For Better or for Worse
Losing My Cool
DIE’S POV:
“Kanon? Are you still out there?” Aie’s desperate voice echoes outside. Part of me hopes he is, just to make her smile, yet another part of me hopes that screech of the tires belongs to him. Glancing out the window and away from my show, I study her tiny form, hunched over in worry as she clutches something yellow to her bulging stomach. The sound of a car door slamming catches her attention, and instantly her entire appearance livens, tears streaming down her endlessly smiling face. I wish I could have made her smile like that, but wishes are only that. Wishes. The moment I see him, I grit my teeth, and when she disappears into his car with him, I snarl, flipping off the television and disappearing to my room. It’s times like these I wish I could just slash all the pain away like Kyo. But I couldn’t do that…It wouldn’t make Aie happy. Collapsing into my bed, I inhale her tender scent letting euphoria take over.
“Dude? You’re having a baby?!” Kaoru gawks, wide-eyed.
“Yep!” I grin nodding my head like a bobble doll. I’ve never been happier.
“Well congrats then, judging by your dumbass smile.”
“You’re just jealous.”
“Please.” He rolls his eyes, turning to hunt through the storage room. “Anyway, how far along is she?”
“Mm…not very long. Less than a month. Still no weird cravings or mood swings at least!” I laugh, flopping down into a nearby chair, only to have my guitar thrust into my face. “You don’t lay off, do you?” I pout taking the instrument.
“You’re gonna have to start cracking down, you are going to be raising a family after all.” He smirks, moving to the door as a knock sounds, indicating that the rest of the band has arrived. Unfortunately, Kaoru beats me to the punch, telling them the news before me, but who cares. He’s leader-sama after all.
“No way! Bad move dude!!! Now no more late night fangirl excursions! You’re all tied down!!!” Toshiya scolds, but I only shrug.
“I don’t mind…I want to be with her.”
“With who?” That familiar, taunting voice sounds. I notice her form hidden behind Shinya.
“With this sexy beast of a man!” I grunt, pulling Shinya into a bear hug and grinding my knuckles against his head, resulting in a whining drummer. She only rolls her eyes, stepping closer to me the second my arms are free.
“I didn’t know you went that way. How’d this happen?” She giggles stroking her flat stomach where our baby grows.
“It can still happen.” I smirk, pulling her against me quickly and pressing my lips to hers. “Besides, you’re much sexier.” I whisper into her ears, making her laugh.
“Hey, what are you naming it?!” Toshiya chimes in.
“Dude, I just found out. There’s been no talk of baby naming yet!” She tuts, shaking her long, jet black mane.
“I’m calling Ellie if it’s a girl!” I beam, flinging my arms around her shoulders again.
“Ellie?” She cocks her head to the side, a gesture I’ve come to know as N.O., “I like it.” A smile tugs at her pink lips, and I smile pressing mine to hers again.
“What if it’s a boy?” I mutter, still kissing her soundly.
“…She’s not.” She grins after pausing.
“How do you…”
“A mother just knows.” She giggles, holding me tighter.
“Ellie it is.” I smile.
God damn memories.
XOXOXOX
AIE’S POV:
“I’m still scared out of my mind, but I want to be there for you. I can’t live a life without you Aie.”
“Kanon.” I exhale taking in his sad eyes and giving in to them. He pulls me close, wrapping me in a tender embrace. We’re back at his home in the bedroom…when was the last time I was here? I glance around his shoulder, since I’m too short to see over, only to find my side of the bed the same way I left it. Everything’s the same… “Haven’t you cleaned at all?” I giggle taking into account all the dust.
“I was never much of a cleaner.” He settles with, pulling away from me after a moment’s hesitation.
“That’s true.” I chuckle nervously feeling the awkward silence settling in.
“…Want to go somewhere? Out to eat or something? I’ve got a few hours left here…”
“I can’t believe you’re leaving.” I whimper, eyes falling to the floor. It’s not as if he hasn’t been here all along…he’s had plenty of chances to do this, but I want to believe he’s changing.
“We can always just sit here and talk, take it from there you know.” He mutters, shuffling to the bed and pulling aside the untouched covers. How many times have I seen him do this? Now, it seems so foreign.
“Will it ever go back to the way it was?” I whisper. His thoughtful eyes meet my own as he beckons me to his side.
“I hope it can…” I shiver as his warm fingers trail over my cheek and down my neck, lost in his deep eyes. I miss his touch and that far off gaze. I miss the way he whispers to me at night and the pointless conversations we carried on. I miss having him hold me as I drift off to sleep. But most of all…I miss him.
“I love you.” I quiver under his touch and that gaze, tears forming for no reason. His face softens and a smile forms upon his delicate features.
“I’ve never stopped loving you Aie. You’re always going to be my ai.” I let myself gasp at the use of my nickname, tears dripping down my face. Before I can pull away to make myself presentable, he clamps his mouth to mine in the most passionate of kisses. His chilling lip rings slip over my tongue as I taste their metallic luster. I’ve forgotten what this was like. His teeth nipping at my lips tenderly, tongue caressing mine, exploring wherever the other wishes. I don’t even notice myself being pressed until the forgotten silk of his sheets swim around me. And where else would one spend their last few hours with the only individual they love? I don’t regret any of it. I’ve needed his touch for far too long, the feeling of him invading and filling me, even the screams ripping from my unused lungs. I needed him all along.
“…God I didn’t mean to get so carried away.” He pants, breathless and husky beside me. Still on cloud nine, I only watch his lean body rise and fall in tune with my own. His lazy eyes settle on my exposed and swollen chest, pink with his kisses and bites. He lets his gaze fall to my stomach, engorged and round with his child. Unexpectedly, his fingers trail over my belly in a thoughtful manner before resting his palm flat. That’s when I feel it, like butterflies fluttering inside.
“It’s kicking.” We whisper in unison, stunned and wide eyed. I’m speechless, as is he. There are no words to describe the feeling. Just absolute ecstasy. His free arm glides under me, pulling my limp body to his own as his lips travel across my forehead. Like I said…speechless.
XOXOXOX
DIE’S POV:
On the bright side…he’s gone. The not so bright? Aie’s an emotional train wreck, and of course I don’t have the first clue on how to help.
“Do you think he’ll come back Die? He didn’t just say all that to make me weak?” She cries, pacing around the livingroom. I sigh, running my fingers through my hair, now black.
“Aie, please sit down. You’re going to drop that kid now if you continue to worry yourself, and the brewin’s not complete.” I grunt, pulling her onto my lap when she refuses to comply.
“But!”
“Look, honestly, I don’t know. You know the father of that kid far more than I do Aie. Maybe if you don’t know the answer…ugh, nevermind.”
“Nevermind what?”
“No. It’s stupid.” I exhale, moving her to the cushions and trying to stand, to no avail. She’s got me held tight.
“Please Die? You’re my best friend!” Ouch, talk about a low blow. Huffing, I meet her eyes only to shake my head.
“Maybe if you don’t know the answer…maybe it was a mistake Aie.” She stares wide eyed as I watch her. Her lips pull into a narrow line before hiding that face behind layers of thick blonde hair. “Aie…please don’t do this to me. That’s just my opinion. This is all about you Aie. It’s your kid. You have the right to choose what to do. Kanon…I don’t know how he thinks…I’m sorry, I just don’t like him. There’s just something about him.” She throws a glare at me, popping onto her heels before I grab her arms. “Don’t get pissed just cause I don’t like someone Aie!”
“That someone is the father of my baby!” She snaps.
“Like I give a fuck? That title means nothing! Just some guy who knocked you up!” I growl, angered by her protecting the man who made her cry every night in my arms.
“You’re an asshole!” She shrieks, shoving me away and storming to the bedroom. I follow in fury.
“And you’re blind! That man’s no good! He’s just going to make you miserable!”
“Says you!”
“And I’m the one you cry to every night! I’ve taken care of you and your baby! I’m the one who fucking loves you Aie!” She stops dead in her tracks, her head never turning to meet mine. You see why I hate losing my cool? It lets things slip.
“Kanon? Are you still out there?” Aie’s desperate voice echoes outside. Part of me hopes he is, just to make her smile, yet another part of me hopes that screech of the tires belongs to him. Glancing out the window and away from my show, I study her tiny form, hunched over in worry as she clutches something yellow to her bulging stomach. The sound of a car door slamming catches her attention, and instantly her entire appearance livens, tears streaming down her endlessly smiling face. I wish I could have made her smile like that, but wishes are only that. Wishes. The moment I see him, I grit my teeth, and when she disappears into his car with him, I snarl, flipping off the television and disappearing to my room. It’s times like these I wish I could just slash all the pain away like Kyo. But I couldn’t do that…It wouldn’t make Aie happy. Collapsing into my bed, I inhale her tender scent letting euphoria take over.
“Dude? You’re having a baby?!” Kaoru gawks, wide-eyed.
“Yep!” I grin nodding my head like a bobble doll. I’ve never been happier.
“Well congrats then, judging by your dumbass smile.”
“You’re just jealous.”
“Please.” He rolls his eyes, turning to hunt through the storage room. “Anyway, how far along is she?”
“Mm…not very long. Less than a month. Still no weird cravings or mood swings at least!” I laugh, flopping down into a nearby chair, only to have my guitar thrust into my face. “You don’t lay off, do you?” I pout taking the instrument.
“You’re gonna have to start cracking down, you are going to be raising a family after all.” He smirks, moving to the door as a knock sounds, indicating that the rest of the band has arrived. Unfortunately, Kaoru beats me to the punch, telling them the news before me, but who cares. He’s leader-sama after all.
“No way! Bad move dude!!! Now no more late night fangirl excursions! You’re all tied down!!!” Toshiya scolds, but I only shrug.
“I don’t mind…I want to be with her.”
“With who?” That familiar, taunting voice sounds. I notice her form hidden behind Shinya.
“With this sexy beast of a man!” I grunt, pulling Shinya into a bear hug and grinding my knuckles against his head, resulting in a whining drummer. She only rolls her eyes, stepping closer to me the second my arms are free.
“I didn’t know you went that way. How’d this happen?” She giggles stroking her flat stomach where our baby grows.
“It can still happen.” I smirk, pulling her against me quickly and pressing my lips to hers. “Besides, you’re much sexier.” I whisper into her ears, making her laugh.
“Hey, what are you naming it?!” Toshiya chimes in.
“Dude, I just found out. There’s been no talk of baby naming yet!” She tuts, shaking her long, jet black mane.
“I’m calling Ellie if it’s a girl!” I beam, flinging my arms around her shoulders again.
“Ellie?” She cocks her head to the side, a gesture I’ve come to know as N.O., “I like it.” A smile tugs at her pink lips, and I smile pressing mine to hers again.
“What if it’s a boy?” I mutter, still kissing her soundly.
“…She’s not.” She grins after pausing.
“How do you…”
“A mother just knows.” She giggles, holding me tighter.
“Ellie it is.” I smile.
God damn memories.
XOXOXOX
AIE’S POV:
“I’m still scared out of my mind, but I want to be there for you. I can’t live a life without you Aie.”
“Kanon.” I exhale taking in his sad eyes and giving in to them. He pulls me close, wrapping me in a tender embrace. We’re back at his home in the bedroom…when was the last time I was here? I glance around his shoulder, since I’m too short to see over, only to find my side of the bed the same way I left it. Everything’s the same… “Haven’t you cleaned at all?” I giggle taking into account all the dust.
“I was never much of a cleaner.” He settles with, pulling away from me after a moment’s hesitation.
“That’s true.” I chuckle nervously feeling the awkward silence settling in.
“…Want to go somewhere? Out to eat or something? I’ve got a few hours left here…”
“I can’t believe you’re leaving.” I whimper, eyes falling to the floor. It’s not as if he hasn’t been here all along…he’s had plenty of chances to do this, but I want to believe he’s changing.
“We can always just sit here and talk, take it from there you know.” He mutters, shuffling to the bed and pulling aside the untouched covers. How many times have I seen him do this? Now, it seems so foreign.
“Will it ever go back to the way it was?” I whisper. His thoughtful eyes meet my own as he beckons me to his side.
“I hope it can…” I shiver as his warm fingers trail over my cheek and down my neck, lost in his deep eyes. I miss his touch and that far off gaze. I miss the way he whispers to me at night and the pointless conversations we carried on. I miss having him hold me as I drift off to sleep. But most of all…I miss him.
“I love you.” I quiver under his touch and that gaze, tears forming for no reason. His face softens and a smile forms upon his delicate features.
“I’ve never stopped loving you Aie. You’re always going to be my ai.” I let myself gasp at the use of my nickname, tears dripping down my face. Before I can pull away to make myself presentable, he clamps his mouth to mine in the most passionate of kisses. His chilling lip rings slip over my tongue as I taste their metallic luster. I’ve forgotten what this was like. His teeth nipping at my lips tenderly, tongue caressing mine, exploring wherever the other wishes. I don’t even notice myself being pressed until the forgotten silk of his sheets swim around me. And where else would one spend their last few hours with the only individual they love? I don’t regret any of it. I’ve needed his touch for far too long, the feeling of him invading and filling me, even the screams ripping from my unused lungs. I needed him all along.
“…God I didn’t mean to get so carried away.” He pants, breathless and husky beside me. Still on cloud nine, I only watch his lean body rise and fall in tune with my own. His lazy eyes settle on my exposed and swollen chest, pink with his kisses and bites. He lets his gaze fall to my stomach, engorged and round with his child. Unexpectedly, his fingers trail over my belly in a thoughtful manner before resting his palm flat. That’s when I feel it, like butterflies fluttering inside.
“It’s kicking.” We whisper in unison, stunned and wide eyed. I’m speechless, as is he. There are no words to describe the feeling. Just absolute ecstasy. His free arm glides under me, pulling my limp body to his own as his lips travel across my forehead. Like I said…speechless.
XOXOXOX
DIE’S POV:
On the bright side…he’s gone. The not so bright? Aie’s an emotional train wreck, and of course I don’t have the first clue on how to help.
“Do you think he’ll come back Die? He didn’t just say all that to make me weak?” She cries, pacing around the livingroom. I sigh, running my fingers through my hair, now black.
“Aie, please sit down. You’re going to drop that kid now if you continue to worry yourself, and the brewin’s not complete.” I grunt, pulling her onto my lap when she refuses to comply.
“But!”
“Look, honestly, I don’t know. You know the father of that kid far more than I do Aie. Maybe if you don’t know the answer…ugh, nevermind.”
“Nevermind what?”
“No. It’s stupid.” I exhale, moving her to the cushions and trying to stand, to no avail. She’s got me held tight.
“Please Die? You’re my best friend!” Ouch, talk about a low blow. Huffing, I meet her eyes only to shake my head.
“Maybe if you don’t know the answer…maybe it was a mistake Aie.” She stares wide eyed as I watch her. Her lips pull into a narrow line before hiding that face behind layers of thick blonde hair. “Aie…please don’t do this to me. That’s just my opinion. This is all about you Aie. It’s your kid. You have the right to choose what to do. Kanon…I don’t know how he thinks…I’m sorry, I just don’t like him. There’s just something about him.” She throws a glare at me, popping onto her heels before I grab her arms. “Don’t get pissed just cause I don’t like someone Aie!”
“That someone is the father of my baby!” She snaps.
“Like I give a fuck? That title means nothing! Just some guy who knocked you up!” I growl, angered by her protecting the man who made her cry every night in my arms.
“You’re an asshole!” She shrieks, shoving me away and storming to the bedroom. I follow in fury.
“And you’re blind! That man’s no good! He’s just going to make you miserable!”
“Says you!”
“And I’m the one you cry to every night! I’ve taken care of you and your baby! I’m the one who fucking loves you Aie!” She stops dead in her tracks, her head never turning to meet mine. You see why I hate losing my cool? It lets things slip.