Yelling Obscenities at You!

My first few days back were difficult, I couldn't help but feel completely empty with out Jess. I was getting ready to go to my first interview after my long break and I wasn't ready at all, I was numb but I wasn't ready. I'd convinced myself that I'd never see Tom in my presence again and I'd forced myself to be okay with that, In reality I blocked out any feeling I could that I'd felt for him. I slipped on my black heels and finished my make up before grabbing my purse, sunglasses and the keys to my dad's Mercedes, He was letting me use it until I had a car. I stepped out front of the house and got in the car like there was nothing else in the world I wanted to do.
When I arrived at the television studio I parked and walked up to the doors, Ignoring the camera's and the questions. Inside I was greeted by a tall women who had the strangest smell to her, She shook my hand eagerly.

"Good morning Ms.Andrews. I'm Kyla, I'll be your assistant for today, If you need any thing just let me know." I smiled at her.

"Okay, Thanks. I prefer Celia." She nodded.

"Right." I took off my sunglasses and she led me down towards the make up area, I sat down and let them tweak my hair and make up, Kyla standing around looking frantic as if I didn't ask her to do something she'd get fired. I smiled to my self and motioned her over.

"Can you hold on to this for me?" I held out my purse and she nodded, They attached a microphone to me.

"Yes Celia." She took it from my hand and held it close to her side, I rolled my eyes and they let me stand up. Kyla led me to the stage and I stood face to face with my interviewer, Vanya Stewart. She smiled immediately and held out her hand, I took it and returned her smile.

"Welcome to the show." I nodded, Waving to the audience and continuing to smile.

"Thanks for inviting me, I'm a big fan of yours." Lie, I can't stand these shows.We sat down and I crossed my ankles and leaned towards the arm of the chair.

"So Ms.Andrews you've just returned, It's nice to have you back." I tilted my head to the side in a nod.

"Call me Celia. It's great to be back, I could live with out the time difference though." We laughed, along with the audience.

"I bet, So you were in Germany?" I nodded.

"Belgium, beautiful place." I laced my fingers together.

"I bet, What made you go there?" She leaned on the arm of the chair as well.

"I actually had a boyfriend there, I went to live with him." She smiled.

"Wow. An if I'm not mistaken you took your best friend Jesmy Michaels with you?" I nodded.

"Can't leave her behind unless she's happy." I tucked my hair behind my ear.

"Is she back in Cali with you?" I shook my head.

"No, She stayed in Germany with her boyfriend."

"Now her boyfriend is the guitarist for Tokio Hotel, Georg or Tom?" I laughed.

"Georg." She'd never date Tom.

"Okay, Tom is the guy that you were seeing?" I shook my head.

"Well I wouldn't really call it seeing. I mean yeah I saw him quiet frequently but we were strictly friends." She nodded.

"Well we're on the topic of Tokio Hotel, I wanted to ask did you see their latest interview?" I shook my head again.

"I saw part of it, I was actually packing for my flight back so I didn't see it all. Why?" She smiled.

"They were talking about you, We actually have that clip for the audience to see, If you don't mind?" I shook my head.

"Sure why not." Don't Fucking Show It! I Don't Want To See Him!I cleared my throat and turned to the big screen behind us. The clip came on, Tom was talking about me, He was saying something about me being afraid of publicity, and that I didn't walk away. I felt a sudden pain, The clip stopped and I turned to Vanya after a few more seconds.

"What's your view on that?" I shrugged.

"In all honesty I don't have one, I mean Obviously he said it all him self. I'm not ready for any type of commitment, Or relationship. I was on vacation strictly, and Me an Raymond broke up. I really didn't want to be so public over there any way and I was doing a really good job at hiding until me and Jess went to see them play for my birthday." I smiled. A sharp pain breaking through my numbness and almost making me bend over and cry.

"You didn't want a relationship but you were with Raymond?" I laughed slightly.

"I know it sounds contradicting, In a way it is but the story is this. I got with Raymond after Cody had long been gone thinking that maybe if I gave dating another shot it would work out but it really didn't I realized after a while I just couldn't be with any one and I broke it off with him." She nodded.

"Okay that makes more sense." I smiled at her.

"Really. In my head it doesn't." Everyone laughed.

"So You and Tom were Friends, you don't have any feeling's for him, but from that interview you can tell that he definitely has or had feeling for you." I shrugged.

"It's mutual. I have feelings for him." I nodded and sat up straight.

"If you saw him again how would you feel?" I shrugged.

"It would..." I looked down, I didn't want to lie. Tom was important to me no matter what I forced my self to believe and if I had the chance I'd take back everything I said to him. I pinched the bridge of my nose and shook my head, I couldn't focus on the question any more, I was thinking about the night at Franklin's, The day of the photo shoot, The night at the pool, The beach.

"We'll be right back after these messages." I was very glad she cut to commercial, I stood up and walked off stage.

"I'll be back." I rounded the corner and ran in to my manager.

"Celia what are you doing?" I shook my head.

"I honestly don't know." What was I doing?

"You have two minutes to pull your self together and get back out there." I nodded and turned around as he walked off. I took a deep breath and walked back out sitting down.

"Sorry, I don't know what came over me." I laughed and she nodded.

"Are you sure you'll be okay, we can talk about something else." I shook my head.

"No it's fine just carry on." she nodded and opened her mouth to say some thing but the camera man cut her off.

"Back on in Five... four..." He counted down on his fingers and I looked down again getting comfortable in my chair.

"Welcome back, In Vanya Stewart and we're here live with Celia Andrews. Before the break we were talking about how Celia would feel if she were to see Tom Kaulitz again, Her answer was?" She turned to me and I smiled.

"I would probably feel really bad for not telling him how I felt, I mean me and him never really expressed to each other how we felt and I regret it now."

"How do you feel about Tom?" She leaned back in the chair and I took in a breath.

"Well, I like him so much, Honestly I hate that I'm not with him right now. I wish that I stayed in Finland." I laughed.

"Well they are going on a tour in a few week's they'll be in California for a week, do you think you'll see him then?" I shrugged.

"If Jess go's on tour with them, they'll practically be living at my house." We laughed and I felt much better knowing I'd see Tom again. The interview ended shortly after that and I left, My manager caught me out front with a little hostility.

"If you ever pull some thing like that again I'll drop your contract so fast you wont have a chance to go on vacation." He let go of my upper arm after the first flash went off and I shook my head.

"Don't worry about me pulling anything." I walked off towards the car.

"Celia, Is it true that you Love Tom Kaulitz?" I stopped walking with that question.

"I...N-No." My stuttering caused a frenzy of flashes and I climbed in to the car. I pulled away and drove straight home.

~Tom's Point Of View.~

I laid there starring at my ceiling trying to get to sleep. There was a soft knock on my front door and I pulled my self out of bed. I stumbled a bit as I turned in to the short hallway and unlocked the door, I was stunned to see Michelle standing there.

"Hello darling." She smiled at me and I leaned against the door coolly. God she's gorgeous.

"Hey." I smiled willingly at her.

"I was thinking we could take a night and do something." She touched my bare chest lightly.

"What did you have in mind?" Celia was completely forgotten, Michelle's face was one of a kind and I loved spending time with her.

"You invite me in and I'll make it worth your time..." She trailed off and I stepped back as she came forward. Her body crashed in to mine in a fierce war to get her cloths off.

~

I woke up and rolled over. Michelle was gone and in her place was a piece of paper with her number scribbled on it. I tucked it in to the night stand and climbed out of bed. I felt much better with my self today, I fixed a bowl of cereal and sat down in the living room. I flipped through the channels finding nothing interesting and returned to my room. I logged on to my laptop and a window popped up. I was about to close it when I caught site of the title above a video. 'Celia Andrews choked up About Tom Kaulitz.' I sat forward and played the video, slowly eating my cereal. She looked so happy sitting there, She almost looked fake. She talked about some guy named Raymond and I assumed it was the really clingy guy. I almost dropped my spoon when I heard the other women say something about a clip of me talking about her. I don't know why but I felt really bad about saying anything on that show, Celia's face was blank and almost ghost white, But she was still smiling. I watched my face in that short clip and shook my head, She hates me. She stated her non existent view on that clip, Her face looked happy but her eyes seemed distantly unfocused. My heart was turning in circles, Chasing it's own tail. The women stated something about me having feelings for her and Celia shrugged and clearly stated she had feelings for me but it was mutual. I nearly choked on the mouthful of cereal as it went down, Mutual my ass! The women asked what would happen if Celia were to see me again and she dropped her head. I set down my bowl of cereal and reached towards the screen like I could touch her, My eye's focusing on her sitting there with her head hanging down. Then she was looking up again, Her voice was there but I couldn't understand the words. I stood up and went to the front door, I didn't bother putting on a shirt or shoes I walked over to Bill's and pounded on the door. I needed to talk to her before she thought anything else.

"What The Fuck!" He slung the door open with a force I didn't know he was capable of and his face went from angry to clam.

"Bill I need her number." He starred at me in complete shock, And slowly pulled his phone out of his pocket. I grabbed it out of his hand and turned around.

"Dude! That's My Phone!" I held up my thumb from the elevator doors.

"I'll bring it back...eventually." The doors opened and I stepped inside.

"But mom's supposed to call me back in like five minutes." The door's closed and I laughed.

~Regular Point Of View.~

I sat at the table with my parents, picking at my plate and carrying on casual discussions.

"I saw a car for you today, We can go take a look at it tomorrow afternoon during my lunch break." I smiled at my dad.

"Sure. How's Mike from the office?" Mike was one of my dad's representatives and he was always flirting with me. My mom wanted us to get together before I left but I refused every so nicely. My mom let out a soft laugh and I rolled my eyes.

"He's good, Why?" I shrugged and speared a carrot.

"No reason." I scratched my neck and my mom let out a loud gasp, I froze and looked up at her suddenly very worried about her health, My dad stood up and was ready to jump over the table like he was taking a bullet for her.

"What?!" My dad and I stated at the same time.

"Where'd you get that ring?" I furrowed my eyebrows.

"What ring?" I touched my neck looking for the chain with Cody's ring on it and realized I wasn't wearing it. She held out her hand, pointing at me.

"The one on your finger." I held out my right hand and then my left. A loud gasp escaped my lips before I could stop it, there on my ring finger was a small ring, the bigger diamond was blue and the two smaller ones were white. Suddenly it hit my why my hands looked so different to me, I was wearing a ring. I didn't know how I could of missed it before considering the beauty and the absurdness of it but then again I didn't pay much attention to the smaller details of my body and the things on it. I tried to think of where it came from but the only thing I could come up with was when Tom took my hands in his before I left, and even then that thought was ridiculous considering our status and the need for no real commitment. I tried to think of what he had said in German but the thought was so far back in my mind that I couldn't surface it and I shrugged it away.

"I don't know. " I finally managed still starring at the ring as it glinted in the light of the dinning room. The blue stone was in the shape of an oval, It's color was a light blue and it reminded me of the ocean, which in return made me think of Tom. The other two stones were round and as white as doves. The band was silver and over all the ring was nothing big or flashy it was small but still beautiful. I scooted away from the table and stood up, Placing my napkin beside my plate.

"Excuse me." I walked out of the room and climbed the stairs to my room. I picked up my phone on my way and stepped out on to the balcony. I searched for Bill's number and waited as it rang.

"Celia." This was not Bill's voice, Similar and could of been but I could tell from the distress hidden in the tone that it wasn't.

"Tom...Why do you have Bill's phone." He stuttered and My eye brows furrowed.

"I was um, er, He left it at my house. Why are you calling him?" I shook my head and laughed.

"He's my friend I have the right to call him and find out how he's doing." Even though I tried to sound offended it came out joking. I was glad to hear Tom's voice again, It was the missing piece in my day. I quickly pushed away my feelings and cleared my throat.

"Right, Um. I'll tell him you called." I bit my lip wanting to say more to him but the words were stuck in my throat.

"Thanks." I went to pull the phone away.

"Wait Celia." I felt a small bubble of relief in my stomach.

"Yeah." I leaned against the railing.

"I actually stole his phone." I started to laugh after a minute.

"Why?" He sorta laughed.

"I was looking for your number." I nodded once smiling.

"Oh." I managed, I was happy to hear he was looking for my number but I was also crushed by that.

"I saw this interview on the computer and I was wondering if you were really okay, I mean you looked okay but there was a moment when you looked like you were going to cry and I know it's because of me so I wanted to call and say sorry and hope that you'll forgive me and maybe we can be friends...I mean if you hate me I guess I'll have to live with that but I was hoping and I know I did wrong and stuff but for the sake of my friends, and reputation I really think it's better if you were in some way associated with me." He rambled on and I started to laugh.

"Tom. Stop!" I managed through my fit of laughter.

"What?" He sounded like a three year old.

"I don't hate you. I think friends would be nice. But of course it's for the sake of your friends and reputation. I mean if you weren't some famous hot guitarist I might have to hate you, But considering your social status I can make an exception and forgive you for your drunken mistakes." He let out a huge sigh of relief and laughed.

"I was worried there for a second that I was making a fool out of my self." I laughed.

"Nope you definitely made a fool out of your self." If I was going to live on this planet I wasn't going to live with out Tom in my life. He may have hurt me, but he also made me fall in love, again.

~Tom's Point Of View.~

As I stepped in the door and started looking at the phone like it was a bomb I began to pace back and forth in front of my coffee table. It was like my life depended on calling her and I was suddenly very willing to die. I didn't know what I would say, I didn't know if she would answer or how she would react. I was wearing a path in my floor when I stopped.

"I will do this." I picked up the phone and found her number, I was ready to press the call button when I chickened out and set it back down. I began to pace again, wearing a new path in my floor.

"What is wrong with me, she's a girl. I'm Tom Kaulitz, guitarist of Tokio Hotel. I stand on stage in front of hundreds some times thousands of people with no fear, Why am I afraid to call one person." I picked up the phone and found her number again, My thumb hovered over the call button. Suddenly it rang and the word 'Mom' came up I quickly answered it.

"Mom!" I was stalling, I smacked my forehead and took a deep breath.

"Hey...Tom. Where's Bill?" I sighed.

"I'm using his phone, Can I get him to call you back later?"

"Alright. Love you. bye." I smiled.

"Love you to. Bye." I hung up and held the phone out in front of me.

"Final Straw, I draw the line at being a Chicken Shit." Suddenly the phone rang in my hand and Celia's name came on the screen. I dropped the phone like it was hot and walked away. The ringing didn't cease and I walked back and picked it up. Drawing in a big breath I pressed the answer button and held it to my ear.

"Celia." I forced her name out with my nerves completely shot.

"Tom...Why do you have Bill's phone." I choked on my words and quickly found an excuse.

"I was um, er, He left it at my house. Why are you calling him?" I smacked my forehead again and rubbed my face.

"He's my friend I have the right to call him and find out how he's doing." She sounded like she was joking and I took that as a good sign.

"Right, Um. I'll tell him you called." I sighed.

"Thanks." Chicken Shit! The words were being screamed at me and I quickly drew in a breath.

"Wait Celia." I forced out the words, I sort of yelled them in to the phone and I covered my mouth.

"Yeah." she sounded hopeful and I calmed myself.

"I actually stole his phone." There was a minute of silence and then she burst with laughter.

"Why?" I sighed and laughed at the same time.

"I was looking for your number." I sat down taking in the casual tone of her voice.

"Oh." It sounded like she was at a loss of words and I quickly began to speak.

"I saw this interview on the computer and I was wondering if you were really okay, I mean you looked okay but there was a moment when you looked like you were going to cry and I know it's because of me so I wanted to call and say sorry and hope that you'll forgive me and maybe we can be friends...I mean if you hate me I guess I'll have to live with that but I was hoping and I know I did wrong and stuff but for the sake of my friends, and reputation I really think it's be better if you were in some way associated with me." I continued to ramble on completely unaware of how to stop myself.

"Tom. Stop!" she spoke through her laughter and I shut up.

"What?" My voice sounded really weak to me.

"I don't hate you. I think friends would be nice. But of course it's for the sake of your friends and reputation. I mean if you weren't some famous hot guitarist I might have to hate you, But considering your social status I can make an exception and forgive you for your drunken mistakes." I let out a breath that I'd been holding and laughed.

"I was worried there for a second that I was making a fool out of my self." she laughed.

"Nope you definitely made a fool out of your self." I smiled and drew in a breath.

"Well then I can check that off of my list of things to do around you." She giggled and I had to look at the phone to make sure I wasn't hearing things, then she became really quiet.

"Tom...I have a very serious question for you." I swallowed my air.

"Shoot." Surprisingly my voice sounded a lot more confident than I felt.

"Why did you give it to me?" I was very confused as to what she was talking about, she sounded scared.

"What?" I was confused more than ever now.

"The ring, Tom." I drew in a long breath and I remembered instantly.

"I didn't get you anything for your birthday, I bought the ring and I wasn't gonna give it to you until you told me you were leaving. I didn't know how to give it to you so I put it on your finger when we were talking." she sighed and went quiet. I sat there waiting for her to say anything, It was at least five minutes before she spoke.

"It's beautiful." I smiled slightly and before I could stop them the words were already out.

"It reminded me of you." I wished I hadn't said that, But at the same time maybe my honesty was due to my recent mistake.

"Listen, Tom. I have to go but it was great to hear from you." She cleared her throat and I nodded to myself.

"Bye." I mumbled.

"Bye." The phone clicked and I set it down. I leaned forward and put my head in my hands, My heart finally stopped chasing it's own tail and I sighed.