For What It's Worth

I have to admit, that was quite possibly the most awkward dinner I have ever sat through in my entire life, and that includes the Christmas that my sister found out that my cousin was sleeping with her boyfriend. Completely messed up, I know, but at least I wasn’t involved in that disaster. But this thing with Brooks, well, I’m not exactly an innocent bystander in this one. I had mentally prepared myself for the heartbreak that should have come when he told me that he had regretted every moment of our night together, that he loved Krista and that I should move out. But, as mentioned, that did not happen, not by a long shot, and to be honest, it threw me completely. I had no real plan for hearing the alternative, which I was convinced would not happen, even if Mike had told me it could.

Brooks had obviously gone to great lengths in preparing our meal, which made my heart melt a little because I know how much he despises cooking. We ate quietly for awhile, neither one of us acknowledging the pink elephant trembling in the corner. I could tell it was killing him though because his eyes deceived him just like they always did when his mind was racing. I could tell from the way they were unsettled that he wanted to blurt everything out right then and there at the table. But he didn’t.

“How was your day Jules?” he asked sweetly, but I could tell he was trying to figure out if I was as miserable as he was.

“It was fine, long and uneventful, but fine,” I replied. I couldn’t think of anything else to say, which was odd because I never run out of things to say to Brooks.

“Did you have that meeting you were talking about?”

“Oh, well, yes. The director was about a hundred…I thought he was going to croak when he started talking about lacquer because he got all excited and had to use his inhaler. Thank God we have EMS on speed dial.”

Brooks started to chuckle lightly and then burst out laughing harder than I’ve seen in awhile. His laugh is completely infectious, so naturally, I started to laugh too. See, this is how it’s supposed to be. No awkwardness, no shyness, just me and Brooks acting the way we’ve always been. We just kept laughing like idiots too, glad for some kind of relief until Brooks slowed down to a chuckle and looked at me hesitantly, as if I should be the first to talk. So I did.

“Brooks, how much longer are we going to go without talking about last night?” I asked softly.

“Jules…” he trailed off as he scratched the back of his head nervously. He took a deep breath and gestured towards the living room.

I did as I was told and sat beside him on the couch, careful of the space between us. Too close meant I love you and too far meant I hate you for what happened. I settled on a medium distance, close enough to touch but not so close as to be sitting on the poor guy. Apparently, it was still too far away for Brooks.

“Why are you so far away?” Hell no. That was how it started last time.

“I don’t know,” I said as he pulled me closer and ran a finger down my cheek. I tried with every fiber of my being to keep my breath steady so that we could deal with this like adults. This was not going to be easy, especially if he’s going to insist on touching me like that. Apparently he felt the same because his hand dropped from my face and he turned his body away from me so that we were sitting side by side like two shy teenagers at a high school dance.

“I broke up with Krista,” he said suddenly.

I only looked at him, waiting for him to continue.

“This morning after you left. I…I just wasn’t really in love with her all that much...not like she was in love with me.”

“You loved her?” I asked.

“Not really…more like I loved the idea of her because she reminded me of someone else I am in love with.”

“Did she cry?” I asked randomly, not even hearing his words.

“No.”

“You’re lying,” I said quietly. I knew what he was trying to do. He didn’t want to make me feel worse than he knew I already did, and for that, I adored him.

“What did you tell her?” I asked shamefully.

“I told her that I couldn’t see her anymore because I was in love with someone else.”

“That’s awful Brooks! She must be crushed…oh, this is not good. Did you tell her about last night?”

“Well, would you have me lie to her? And no, I didn’t tell her about you and me having sex last night! Jules can we please not talk about Krista? Can’t we just talk about us?” He was starting to get angry with me

“But-”

“No buts Julianna, did you hear what I said before that?” He was completely exasperated with my obsession over Krista.

“Which part?” I asked. I know. I’m an idiot. He basically just implied that he was in love with me and I wasn’t listening. I was too busy thinking about Krista and her little cardigan. He must have known because he sighed loudly and ran a hand through his hair.

“The part where I said I Krista reminded me of someone else I was in love with?”

“Yes…” He looked at me with a smirk on his face while he waited for me to catch on.

“Jules, there’s no one you can think of who is a complete nerd that I might be in love with?”

“What are you trying to say?” I asked as I started to fidget with the hem of my sweater. I knew exactly what he was trying to tell me only I was afraid to say it out loud in case I was mistaken.

He could read me like a book because he took my hands off my sweater and held them in his own. He looked me straight in the eye and said the words I’d been dying to hear for about ten years now.

“I can’t be with Krista because I’m in love with you Jules. I want you to be my girl and no one else.”

I couldn’t find the words to answer him so I nodded feverishly as a set of fat tears suddenly materialized on my cheeks. Brooks of course, wiped them away before kissing me softly. My heart raced as i tried to comprehend what i had just heard and how i felt in Brooks' arms. i wound my hands around the back of his neck and began to run my fingers through his hair as he kissed me more passionately. This was bliss. I didn't want him to stop kissing me, but the need for air eventually took over our bodies. As he pulled away, he flashed me the most dazzling smile I have ever seen from him.

“I’ve been waiting a long time for you to say those words Brooks.” I said as he played with a stray curl. God I loved it when he did that because it always sent a chill down my spine.

“And I’m an idiot for not saying them sooner,” he replied, resting his forehead on my own.

“It’s alright, I’m sure you can find a way to make it up to me,” I answered cheekily. Brooks raised his eyebrows as a dazzling smile crossed his face. Oh he had some ideas alright. He nuzzled my nose, just like we always do, and picked me up with the intention of talking me upstairs.

We never got that far though because on the way by the front door I noticed something rustling about in the bushes.

“Brooks…is that…no it can’t be!”