It's Sorrow That Feed Your Lies
Seven
"Okay...so now that I've spilled my ENTIRE guts to you in great detail....what are your words of wisdom?"
I paced back and forth on my balcony as I waited for some sort of guidance from Brian. I didn't want to go on tour (since he was giving me no option but to go) with so much drama and tension. So I told him everything from Matt's behavior to my overwhelming feelings for Zacky. If I was going to get any good advice, I needed to be completely open and honest. Thankfully, Brian has always been a great and unbiased listener who wasn't quick to judge.
"Well....as complicated as it all sounds it's really quite simple, hun." he stated as he took a long drag of his cigarette.
"Well please enlighten me," I begged with desperation.
"What happened between you and Matt....well it sounds to me that you're clearly very attracted to each other sexually but not in a romantic way so to speak. I could be wrong. He is obviously in a relationship, regardless as to whether or not he's in it for the right or wrong reasons you should always respect that. Not that I'm saying you're that kind of girl. I know technically you guys crossed lines but you’re not encouraging it and it was in a moment of mental weakness. He's leading you on which doesn't help. What you need to do with him is be blunt and draw a line. If he wants you in that way he needs to be a man and break things off with Alexia before moving forward with you. But, since I'm being blunt here, Matt doesn't really have a good track record with long lasting relationships. And I'd kill him if he did anything stupid to you. Now Zacky on the other hand....his feelings run much deeper than Matt's. I know because I've been talking to him about it for the last two years. The man has literally not been in any relationships since he realized how he's felt towards you. He's going to keep coming up with excuses as to why he can't tell you how he really feels because he is both scared of feeling vulnerable and also trying to avoid conflict with your dad. If you want to pursue anything with him, be bold with your words when you express yourself. Or just let him take his time which could take months."
I stood still while leaning over the balcony, trying to soak in everything he just said. He was right. If I was wanting any kind of stable relationship, I needed to put Matt in his place and voice my feelings completely to Zacky. Otherwise, I'd fall deeper into the mess.
"Does Zacky really feel that strongly towards me?"
"Yes..he most definitely does."
"So why do I feel like he's trying to friend zone me? At least when I talked to him this morning that's what it felt like..."
"He doesn't want to get hurt. And he's afraid of overwhelming you with how he feels and scaring you away," he explained.
"I guess that makes sense. So..... should I set things straight with Matt first before talking to Zacky?"
"If you want to pursue a relationship with Zacky then yes. That is my suggestion. I would talk to him for you but I know, despite how young you are, that you are mature enough to handle this yourself. I am always here if you need me for advice."
"Thank you so much, Brian. You don't know how much help you've been just listening to me vent without criticizing me," I said as he pulled me into a hug.
"Anytime, girl. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to head to the kitchen to scavenge for a snack. If you need anything, just holler," he said with a grin.
"Good luck on your hunt," I giggled and watched him walk out of my room.
Well I know what needs to be done now. As much as I dread it, I had to put an end to this drama. My hormones still screamed for Matt but my heart longed for Zacky. I don't know when I would have the courage to spill my heart to him, but if I could at least get Matt out of the way it would make progress with Zacky easier.
You can do this Jen. Put your big girl pants on and set things straight.
Feeling tired from all of the contemplation inside my head, I plopped onto my bed and let out a sigh. I really hope I'm doing the right thing here....
My thoughts were interrupted from the sudden pinging of my cell phone notifying me that I had a new message. I grabbed my phone to see who the message was from and instantly wished that I hadn't.
It was from Matt.
Jen... I know that things have been tense between us but I don't want to keep adding to your stress or fucking with your emotions. I don’t regret what’s happened between us and I meant what I said to you earlier. Please give me a chance to explain myself. And then I will leave you alone. If you want to talk, you know where to find me. As crazy as it sounds, I think it would lessen the tension we finished what we started. No strings attached. If you don't want to no pressure -Matt.
Holy fuck.
I paced back and forth on my balcony as I waited for some sort of guidance from Brian. I didn't want to go on tour (since he was giving me no option but to go) with so much drama and tension. So I told him everything from Matt's behavior to my overwhelming feelings for Zacky. If I was going to get any good advice, I needed to be completely open and honest. Thankfully, Brian has always been a great and unbiased listener who wasn't quick to judge.
"Well....as complicated as it all sounds it's really quite simple, hun." he stated as he took a long drag of his cigarette.
"Well please enlighten me," I begged with desperation.
"What happened between you and Matt....well it sounds to me that you're clearly very attracted to each other sexually but not in a romantic way so to speak. I could be wrong. He is obviously in a relationship, regardless as to whether or not he's in it for the right or wrong reasons you should always respect that. Not that I'm saying you're that kind of girl. I know technically you guys crossed lines but you’re not encouraging it and it was in a moment of mental weakness. He's leading you on which doesn't help. What you need to do with him is be blunt and draw a line. If he wants you in that way he needs to be a man and break things off with Alexia before moving forward with you. But, since I'm being blunt here, Matt doesn't really have a good track record with long lasting relationships. And I'd kill him if he did anything stupid to you. Now Zacky on the other hand....his feelings run much deeper than Matt's. I know because I've been talking to him about it for the last two years. The man has literally not been in any relationships since he realized how he's felt towards you. He's going to keep coming up with excuses as to why he can't tell you how he really feels because he is both scared of feeling vulnerable and also trying to avoid conflict with your dad. If you want to pursue anything with him, be bold with your words when you express yourself. Or just let him take his time which could take months."
I stood still while leaning over the balcony, trying to soak in everything he just said. He was right. If I was wanting any kind of stable relationship, I needed to put Matt in his place and voice my feelings completely to Zacky. Otherwise, I'd fall deeper into the mess.
"Does Zacky really feel that strongly towards me?"
"Yes..he most definitely does."
"So why do I feel like he's trying to friend zone me? At least when I talked to him this morning that's what it felt like..."
"He doesn't want to get hurt. And he's afraid of overwhelming you with how he feels and scaring you away," he explained.
"I guess that makes sense. So..... should I set things straight with Matt first before talking to Zacky?"
"If you want to pursue a relationship with Zacky then yes. That is my suggestion. I would talk to him for you but I know, despite how young you are, that you are mature enough to handle this yourself. I am always here if you need me for advice."
"Thank you so much, Brian. You don't know how much help you've been just listening to me vent without criticizing me," I said as he pulled me into a hug.
"Anytime, girl. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to head to the kitchen to scavenge for a snack. If you need anything, just holler," he said with a grin.
"Good luck on your hunt," I giggled and watched him walk out of my room.
Well I know what needs to be done now. As much as I dread it, I had to put an end to this drama. My hormones still screamed for Matt but my heart longed for Zacky. I don't know when I would have the courage to spill my heart to him, but if I could at least get Matt out of the way it would make progress with Zacky easier.
You can do this Jen. Put your big girl pants on and set things straight.
Feeling tired from all of the contemplation inside my head, I plopped onto my bed and let out a sigh. I really hope I'm doing the right thing here....
My thoughts were interrupted from the sudden pinging of my cell phone notifying me that I had a new message. I grabbed my phone to see who the message was from and instantly wished that I hadn't.
It was from Matt.
Jen... I know that things have been tense between us but I don't want to keep adding to your stress or fucking with your emotions. I don’t regret what’s happened between us and I meant what I said to you earlier. Please give me a chance to explain myself. And then I will leave you alone. If you want to talk, you know where to find me. As crazy as it sounds, I think it would lessen the tension we finished what we started. No strings attached. If you don't want to no pressure -Matt.
Holy fuck.