Have You Ever Felt Alone In A Crowded Room?

The night my reason to smile left I cried myself to sleep for the first time since my father’s death. I hadn’t cried so hard since the funeral, and now the one person that knows my whole life story has left and I have no reason to smile. Of course, I’m going to keep on trunkin’ through it all and keep on smiling for her sake. And for my own of course… No need to get depressed when I’m going to be moving in with her after I graduate. Okay! Happy face for Mum and Boyfriend - Who’s - Name - I Don’t - Bother - To Remember - Because - He’ll - Never - Replace - My - Father.

“Jake!” Boyfriend called as soon as he heard me walk down the stairs in my paddock boats.

“Shut up,” I grumbled groggily. I’m not a morning person.

“So, what are your plans for today?” He asked cheerily. He obviously hadn’t gathered that I was in no mood to talk.

“Honey, don’t talk to Jake first thing in the morning… Not until she’s at least finished a cup of coffee,” My mom laughed, saving me from having to speak to the man she’d been dating for over a year. And, yes, I really don’t remember his name… I think it was Todd or something… I don’t really care.

I walked over and I grabbed a coffee cup from the cabinet and proceeded to pour myself a mug of steaming black coffee. I sat down at the counter and grabbed at apple.

“Oh, shit! I’m gonna be late!” I grumbled looking over at the clock before pouring more coffee into a to go mug and ran out the door to my red ‘61 Land Cruiser. It got terrible gas mileage, but it was mine that my father had left me in his will.

Anyway, I was late to the farm that I worked at. I didn’t even bother to take the day off knowing that I’d be miserable not having Dahlia to come by with my lunch. Speaking of which… I’m not going to have any lunch today… Oh well…

“Jake! You’re late!” Carrie, my boss, yelled at me as soon as I got out of my car.

“I know! I know! I’m sorry. I had a rough night last night,” I sighed.

“It’s okay. Just start working,” She sighed draping an arm over my shoulders and leading me into the barn.

The barn that I worked in was an overly snazzy place. All the girls that road there had money and weren’t afraid to flaunt it. I, on the other hand, had to work for my lessons and could barely afford to buy a new pair of boots when mine were falling apart.

“RYRY!!” My overly - gay, other bestie shouted upon seeing me in the tack room.

“Hey, Danny,” I grumbled.

“Rough night?”

“Yeah… She left…” I said with tears threatening to fall from my eyes.

“Honey, the first break up is always the hardest,” He said hugging me tightly to himself.

I pulled away giggling slightly. “That’s not what I meant… My Dali Llama left to Jersey!”

“Dahlia left to go to Jersey? Why the hell would she do that?!”

“Great music scene… Not for the poppy stuff that we listen to… For the more hardcore punky stuff that you aren’t really into,” I sighed shaking my head. I wasn’t about to tell him the other, more important reasons that she left. He was to much of a gossip…

“CASH! STOP TALKING AND START WORKING!” One of the bitches of the barn shouted at me. I hate it when they call me by my last name… They sneer it, like ‘haha, I’ve got more cash than you.’ I really don’t like them…

“Bitches,” I mumbled before grabbing the tack of one of the more rambunctious horses.

I quickly walked over and tacked him up after a quick brushing and hoof cleaning.

I loved getting up on the back of a horse I knew that most people would be afraid to ride. It just gave you that rush of excitement that you were doing something that you shouldn’t be.

“JAKE!” Carrie, the owner of the barn, called out to me as I was cooling Whistler down.

“Ma’am?” I called back, pulling him to a stop by the rail.

“You looked good up there today. There’s a show coming up pretty soon if you want to show him…” She said in a tone that meant if I didn’t show him then I was an absolute idiot.

“You think he’s ready?” I asked, excitement lacing each word making the sentence come out almost as a squeal.

“As long as you’re riding him he’s good as gold!”

“Thanks. I’ll ask my mom what we’ve got planned this weekend,” I said, jumping off and giving Whistler a pat on the neck.

After un-tacking Whistler, I set to work cleaning out the barn. After I was done it was feeding time so a few other stable hands and I brought all the horses in to be giving their grain and a once over to make sure they didn’t have any cuts or swelling going on. After all the horses were done eating we brought them back out and I cleaned the stalls out again.

“JAKE!!” My mom shouted as soon as I walked into our home.

“Yeah, Mum?” I asked, walking into the kitchen where she was sitting on the counter. A pot of water boiling across from her.

“I got a call from Carrie today…” She said. It made me think that I had made a mistake and she had called my mom to say I was fired… Instead of just telling me…

I looked up. “Yeah?”

“She told me there was a show coming up and that you were doing really well on one of the horses and she wanted you to show him.”

“Yeah… She told me that too… I don’t think I’m going to, though.”

“Why not?”

“Because, I don’t have the right clothes anymore, and I don’t have enough money to pay for trainer fees/ trailering fees/ and the class fees,” I sighed, jumping up on the counter next to her.

“Jake, if that’s all you’re worried about then I’d gladly pay to get you what you need…” Boyfriend told me.

“I couldn’t let you do that. I mean, I need new field boots, a new jacket, new shirt. I may even need new breeches. Just all that could end up being well over a thousand dollars. I mean I could get it on consignment, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to find boots the right size…” I started babbling.

“I’ve got the money, and I’m not spending it on anything,” Boyfriend cut me off.

“Ted, I couldn’t let you pay for my daughters things like that!” Mom told him.

“Honey, I don’t have kids of my own to spend it on, and from what you’ve told me, Jake could do amazing things if she had the resources. I’ll give her the resources if she wants them,” He said soothingly to my mother.

“Ted, really, I don’t want you to pay for all the stuff for me…” I sighed, jumping off the counter and pouring the box of fettuccini into the boiling water.

“Well, how about you pay for your trainer and trailering fees and all that stuff and I’ll pay for your clothes. I mean you’re only going to need to buy them once. It won’t be a big deal.”

I turned around to look at him. “You’d really do that for me?”

“Of course!”

“No joke?”

“None.”

“You’re amazing!” I giggled hugging him. He was the first one of my mom’s boyfriends that I’d ever hugged. He was also the nicest. If I had to pick someone other than my father for my mom, I’d pick him. Maybe one day I’ll tell him that… Only if he doesn’t break her heart.

“Can you take off work tomorrow?” He asked, while I stirred the pasta.

“Umm… I’m not really sure…” I looked over at Mom.

“I can call Carrie and tell her that you fell down the stairs again,” She laughed. What? I fall down the stairs a lot… Leave me be!

“Well, I need to go see if Dahlia has emailed me or anything…” I sighed after stuffing my face.

“Have fun, sweetie,” Mom laughed, taking the dished into the kitchen with Ted. I’m glad to know that his name it Ted now… I should remember that…

I turned my computer on and opened up the internet to check my mail. I turned on some music while I waited for it to load. My shuffle (and taste in music) being the weird thing that it is, the first thing that came on was Move Along by The All-American Rejects. So many memories… I laughed and pulled the internet back up and checked my mail. As I had hoped there was one from Dahlia.

HEY!

Just emailing to tell you that I’m here and not dead… yet… and that was a joke. I’m not going to die don’t worry about a thing! Haha anywho… How are things out there? Boring as hell without me? Haha… How’d Danny take the news? I’m sure he’ll be fine though… I’m kinda lonely out here by myself… I’m excited that there are a few shows coming up though… Who knows… I may run into our favorite band at one of them… OOO! Haha

XOXO,
Dahlia

I laughed at her randomness and clicked the little reply button…

If you do meet them… Seriously… tell them that I think they’re the most amazing thing that’s ever happened to music… Besides The Who… and The Eagles… and… Okay so the list could go on for a while… But you get the picture right? Right… Okay! So, today, Carrie told me that she wanted me to ride Whistler in a show this weekend… I said that I’d think about it and mom said that I had to and her boyfriend said that he’d pay for all my new clothes that I need… It should be an interesting shopping trip tomorrow… Haha… Anywho… when I come live with you can we get a dog? PLEEEEEEEEASE!?!?! I’ll beg and you know it… Haha

Love ya like no otter!
Jakey Poo!!!

I hit the send button and walked back downstairs for some ice cream… And you know what I did? I fell down them…