You Don't Know A Thing About My Sins

-Mikey'sPOV-

I walked back home whilst thinking about what Gerard had said...or more to the point, what he hadn't said. Why wouldn't he tell me what was wrong...why couldn't he tell me? I walked up the path of our house and unlocked the door, throwing my shoes off as I stepped inside and put my jacket onto the coat hanger. I walked silently into the kitchen, expecting nobody to be in because of the lack of noise, but finding Ray and Bob sat down at the table with what must've been their tenth coffee infront of them.

"Hey guys...where's Frank?" I asked, walking over to make myself a cup of coffee then sitting down beside them both.

"Shower...so, what happened?" Ray replied, sipping a bit of his coffee.

"Nothing really...well...at first they told me Gerard had said he didn't want me to visit him, but the receptionist let me in anyway 'cause she was a fan of ours...then...well, Gerard looked pretty disappointed to see me...he didn't come near me and he just said that he didn't want me there..." I explained, feeling worse about myself as I told them what had happened.

"Did he tell you what was wrong with him?" Bob asked me, looking cursious.

"No he wouldn't...but it was more like he couldn't tell me...like...he was forbidden...that's what it seemed like from the way he was acting..." I finished.

"That's just plain weird...even for Gerard...he tells you everything..." Ray retorted, sounded suprised with what I had told him.

"I know...and that's what makes me feel more and more like this is my fault...someone doesn't usually tell you something if that something is about you..."

"Mikes, don't worry...it's not your fault...maybe he still just needs to get his head around what's wrong with him...then when he's ready, he'll tell you!" Bob told me, putting his arm around my shoulders, squeezing them in reasurrence.

"I guess your right..." I mumbbled.

We sat at the table for a while, drinking more coffee and chatting about anything that would randomly pop up in the dull conversation we were having. Without Gerard here it just felt as if no one had anything to talk about. He would always be the first to think up a great idea or come running in telling us about a new song he'd written. Whenever he was around I just felt better about myself, I felt so happy to have such an amazing brother like him. Oh my God...I'm talking as if he'd died or something. I feel better in myself and I feel happy to have such an amazing brother like him. That's better.

We were all silent for a little bit until Frank came prancing into the room, declaring that he'd finished in the shower and that he was hungry.

"Anyone up for pizza!?" he exclaimed, running towards the front door.

"Yeah...sure..." I replied, standing up and walking towards the door myself.

Ray and Bob followed closely behind. We all got into the car and Ray drove us to the nearest Pizza Hut.

*****

"Frank! You're gonna fucking choke! Slow down!!!" Bob exclaimed as he grabbed Frank's hand and stopping him from shoving another slice of pizza into his mouth.

"Bwooohb!!!" came Frank's reply to what Bob had done.

"Just slow down...chew that piece...then eat the other one..." Bob told Frank as he let him go and Frank did as he was told.

Ray and I couldn't help laughing.

"Guys, I was wondering...y'know Gerard...well...did you notice him act strangely at all...like a few days or weeks before his...breakdown...?" I questioned Ray, Frank and Bob as we all ate our pizza.

"I dunno, he seemed pretty normal to me." Frank replied, quickly getting back to eating.

"Same here," Bob added.

"Well...actually...he acted differently a little..." Ray said.

I looked up at him.

"How'd you mean?" I asked, very curious now. This could help me find out what was wrong with Gerard.

"It was when...whenever he was around you, like, when you'd walk into the room...sometimes he'd flinch or go quiet suddenly or go off to his room..." Ray explained.

So it was my fault.

"Oh...I never really noticed..." I muttered, looking down at my pizza but not feeling very hungry anymore.

"But don't go thinking his breakdown had anything to do with you," Bob exclaimed, as if reading my thoughts,"...he probably just felt weird around all of us...sometimes when I was near him he'd move away...just, don't think it's your fault..." he finished.

"I won't...I'm just worried and I want to find out what's wrong with him...that's all..."

Like hell that was true. It was my fault all the way and I had to find out what I had done to cause him to get like that.

I wish he'd just tell me.