You Don't Know A Thing About My Sins

I sat down on the sofa and flicked the tv on but Gerard continued walking in the direction of the bathroom, probably to go and get painkillers or something. When he came back in he sat down next to me and rubbed his head.

"You okay?" I turned to him and asked.

"Kind of. It's just my head, it really hurts...like...at the back though...I don't know what it is..." he explained looking at me but wincing in pain as he moved his head around.

"Maybe you should lay down a bit?" I told him as I stood up and propped one of the cushions up against my legs and gestured for him to lie down. He did so and we watched tv together for a while as I gently stroked his hair.

I sighed to myself as we sat there, well laid and sat there. I couldn't believe it had all come down to this...only being able to talk to my brother or be close to him whenever everyone was out. Even being close to him in like a brotherly way. We couldn't sit and chat or have time to ourselves anymore...it was just a bit upsetting. But now we were together, all alone and I wanted to just be in peace without worries on my mind and just cherish this moment.

Suddenly Gerard sat up.

"Gerard? What's wrong?" I asked him. He was deathly pale and his breathing was a little faster than normal.

"Nothing...I just..." he turned to me. I couldn't read the emotion in his face at all. It's almost as if he didn't have any.

"Are you-" I started, but was cut off as his lips pressed against mine.

I pulled back a second just long enough to catch my breath and ask, "Gerard what are you-" but was cut off as he re-attached our lips once again.

He licked my lips and forced his tongue slowly into my mouth. I kissed back but wondered just what the hell had come over him suddenly. He seemed to read my mind.

"I don't know what it is Mikey...I just...have feelings for you and...can't stop myself..." he muttered and kissed me again.

I found myself falling back onto the couch with Gerard on top of me. I wrapped my arms around his neck as his hands traced up and down my body. This is just what I'd been waiting for...it was actually happening...I couldn't believe it. But something at the back of my mind kept nagging at me...a little voice telling me that it was all wrong. So wrong.

Gerard's hands soon found my belt buckle and un-clipped it. They then found my zipper and pulled it down. I realised what was happening when I felt his fingers brush against my crotch and I hastily sat up and he fell back off of me.

"Wh-what's wrong?" he asked me, his breathing was heavy.

"It's just, well...even though I've wanted this to happen for so long...it just seems...wrong...really wrong. And, I thought you couldn't remember anything about liking me!?" I told him as I fastened up my jeans and belt.

"Well...I don't know. I couldn't for a bit...but slowly everything's kind of started coming back to me. Like Elle breaking up with me...but I guess we're back together now? And, these feelings for you...as much as I really want them too...they won't go away. I...I love you, Mikey!" he muttered as a few tears strolled down his cheeks and into his lap.

"Gerard it's okay. I love you too. But I don't think it'll work out...I don't think we can be together..." I replied with a whisper as I grabbed him into a hug.

"I know...I just really wish we could..." he sighed as he pulled away and sniffled.

"Same, but...I didn't tell you something...Alicia and I broke up..." I said, trying to hold back the tears forming in my eyes.

"You did? When?"

"When you we're at the hospital after the crash...she said because I'd been spending so much time with you. I guess she felt alone...but I didn't mean to...I was just so worried for you...I really didn't mean to treat her that way." I explained.

"So it's my fault?" Gerard mumbled with a sigh.

"No, no, God no! Just...I really want her back Gerard. I love her so much!" I exclaimed, falling into his arms and letting my tears flow.

Gerard patted my back and shushed into my ear.

"It's okay Mikey...I want to be with Elle too. Maybe...we can get Alicia back...we'll find away..." he told me with a small smile.

"So, I guess what we feel for each other...we could maybe...put aside. As long as we both know we've got each other whenever and whatever happens..." I said to him, smiling back.

We both nodded and I placed my hands at his cheeks and gave him one last final kiss that I wanted it to last forever. He kissed me back slowly and sighed.

"I'm going to miss that..." he stated with a chuckle and pulled me into a hug.

"Me too..."

"So, about Alicia...I have an idea!" he told me with a grin.

*****

-TheNextDay-

Gerard dropped me off at Alicia's house and told me to call him to tell him what had happened. I nodded and held the ring of Alicia’s favourite flowers I had in my hand tightly and walked towards her door. Lilies. She loved Lilies. So hopefully she likes them. Hopefully she can forgive me and take me back...because I love her and miss her so much. Gerard had even written a little something he'd thought up on piece of paper and tied it to the flowers.

I breathed in slowly and knocked on the door. I shifted my weight from foot to foot and felt myself shaking a little. I did it a lot when I was nervous. Suddenly the door opened and I was met with the beautiful face of a bewildered Alicia as she stared at me holding out the flowers.

"Mikey what-" she started but I cut her off.

"Listen, Alicia. I love you. So very much! And...I know we agreed to just be friends...but...I can't live my life without being with you. I can't sleep...all I ever do is think of you...and I was just hoping...that maybe...you'd take me back. I'm sorry if it felt like I was pushing you away...but I wasn't...I didn't notice what I was doing to hurt you...and I'm sorry for that. So, so sorry..." I told her with a small smile and handed her the flowers.

"These are for you...your favourites..." I finished as she took them and admired them. She noticed the note and read it and then looked back up at me.

So would you say?
Are the lights are really low enough to play?
So much easier than falling down and
All alone you prove that I was
Broken down to move and alright
Battling the loss you live for
Meant the world to you

And if you stay right here?
When I'm telling you
That someone out there loves you
Stay right here?
Well I'd tell you
That someone out there loves you after all

Sometimes it's always easier at fall
Then you pick yourself right back and better
All alone you prove that I was
Broken down to move and alright
Battling the loss you live for
Meant the world to you

And would you stay right here?
When I tell you
That someone out there loves you
Stay right here
When I'm telling you
That someone out there loves you.

"Mikey I...I..." she stuttered.

I knew it. She wouldn't want to take me back. Ever. Not after I'd been such an idiot to her.

"It's okay Alicia...I tried...just know that I love you...so much..." I told her with a sigh as I turned around and was about to walk off when suddenly I felt a grip on my wrist.

"Mikey, these are beautiful...and those words on the note...are amazing..." she started.

"But you don't want to take me back?" I muttered with sadness in my voice.

"No Mikey. I do want to take you back!" she exclaimed and pulled me towards her, pressing her lips to mine.

"I felt so bad after I split up with you...every day I just wanted to find the courage to call you and ask you to forgive me...but I just couldn't...and i'm really sorry for hurting you like that .I want to be with you Mikey...I love you...and always will!" she told me.

I laughed. I really did. All the happiness I was feeling right now came out in laughter and Alicia laughed along with me. I was finally back with her. I could call her my own once again.