I Think I Lost Myself in Your Deep Blue Eyes

Noel’s POV

“Goodnight Chicago, you were great!” Christofer shouted as we both walked offstage. He smiled and gave me a hug as we walked. “You were great Noel, as always.”

“Thanks Chris, you were amazing, no surprise there.” He smiled and I looked over at Kennedy. He was glaring at Chris like he wanted to kill him. He had been doing that a lot since me and Chris met fans a couple days ago. “Hey Kenny.”

“Hey baby.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards him, placing a desperate, showy kiss on my lips. I didn’t kiss back, just pulled away. What was he doing? That wasn’t like his sweet, gentle, tender kisses. It was desperate, like he was trying to show someone that I was his. Wait, was he trying to make Chris jealous? That’s ridiculous. He wouldn’t do that. But he sure is acting like it. He gave me a stern look when I pulled away, like he was trying to scold me. I looked back at Chris and his face was wrinkled up, a weird expression on his face.

“Kennedy, we need to talk. I’ll see you later Chris.” I gave a Chris a hug before grabbing Kennedy’s hand and pulling him away. Kennedy smirked when I grabbed his hand and brought me closer to his body. I sighed as I opened the door to our bus, thankful that it was empty. He immediately pulled me into his arms, kissing and nipping at my neck. I sighed in aggravation. “Kennedy.”

“What?” he asked, his voice muffled by my neck.

“Kennedy. Stop.” I pushed at his chest, trying to push him off of me. He sighed and back away from me.

“What?” he repeated.

“What’s going on with you?”

“What do you mean? I’m perfectly fine.” He smirked and sat down on the cough.

“No Kennedy. You’ve been acting weird. Ever since me and Chris met those fans. Are you…trying to make him jealous?” I asked as I sat down next to him.

“I don’t even have to try. I know he is,” he mumbled, fumbling with his hands.

“What are you talking about?” I asked confusedly.

“Oh come on Noel. Can you honestly say you haven’t noticed? He LIKES you. He stares at you. He always smiles at you. He frowns when I kiss you, he frowns when we hold hands, hell he frowns when we’re just TOGETHER! He freakin likes you Noel, and I know he’s jealous and I’m not letting him take you away from me!” he shouted, now standing up. I stared at him incredulously.

“Kennedy. He’s like a best friend to me, you know just like Alex and Garrett and Pat!” I shouted back at him. He rolled his eyes.

“Oh come on like they don’t like you too! Especially Alex!”

“You know, there are some guys who just want to be my friend, I can have guy friends without them liking me!” I shouted at him disbelievingly. He was being insane.

“They all like you! They hate that I’m with you, and they’re jealous!” He shook his head in aggravation.

“You’re being irrational! You’re-you’re jealous of them aren’t you? Because I spend so much time with them, especially Chris!”

“Why would I be jealous! I’m the one who has you!”

“Yeah, well maybe you shouldn’t have me. Not until you can learn to chill out, and look at things rationally. If John asks, tell him I’m with Chris,” I said before shaking my head and walking off the bus, leaving a stunned Kennedy behind me. I grumbled as I walked, holding in angry tears that threatened to spill out of my eyes. I rushed to NeverShoutNever’s bus, knocking on the door frantically. I heard feet shuffling behind the door as my tears finally started to fall.

“Noel, what’s wrong?” Chris asked as he grabbed my hand and pulled me into the bus. He shut the door and immediately wrapped his arms around me. I put my arms around his neck, crying into his chest. “Noel, honey, tell me what’s wrong.”

“K-Kennedy…K-Kennedy,” I stuttered.

“Shh, calm down. Calm down,” he murmured, trying to soothe me. He started to sing to me,

“My shadow followed when you walked away
And ever since that day
My life has never been the same
My friends all ask just why you went away
And all that I can say is that your heart was in another place

And all I know is when I move away
My heart will stay in this Midwestern state

Whoa-oh, oh, oh!
Darling, you're with him!
Whoa-oh, oh, oh!
Damn it's such a shame.
Whoa-oh, oh, oh!
It's drivin' me insane
And ever since you went away,
My heart has never beat the same
And all that I can do
Is just laugh

California waits for me to make the change
So I can start a band
And party like it's summer
My friends all ask just why I want to change
And all that I can say is it's all because of her

And all I know is when I move away
My heart will stay in this Midwestern state.

Whoa-oh, oh, oh!
Darling, you're with him!
Whoa-oh, oh, oh!
Damn it's such a shame.
Whoa-oh, oh, oh!
It's drivin' me insane
And ever since you went away,
My heart has never beat the same
And all I want to do
Is just go scream it in your face

Whoa-oh, oh, oh!
Darling, you're with him!
Whoa-oh, oh, oh!
Damn it's such a shame.
Whoa-oh, oh, oh!
It's drivin' me insane
And ever since you went away,
My heart has never beat the same
And all that I can do
Is just laugh.”

His sweet, melodic voice soothed my ears. My tears came to a stop, and my breathing slowed back to a normal pace. I was calm now. But then a thought came across my mind. Did he mean the words of the song? I thought about the lyrics. Maybe he did like me? And maybe I…liked him too? No. There’s no way.

“Now tell me what happened sweetheart,” he said in a calm voice.

“Kennedy was acting strange lately, you saw that when he kissed me after I got off stage. He usually gives me sweet, soft kisses, but that one was so rough and desperate, almost like he was trying to prove to someone I was his. So I decided to ask him about it. But when I got to the bus, he just started kissing my neck, so I told him to stop and when I asked him about it, he denied it and said he didn’t know what I was talking about. So I asked him if he was trying to make you jealous, because he always did that when you were around, and then he started accusing me and saying that every guy I’m friends with likes me and he just started flipping out and he was going crazy. So I asked him if he was jealous because I spend so much time with you and other guys and he said ‘why would I be jealous? I’m the one who has you!’ So I told him maybe he shouldn’t have me, until he can learn to chill out and take things rationally. We-we were only together for a few days, and its alright turned bad.” Tears started rolling down my face again.

“Aww, Noel, I’m so sorry,” he said in a soothing tone as he sat down on the couch, pulling me down with him. I shifted in his arms so I could get comfortable, straddling his waist with my legs, my arms clinging to his neck while my head was on his chest. I don’t know why I was so comfortable with him, but I was. “He doesn’t sound like the relationship type of guy. Maybe you guys weren’t meant to be more than friends.” I thought that through, sighing when I realized it was most likely true.

“Maybe you’re right. But I can’t help but to love him, you know?” Chris nodded.

“I know how you feel. You’ll figure it out. Just let your heart make the decision.” I nodded at his wise advice as I lifted my head to look up at him.

“Thanks Chris. You’re the best.” He smiled and kissed my forehead.

“Anytime babe.” He laughed and kissed my nose. I scrunched up my nose before kissing him on the cheek. A blush crept up onto his checks, a smile tugging at his lips. “OH! Spur of the moment idea, wanna learn acoustic guitar?” A wide smile spread across my face.

“Absolutely!” I yelled as I jumped out of his lap. He chuckled and got off the couch, picking up his guitar and sitting back down next to me.

“Okay, first the chords.” He strummed each chord, telling me the letter of each. He filled me on the vocabulary of every part of the guitar. He then showed me the different ways to strum before putting it in my lap and telling me what to do. After about 2 hours, I was able to strum the chorus of IJustLaugh. Christofer smiled. “That was great.”

“Thanks. And thanks for teaching me. But I should get back to the bus before John gets pissed at me.” He nodded and pulled me off the couch and towards the door. We stood by the door for a minute, standing next to each other awkwardly. I looked up at him and he was staring at me. His eyes captured my gaze as he moved forward. He got closer and I could feel his breath feathering over my lips. I let my eyes drop closed as he let the space between our lips disappear, him pressing his lips gently against mine. His lips were sweet, and soft. He pulled away slowly before whispering,

“Bye Noel.” I nodded and opened the door, walking out and closing it behind me. I touched my lips as I walked, still stunned. I decided I had to talk to Alex about this, he would know how to help right?

“Noel!” I turned at my name and saw Alex walking towards me.

“What perfect timing, I was just about to go see you.” Alex smiled triumphantly and pulled me into a big hug. I hugged him back.

“For what?”

“What, a girl can’t just go see her friend?” I asked innocently.

“BEST friend,” he corrected. “And no. You can’t. What do you need?”

“I need advice.”

“I’m not very good with advice, but I’ll give it a shot.” He took my hand and led me to his bus, opening the door. I silently thanked god that it was empty as we entered and sat on the couch. “So what’s going on chick.”

“Its Kennedy. He was acting strange lately, after my show with Chris today he kissed me really desperately and showy and rough. He usually gives me sweet, soft kisses, but that one was so rough and desperate, almost like he was trying to prove to someone I was his. So I decided to ask him about it. But when I got to the bus, he just started kissing my neck, so I told him to stop and when I asked him about it, he denied it and said he didn’t know what I was talking about. So I asked him if he was trying to make Chris jealous, because he always did that when he was around, and then he started accusing me and saying that every guy I’m friends with likes me and he just started flipping out and he was going crazy. So I asked him if he was jealous because I spend so much time with Chris and other guys and he said ‘why would I be jealous? I’m the one who has you!’ So I told him maybe he shouldn’t have me, until he can learn to chill out and take things rationally. And then I told Chris a while ago, but I just left, and he kissed me. And I feel like I have to choose now.”

“Wow.” Alex had a blank look on his face. “Why would you have to choose?”

“Chris. I think he likes me. And I think I like him.” His face twisted into an upset expression.

“Why him? And why Kennedy?” I looked at him, shocked.

“What do you mean Alex?”

“Why can’t you like me?”

“HUH?” I was confused now. What was he trying to say.

“Noel. How can you not realize that I like you?”

“I-I don’t know…” I said quietly as I looked down. Why was this happening? Alex sighed and lifted my chin with his finger. He leaned forward and placed a light kiss on my lips. “Alex…you’re making this difficult.”

“How?” he whispered as he leaned his forehead against mine. I sighed.

“Now I feel like I have to add you to my little group.” He smiled slightly.

“I’m just glad to be in the running.” I shook my head and he laughed. “I have to get back to the bus, John must be throwing a shit fit.” Alex pouted but nodded.

“Alright.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me to the door. He softly kissed me before opening the door. “Remember, I’m in your little group now!” He shouted as I walked away. I nodded as I walked to The Maine’s bus, trying to decipher what all just happened this afternoon. I sighed as I opened the door to the bus. John was sitting on the couch.

“Hey,” he said to me. I nodded as I walked to the back towards my bunk. I pulled my curtain open and crawled inside, closing it behind me. I sighed and hugged my knees to my chest. I had a lot of thinking to do.