I Won't Say It

“I just can’t say it,” Frank muttered to himself. Frank Anthony Iero, better known as Frankie, was struggling to say that famous ‘L,’ word to his long time boyfriend Gerard Way. Deep down inside he kept denying that he was in love with Gerard. Frank fell onto his bed.

“I won’t say it. I don’t care how much I feel it I won’t say it. I will not say it,” he spoke into his mattress. Frank rolled over on his back and stared at his plain white ceiling. “I’ll say it if he says it first,” Frank decided.

Frank didn’t know why he couldn’t tell Gerard he loved him. It just wouldn’t escape his mouth. He had never felt something so deep for another person before either, so he was sure it was love. He was positive it was. Sure, Frank had told people that he loved them before, but it didn’t carry the same feelings it did for Gerard. No one was like Gerard.

Gerard was an artist, a painter, who met Frank when he was looking for a male to paint. He had raven hair that stopped an inch below his ears. His skin was a smooth, pale white. He appeared to never tan. Frank also loved his eyes. They were hazel with flecks of green. Frank could still remember the day he met Gerard too.

Frank walked into the local coffee shop to get his daily espresso. That’s all he would drink besides water and the occasional Coca Cola. He walked up to the counter and ordered. What he didn’t know was that Gerard was watching him from a not so far away table.

Gerard was sipping on his coffee, studying Frank’s frame. Frank may have been a little shorter than he wanted, but he knew Frank would be a good model for him. He watched as Frank paid for his caffeinated drink and took his first sip.

Frank felt eyes on him. He glanced up to see Gerard studying him. Frank first saw Gerard’s eyes and felt a blush overcome his face. He quickly looked back down and started walking toward the door. Gerard got up from his seat slowly and began to follow Frank.

Gerard didn’t want to come off as some creep, but he just had to talk to Frank. He didn’t care if it was about the most pointless thing in history. He wanted to speak to Frank badly. Gerard quietly followed Frank as he walked out of the coffee shop and down the street.

Frank knew Gerard was following him. Thinking Gerard was some sort of creep, Frank picked up the pace in his walking. He was now downing his espresso in the hopes it would give him a caffeine boost to walk faster. Frank was starting to worry.

Gerard sped up to try to catch up with Frank. He simply wanted to talk to him. Gerard watched as the little Frank walked quickly to get away from him. This didn’t deter Gerard though. Frank would have to stop eventually because there was an upcoming crosswalk with cars whizzing through it currently.

Frank looked at the crosswalk and panicked. There was no escaping him was there? Frank came up to the crosswalk and stopped. That’s when Gerard stood behind him. It was only him and Gerard now. Frank prepped himself to kick Gerard in the crotch. Turning around, Frank lifted his leg to kick. Gerard opened his mouth to talk.

“H-hi. Fucking Jesus Christ! What the hell?” Gerard asked, grabbing his crotch in pain. Frank smiled as he brought his leg down to the ground again.

“Hope you’re happy creep,” Frank said, doubling over in laughter.

Gerard gritted his teeth. “I’m not a creep,” he said, letting go of his still aching crotch. “I just wanted to talk to you.”

Frank stopped laughing and instantly felt bad. “Oh, sorry,” he said, looking down and blushing. Frank felt like a complete idiot now. He kicked some guy in the balls and the guy happened to be good looking.

“Yeah, my name’s Gerard,” Gerard said, extending his hand for Frank to shake. Frank gladly took it.

“The name’s Frank. Nice to meet you, Gerard,” Frank smiled. How he could mistake this gorgeous man for a creep he didn’t know. Yet, what Frank did know that this man seemed to be his dream guy.

Frank was snapped out of his reverie when he felt his cell phone vibrate. He pulled the small, white device from his right pants pocket and saw that it was Gerard calling. He flipped it open and put it on speaker.

“Hey baby,” Gerard’s smooth voice said. Frank instantly smiled.

“Hey darling,” Frank said. He sat up on his bed and grabbed his pillow. He always acted like a teenage girl while on the phone with Gerard.

“I was wondering if you could drop by the studio. I need your very nice body to pose for me. Also I haven’t seen your cute little ass in days,” Gerard spoke.

Frank giggled. “Alright Gee, I’ll drop by. Do I need to wear something special?”

“You can come naked if you like. That would actually be perfect.”

“Gee, you know I can’t do that. People will see my dangly bits. I don’t want to share that with people,” Frank said, blushing.

“That’s too bad. I’ll still be waiting for you though. Bye.”

“I’ll see you in ten minutes then. Bye baby,” Frank spoke. He flipped his phone shut and got out of bed. Frank quickly slipped on some shoes. He was out of his room in a flash, grabbing his keys and wallet to stuff them in his pockets. Walking the somewhat quiet streets of Belleville, Frank thought about the first time he posed for Gerard. Boy, was it a very revealing day.

Frank was walking down Washington Avenue; it was the main avenue for Belleville. He had only met Gerard a week ago and was now headed to his art studio. Frank had finally figured out that Gerard was a painter not a creep. Yet, that didn’t allow for Frank to let his guard down.

He reached the doors to the building where the studio was located. Frank pressed the buzzer at the door. He hoped he was at the right address.

“Hello?” Frank heard Gerard’s voice ask through the speaker.

“It’s Frank. Can you let me in?”

“Sure,” Gerard’s voice said. The buzzer went off on the door and Frank entered the building.

Frank climbed, what seemed to be, an endless amount of stairs before reaching the door of the studio. He was out of breath and panting slightly. Frank picked up his hand tiredly and knocked on the door. He was bent over at the knees, tired.

The door opened and Gerard saw the tired Frank. He stood Frank straight up and brought him inside. “You alright there, Frankie?” Gerard asked sitting him down on the couch.

Frank looked up. “So many fucking stairs and with a smoker’s lungs, I feel like I’m dyin’ here.”

Gerard chuckled. “It is a pretty intense climb. I will admit to that. Do you want me to get you something to drink?”

“Water would be nice. Thank you,” Frank said. He was thrilled that Gerard showed hospitality. Gerard passed him an ice cold bottle of water. Frank opened it up and chugged it down.

“Boy you were thirsty. Well, no worries. Your job today doesn’t involve stairs. You just have to sit, actually,” Gerard spoke.

“Alright let’s get started then. I mean sitting can’t be that bad, right?” Frank asked.

Gerard then blushed. “Umm, I guess I never told you this, but you have to pose nude.”

Frank’s eyes became the size of saucers. “N-nude? Like naked?”

Gerard nodded. “Gosh, please don’t think I’m a freak. It’s really just for art.” Gerard began to fidget.

Frank sighed. “I guess I just have to do it.”

Gerard smiled, “Really?” Frank nodded.

Frank was now seated on a black leather armchair. His legs were wide open and he was of course naked. He was also feeling quite cold and self conscious. Frank leaned back in his seat while Gerard was gathering his paint.

“Are you cold or anything? This is like your last chance to tell me and to move. I could turn the heat on,” Gerard spoke, turning around to look at Frank. He blushed furiously. Never had Gerard painted such a beautiful man.

“I am a little cold actually. The heat would be nice,” Frank said, rubbing his arms. He watched as Gerard walked over to the thermostat and turned on the heat. Frank was glad that Gerard was so hospitable.

Gerard walked back over to where Frank was and shut his eyes, tight. He then hoped he was facing Frank. “I’m going to start painting now,” Gerard said awkwardly. Frank only giggled.

Frank pulled out a set of keys from his pocket. He now had keys to get into the building where Gerard’s studio was located. Frank posed for him that much. He walked inside of the building and started to walk up the many stairs to reach the studio. Frank was used to them now.

Gerard was upstairs eagerly awaiting Frank. He really didn’t need him to pose today. Gerard had other intentions. He actually wanted to profess his love to Frank and thought, why not do it in the studio? It was where they first kissed, hugged, saw each other nude, and had sex.

Gerard could hear Frank coming up the stairs and was getting even more anxious than usual. He then heard Frank knock on the door. Gerard hurried to open it.

“Hey baby,” Frank said, kissing Gerard. “What pose am I doing for you today?”

“Hey Frankie,” Gerard said, pulling Frank inside by the hand. “I don’t know what pose I want you to do for me, actually. I really wanted to see you though.” Gerard pulled Frank to the couch and sat Frank in his lap. Frank buried his head into Gerard’s neck.

“You don’t have to pretend that you need me to pose to see me, Gee. You know I’ll come see you anytime,” Frank said.

“I know Frankie, I know. I just wanted you to come here. We always have the best times here. I also have two things I want to say.”

Frank’s ears perked up. He was getting nervous at the sound of Gerard’s voice. He prayed to god that he wasn’t breaking up with him. “What are those things?” Frank asked quietly.

“First, I want to know if you would like to live with me. I mean we’ve been together forever and I don’t think I can have you living so far away from me,” Gerard said, blushing soon after.

“Gee, that would be great! I could wake up with you and make us waffles. Well, burnt waffles, but they’ll be waffles! We can drink our coffee together, shower together, eat together, watch television together, and just do everything together,” Frank ranted happily.

“I’m glad you’re very happy about living together and now to my second thing. I’ve been waiting to say this for a while now. I’ve been too afraid to say it, but I know you must feel the same way,” Gerard spoke, playing with his fingers nervously.

“What is it Gee?” Frank asked, looking up at his boyfriend.

Gerard took a deep breath before he spoke. “I l-love you,” he stuttered. “I love you so much, Frankie.”

Frank felt his insides melt. He was sure he was now a puddle on Gerard’s floor. “Oh Gerard, I love you too. I’ve loved you. I was just too scared to say it.” Frank pecked Gerard’s cheek.

“I think I have the perfect pose, but not for a painting. I think this would work perfectly for a photograph,” Gerard said, pulling out a digital camera. “It can hang in the living room. Now pucker up lover boy.” Gerard pressed his lips to Frank’s and took a picture.