No One Knows

"My only love sprung from my only hate! Too early seen unknown and known too late. Prodigious birth of love it is to me, that I must love a loathed enemy."

Billie Joe smiled at Jessie as she lowered the book, and Annie appeared in his bedroom doorway. She giggled at the sight of Billie Joe wrapped up in his bed sheets looking hung over as shit, and Jessie sitting Indian-style on his bed, the book in her hands.

"You've got to be kidding me," Annie grinned, "Are you guys reading Shakespeare?!"
"Yeah," said Jessie, looking up, "I'm culturalizing him."
"Jeez, good luck with that," Annie smiled.
"Culturalizing isn't a real word," Billie Joe mumbled, groggily, "Any more than half the words in this play are real words."
"They are real words," Jessie insisted, as Annie left again, shaking her head in amusement.
"Yeah, yeah," he smiled, "Well, I think I'm only getting the gist, but it does sound fucking cool though."
"It does, huh?" Jessie smiled.
"Yeah, the rhyme is awesome. And that Tybalt dude sounds like a cock."

Jessie grinned.

"Yeah... he is a bit of a cock," she said, putting the book down on the bed, "How's the head?"
"It hurts," he pouted.

Jessie smiled, leaning over and kissing him on the forehead.

"Let me guess... you're never drinking again?"
"Never," he smirked, "And how come you're so sparky this morning?"
"I didn't drink much," said Jessie, lying back on the bed, "I don't really like drinking much."
"How come?"

She sighed a little.

"I guess... I've just seen the bad stuff it can do."

Billie Joe frowned sadly and touched her nose.

"I'm sorry."

Jessie shrugged, then rolled over so that she was facing him. Her eyes searched his for a silent moment, before she spoke.

"D'you think its weird that sometimes I miss him?" she asked, quietly.
"I guess not... " muttered Billie Joe, "I mean... he's your Dad but... I can't imagine how you could."
"I miss who he was when he was nice," she said, thoughtfully, an edge of sadness to her voice, "But I'm still scared of who he was when he wasn't."
"You don't have to be scared anymore," Billie Joe whispered.
"He's going to come back."
"They'll catch him first."
"They might not."
"He won't bother coming back here, Jess."
"But next week he might... he might try... "
"Why next week?" Billie Joe frowned.
"Cause next week it's my birthday."

Billie Joe lifted his head in surprise, but it hurt too much so he dropped it back onto the pillow, his vision spinning.

"What?!" he exclaimed.
"It's my birthday," Jessie smiled, shyly.
"Why didn't you tell me?!"
"I don't know... its no big deal. It's just a birthday."
"Birthdays are big deals."
"You think so?"
"Yeah... don't you?"

Jessie shrugged. They'd never been a big deal to her.

"Well, it's a big deal to me. Were you just not gonna tell me? How was I supposed to get you a gift?"
"You want to get me a gift?" Jessie smiled.
"Of course!" Billie Joe said, exasperated, "Jeez, what kind of guy would I be if I didn't want to get my girlfriend anything for her birthday?"

Jessie's face broke into a grin, and her stomach fluttered.

"I'm your girlfriend?"

Billie Joe smiled, and looked down.

"Well, there aren't many girls who'd be sympathetic when I get a hang over, let alone sit and read me Shakespeare... that's pretty fucking rad, you know."

Jessie smiled, playing with his fingers. Billie Joe spoke again.

"You don't have to be my girlfriend if you -"
"I want to be," Jessie smiled, cutting him off.

Billie Joe smiled back as he kissed her, before they heard footsteps on the stairs and Jessie sat up, picking up the book again.

"Now old desire doth in his deathbed lie, and young affection gapes to be his heir. That fair for which love groaned for and would die, with tender Juliet matched, is now not fair... ."

Billie Joe could have stayed there all day, listening to Jessie read the play. He loved the way her voice changed when she switched characters, the way her eyes lit up when she got to a speech she really liked. Even the way the words sounded coming out of her mouth entranced him. It was beautiful.

Needless to say, when Mike called the house to tell Billie Joe to drag his ass to band practice, it was with a heavy heart that Billie Joe hauled himself out of bed. Staggering to the bathroom, muttering under his breath his loathing for Mike's sadistic scheduling of practices during hangovers, he stopped in front of the mirror and stared until his eyes focussed. His hair looked as if it was trying to escape from his head, his eyes were dull and bloodshot and they were accentuated by dark circles. All things considered, he looked a heap of shit.

He groaned a little as he rubbed at his face, in a vain attempt to bring some of the colour back into it, and jumped a little as he felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist from behind. Taking his hands away from his face, he looked at Jessie in the mirror, smiling as she rested her head on his shoulder.

"What's up?" she asked, with a small smile.
"I look even worse than I feel," he said, gloomily.
"I think you probably feel worse than you look."
"I look like shit."
"Well," said Jessie, keeping her voice to a whisper, "You're just lucky that when you look like shit its still about ten million times better than everyone else on a good day."

Billie Joe's face broke into a smile as he turned around to face Jessie.

"That might just be the nicest compliment I ever got," he said, wrapping his arms around her as he pulled her into a warm hug. Jessie smiled as they released each other, then took his face in her hands and kissed him softly on the lips.
"You know," he smiled, "I feel a little better already."

By early evening, Billie Joe was well recovered from his hang over and in good spirits after a productive practice with the band at their Lookout Studios. They felt ready for their impending performance at Eastside Records and things between himself and Mike felt normal again after their talk the night before. That alone was enough to put him in a good mood, because there weren't many things that Billie Joe valued more highly than his friendship with Mike.

Jessie was curled up on the couch watching TV when he got back, listening to Ollie and Annie preparing dinner in the kitchen. She'd offered to help, but they said they didn't need any and she was kind of glad because she was enjoying just lazing around.

She listened as Billie Joe's voice mixed with the others that were drifting through from the kitchen, before his head appeared around the living room door.

"Hey," she smiled.
"Hey Jess," he said, "I've been sent out to pick up some groceries, and you're coming with me."
"I am?"
"Yes."
"But I'm comfortable."
"I don't care," he said, walking toward her and grabbing her hands to pull her up from the couch. He looked over his shoulder to check the coast was clear, before pressing his lips against hers. She giggled as he left a trail of kisses from her mouth to her neck.
"What's got into you?"

He kissed her on the mouth again.

"Listen," he said, breathily, keeping his voice low, "I'm going fucking crazy here. I need you."

Jessie's heart started to beat very fast.

"What are you planning on-"
"I have an idea," he whispered, grabbing her hand and pulling her out of the room.

"Don't forget the coriander!" Ollie called as they headed towards the front door.
"Yeah, yeah, coriander," Billie Joe muttered, pushing Jessie out of the door towards the car.

Jessie was really giggling now, as she got in the passenger side.

"I don't think I've ever seen you this focussed."
"I know," he smiled, starting the car, "But right now I kind of have a one track mind."

Jessie grinned, excitement flickering in her stomach.

"Where are we going?" she asked, as he backed out of the driveway.
"I didn't think that far. Any ideas?"
"Uh... Tilden Park? Its gonna be dark soon... so there shouldn't be anyone there."

Billie Joe grinned at her, desperately trying to keep his eyes and mind on driving.

"Not just a pretty face, huh?" he said.

Jessie smiled.

"Nope. Um... Aren't Ollie and Annie gonna wonder where we've got to?" she pointed out.

Billie Joe laughed a little.

"Don't worry," he said, stepping on the gas like it owed him money, "I have a feeling this isn't gonna take very long."

Jessie had been right. Pulling into the dusty parking lot behind the woods at Tilden Park, there wasn't another car in sight. When the engine stopped, Billie Joe turned to her and smiled.

"So... what are you waiting for?" she joked, and he laughed as he unclipped his seatbelt, before leaning across and pulling her into a kiss so passionate it made her toes curl.

Jessie slid her fingers into his hair, their kisses becoming deeper and hungrier by the second, before she slid out of her seat and crawled into his lap. He let out a small moan as he pulled her closer.

Jessie bit her lip, as his mouth moved to her neck, her breathing shaky with desire as he planted a trail of warm, wet kisses down to her collarbone, dragging his tongue across her skin in a way that made her shiver.

Billie Joe was practically trembling with excitement as he slowly lifted Jessie's shirt over her head, his eyes roaming over her and his heart almost stopping at how amazing she looked. His fingers and lips wandered hungrily over her skin. To him, every inch of her was so perfect that it left him breathless.

Jessie frantically tugged Billie Joe's shirt off and chucked it towards the back seat, before her mouth crashed hard against his, inviting his tongue into her mouth as they struggled to catch their breath.

Billie Joe let out what could only be described as a whimper, as Jessie ran her fingers down his stomach until she reached his waistband and began to slowly work on his belt buckle. He nipped a little at her bottom lip as he began to undo the button on her jeans, and she slid his boxers and pants over his slender hips.

Shifting a little in his seat, Billie Joe broke the kiss as he realized with some frustration, that they were not in the most practical of positions for what they were trying to do. Breathing quickly and heavily, he kissed his way to Jessie's ear, where he murmured,

"We have to move... "
"Okay," she breathed, kissing his neck, "Where... "

Billie Joe clumsily managed to slide out of his seat and into the back of the car, dragging Jessie with him, where he quickly set about tugging off her jeans.

"Billie... " Jessie, murmured, crazy with desire as he reached frantically for the condom he'd left in the pocket of his discarded pants.

It was liberating, not having to worry if anybody would hear them. It seemed to take away the nagging thoughts that they shouldn't really be doing this that came with trying to hide it. That night, what they were doing had never felt so right.

Billie Joe let out a long groan of pent-up desire as he thrust into her and she wrapped her legs around him, kissing him ravenously as she pulled him against her. Jessie bit her lip and moaned as they picked up pace, the pleasure almost unbearable. Her hands wandered down his smooth back and back up to his hair, which she tugged on a little as she pulled him into another deep kiss.

Breathing shakily into her ear as their passion reached new heights, Billie Joe felt as though he might have died and gone to heaven as she moved her hands down to his hips to pull him in closer. Nothing seemed close enough. Right then, he just wanted to melt right into her.

"Oh fuck, Jessie... " he moaned, breathlessly, between kisses.

She knew he was close, and her hand found his, their fingers lacing together before a wave of insurmountable pleasure crashed over them both and they let out matching cries of ecstasy. Billie Joe took Jessie's face in his hands and groaned as he kissed her passionately, their breath coming out in ragged pants.

"Shit, Billie," Jessie giggled, as he smiled into their kiss, "You have the best ideas."

He laughed, pulling away and kissing the tip of her nose.

"I know," he smirked.

After they had dressed and composed themselves, the pair turned around and headed for home, Billie Joe feeling exhausted but happy as he drove through the steadily darkening streets while Jessie played with his hair. They were just turning down the street toward home when Billie Joe had a sudden, unwelcome realization.

"Fuck!" he exclaimed, thumping his hand down on the steering wheel, "Groceries!"

"What the hell took you so long?" Annie asked, when they finally arrived home, Billie Joe carrying their bag full of purchases.
"Long, long lines at Safeway," said Jessie.
"Really long," said Billie Joe, rolling his eyes to emphasise the inconvenience of just how long they were.
"You only have a few things," said Ollie, emptying out the bag, "Couldn't you have gone through the express lane?"
"It was closed," said Jessie, quickly, and Billie Joe gave her an impressed smile.

Annie glanced at him and the smile vanished. She raised an eyebrow.

"Kind of strange for it to be so busy around this time, don't you think?"

Billie Joe slid his hands into his pockets.

"Um, I guess. I didn't really think about it."
"I mean, wouldn't it have been easier to just go to another store rather than waiting for over an hour in that one?"
"Well... we didn't mind the wait. We aren't all as impatient as you, Annie."

Annie smirked at him, turning back to help her mother, as Jessie and Billie Joe left the room, trying to suppress their giggles.

"I think Annie's a lot smarter than you give her credit for," said Jessie with a smile.

It was late evening and the pair were sitting out on the bench on the back porch, Billie Joe smoking, Jessie keeping him company, so that they could talk without anyone listening to them.

"You think she knows?" he asked, taking a drag on his cigarette.
Jessie looked thoughtful.

"I don't know," she said, "I think she's getting there."
"I think she just thinks I have a crush on you or something," said Billie Joe, with a smile, "Don't worry. We just have to hold out till the end of the week, and we're doing okay so far."

Jessie nodded, and they were silent for a moment, listening to the sound of the insects chirping in the bushes. Billie Joe stubbed out his cigarette.

"Mike knows," he said, leaning back again in his seat.

Jessie looked up from scratching at the insect bite on her leg.

"You already told me that," she reminded him.
"Yeah, but he knows things have... well, progressed."

Jessie's eyes widened.

"That probably isn't good, Billie."
"Like I said, I can't hide stuff from Mike. Its damn near impossible. But he's cool with it."

Jessie raised an eyebrow.

"He's 'cool with it'? Since when?"
"I talked to him and... sorted out a few things. And now... he's okay."
"What did you say to him to make him think it was okay?! Last week he was raging about it!"
"Well... I... " Billie Joe sighed. "I just said that I... "

He trailed off. Jessie stared at him intently, her brow furrowing in confusion as he avoided her eyes. Billie Joe opened his mouth to finish his sentence, then closed it again. How could he possibly explain the way he was feeling to Jessie? He couldn't describe it in his own mind, so there was no way he could put it into words, and he didn't want to risk freaking her out and losing all this completely.

"I said I didn't wanna fight anymore," Billie Joe finished, quietly.

Jessie smiled, uncertainly.

"Well... then that's good," she said.

He turned and smiled at her.

"Yeah... it is good," he agreed, reaching over and taking her hand. She smiled as his fingers laced with hers, before taking her hand away and smacking at her arm.
"Can we go inside?" she frowned, "These fucking no-see-ums are eating me alive... "

Billie Joe grinned.

"That's cause you're so tasty," he said, as he leaned in and attacked her neck with his mouth. Jessie was laughing and pushing him away when Annie appeared in the doorway, silhouetted by the light of the kitchen. Billie Joe cleared his throat.
"Hey," he said, straightening his face, while Jessie held back her laughter. It came out in a stifled snort behind her hand.

Annie grinned.

"Are you okay, Jessie?"
"Yes," she said, squeakily.
"You got something stuck in your throat?"
"Probably," she said, adding a cough for good measure, which only set Billie Joe off laughing instead.
"Fucking hell," Annie smiled, "What have you two been smoking out here?"
"Nothing... ." said Billie Joe, innocently.

Annie smiled and shook her head.

"You know, I don't think I want to go back to San Diego," she said, "You guys are the most entertaining comedy duo I ever - Mikey!"

Billie Joe and Jessie looked up in surprise to see Mike coming around the side of the house toward them, hands in his pockets and grinning as Annie lunged at him and hugged him tightly. When she pulled back, she ruffled his hair and kissed him on the cheek and he jokingly made a face.

"Since when did you get so good-looking?" Annie asked, with a grin.
"I've always been this way," shrugged Mike, with a smug smile, "You just forgot how hot I am."

Billie Joe laughed as Annie folded her arms across her chest.

"You guys have grown some egos since I've been gone," she said, "But I guess fame changes people, right?"
"Yeah, you want my autograph?" Mike joked.
"I already have your autograph," smirked Annie, "It says 'Mike' in red crayon on my bedroom wall. You wrote it when you were ten and you and Billie were comparing heights."
"I never noticed that!" gasped Jessie, "That's co cute!"
"Well... its probably below your line of vision," smiled Annie, "Billie was even shorter back then."
"... Fuck off," retorted Billie Joe, as the others laughed.

Once Annie had gone back inside, Mike took a seat on the bench in between Jessie and Billie Joe. He looked from one of them to the other.

"I'm taking it I'm not imposing on anything here, guys," he said, raising an eyebrow.

Jessie smiled and looked down.

"With her hanging around?" said Billie Joe, jabbing his thumb in Annie's direction, "There's nothing to impose on."

Mike chuckled.

"Your sister rocks, Billie... ."
"You wanna take her?" Billie Joe asked hopefully, "Just for a few days?"
"I'm not sure she'd agree to that, somehow... "

When Jessie had gone inside, partly to escape the insects and partly because she figured Mike and Billie Joe would want some guy time, Mike lit up a joint and turned to Billie Joe.

"So you told her yet?"
"Told her what?"

Mike smirked a little around his joint.

"That you love her."

Billie Joe scowled.

"Shh," he hissed, "Keep your voice the fuck down, Mike! And I don't... just... Jesus Christ, Mike."

Mike chuckled.

"You're funny when you're in denial."
"Fuck off. I am not in denial. Now will you let it go?"

Mike sighed, looking over at his best friend. Not for the first time, he was amused by how well he knew him. He saw the anxiety in his eyes, watched him twist his hands together in his lap and chew a little on his bottom lip. There was no doubt about it. He knew Billie Joe far better than Billie Joe knew himself. He passed him the joint.

Billie Joe took it, almost sulkily, sighing a little as he looked through the trees ahead. It was a clear night, and he could just about make out the mountains in the distance as the sky darkened behind them.

Exhaling deeply, he slid a hand into his hair and tugged on it a little. The roots were showing through the blue now. It was time to dye it again. Maybe he should try a different color? Red, perhaps? Or maybe blond? He should ask Jessie what would look good.

"Billie... "

He snapped out of his thoughts and turned to Mike.

"Yeah?"
"Are you going to smoke that?"

Mike nodded towards Billie Joe's hand, the joint burning away between his fingers.

"Oh... yeah," said Billie Joe, sheepishly, bringing it up to his lips.

Mike raised an eyebrow, deciding that if Billie Joe could let a joint burn out in his hand, he must really have got it bad.

"You know it's her birthday next week?" said Billie Joe, looking at Mike as he dragged on his joint, before holding the smoke in his lungs, his eyes half-closing as the familiar, warm feeling rushed up to his head.
"Really?" asked Mike, "Her seventeenth? I didn't know."
"Nor did I, till this morning," Billie Joe exhaled, "She didn't tell me. I don't know if she was even going to tell me, it just slipped out."

Mike frowned.

"Why wouldn't she tell you it was her birthday?"

Billie Joe shrugged.

"She said she didn't think birthdays were big deals."
"Maybe her Dad never made them into big deals," said Mike, quietly.
"Maybe not," said Billie Joe sadly, "But we'll make a deal of this one, right?"
"Sure. What are you gonna get her?"
"I was hoping you'd have some ideas"
"That was optimistic. I'm even worse with girls than you are."
"I'm doing okay lately," Billie Joe smirked.
"I know. Asshole."

Billie Joe passed him back his joint, then pulled his feet up onto the bench, wrapping his arms around his legs and resting his chin on his knee. Mike hunched over in his seat as he took in the smoke, watching a line of ants carry a leaf across the porch down by his feet. He shifted his foot out of their way. Then he looked back at Billie Joe.

"So what's gonna happen with you guys when we leave for our tour?" he asked, quietly.
Billie Joe turned his head towards him, then sighed and looked back down at the floor before answering softly.

"I'm gonna miss her like hell."