You Don't Know A Thing About My Sins
"Promise you'll never let the lightning get me..."
-Gerard'sPOV-
It had been 3 hours since Mikey had visited.
I told them not to let him in, but a part of me felt really guilty. I told Mikey everything, he was my brother after all.
But now I had shouted at him to go away, and I told him that I didn't want him here. I felt so bad. Mikey must feel terrible. But it's not my fault I feel like this towards him, he needs to realise it's for his own good...but he can't realise that unless I tell him my secret, then he wouldn't want to come near his sick, perverted brother anyway so maybe that wouldn't be a problem.
The last thing that he had said to me kept resounding in my head, 'One way or another, I'm gonna find out why you're in this place, and I'll find out your secret...either that or I'll die trying...' He won't find out though will he? Ray, Bob and Frank know nothing and it's not like I made it obvious. I haven't told anyone, well anyone apart from this nurse woman who knows that I had a sick dream about my brother...hopefully she doesn't talk to Mikey about that, then he'll know that's what it is and everything will collapse.
I sighed and leaned back against the pillows that I'd moved so they were upright against the wall, I closed my eyes and thought about Mikey.
I was in my room, it must've been past midnight because I had that feeling of wanting to go to sleep but for some reason I felt a weird hyper sensation that wanted me to stay awake all night. It was thundering outside and I knew that Mikey would be awake. If there's one thing that he's really truly afraid of, it's a storm. I kept staring at my door, just praying that the handle would turn and the door would open and Mikey would be stood there, his fragile frame shaking, wanting to come cuddle with me in bed like he used to do when he was a little kid. But I was kidding myself, that wasn't going to happen.
Instead of waiting there and indulging myself in false hope, I stood up and silently creeped over to my door and opened it slowly. I looked into the corridor and noticed that there was a light in the kitchen, maybe one of the guys was awake. I walked towards the kitchen, the cold floor sending tingling sensations throughout my body. I stepped into the kitchen and noticed someone bent down looking inside the fridge.
I couldn't help but stare, that ass belonged to only one person.
"Couldn't sleep?" I whispered.
The person jumped up and spun around. Yeah, it was Mikey.
"Gee you fuckin' scared me to death...never do that again!" Mikey exclaimed as he walked over to me, a lump of cheese in his hand.
"Sorry...I couldn't sleep either..." I replied, smiling as he walked towards me.
"It's the thunder, it just freaks me out..."
"You'll be okay Mikey...I'm here to protect you after all!"
Mikey smiled and broke a bit of cheese off of the lump that he was eating and handed it to me. I took it and ate it in one bite.
"Hungry too?" Mikey asked with a laugh.
"A bit..." I replied.
I sat down on one of the chairs near the table. Mikey walked over and sat himself down on my lap.
OhmyfuckingGod.
Lightning flashed through the window. He gasped and grabbed one of my arms, putting it around his waist as if I was a sheild or something. I laughed and Mikey stood up, turned around and hugged me tightly.
"Promise you'll never let the lightning get me..." he whispered into my shoulder.
"Uh...I promise..." I replied, hugging him back.
I placed a soft, sweet kiss on his forhead. It was a reassuring, brotherly kiss to him, but to me it meant oh so much mor-
"Mr. Way! Wake up!" I heard a high pitched voice exclaim.
I suddenly opened my eyes, looking upwards at the woman who the voice belonged to.
"What!?" I exclaimed. Well, it was rude of her to wake me up like that...epsecially whilst I was dreaming about Mikey...ahh stop it! All I had was a dream about my brother...my brother who I loved and longed for. OhmyGod. Just stop thinking about him in that way, the less I think about it...the more likely I am to get over it. I was snapped out of my thoughts as the woman waved her hand infront of my face.
"Mr. Way! You're schedueled to have your first appointment with the asylum's psychiatrist...you have five minutes to change from your pjamas into some suitable clothes...I'll be back in five..." she told me as she hurried out.
That woman had issues. Especially if she thought that black skinny jeans and an Anthrax t-shirt were pjamas! An Anthrax t-shirt...I'd borrowed it from Mikey a couple of weeks ago. I snuggled into it a little, trying to picture Mikey holding me in his arms.
No! Stop. Just stop.
This time when the nurse came back in I didn't mind, it stopped me having arguements with myself. She gave me a weird glance as she gestured for me to stand up and follow her. She led me down a few corridors before we got to a dark brown door with 'Denis Hitchcliff' engraved on a small piece of plastic that was stuck to it. She knocked once then opened the door, pushing my shoulder a little so I'd walk inside. A man who I'm guessing was 'Denis Hitchcliff' was sat behind a desk, reading a file which I'm guessing was mine.
"Hello there Mr. Way...I'm Mr. Hitchcliff, but call me Denis if that makes you feel more comfortable!" he exclaimed as he stood up from his desk.
Yeah, calling him 'Denis' was gonna make me feel way more comfortable in this stuffy hell hole of a room. Denis was a little shorter than me, he was a little stocky and wore brown trousers and a white shirt with his name tag on it. He also had glasses on which reminded me a little of the ones that Mikey used to have.
"Hi." I replied simply.
He gestured for me to follow him as he walked over to a couch at the corner of the room. I sat down on the couch and Denis grabbed his desk chair and brought it over, placing it infront of where I was sat so he was opposite me.
"Now Mr. Way...it says here in your file that you're in quite a successful band...My Chemical Romance I believe it's called." he stated, looking at me through his glasses then back down to the file. He had obviously never heard of us.
"Yeah, I'm the lead singer..." I replied.
"Well...that's wonderful to know!" he exclaimed.
I can't believe I had to spend like an hour a week with this guy.
"So let's get straight to it...just tell me everything in your own time...we don't need to rush," he paused,"...what do you think caused this breakdown of yours?" he asked me.
The undying and unatural love I felt for my brother.
"I don't know..." I lied as he wrote something down in a notepad.
"Well, has something major happened recently in your band or your family?"
"We released a new album about 5 months ago..." I replied, studying his face. He looked about half as excited as me.
He wrote something down again.
"Has anyone recently died in your family or anyone else close to you?"
"My grandma died but that was around 3 years ago..." I didn't feel very comfortable talking about it but the more I co-operated, the faster this would be over. I should know. It's not the first psychiatrist I've ever seen.
"How about your brother, Michael?" he said, it didn't sound too much like a question to be honest...more like a statement.
"What about him?" I replied, feeling myself growing nervous from just the thought of Mikey.
"How is your relationship with him?"
Oh y'know, the usual brother is in love with brother relationship.
"Fine..." I lied again.
"Has anything happened between you and him that would have caused you mental pain?"
"Not really...listen, I'm in a band. I'm usually under a lot of pressure...maybe it's just my brain got overloaded or something..." I rambled on, trying to change the subject from Mikey.
"I don't think so...but it could've helped...anyway, the nurse told me about a dream that you'd had about your brother..."
Oh fuck.
"What about it?" I asked, trying my best to hide the shaking in my voice.
"Why do you think you had this dream?"
Because I fucking love my brother way more than I should.
"I don't know..." I lied again, this time growing impatient with all his questions.
"Are you sure something hasn't happened between you both?" he asked again.
"NOTHING HAS HAPPENED! IT'S NOT MY FAULT! I CAN'T HELP FEELING THIS WAY!"
"Mr. Way, calm down. You can't help feeling what?" he said, obviously adding another fucking question onto the end.
My heart began to race, I opened my mouth to speak but instead of words coming out, tears started flowing from my eyes.
Denis put down his notepad and pen and placed his hand on my shoulder, patting it gently.
"It's okay Mr. Way, I think we should finish for now. We can continue in our session next week." he stated.
I nodded whilst trying to stop my tears as Denis called for the nurse.
It had been 3 hours since Mikey had visited.
I told them not to let him in, but a part of me felt really guilty. I told Mikey everything, he was my brother after all.
But now I had shouted at him to go away, and I told him that I didn't want him here. I felt so bad. Mikey must feel terrible. But it's not my fault I feel like this towards him, he needs to realise it's for his own good...but he can't realise that unless I tell him my secret, then he wouldn't want to come near his sick, perverted brother anyway so maybe that wouldn't be a problem.
The last thing that he had said to me kept resounding in my head, 'One way or another, I'm gonna find out why you're in this place, and I'll find out your secret...either that or I'll die trying...' He won't find out though will he? Ray, Bob and Frank know nothing and it's not like I made it obvious. I haven't told anyone, well anyone apart from this nurse woman who knows that I had a sick dream about my brother...hopefully she doesn't talk to Mikey about that, then he'll know that's what it is and everything will collapse.
I sighed and leaned back against the pillows that I'd moved so they were upright against the wall, I closed my eyes and thought about Mikey.
I was in my room, it must've been past midnight because I had that feeling of wanting to go to sleep but for some reason I felt a weird hyper sensation that wanted me to stay awake all night. It was thundering outside and I knew that Mikey would be awake. If there's one thing that he's really truly afraid of, it's a storm. I kept staring at my door, just praying that the handle would turn and the door would open and Mikey would be stood there, his fragile frame shaking, wanting to come cuddle with me in bed like he used to do when he was a little kid. But I was kidding myself, that wasn't going to happen.
Instead of waiting there and indulging myself in false hope, I stood up and silently creeped over to my door and opened it slowly. I looked into the corridor and noticed that there was a light in the kitchen, maybe one of the guys was awake. I walked towards the kitchen, the cold floor sending tingling sensations throughout my body. I stepped into the kitchen and noticed someone bent down looking inside the fridge.
I couldn't help but stare, that ass belonged to only one person.
"Couldn't sleep?" I whispered.
The person jumped up and spun around. Yeah, it was Mikey.
"Gee you fuckin' scared me to death...never do that again!" Mikey exclaimed as he walked over to me, a lump of cheese in his hand.
"Sorry...I couldn't sleep either..." I replied, smiling as he walked towards me.
"It's the thunder, it just freaks me out..."
"You'll be okay Mikey...I'm here to protect you after all!"
Mikey smiled and broke a bit of cheese off of the lump that he was eating and handed it to me. I took it and ate it in one bite.
"Hungry too?" Mikey asked with a laugh.
"A bit..." I replied.
I sat down on one of the chairs near the table. Mikey walked over and sat himself down on my lap.
OhmyfuckingGod.
Lightning flashed through the window. He gasped and grabbed one of my arms, putting it around his waist as if I was a sheild or something. I laughed and Mikey stood up, turned around and hugged me tightly.
"Promise you'll never let the lightning get me..." he whispered into my shoulder.
"Uh...I promise..." I replied, hugging him back.
I placed a soft, sweet kiss on his forhead. It was a reassuring, brotherly kiss to him, but to me it meant oh so much mor-
"Mr. Way! Wake up!" I heard a high pitched voice exclaim.
I suddenly opened my eyes, looking upwards at the woman who the voice belonged to.
"What!?" I exclaimed. Well, it was rude of her to wake me up like that...epsecially whilst I was dreaming about Mikey...ahh stop it! All I had was a dream about my brother...my brother who I loved and longed for. OhmyGod. Just stop thinking about him in that way, the less I think about it...the more likely I am to get over it. I was snapped out of my thoughts as the woman waved her hand infront of my face.
"Mr. Way! You're schedueled to have your first appointment with the asylum's psychiatrist...you have five minutes to change from your pjamas into some suitable clothes...I'll be back in five..." she told me as she hurried out.
That woman had issues. Especially if she thought that black skinny jeans and an Anthrax t-shirt were pjamas! An Anthrax t-shirt...I'd borrowed it from Mikey a couple of weeks ago. I snuggled into it a little, trying to picture Mikey holding me in his arms.
No! Stop. Just stop.
This time when the nurse came back in I didn't mind, it stopped me having arguements with myself. She gave me a weird glance as she gestured for me to stand up and follow her. She led me down a few corridors before we got to a dark brown door with 'Denis Hitchcliff' engraved on a small piece of plastic that was stuck to it. She knocked once then opened the door, pushing my shoulder a little so I'd walk inside. A man who I'm guessing was 'Denis Hitchcliff' was sat behind a desk, reading a file which I'm guessing was mine.
"Hello there Mr. Way...I'm Mr. Hitchcliff, but call me Denis if that makes you feel more comfortable!" he exclaimed as he stood up from his desk.
Yeah, calling him 'Denis' was gonna make me feel way more comfortable in this stuffy hell hole of a room. Denis was a little shorter than me, he was a little stocky and wore brown trousers and a white shirt with his name tag on it. He also had glasses on which reminded me a little of the ones that Mikey used to have.
"Hi." I replied simply.
He gestured for me to follow him as he walked over to a couch at the corner of the room. I sat down on the couch and Denis grabbed his desk chair and brought it over, placing it infront of where I was sat so he was opposite me.
"Now Mr. Way...it says here in your file that you're in quite a successful band...My Chemical Romance I believe it's called." he stated, looking at me through his glasses then back down to the file. He had obviously never heard of us.
"Yeah, I'm the lead singer..." I replied.
"Well...that's wonderful to know!" he exclaimed.
I can't believe I had to spend like an hour a week with this guy.
"So let's get straight to it...just tell me everything in your own time...we don't need to rush," he paused,"...what do you think caused this breakdown of yours?" he asked me.
The undying and unatural love I felt for my brother.
"I don't know..." I lied as he wrote something down in a notepad.
"Well, has something major happened recently in your band or your family?"
"We released a new album about 5 months ago..." I replied, studying his face. He looked about half as excited as me.
He wrote something down again.
"Has anyone recently died in your family or anyone else close to you?"
"My grandma died but that was around 3 years ago..." I didn't feel very comfortable talking about it but the more I co-operated, the faster this would be over. I should know. It's not the first psychiatrist I've ever seen.
"How about your brother, Michael?" he said, it didn't sound too much like a question to be honest...more like a statement.
"What about him?" I replied, feeling myself growing nervous from just the thought of Mikey.
"How is your relationship with him?"
Oh y'know, the usual brother is in love with brother relationship.
"Fine..." I lied again.
"Has anything happened between you and him that would have caused you mental pain?"
"Not really...listen, I'm in a band. I'm usually under a lot of pressure...maybe it's just my brain got overloaded or something..." I rambled on, trying to change the subject from Mikey.
"I don't think so...but it could've helped...anyway, the nurse told me about a dream that you'd had about your brother..."
Oh fuck.
"What about it?" I asked, trying my best to hide the shaking in my voice.
"Why do you think you had this dream?"
Because I fucking love my brother way more than I should.
"I don't know..." I lied again, this time growing impatient with all his questions.
"Are you sure something hasn't happened between you both?" he asked again.
"NOTHING HAS HAPPENED! IT'S NOT MY FAULT! I CAN'T HELP FEELING THIS WAY!"
"Mr. Way, calm down. You can't help feeling what?" he said, obviously adding another fucking question onto the end.
My heart began to race, I opened my mouth to speak but instead of words coming out, tears started flowing from my eyes.
Denis put down his notepad and pen and placed his hand on my shoulder, patting it gently.
"It's okay Mr. Way, I think we should finish for now. We can continue in our session next week." he stated.
I nodded whilst trying to stop my tears as Denis called for the nurse.
♠ ♠ ♠
Don't really like this chapter too much, buuuut it had to be written. Thanks again to everyone who's read/commented/subscribed so far :D More tomorrow!