Will You Catch Me If I Fall?

Addison’s POV

I haven’t told my parents I’m leaving. They sit there, in the living room night after night, doing nothing. They barely speak to each other, let alone me. They’re past seeing me anymore. Past hearing me.

I came back several days ago, I need to pack my clothes, reminders of what used to be home. I found a present on my bed from my mother. It was a golden necklace, a heart hung from the chain, a simple A inscribed onto it. I wanted to snap it in half and throw it away but something inside of me told me not to, so I kept it. It’s tucked neatly into the pocket of my bag, just in case I ever need it. It’s there.

I’m afraid of going away with Trace, hell I’m terrified. I;m afraid that halfway through this tour he’s going to see me for who I really am, a mess and he’s going to leave me. Without realising it, I’ve allowed Trace to become my oxygen, my source for living…without him, I’ll become nothing. And most of all, that’s what terrifies me. How did I allow myself to come to this? But it’s too late to ask questions for what’s done is done, and oh hell, Trace is at my door.

I knew my parents wouldn’t answer it. We rarely get visitors, gradually they all stopped coming. I opened the door slowly and it was still a shock to see him standing there, his dark glasses on, and his denim jacket only slightly covering his tattooed arms.

“I thought I told you to wait in the van…” I hissed, furious he had arrived at my doorstep. I didn’t want him to come to my house. There are pictures, pictures of Stephanie…I don’t want him seeing her.

He grinned that crooked smile, and I melted “The guys are picking us up later. I had a feeling you might need help with packing and I want to talk to her folks”

I think I had a miniature stroke. My whole body froze and I swear my heart actually spluttered to a stop “What?”

He frowned a little, confused at my obvious disapproval of his request “I think they should know who their daughter’s going away with…”

I hesitated a moment before swinging the door open wider so he could walk into the hall “Trust me, they don’t give a shit”

Trace grinned, obviously not believing me and then he leaned close to me, becoming nervous “How are they with tattoos?”

I made a face “Trace…they won’t care, come on, let’s just get this over with”

I opened the door to the living room and ushered Trace in. My parents stared at the TV for a moment until they realised somebody that wasn’t me was in the room and they looked up in unison. My mother blinked very slowly as if waking from a dream and looked at me, for explanation;

“Ma, this is Trace…my…boyfriend?” Shit, that sounded weird coming from my mouth. I could see the surprise in my mother’s face and she got up from her chair slowly to shake Trace’s hand.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you ma’am, I’ve heard a lot about you” Trace smiled. Liar.

My mother shook his hand and for the first time I noticed how tiny she was. Trace seemed so tall and strong, even compared to my father. But maybe our house was just weak, torn apart by the death of a daughter, that we had all crumbled in on ourselves, appearing smaller than we actually were.

My father shook Trace’s hand as well but he stayed sitting. He hardly looked at him; but I suppose he didn’t care anymore. For all my father could care, I could die in a car with Trace…he wouldn’t even look up from the paper when the police would call to the door.

Trace stood awkwardly for a moment and looked at me. Fucking hell, I needed to get out of here.

“I’m going away for a couple of months with Trace. I’m going on tour with him and his band” I announced.

My mother stared at me, not speaking to me of course, it seemed these days she had no words to spare for her youngest sprog. She nodded, my father went back to reading.

“Okay, well I’m leaving today. You know my number…if you want to call..” I finished off weakly and then I turned around, not able to look at them anymore. They’re better off without me.

I think I was hallucinating when I heard my mother’s voice whisper to Trace “Take care of her”

He followed me silently to my bedroom, I held my breath as we passed the closed door of my sister’s bedroom. I had prised off the “Stephanie’s room” sign a year ago, but you could still see the mark where it used to hang. It haunted me.

Finally, my room and I closed the door gratefully. I passed my bedroom locker and luckily, Trace didn’t notice me pick up the picture frame that sat there. I slid it under my pillow and turned to face him.

He was looking around my room. It wasn’t very big, nor was it decorated. I had ripped off all the childhood posters and thrown out many of my things several months ago. It looked more like a guestroom than anything, it was very bare and not extremely welcoming. But I guess that’s what I was in this house. A guest, if unwelcome.

“Your parents didn’t even know you were going…”

I snapped out of my thoughts to look at Trace; “They didn’t need to know…”

“What the fuck Addison? You’re going away for months and you’re telling me they didn’t need to know?”

“You don’t know them Trace. I hardly live here anymore. I could stay away from this joint for a year and only then would they begin to wonder where I was. Hell, I could be fucking dead and they wouldn’t know.”

Trace gathered me in his arms, calming me down “Hey, hey…calm down…I’m sorry. But they needed to know Addison…”

I pushed him away “Yeah, and now they do so drop it.”

Trace pulled me to him again, and held me until he felt my body relax against his. I smiled into his shoulder as he began to trail kisses up my neck, turning my head as he mapped his way up my jaw finally reaching my lips.

He smirked into the kiss, and licked my lips, seeking entry which I gave. His tongue massaged against mine as the embrace became hotter and he groaned as I ran my hand up his leg and across his crotch which was becoming harder and harder.

I dragged him towards the bed and we fell together, he propped himself over me, his hair hanging down and tickling my face “What about your parents?” he whispered.

I snorted “They won’t hear, trust me…”

He grinned and attacked me with his lips again, and we became a mess of tangled limbs. His hand reached up and under my top to clutch at my chest in a gentle embrace and I had to stop from moaning as he sucked at my weak spot at my neck. I could feel him hard against me and it made me even more aroused.

I stopped “Trace…Trace…”

He looked at me “What?”

I giggled “You’re vibrating…”

He frowned, not quite understanding my meaning and looked down at himself “No I’m not”

I laughed loud “I mean your phone…”

He laughed with me, raising himself up off my body and pulling out his cell. He sighed and looked at me. I pouted, it was time to go; we’d have to finish this off later.
“Give me a minute” I told him and he nodded, picking up my suitcase and going out to the van where the boys and Simara where waiting.

I listened until he was downstairs and then I slipped the picture frame from underneath the pillow. I smiled sadly down at the snapshot of Stephanie and I, she was eighteen, I was fifteen, only a month before her accident. Her hair was as sparkling as her smile, her eyes crystal blue. Even then she looked like an angel, it was only a matter of time before God called her back.

I, on the other hand had a mouth of metal. My glasses reflected the camera lens and my hair, it looked hideous. But when I was with Steph, I always felt beautiful. She had the power to make me believe in myself. If I was with her, I could do anything.

Things had changed.

I kissed her, and wiped my eyes as I slid the picture into my bag. If I needed her, Steph was there.