P.S. I Still Love You

Austyn sighed, looking down at the picture of her and Davey that she was holding. She couldn't understand the turmoil that was plagueing her. Davey meant more to her than she could ever possibly say. So why was she feeling this way? Like she couldn't stay here with him anymore. Davey was wonderful. He was sweet, caring, attentive, attractive...but right now, there was nothing that Austyn wanted more than to get away. She wished with all of her heart that she was back in Texas, sitting in her mothers' kitchen, sipping a cup of tea and looking out the window into the garden her mother had made in the backyard.

"Hey babe. Why don't you come sit down with me? We can watch this movie together." Davey called to her, holding up a movie case.

She sighed, and came towards him, settling herself on the couch next to him. She shifted uncomfortably when he threw his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him. Austyn was deeply disturbed by this new discomfort. Normally, Davey's touch did amazing things to her. She used to feel tiny electric shocks pulsing from the point where their skin had met. Butterflies took over her stomach, filling her with a pleasant ache. Now it just made her unsure. What was wrong with her? She shook her head slightly. Maybe if she just focused on the movie, these uneasy feelings would go away...

And Austyn continued to try to focus on something, anything, other than her growing desire to run, and run far, but after several days of silent suffering every time she and Davey were in the same room, she finally decided that she needed to take action. She couldn't live like this anymore.

She walked slowly back to the bedroom that she and Davey had shared for so long. He was sitting on the bed, strumming his guitar and singing softly. He looked up when he heard her come into the room, a soft smile on his face.

"Hey, you." he said to her.

She took a deep breath, and forced the words out through her teeth. "I'm leaving tomorrow, Davey."

"Oh? Where are you going?" He asked, looking back down at his guitar.

"Austin. I'm going to see my mother...and I'm not coming back."

Davey stopped playing, and looked up at her, studying her face. "What's wrong, Austyn? Why would you want to leave me?"

She shook her head slowly, pushing him even further away. "I just need to clear my mind. i've been feeling so...different lately. Please, don't blame yourself. This isn't your fault. I just can't be with you right now."

Total shock covered Davey's face. "Is this because I told you I wasn't ready to get married again yet? You know I had a hard time after my divorce..."

"That's not it. I know that you're not ready. And frankly...after thinking about it, I'm not sure that I am either. Please, don't make this any harder than it already is."

Austyn turned to leave the room, stopping when she heard Davey's soft voice. "Austyn...go if you have to. But please, please....come back to me."

****************

Austyn opened her eyes, greeted with the same sight that she has woken up to for almost a year now. Bright sunlight streamed into her bedroom window, her mother's cat curled up on the foot of her bed. She rolled onto her other side, back to the sunlight, consumed by her thoughts. Yes, it had been almost a year since she had walked out on Davey, without the slightest backward glance. She hadn't left a number, and though she had told him where she was going, he had never tried to come and see her. She wasn't sure whether he had stayed away out of respect for her wishes, or whether she had hurt him so badly that he didn't want to see her. And she was afraid to find out. Sighing, she rolled out of bed, and got dressed. She could smell bacon frying, and her rumbling stomach lead her to the kitchen, where her mother was standing over the stove. "Good morning." Austyn tried to smile, but she just couldn't seem to make herself fake her way through another morning.

Her mother turned around, studying her daughter, a knowing look in her eyes. "Austyn, why don't you just call him? You're making yourself miserable."

"I'm not sure that I can..." Austyn shook her head, thinking about what Davey might have to say to her if she called.

"Honey, I love you. But you're starting to make me angry. You love him. He did love you, and he might love you yet. But you'll never know if you don't take a chance. That's what life is all about, darling. Taking chances. And I most certainly did not raise my daughter to be such a coward."

The word 'coward' made Austyn flinch. Was that what she was? The telephone caught her eye, taunting her. Tempting her. She had been fighting the desire to call him for days now...maybe her mother was right. Maybe it was time for Austyn to make that call... She glanced at her mother, and then slowly moved toward the phone. Taking a deep breath, she picked up the reciever and dialed the familiar number. The phone rang, one, twice, three times...She noticed her mother slip from the room to give her some privacy. She began to worry about what she would say to him...how she would explain herself. But her worries proved to be unnecessary. The answering machine picked up, and she heard Davey's recorded voice. "If you're calling about the car, I sold it. If it's Tuesday, I'm out bowling with the kids. If you're selling things, you're wasting your time, because I'm not buying. If it's anybody else, wait for the tone, you know what to do. And P.S., if this is Austyn, I still love you."

Her mouth fell open, and she dropped the phone. It clattered across the counter, and then fell to the floor, where it skidded under the cabinets. She couldn't believe it. He still loved her. What kind of man would hang on to the girl that had walked out on him for that long? She had underestimated his love for her, and she understood now that she had made a terrible mistake. She called her mother back into the room, and told her about the message, tears shining in her eyes.

"Wait a few days, and then call him again, honey." she urged Austyn.

Three days passed, and she decided to call again. Three rings, and the answering machine picked up again, disappointment flooding through her. "If it's Friday night, I'm at the ball game with Jade, and first thing Saturday, I'm leaving on a trip to the lake with the kids, and I'll be gone all weekend, but I'll call you back when I get home on Sunday afternoon. P.S., if this is Austyn...I still love you."

Austyn had closed her eyes, listening to the voice of the man that she loved, the man that she had missed so much. Before she really had time to think it through, she left her mother's telephone number after the beep, but not another word, not even her name.

It was the worst two days of Austyn's life. She was on edge the whole time, hoping, wishing, praying that he would call her back. Sunday night came, and she waited by the phone, anxious. Would he call her? Would he want her to come back? She was startled out of her reverie by the ringing of the phone. She checked the caller ID, though she had no doubt about who it was. Her heart skipped a beat at the sight of his name. She waited three rings, and then picked up the phone. Without hesitation, she began speaking. "If you're calling about my heart, it's still yours. I should've listened to it a little more. Then it wouldn't have taken me so long to know where I belong. And by the way, this is no machine you're talking to. Can't you tell? This is Austyn, and I still love you."