It's Sorrow That Feed Your Lies

It was around three in the morning when I had finally regained consciousness. My heart sank when I realized that the bottle I had clutched in my hand was no longer in my possession. I also realized that I was laying in a bed that wasn’t mine. Shit.

I sighed in disgust with myself. I was going to have to explain myself to someone. Dear God I hope it wasn't my father. Ugh. Complete catastrophe on day one of being here.

I don't quite know why I wouldn't just straight up tell them what I was going through. They wanted to help me right? Yeah Jen just be a fucking adult and tell them what you’re feeling. Saying that was easier said than done.

It’s just with Zacky...well he was my secret crush. Putting that aside though, he made it clear that he wanted to be there for me too. So what the fuck is my problem then? You have a crush on him, that’s why.

I grunted at myself in angst as I attempted to stand on my feet. But I instantly regretted doing that because all at once, the blood rushed to my head with no mercy and made me feel extremely light headed. Just as I felt myself falling to the floor, the same pair of arms that wrapped around me earlier were holding me at my waist.

Matt.

“Easy there pumpkin. I don’t think you’re ready for that yet,” he whispered quietly in my ear. I could feel his breath on my neck and I instantly shuddered.

“Mmmm you can’t talk that way to me,” I replied as I felt my hormones wake up and surge through my body.

“What do you mean?” He sounded a bit confused by my comment.

“Being so close to me with that tone...it turns me on.” Did I really just fucking say that!?

“You’re just saying that because your’re drunk,” he said after a moment of silence. I had clearly thrown him off guard.

“So you think I don’t find you attractive when I’m not drunk?”

“Okay Jen. Let me help you get back to your room. You need to sleep the alcohol off.” With one swift motion he swooped me into his arms and headed down the hallway towards my room.

“I bet if you thought I was pretty you’d let me sleep with you.” I mumbled into his chest as he gently set me down into my bed.

Without warning, he grabbed my face with one hand and leaned over me. His face was inches from mine.

“You are breathtaking to look at. But you are drunk and vulnerable. I would never take advantage of you in a moment like this. Now go to bed before you say anything else you’ll regret.”

And with that he was gone.

Fuck. What did I just do?

*******

I spent two hours laying in bed, staring at the ceiling while my thoughts devoured me. My head was pounding as my hangover finally began to set in. Maybe I should shower...

I carefully stood up and somehow made my way into my bathroom. Quickly stripping myself of my clothing, I stepped into the shower filled with warm, steaming water that seemed to engulf my body.

God, it felt so good.

I looked at the water as a way to cleanse all the evidence away of my wrongful doings and it most certainly put me in a better mood. If I could make this shower last forever, I would. It made me feel so pure and so pain free. This is the way I should feel all the time.

When I had finally scrubbed myself well enough, I turned off the water and dried myself off with a towel. I slipped into a pair of black leggings and a simple blue tank top. I was never one to wear anything special.

Once fully dressed and I had unmingled my hair, I stepped out of my bathroom where I was instantly met with a pair of beautiful green eyes. Zacky.

He stood there in front of the doorway with an unpleasant look on his face and arms crossed over his chest. Shit.

"Talk," he demanded but I couldn't get the urge to say a word. "Do you really think you were going to go by unnoticed with that bottle you took?" he questioned, almost the way my father did when I did something he didn't like.

"Maybe," I finally whispered with my eyes shut tightly.

"You know your father would flip on you if he knew. You're lucky I found you first." Soo....he was the one that wrapped his arms around me and not Matt....

"Well what do you want me to say? You caught me drinking. Go tell him if you want," I fought back angrily. I think that this was one of the first times that I had found myself alone with this beautiful rock star and didn’t feel nervous.

"No, I'm not going to do that. If you were trying to rebel like a punk to try to be cool that would be one thing. But I know you're acting this way because you're hiding your problems. You are too smart and beautiful of a girl to be acting like this and that's why I'm trying to get you to talk to me," he explained which unfortunately brought back those dreadful butterflies upon calling me beautiful. Did he really just call me that?

“It’s hard to talk about your feelings to the person you secretly have a crush on. Shit. Why did I just say that?” He was making me so nervous that I couldn’t think clearly. Where or how it was that I had the nerve to say that was beyond me. But it felt good getting it off my chest.

“Wait a second, hold on. Are you being serious? You have a crush on me?” The way he questioned me suddenly made me feel so embarrassed. What was I thinking?

“No just forget it.” I tried to walk past him but he blocked my path.

"Hey, look at me," he whispered softly while placing a hand under my chin to gain eye contact. I swear I felt like I could have melted in that moment to his touch.

"I didn’t ask in a bad way. I think you’re absolutely beautiful, adorable, talented, and one of a kind. I will interrogate you later for more details. But I want be serious for a moment. You need to have someone to vent to. I know things have been rough for you since your mom has passed and I want to help by being the one you can turn to for anything. Even if it means being your punching bag. Just avoid punching my beautiful face so you don’t make someone else your secret crush instead.” I couldn't help but laugh a little at that. He always knew how to make me smile.

"Look at you being so conceited. But I guess when someone looks the way you do, it’s hard not to.”

“See I’m glad you understand,” he chuckled. He was still so close to me it was making it hard for me to breathe.

“On another note, I have to run to the store with Brian before the crowds start. If I can manage to find time to talk with you alone later, we can talk about this more in depth. If you need anything in the meantime you have my number. And don’t worry...your secret is safe with me,” he said with a devilish smile. And this is why I didn’t want him to know.

All I could manage to do at that point was nod my head in understanding. His eyes caught onto mine again and as much as o wanted to look away I couldn’t. He had such a hypnotic gaze over me.

“You have to stop looking at me like that, Zacky...” I whispered weakly as I felt the butterflies flood my stomach again.

“What do you mean?” He asked with a small smile creeping on his face. He knew exactly what I meant and what it was doing to me. Little bastard. My breath hitched as he tucked a few strands of hair behind my ear. I couldn’t help but bite on my bottom lip while trying to keep my composure.

“Oh no you better stop that right now,” he warned as I felt him lean in closer to me.

“Make me...” I challenged him dangerously.

There was a sudden loud racket downstairs which caused us both to jump.

"I should go check that out, get some rest if you can and when Matt’s awake, I'll bring him up here," he stated quickly before rushing out of the room. Did that really just happen? Was he going to kiss me? No, that alcohol I chugged must have made me a bit off my rocker.

After watching him leave my room, still partially in a daze, I made my way back to my balcony. I sat down on the chair with my cigarettes and poetry book. The sunrise was breathtaking from my standpoint and I wished that life was that beautiful. Unfortunately, it wasn’t. It was more like...a thunderstorm. Frightening. Loud. Dark. Angry. Painful. Unpleasant. That's just something we all had to learn to deal with unfortunately.