For What It's Worth

For longer than any girl would like to experience, Brooks said nothing. He just stood there, with his arms around my waist, staring off into space like he was processing something very important. I waited, biting my lip nervously as he struggled with his inner demons.

“Maybe this isn’t the time to talk about it,” I said softly as I slid out of his grip and began to walk backwards.

I made three steps before Brooks took hold of my wrist so that I couldn’t walk any further. I turned to look at him, struggling to read his hazy eyes. I didn’t understand. This was not the reaction I was hoping for, but it made sense. He had worked so hard to become a professional athlete and things were finally starting to come together for him. He was an important member of a great team, with teammates who cared about him. He had a new home and a hot girlfriend, and all the money he needed. His life was turning out exactly as he’d always hoped. He didn’t need me there to interfere, to ruin everything for him. If I knew Brooks, and I think I do, he’d feel the need to take care of me, to check in with me, to keep me safe. As these thoughts crossed my mind, I immediately began to regret that I had said anything.

“Where are you going?”

I turned to look my best friend, but instead found myself studying the wooden floor beneath my feet. I didn’t want to see the regret in his face. “I’ll understand if you’d rather I didn’t take the job...” I started, suddenly embarrassed.

God this was harder than I expected, mainly because I had secretly hoped that Brooks would sweep me up in his arms and whisk me away into the sunset. Stupid, I know, especially since he is not nor will he ever be my boyfriend.

“Why would you think that love?” he asked stepping closer so that he could rest an arm on my hip. He spoke quietly so that no one else could hear. He was standing too close to allow me to think clearly. The smell of his cologne was intoxicating, causing me to lose my focus, just as it always did.

“Well, you didn’t say anything, so I thought maybe that was your answer,” I said timidly. He only stared at me wide-eyed, like that was the silliest thing he’d ever heard.

If I had been watching his face rather than avoiding it, I would have seen the moment when the look of elation overcame his anxiety ridden face. But being the neurotic girl I am, I missed it. So when he pulled me into a hug and nuzzled his nose against mine I was utterly confused by his change in demeanor. I might have a few diplomas hanging on my wall, but one thing that I will never be good at, is reading people.

“Jules, you kill me!” he said with a smile. “Of course I want you to come to Washington…I was just trying to figure out if I should put you in the guest bedroom on the third or fourth floor. Plus, this is your dream job, so if you don’t take it, I will personally kill you,” he said with a laugh as he ordered another round of champagne.

Something in his eyes told me his explanation wasn’t quite true, that there was something else on his mind. However, I wasn’t about to press the issue in the middle of this beautiful party.

“So…you’re happy then?” I asked, just to be sure.

“More than anything babe. You just caught me off guard is all. The guys are going to be so excited…they’re always giving me a hard time about you,” he said nonchalantly, grabbing two flutes of champagne from our server. As the words slipped out of his mouth, he made a face that told me I wasn’t supposed to know that little fact. I’d only met his teammates a few times, so I didn’t really know them all that well. How could they possibly be excited about me moving to Washington? But that little statement, combined with Ovie’s miscue and Brooks’ earlier reaction, made me wonder what was going on. To be completely honest, it worried me a little as well. Brooks told me everything. What was he keeping from me?

“The director said that I could start within the next two weeks if I’d like,” I said trying to change the subject.

“I can’t wait love,” he answered, happy for our turn in conversation. “Really, I mean it. Please come and stay with me. I’ve got this huge house and no one to help me live in it,” he said, giving me his best puppy dog eyes. Trust me when I say that no girl could ever, in her right mind, say no to that look.

“Well, you could use some help decorating…but only if you’re 100 percent sure,” I spoke with a laugh as he put his arm around my shoulder.

“I give it 110 percent,” he said as we both began to laugh. Hockey players and their clichés… I just hoped that I wasn’t getting myself into a situation that I’d regret, perhaps one that involved living with my best friend, whom I also happen to be in love with.