This town wasn't made for two

The moonlight streamed pleasantly into the windows of the car, highlighting her face in an angelic like glow. She looked innocent while she was asleep. Possibly the only time she looked innocent was when she was asleep.

She had never been innocent.

In certain moments like this, when she was asleep and I was driving and could feel alone, I wondered what things would’ve turned out like if we had stayed home and just faced up to whatever consequences we had.

I wondered if things would’ve been better that way, and if we could’ve just moved on from each other.

But then I look back to her shining face, or she wakes up and smiles sleepily at me, and I realize that would’ve been a worse fate than what we face now.

I know I’ve never wanted anyone but her, and that she didn’t feel that way about me, and I was fine with it.

But now that it feels like it’s just us, no one else, everything felt...different somehow.

Like I had a chance.

I know it would never be normal, like I wanted.

I’d never get to share some things with her that I wanted too.

I wouldn’t be able to marry her, and live with her, unless of course we fessed up and served our time, which I know wasn’t an option to her. To her that’d be giving up.

So just knowing she loved me back, after all these years, could maybe, just maybe, make up for everything we’d never have.

~
It was hard to look at him now and not feel guilt, regret, and sadness.

Months we had been gone.

Months I’ve made him miss out on.

Months we’d never get back.

He didn’t deserve this, and I knew it.

I wish I could’ve sent him home, back to his big wonderful family, safe and happy and unharmed. And driven off by myself.

Maybe then I wouldn’t feel like horrible.

I knew it was pure selfishness I wanted him here.

I loved him, and needed him.

I didn’t want to do this without him by my side.

My pathetic, selfish side.

Two months we were in Virginia.

We were cold, tired, from lack of sleep, from driving, from stealing, robbing old men and women, young girls and boys our age trying to pay for college, from keeping things from each other.

We pulled the car into a parking lot of a cozy looking motel.

Checked in under the names Amanda and Jackson Daniels. Newlyweds fresh out of App. State. On our way to visit his parents to announce that I was 8 weeks pregnant. Not quite showing yet.

The old woman working the counter patted my non-existent baby bump, smiled and congratulated us before handing us our key.

I wanted to be sick.

I threw up once we got to our room and lay down on the queen bed and cried.

Brendon lifted me up some while he pulled back the covers and sheets before pulling off my shoes and crawling into the bed with me.

He turned off the lamp and wrapped his arms around me and let me cry into his chest without saying a word in the darkness.

A few strands of moonlight streamed into the room showing parts of Brendon’s face in an angelic blue-white haze.

~
He wiped her face clean of the tears that stained her perfect face before kissing her softly. Something in her chest fluttered.

“Why? How can you even stand to be around me after what I’ve put you through?” She whispered softly.

“I never minded. I just wanted to be with you. No matter what, I knew I’d always stick with you.” He replied, brushing some hair back from her face.

“It was always you. Never anyone else.” He finished truthfully. His blood felt hot under his skin.

She swallowed the urge to cry again.

“I love you, you know.” She whispered breathily in the darkness.

The words tingled on her tongue as she said them to the dark figure lying so near to her.

“I love you too.” He answered, his eyes fluttering shut as he said them.

“I’ve never been surer about anything I’ve ever said until that just now, and I wish that we could be them, that couple Amanda and Jackson. Married, happy, carefree. I wish I could give you that.” He whispered, his throat tightening and words catching in his throat.

He kissed her again, longer this time.

She took in a shaky breath and intertwined their fingers.

“You know that I’m a virgin.” She whispered to him, her voice shaking slightly.

“And I am too.” He replied, taking her face in his hands and running his thumbs across her damp cheeks.

“Can we? Just tonight?” She asked, her eyes pleading.

“I wouldn’t want to with anyone but you.” He told her, kissing her trembling lips softly.