hissed, "I can't. Annie will notice."
"I don't care," he whispered, kissing her again, "I'll make it worth it."

Damn him. Jessie started pushing him towards his room.

"Don't tempt me. Now fuck off, and I'll see you in the morning."
"My heads gonna hurt in the morning."
"I know."
"Will you come and see me?"
"I will," said Jessie with a smile, wondering if acting this cute was part of an elaborate ploy to get her to sleep with him. She decided he was probably too drunk for elaborate ploys. She kissed him once more, before turning and walking to Annie's room.

"Goodnight Billie," she smiled.

Billie Joe sighed, stumbling into his room and flopping face-down onto his bed,
He could smell her on his pillow.
He smiled.