Have You Ever Felt Alone In A Crowded Room?

After band practice with the girls I went home, alone. The guys were off somewhere else, and it would be hours before my night shift with John. It’s been awhile since I was alone. I hate being by myself.

It left me too much time to think I keep remembering all the bad things I couldn’t run away from. My scars and mistakes. Dropping out of school when I only had a little time left. Leaving scars I couldn’t get rid of. Ending my life. Making Jacoby miserable.

I’m not sure how we ended up being best friends. Always letting her down with harsh truths about life, about love. How love makes you die...Yet here we were, still holding on to each other.
_______________________________________________________

“I think there’s a guy out there for me.”

We were at The Party then. We were strangers until that night, when we showed up at the same place. I went because I wanted to get away from my parents. She went because she knew who was throwing the party. Yet, we were very alone in that crowded room.

We started talking, like we were long-lost sisters. I don’t know how to explain it, but we connected somehow. We talked about anything and everything, until the night came to an end when we started talking about boys. She was hoping for a dream boy, I was waiting for one to save me, but knew he wouldn’t.

“I don’t know, for me...probably not. I’m not sure I believe in soul mates or the One. It doesn’t seem very realistic.”

“Dahlia, some day you’re gonna meet a boy. And he’ll be perfect for you.”

“Okay, sure. If he could save me from my pessimism, then great. What about you?”

“I don’t know. If he could...love me the way I love him, then I’d be okay.”

I laughed a little and said“Good luck with that. I was raised to believe that every boy you’ll ever meet will break your heart and leave you to die.”

“It can’t always be like that. You know, “For every girl with a broken heart-’’

“Yeah, there’s a boy with a glue gun. Well, any boy who wants to fix my heart’s gonna need more than a glue gun.”

“And someday, he’ll do just that.”

“You think so?”

“Dahlia, I know so.”

Somehow, I kind of believed her...
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There was a knock at my door. A familiar one. And when I opened it, there was Frank, with that adorable smile he always wore.

Oh God, I’m falling hard for this boy...

“What up?”

“We have to go to the animal shelter today!”

I cocked (ha, cock...) My head to the side and went “Huh?”

He went off like a kid on ADD and replied “The other day, you were talking about how you wanted to get Jacoby a puppy dog, and I love dogs, so I could help you pick one out, and maybe get you a cat or something, unless you don’t like cats, but you love animals so it shouldn’t matter and-’’

I grabbed his shoulders and said “Frankie, relax! And take your Ritalin!”

“What if I never took Ritalin?”

“It was just-Never mind. Yes, I was talking about getting Jacoby a puppy. But I don’t know where a nearby animal shelter is.”

Frank calmed down and said “I know where it is, I’ll take you.”

“Okay then. Let’s go.”

When we got to the shelter, I wanted to adopt every animal I saw. They all looked like they needed a good home, but then, a run-down apartment isn’t exactly a good home.

As we looked around, Frank asked “So what kind of dog will you get her?”

“She said a while ago that she wanted a um, “smooshed-faced dong.”

“A Pug?”

“Yeah. But I don’t see one here.”

“What about a small, fluffy dog?”

“I’m not allowed large dogs at my apartment, so yeah, a small dog. Maybe a...”

“An Eskimo dog?”

“Oh, I don’t-“

Frank pointed to the cutest dog I’d ever seen in a cage. The grey Eskimo dog was just a puppy, and wagged her tail when she looked up at us.

A woman from the shelter commented behind us “That puppy came in with us just a few days ago. We found her in an abandoned house. Poor thing. The owner didn’t want her anymore.”

Hey, like my parents...

I asked “Could we...”

“Oh, sure. Hang on.”

The woman took a key off the chain she wore and unlocked the cage. When she picked up the puppy, it scrambled to try and get at us.

“She’s awfully excited today. She’s been looking pretty depressed until you two came along. Are you two, uh...together?”

I’m not exactly sure why she asked, but we both denied it. Still, the thought made me smile a bit.

As we were playing with the puppy, a little black cat with green eyes caught my eye. She was in the cage next to the grey Eskimo puppy.
_____________________________________________________

After I signed a bunch of papers, Frank and I got to take home the puppy he named Snowball and the black cat I named Mage, along with a bunch of pet supplies we got from the shelter. When we got home, Snowball and Mage ran around the apartment.

Frank asked “Is Jacoby coming by any day?”

“I don’t know. I still expect her to stay home with her mother.”

There was an awkward silence, until...

“Dahlia?”

“Yeah?”

“When that woman asked if we were together, and we said no...do you feel sad about that? That we’re not really...together?”

What brought that on? Should I answer him?

I didn’t really know what to say to that. But still, I answered “Do you feel sad about it?”

He didn’t answer either. Instead, he got closer to me, and hugged me. But then he said “Dahlia, you have no idea...”

I asked “About what?”

That you don’t feel the same as I do? I know.

“How much I love you...”

I was caught off guard. Again.

“What?”

He was still holding me when he said again “I love you. I have for...a while.”

“Frankie...I love you, too.”

Maybe I always did.

And the one thing that would make it all perfect didn’t happen. Because there was a knock at the door. Frank let go of me as I looked to see who knocked.

Whoever this is, I hope to God they’re worth answering the door for-

“Jacoby?”

“Hey, Dali. It’s been forever.”

“Too long of an eternity.”