Sincerely Stacy
By: Alecia Blackman
Dear me
I know we haven’t seen or talked to each other in a very long time, but I have decided that I want to get back in touch. I was flipping through an old photo album the other day when I came across a few pictures that were taken of us one summer up at our Grandparents cottage. That summer was one of the happiest ones of my entire life and I had almost forgotten about it. When we were together I was ambitious, outgoing, and fun. I want that back.
I know that I have to apologize for what I have done to you or me for that matter. We were as close as anyone could get, up until I met Bryan my third year of college. He was everything I was looking for in a guy, but you disapproved of him. You told me that there was something about him that didn't sit right with you, but I brushed you off. I told you that you were just jealous because he loved me more than you could understand. We argued for a long time and eventually I won. I realize now that that was because you let me. Because you didn't want to hurt us as friends.
When Bryan and I started dating, I had the time of my life. We went out to fancy restaurants and movies, walked along the beach at sunset holding hands, and went to different social functions all over the city. Through all that you kept quiet, not wanting to hurt me, but what I didn't realize was that I had already started to.
After I decided to move in with him, Bryan began acting differently. A wasn't allowed to hang out with my girlfriends anymore and he wouldn't let me leave the house unless he knew exactly where I was going. I had a job, but Bryan took all my paychecks and gave me a small weekly allowance because he said that it was for the best. My life's meaning was diminishing but I still held my head high by saying to myself, "It's only because he loves me."
When Bryan asked me to marry him, I was ecstatic. My family disapproved because they could see what he was doing to me, but I brushed off them just as I brushed off you. We eloped, and that's where the love began to run out. Bryan made me quit school and my job because he said that he wanted us to be the perfect family. The working dad, the stay at home mom, and kids when we got around to it. I wanted to surprise him with a new haircut one day, but he found out so he took the kitchen scissors and cut off all my hair himself. It was uneven and almost as short as his buzz cut. I looked like a man, but I didn't say so. I wasn't allowed to leave the house unless it was to get groceries, he wouldn't let me wear any make up because he said that he didn't want his new wife to look like a harlot, and I had to succumb to his every sexual fantasy no matter how exhausted I was. If I didn't do what he said, I was beaten. His favourite saying was, "A perfect wife is like a shadow, it is to be seen and not heard." He wouldn't even acknowledge me as a person anymore. A few weeks ago he went through my dressers and threw away everything that he said, "Made me look like a whore." Which to him were everything but an old Budweiser T-shirt full of holes and a pair of stained gray sweatpants.
About a week ago I found out that I am pregnant and Bryan was very happy when I told him. He was positive that it was a little boy and there was nothing else to it. I was afraid what he would do if it was a girl, but I never mentioned it. The other night I was craving some ice cream and I remembered that we had some in leftover in the freezer. I had taken one mouthful when Bryan came into the kitchen and saw me. He knocked the bowl right out of my hands, pouring half melted ice cream all over the floor that I had just cleaned earlier that day. "What do you think your doing?!" He screamed at me. "I control what you eat, I control what the baby eats! Besides you don't need ice cream, your too much of a fat ass to begin with. Now pick that mess up off the floor and it better be cleaned up before I get back!" By this point I was crying. I hated being yelled at and with my emotions on the fritz with the pregnancy, this didn't help one bit. "Where are you going?" I wondered aloud. That was when he charged forward and punched me in the stomach. I fell forward holding my belly and I threw up. I looked up just as Bryan slammed the door behind him. I cleaned up the floor like a good wife was supposed to do.
That was when I looked through the photo album and saw the picture that I believe has changed my life. The picture was of me, well us. I was in a sexy little string bikini. And that's how I looked, sexy. Basically the same weight that I am now because I'm not far enough along in my pregnancy to show, if I still am pregnant after that blow to the stomach. I looked young, vibrant, and happy. I had a little bit of eyeliner on and my long hair was done in curls. Remembering Bryan say, "A perfect wife is like a shadow...," makes me realize that that was what I have became, a shadow of myself. Bryan broke me down to this poor excuse for a woman. I was once the strongest person that I knew, but look what I have brought myself down too because of a man. I tried to look for any evidence that you were still there, but there wasn't any. That was when I decided that I had to find you again.
I am currently sitting in a woman's shelter. When Bryan left for work yesterday morning I packed up everything I needed and left. I found a place in the phone book who took care of me brought me here earlier this morning. I have a gynecologist appointment tomorrow that the shelter is paying for to see if the baby is still alive, I hope it is. The shelter is sending me away for a while because they listened to what I had to say and they believe that Bryan is a very dangerous man. They haven’t told me where they are relocating me yet, but they said that one of my family members has been called and has agreed to stay with me for however long it takes. I hope it's my mom. I have plans to start school again when this ordeal is finally settled and I can't wait to get back to the way things once were.
I can't believe that I have sunk this far but I want to pull myself back up again. I hope that the baby will be alright and I hope that I never see that sad excuse for a man ever again. But most of all, I hope you read this letter and can forgive me. I want to rebuild the relationship between us that Bryan broke down. I love you and I want you back.
Sincerely Stacy
I know we haven’t seen or talked to each other in a very long time, but I have decided that I want to get back in touch. I was flipping through an old photo album the other day when I came across a few pictures that were taken of us one summer up at our Grandparents cottage. That summer was one of the happiest ones of my entire life and I had almost forgotten about it. When we were together I was ambitious, outgoing, and fun. I want that back.
I know that I have to apologize for what I have done to you or me for that matter. We were as close as anyone could get, up until I met Bryan my third year of college. He was everything I was looking for in a guy, but you disapproved of him. You told me that there was something about him that didn't sit right with you, but I brushed you off. I told you that you were just jealous because he loved me more than you could understand. We argued for a long time and eventually I won. I realize now that that was because you let me. Because you didn't want to hurt us as friends.
When Bryan and I started dating, I had the time of my life. We went out to fancy restaurants and movies, walked along the beach at sunset holding hands, and went to different social functions all over the city. Through all that you kept quiet, not wanting to hurt me, but what I didn't realize was that I had already started to.
After I decided to move in with him, Bryan began acting differently. A wasn't allowed to hang out with my girlfriends anymore and he wouldn't let me leave the house unless he knew exactly where I was going. I had a job, but Bryan took all my paychecks and gave me a small weekly allowance because he said that it was for the best. My life's meaning was diminishing but I still held my head high by saying to myself, "It's only because he loves me."
When Bryan asked me to marry him, I was ecstatic. My family disapproved because they could see what he was doing to me, but I brushed off them just as I brushed off you. We eloped, and that's where the love began to run out. Bryan made me quit school and my job because he said that he wanted us to be the perfect family. The working dad, the stay at home mom, and kids when we got around to it. I wanted to surprise him with a new haircut one day, but he found out so he took the kitchen scissors and cut off all my hair himself. It was uneven and almost as short as his buzz cut. I looked like a man, but I didn't say so. I wasn't allowed to leave the house unless it was to get groceries, he wouldn't let me wear any make up because he said that he didn't want his new wife to look like a harlot, and I had to succumb to his every sexual fantasy no matter how exhausted I was. If I didn't do what he said, I was beaten. His favourite saying was, "A perfect wife is like a shadow, it is to be seen and not heard." He wouldn't even acknowledge me as a person anymore. A few weeks ago he went through my dressers and threw away everything that he said, "Made me look like a whore." Which to him were everything but an old Budweiser T-shirt full of holes and a pair of stained gray sweatpants.
About a week ago I found out that I am pregnant and Bryan was very happy when I told him. He was positive that it was a little boy and there was nothing else to it. I was afraid what he would do if it was a girl, but I never mentioned it. The other night I was craving some ice cream and I remembered that we had some in leftover in the freezer. I had taken one mouthful when Bryan came into the kitchen and saw me. He knocked the bowl right out of my hands, pouring half melted ice cream all over the floor that I had just cleaned earlier that day. "What do you think your doing?!" He screamed at me. "I control what you eat, I control what the baby eats! Besides you don't need ice cream, your too much of a fat ass to begin with. Now pick that mess up off the floor and it better be cleaned up before I get back!" By this point I was crying. I hated being yelled at and with my emotions on the fritz with the pregnancy, this didn't help one bit. "Where are you going?" I wondered aloud. That was when he charged forward and punched me in the stomach. I fell forward holding my belly and I threw up. I looked up just as Bryan slammed the door behind him. I cleaned up the floor like a good wife was supposed to do.
That was when I looked through the photo album and saw the picture that I believe has changed my life. The picture was of me, well us. I was in a sexy little string bikini. And that's how I looked, sexy. Basically the same weight that I am now because I'm not far enough along in my pregnancy to show, if I still am pregnant after that blow to the stomach. I looked young, vibrant, and happy. I had a little bit of eyeliner on and my long hair was done in curls. Remembering Bryan say, "A perfect wife is like a shadow...," makes me realize that that was what I have became, a shadow of myself. Bryan broke me down to this poor excuse for a woman. I was once the strongest person that I knew, but look what I have brought myself down too because of a man. I tried to look for any evidence that you were still there, but there wasn't any. That was when I decided that I had to find you again.
I am currently sitting in a woman's shelter. When Bryan left for work yesterday morning I packed up everything I needed and left. I found a place in the phone book who took care of me brought me here earlier this morning. I have a gynecologist appointment tomorrow that the shelter is paying for to see if the baby is still alive, I hope it is. The shelter is sending me away for a while because they listened to what I had to say and they believe that Bryan is a very dangerous man. They haven’t told me where they are relocating me yet, but they said that one of my family members has been called and has agreed to stay with me for however long it takes. I hope it's my mom. I have plans to start school again when this ordeal is finally settled and I can't wait to get back to the way things once were.
I can't believe that I have sunk this far but I want to pull myself back up again. I hope that the baby will be alright and I hope that I never see that sad excuse for a man ever again. But most of all, I hope you read this letter and can forgive me. I want to rebuild the relationship between us that Bryan broke down. I love you and I want you back.
Sincerely Stacy
♠ ♠ ♠
Always remember, never lose yourself. Be who you want to be. This might not be a true event in my life, but it may be in someone elses.Please comment :)