Have You Ever Felt Alone In A Crowded Room?

first thing in the morning, my alarm wakes me up with The Cure's "Friday I'm In Love." It was going to be a fantastic day. Work would suck for a while, but then in the evening I get to go see My Chem for the first time!

I'm usually not this happy, or even energetic. It's probably because I've been so close to Jacoby. At least she hasn't picked up on my pessimism.

I still wish Jacoby was here with me...

When I get to work, not even John's asshole attitude could mess with me.

"Why are you so happy?"

"Because..."

"What, you get to see your favorite person tonight?"

Sort of...

"I'm going to a concert tonight. Not that you'd care or anything."

He added sarcastically "Well sorry, I was hoping to see 'Miss Emo-who-slits-her-wrists' today, but guess not."

Now that brought back lovely memories. But I didn't let him know it bothered me. The last thing I need to do is break down in front of someone I don't give a shit about and tell them my pathetic life story.

Whore. Loser. Pathetic cutter. Go die.

But I calmed down. I kept it together. I didn't think about it, and eventually that lump in my throat went away.

I need to smile. For her...
____________________________________________________

I don't need to explain work details. It was boring, end of story. Now I get to go to my concert! It would have been way more fun with Jacoby. I remember the very first concert we went to.

After she introduced me to The Fray, she took me to go see them. That was one of the few times I felt...I don't know, content? It wasn't exactly happy, but it was a better feeling than misery or pain.

This time, I felt happy at the My Chem concert. Not only did I have the opportunity to talk to Frank for a bit, he knows my name and he seemed to like me a lot. But what am I thinking? I'm really no one compared to him. He's probably already forgotten me.

I had loads of fun at the show, up until I decided "Hey, why not go in the mosh pit for the first time?" Huge mistake. I didn't hit anybody, but someone hit me hard in the head. Could've been someone's foot. I was knocked out cold. When I woke up though, I could barely believe what was going on.

"Is she dead?"

"Mikey, you're a dumbass. If she was dead, she wouldn't be moving or breathing."

"No, there was just a lot of blood. I think she's okay."

I opened my eyes and Frank was sitting beside me. I was surrounded by Mikey, Ray, Bob, and Gerard too. I was on a couch, I wasn't sure where, but I still couldn't believe it.

"Um, what happened exactly?"

Gerard answered "Someone hit you pretty hard over the head. Frank saw you go down and went after you. He carried you here."

I was in his arms? And I didn't even know it?

"Um, thanks, but why did you even bother?"

"You were bleeding a lot, and I wanted to help you. I don't let friends down."

I'm...a friend?

"I didn't think you'd care to remember me, much less call me a friend."

"How could I forget a purple-haired girl named Dahlia?"

I'm surprised I can still function.

"It was fantastic to meet you all, and great show, but I've got to go home."

"Well, let us give you a ride back. You know, in case you fall or something."

"That would be nice, but I don't want to trouble you any farther."

"Not, it's alright. Let us."
______________________________________________

Nearly halfway home did I just accept that it was reality. But this kind of stuff doesn't happen in real life. It's what happens in stories and fan fictions. When I went to get out of the car, Frank came up to my door with me. It was at that moment I felt weird, like butterflies in your stomach.

"Thanks again, for everything."

"I just want to make sure you're safe. You alright now?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Look, I didn't want to ask you in front of the guys or anything, but I wanted to know what happened to your arms?"

"What?"

"The scars on your arms."

"Oh..."

My gloves must have unlaced and come off when I was in the most pit. Fantastic...

"Okay, a few years ago, I used to...hurt myself. I know now it's stupid and life threatening, but back then I didn't know what else to do and I didn't care. This was before I met my best friend Jacoby, and she helped me though it. But now I've got these scars that won't go away."

And then I felt those painful tears well up in my eyes. This was the worst time to fall apart. But I kept them from falling. It's bad enough if Jacoby could see me cry, but the worst is the person I've looked up to for years.

"At least you don't do it anymore. Sorry I asked, I was just curious."

"It's okay."

"Why did you...hurt yourself?"

"I used to get picked on, beaten up a few times, because I'm different. My parents didn't help at all. They didn't like the way I was either. But Jacoby...she didn't give a fuck who I was. She was one of the few who didn't care. That's why we're so close."

"What happened to her?"

"We still talk, sort of. Through email. I dropped out of my senior year and moved here to start over again, but I left her behind. We promised we'd see each other again, after she graduated."

It became quiet between us, like he was letting everything he heard sink in. I still had butterflies in my stomach, he was so close to me. I felt like a 13 year-old who had a crush on someone. Only, I don't know if it's a crush or...

"Dahlia?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you keep a promise for me?"

"Um...okay, what?"

"Can you promise...to smile a little more, for me? You seem like the kind of person who doesn't have a lot to be happy about."

I smiled, like I promised, and said "I can keep that promise."

"Okay then. I think I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Here?"

"Yeah, and I'll bring the guys over. We're gonna help you out, like Jacoby did for you."

I hugged him after that. I wasn't going to, but I did. He hugged me back, and it felt awesome.

"I'll..I'll see you tomorrow then."

"When I got inside, a smile crept up on me and it stayed there until I fell asleep. But as usual before bed, I had to check my email for Jacoby. And like every other night, there was a message for me from her.

YO!

How’s life!? How was the concert!?! Uh… DID YOU TELL FRANK THAT I LOVE HIM!!! Even though I don’t love him like that… haha Hum… I think we shall get a smoosh faced dog and name is Sampson… Or, if it’s a girl puppy… Poppy! Haha What do you think? I LIKE IT!!! WOOO!!!! No, before you say something, I’m not hyper… I’m just tired and rambling about absolutely nothing… I mean I just had a conversation with myself about how fun babbling is to say… Yeah, it’s true. I did… ARG! I’m going nuts without you here… BUT! I GOTSEDED ALL MY CLOTHES FOR THE SHOW!! The day wasn’t as eventful as I would have thought… It kinda made me sad… hehe SOOOO! Again… tell me how life is! OOO I THINK I’M GOING TO GET A NEW DRUMSET!!! And keyboards and such… Ted is actually really, really nice… We got to talking about music and stuff and Mom told him that I played a bunch of instruments and he was all like I’LL GET YOU NEW EQUIPMENT! It was odd… but whatthefuckever… Hehe So, the band thing may no longer be a no go but a I NEED TO HURRY THE FUCK UP AND FINISH HIGH SCHOOL SO THAT IT CAN BE A GO! Haha

I’ll stop rambling now and let you sleep… hehe

Wov you like no otter!!
Jakey Poo!

She's so funny and random...I reply:

Life is okay right now. The concert was great, but I was only conscious for half of it. (And no, I did not tell him you love him. It's kind of hard to talk when you're out cold.)

Aww, that sounds adorable. I love it. And good for you, you're all ready for your horse show. Hey, if you're getting band equipment, bring it with you when you come over. We could start a band, cause I still don't know anyone out here who could play.

Oh, his name is Ted? Wow, took me a while to get that. I thought it was Tim for some reason...He looks like a Tim...

During the concert, someone hit in me in the head and knocked me out in the middle of it while I was in the mosh pit. But when I woke up, Frank was there beside me with everyone else! I couldn't believe it. He was the one that helped me out of the most pit when I was unconscious. I thanked him a thousand times, and the guys gave me a ride home. But then before I got in, Frank sort of asked for the whole story about the scars on my arms, and I told him. He understood everything, and he told me to promise him to smile more, and that he'd help me do just that. I hugged him goodnight and functioned fine this time. I wish you could have been there though. Bob would have loved you :D

XOXO,
Dahlia