Will You Catch Me If I Fall?

Trace’s P.O.V

I woke up abruptly, cursing quietly as the sun beamed into line of vision and burned a fucking hole through my eyeballs. I groaned loudly, and looked at my watch. It was noon, I’d slept in. Not like I was doing anything today anyway.

I flopped my head back onto my pillow, cursing again at my sudden movement which shot pain up and down my forehead. I can’t even remember how much I had drunk with Addison last night, I did however asking her to move in with me, and her saying yes. I’d had it all planned out, cause I’m a genius like that.

I looked to my left, expecting to see her nest like morning hair sticking out from the duvet, but instead there was nothing. Ignoring my hangover, I shot up, looking around. The apartment was quiet, too quiet…I couldn’t hear her stumble around getting her morning coffee, or the sound of the shower running.

Something wasn’t right.

I looked to the bedside locker, grabbing my keys when I noticed the note lying beneath them. I frowned, picking it up, and smoothing it out on my palm. Her writing was neat and small, which was surprising, she was a bit of a hectic character, you’d expect a handwritten scrawl.

Trace Babe,
I’m gone out for the day,
Don’t call me
Don’t try to find me.

I’ll be back later.
Don’t worry!!

I love your skinny ass.
~A

I snorted, but I got that niggling feeling again. Where was she? She would have told me if she was going out shopping with Simara, or hanging out with Frank-E. She didn’t have a shift in the bar until Thursday.

I chewed my lip for a moment, before deciding to have a shower and think about it. The water was refreshing, and soothed my hurting head. But it didn’t soothe my thoughts and when I stepped out, wrapping a towel around my waist, I still felt like I should find out where she was.

I had a cup of coffee, breathing in the heavy aroma but drinking it alone didn’t feel right. I was used to staring at Addison, still half asleep, her face masked by the steam from my cup. I expected to move my long legs and feel hers beneath my feet or entangled between my own. I expected to hear her giggle quietly, her mouth kissed with a smile she only ever showed me.

But this morning was the kitchen was quiet. Addie wasn’t here, and I was going to find out why.

I flipped open my phone, scrolling through my contacts, until I found the person I was looking for, the person I knew would know where she would be.

I pressed call.

“Hello?”

“Hey Sim.”

“Oh…hey Trace.” Simara seemed hesitant but overly surprised I had called, proving my point that she knew where my girlfriend was.

“Where is she Sim?”

“Trace, I don’t know where she is. She wants to be alone today.”

“Don’t lie to me Simara!”

Simara sounded indignant, “I’m not lying to you Trace. So stop being such an asshole. She just, doesn’t want to be around people today!”

“Why not?”

“If you don’t know I’m not telling.”

“I will go to her house to find out. I’ll go to find Frank-E! Now, tell me!”

“It’s Stephanie’s anniversary today. She told me last week. She knew you’d worry about her…she didn’t want you to know. But maybe it’s better you do, I don’t know what she’s planning on doing today…”

My blood ran cold. Who knows what she could do? Today was obviously the reason she wanted to get so fucking wasted last night, to forget what the morning would bring. I should be there, wherever she is, holding her hand, catching her tears…I should be with her, she should have told me.

“Trace, are you still there?”

“Yeah, thanks Simara…I’ll try find out where she is.”

I hung up, and got up quickly, grabbing a jacket. It was cloudy outside, it was going to rain.

I got into my car, knowing where my first stop would be. He would know where she’d go. He would definitely know it was Stephanie’s anniversary. It vexed me sometimes, that Frank-E knew so much about Addison when I was still learning. But he could never love her the way I did, and he knew that too which is why he had made it so easy for me to take her.

His apartment block was quiet as I ran up the stairs, but filthy as usual. I knew he made good money dealing shit, so I don’t why he never moved to a better place. He answered the door, a bottle of vodka in his hand, his eyes bloodshot and a cigarette hanging from between his lips. He looked at me, “she’s not here.”

“Do you know where she is?”

He shrugged, ask dropping from the fag and falling to the floor between his feet. “She normally arrives here around seven in the evening on this day…but she probably won’t today. She’ll find you, you’re better off just waiting for her to come back. Or else you can drive around to every graveyard near here…but that’s not even a guarantee you’ll find her. Good luck.”

He shut the door, leaving me to contemplate what to do next. I wouldn’t go to her parents, I knew she wouldn’t be with them, even today…and they were probably more waif like than ever. Her parents were living ghosts, shadows of the people they used to be before the death of their first born child…they’d forgotten they had another daughter, who needed their attention now more than ever.

I visited two graveyards before I found her, and by then it was beginning to rain. There was only one other car in the car park, a dark grey jeep and a woman was standing outside of it, her greying blonde hair whipping around her face as she stared into the distance, her arms crossed around her body, I got out of my car, moving to see what she was looking at and then saw my Addie. On the hill, beside a large tree, she was kneeling by the gravestone of her sister. But she wasn’t alone.

Her head rested in the man’s lap, his hands running through her red hair as she sobbed. He was still, no doubt, his own face streaked with tears. They sat for hours, the man in his wheelchair, and Addie on the ground.

The woman turned to look at me, and she followed my gaze. “Are you here for Addison?”

I jumped, and looked at her, “Yes ma’am…”

She smiled, “It’s nice to see she finally has someone, that girl…she needs, she needs…”

“Somebody to take care of her.” I finished.

The woman nodded, “Yes,” she whispered. “Ben has always been so worried about since Stephanie died. They both blame themselves.”

I sighed, “Ben? Stephanie’s boyfriend? I didn’t even know he survived.”

The woman nodded, “He did, but barely. He’ll never walk again…and he has his days…but I still have my son, I can still see him everyday unlike Addison’s mother can Steph.”

It started to rain harder, and Ben turned around to leave. He Didn’t acknowledge me as he passed by me, and was helped by his mother into the car. His eyes were swollen, he had never let Stephanie go, like Addison. He lived with a reminder of her death everyday in his immobility.

Ben’s mother squeezed my arm as she walked by me, and smiled as she reversed the car away. I stood, allowing myself to become soaked in the rain as I waited for Addison.

She didn’t show surprise to see me as she turned around, her legs soaked in mud, her eyes full of tears. Her whole body shook with cold, and she simply walked into my outstretched arms, and allowed me to hug her to my body.

She looked up at me, her eyes wide, expecting me to give out for not informing me of the meaning of this day. But I didn’t. I just kissed her forehead, and smiled at her, “Let’s go home.”

She nodded, and followed me into the car, and then she paused, looking at me,

“Thank you,” she whispered.