It's Not A Love Song

It was the big day; August 15th 2009, Joe Jonas’s birthday. He’d opened his expensive presents and then my lame joke presents but I didn’t even mention the song or hint towards it, unlike him.

Joe spent the day talking about guitars and new songs whenever I was around him, it took all my will power not to laugh at his obvious hint dropping. I did feel sorry for him though, it was obvious how he was waiting for the song and how even when we were alone and I didn’t play it, it upset him.

“Julia!” Joe called from the opposite side of the room.

I picked up my plate of chocolate cake and two forks then stepped over everyone to get to Joe who sat on a single arm chair. He shuffled over leaving me a little bit of space, I couldn’t squeeze in so instead I sat on his lap sideways with my legs over the arm of the chair.

I handed him a fork and balanced the plate on my thighs, I gathered some on my fork and began to eat it. “This cake is so nice.” I sighed, digging my fork in some more.

“Save some for me at least.” Joe mumbled, pushing my fork out of the way with his own.

I chuckled and leaned in closer to him, he got the message and wrapped an arm around my waist letting me tuck under his arm comfortably. We continued to battle with our forks over the cake until there was none left, Joe graciously let me have the last piece. I licked my lips and around my mouth to clear away any loose crumbs. Joe obviously hadn’t as he still had chocolate around his mouth, I smiled and wiped it away from his mouth with my hands.

“Thanks.” He leaned forward to kiss me but I placed my hand over his mouth. He frowned, “What?”

“Not in front of your parents, it’s weird.” I whispered leaning my head back onto his shoulder so I could stare at his neck and adore his adams apple moving when he spoke.

“You’re on my lap and wiping my mouth, I don’t think a kiss I going to freak them out too much.” Joe smiled.

I rolled my eyes and lifted my head from his chest. “Fine.”

Gently I placed my hands either side of his face then pressed a sweet subtle kiss onto his awaiting lips. I still got butterflies in my stomach whenever he pressed his lips back against mine, it was perfection.

I pulled my lips from his with a smirk. “You taste like cake.”

“You taste like cake.” He repeated back to me quickly. “I want more cake.”

“I want more cake too.”

I grabbed the plate and jumped off his lap, heading over to the large cake that was cut up. I picked off another slice and put it onto my plate with a smile. “More cake?” Nick teased.

I stuck my tongue out at him and quickly made my way back onto Joe’s lap, adopting the position I was previously in. Denise was happily snapping candid pictures for Joe’s birthday book, a book she started on his first birthday. It basically was a book of pictures of Joe on his birthday, it was amazing to look back on with the family so she just decided to keep going with it.

“Love’s not a competition but I’m winning.” Joe sang quietly into my ear.

I smiled bashfully and twisted my body against his, he cradled me like a baby. Feeling him near me made my relax a lot more, just his smell was making my eyes close and drift off to sleep. I felt the soft fabric of his t-shirt, the outline of his chest muscles and the beating of his heart. It sent me into a relaxed state, it felt like I was sleeping but I was still aware of my surroundings.

The loud sound of Paul clapping his hands together made my eyes jolt open. Joe laughed at my sudden twitch awake, I groaned at him and pushed my self closer to him.

“Sorry, but you just twitched!”

I climbed off Joe’s lap in a fake mood. It was annoying that he continued to laugh at me, “I hate you!” I shouted jokingly.

“I’ll see you in the crowd.” Emma said to Nick, following me out of the dressing room so they could get changed and prepared for the stage which they would be taking on in under and hour.

Emma and I took our seats in the audience with the Jonas family members, next to the aisle so when we needed to hurry away we could. “Are the costumes ready?” I shouted to Emma as the end of turn right played.

She nodded. I grinned to her and let out a squeak. As soon as the boys disappeared under the stage to change, Emma and I ran down the stairs and into the corridors by the toilets. A black sheet was put up near a fire exit cubby so we could put on our costumes which hung behind for us. Also behind there were the boxes to sneak us under the stage unknown to the boys and the crowd.

Laughing loudly to ourselves we pulled on the costumes over our clothes. Emma was finished before I was, fully decked out in a full body chicken suit. while I went for a fully body rabbit suit. Our plan was to go under the stage when the piano comes down after ‘When You Look Me In The Eyes’ instead of nothing coming up there, Emma and I would come up as animals.

“Oh my god, it’s so hot.” I took of the head of the costume as I sat in the box being rolled through the crowd inconspicuously.

Emma and I chuckled deviously as the piano was rolled off of the riser, I grabbed my carrots while Emma grabbed her basket of fake eggs. The crew attached a microphone to the side of my face but kept it switched off for the time being. “Let’s do this thing.” Emma shouted pulling on her chicken head.

I put on my rabbit head and crawled onto the riser. “Raise them now!” I heard someone shout.

I couldn’t get the grin off my face as we both rose up onto the stage. Kevin and Nick knew we would be coming on but they didn’t know about the costumes. The three of them and the band doubled over laughing as we skipped around the stage throwing carrots and eggs into the audience like fairies sprinkling dust.

The sound from the audience was a mixture of screams and laughter as I dangled a carrot in front of Joe’s face.

A stage help came onto the stage with a guitar for Emma and a guitar for me. The grin on Joe’s face screamed happiness as my microphone was switched on, the guitar was put over me and I said, “You thought I forgot didn’t you?”

Joe pulled the mask from my face making a muffling sound on the microphone as it moved against it. The audience screamed as Emma and I were revealed and Joe gave me a hug.

“I did!” He said into his microphone giving me another hug.

“For those of you who don’t know, I’m Joe’s best friend Julia. And every year since I was thirteen for Joe’s birthday I have written him a song.” I paused as the audience screamed, “He’s been dropping the most obvious hints all day for me to play him his song or pick up an instrument but I was waiting until tonight. I played the song for the chicken, also known as Emma, who said that it needed to be a full band affair. So, I talked to Nick and Kevin and we wrote the rest of it together.”

“You guys knew!” Joe shouted into the microphone, “You didn’t tell me after I hounded you all day?”

“Sorry bro.” Kevin said patting his shoulder.

I stole a pick from Christa and sent her a wink. She stuck her tongue out at me back making me giggle childishly. “So, Joseph Adam Jonas. Here is your seventh birthday song in honour of your twentieth birthday and it’s called ‘I’m Only Me When I’m With You.’”

I kept my focus on Joe during the song, we went around in a circle looking at each other while I sang. I occasionally looked out into the crowd or around at the other people playing their instruments but mainly I looked at Joe, it was his song.

“Friday night beneath the stars,
in a field behind your yard,
you and I are paintin' pictures in the sky.
And sometimes we don't say a thing;
just listen to the crickets sing.
Everything I need is right here by my side.
And I know everything about you
I don't wanna live without you.

[Chorus:]
I'm only up when you're not down.
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground.
It's like no matter what I do.
Well you drive me crazy half the time;
the other half I'm only trying to let you know that what I feel is true.
And I'm only me when I'm with you.

Just a small town boy and girl
livin' in a crazy world.
Tryin' to figure out what is and isn't true.
And I don't try to hide my tears.
The secrets or my deepest fears.
Through it all nobody gets me like you do.
And you know everything about me.
You say that you can't live without me.

[Chorus]

When I'm with anybody else it's so hard to be myself.
Only you can tell.

[Chorus:]
That I'm only up when you're not down.
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground.
It's like no matter what I do.
Well you drive me crazy half the time;
the other half I'm only trying to let you know that what I feel is true.
And I'm only me
Who I wanna be
Well, I'm only me when I'm with you
With you
Uh huh
Yeah.”

I pushed my guitar around my back to give Joe a tight hug without it getting in the way, I pushed the microphone away from my mouth and whispered, “So did you like it?”

“I loved it, so much. Thank you, I love you.”

I was slightly startled by those words. I gave him a smile then put on my rabbit head/mask and headed off stage with Emma. “Did he just say what the whole crowd thought he said?”

I nodded, still shocked. “They saw?”

“The camera was on you two.” She said regrettably.

I unzipped the back of the rabbit suit, cursing under my breath. He could have told me any other time, on stage? Where everyone could see my reaction? Damn him and his adorable cute, irresistible hugging arms.

Tomorrow was going to be weird and difficult to get through. Joe, Nick and Kevin were all doing a run together, much like Joe’s iWin run. Thousands were expected to show up in Santa Monica to run 5km for either the Special Olympics or the JDRF. I was supposed to run with them and now Joe had basically put us out as a couple.

A talk with him was definitely needed.