For Better or for Worse
Empty Dreams
“Hey Aie.” He smiles from the doorway, “How are you feeling?” Is he serious? He decides to show up now? Now that everything’s done and over with?!
“I just birthed out you kid, how do you think I feel?” I growl gradually letting Ellie slip into Die’s unsteady grasp. His look shuffles between alarm, to anger, to uncertainty, and nervousness as he struggles to hold her, but most of all, there’s that look of love and longing in his eyes.
“Someone’s still emotional.” I hear Kanon mutter to himself as he saunters to my side, his gaze briefly shifting to his child before settling back on me, a frown plastered on my face. “Can I hold her?” He asks. I glance to Die, seeing the look of desperation in his face as he clutches Ellie to him.
“Die’s got her now. Give him some time.” I state moving to help him hold her up again. I worry; will he ever be the same again? His motor skills are shot. The sound of Kanon’s sharp exhale snaps me out of my worries, immediately making me cringe in irritation. This man hasn’t spoken to me in months, I haven’t had any calls from him, and here he is, wanting to hold HIS baby?! As far as I’m concerned, Ellie belongs to Die and me. Die is the only daddy she’ll ever have.
“Hey she’s sleeping.” Die whispers smiling, his eyes glued to the tiny girl. It’s funny, I’d always pictured this being Kanon’s time to shine, the chance to get me back and we’d live happily ever after. But it’s Die who’s wormed his way into my heart. Kanon’s footsteps sound leaving the room, pacing impatiently in the hallway. Sorry, you’ll be waiting for a while. I’m not giving up that easily.
“…Who was that?” Die mutters looking out the door, his eyes narrowed as his thoughts race throughout his head.
“…No one.” I shrug. “Want me to take Ellie back? You look like it’s starting to hurt.” I whimper noticing his disgruntled look.
“I guess…but I swear when I’m better I’m going to hold the crap outta that baby!” He smiles gently as I lift her from his arms.
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” I return his grin, shaky fingers trace his prominent jaw line as his body seems to move closer. Or maybe I’m moving?
“Oi! What do you think you’re doing?!” Kanon snaps, breaking me from my trance.
“Huh?” I blink.
“You! You were about to get all up close and personal with this air head!!” He snarls glaring at me. I open my mouth to retort, but surprisingly Die beats me to it.
“Don’t talk to her that way!” He barks, making the once sleeping Ellie wake and jump slightly in my arms. Her large eyes stare up at me, and for the first time I notice that it’s Die’s eyes looking back. Don’t get me wrong, Asian eyes do seem oddly similar, but I KNOW these. They’re his eyes. Well isn’t that weird? I totally forgot about their argument until I see Die stumble out of his seat in a fit of rage, only to cripple over himself, falling to the floor, his head smashing against the steel of my bed with a sickening crack.
“Die!” I cry out rushing to the site of his twisted body on the floor. Ellie screams in my arms as my body cries out in pain. I fight the urge to fall next to him, and thankfully he shakily pushes himself to a seated position, a glare still evident on his face until he turns to me.
“Don’t cry Aie!” He squeaks, eyes laced with worry as his fingers move to my cheeks.
“I-I thought something bad happened to you again.” I choke, my body shaking. “That sound…” It reminded me too much of that night. I thought I’d lost him then, that I’d never see his smiling face again, never hear his laughter. I was sure I’d never have to sit through another corny joke ever again, or tease him over some ridiculous, idiotic moment. I thought him laying there, bleeding on the pavement, twisted in wrong angles, would be the last image I had of him. “Die…I-I don’t know what I’d do without you.” I confess, breaking down into heavy sobs. I almost don’t even hear the angry sound of Kanon bolting from the room.
“Aie…you need to go talk to him.” Die states, gingerly taking the crying Ellie from my arms. But I don’t want to go…I want to stay here. Thankfully, my feet have a mind of their own.
XOXOXOX
“Kanon!” I shout for the billionth time, finally cornering him in a hallway and about ready to fall to my knees.
“What?! What more could you want?!” He shouts finally turning to face me, tears in his bloodshot eyes. It makes me shudder a bit.
“…Uh…” He rolls his eyes, moving to brush past me.
“Enjoy your new boy toy.” He hisses.
“Kanon! You’re just being---“
“Just being what? Jealous?! Me!!! The guy who was only willing to give up everything for you and only you?! For god’s sake Aie we were going to get married! Do you realize how much I care about you?!” I suck in air, ready to come up with some decent answer. “I see how much you care about me.” He whispers taking my hand where my engagement ring…should be. It’s empty. “I’ll send you child support and what not…just…please don’t come looking for me. Just…just leave me alone Aie. I don’t want to see you again. I can’t.” He chokes shoving me to the side and moving down the hospital wings, out of my sight, and out of my life. Finally, all that pain catches up to me and I fall to the floor, no tears leaving. I don’t deserve to cry. This was my choice. But I’m still sorry…
“Aie?” A gentle voice whispers above me, his tiny body moving to crouch beside me. “Aie we’re taking you back to the room…he’s worried.” I only nod in response to Kyo’s attempts of consoling. My heavy eyes flutter as long, gangly arms hoist me into a tall, lanky body. Toshiya. “Thanks Toshi.” Kyo nods as we move down the hallways. Empty dreams fill my mind as sleep overwhelms me.
“I just birthed out you kid, how do you think I feel?” I growl gradually letting Ellie slip into Die’s unsteady grasp. His look shuffles between alarm, to anger, to uncertainty, and nervousness as he struggles to hold her, but most of all, there’s that look of love and longing in his eyes.
“Someone’s still emotional.” I hear Kanon mutter to himself as he saunters to my side, his gaze briefly shifting to his child before settling back on me, a frown plastered on my face. “Can I hold her?” He asks. I glance to Die, seeing the look of desperation in his face as he clutches Ellie to him.
“Die’s got her now. Give him some time.” I state moving to help him hold her up again. I worry; will he ever be the same again? His motor skills are shot. The sound of Kanon’s sharp exhale snaps me out of my worries, immediately making me cringe in irritation. This man hasn’t spoken to me in months, I haven’t had any calls from him, and here he is, wanting to hold HIS baby?! As far as I’m concerned, Ellie belongs to Die and me. Die is the only daddy she’ll ever have.
“Hey she’s sleeping.” Die whispers smiling, his eyes glued to the tiny girl. It’s funny, I’d always pictured this being Kanon’s time to shine, the chance to get me back and we’d live happily ever after. But it’s Die who’s wormed his way into my heart. Kanon’s footsteps sound leaving the room, pacing impatiently in the hallway. Sorry, you’ll be waiting for a while. I’m not giving up that easily.
“…Who was that?” Die mutters looking out the door, his eyes narrowed as his thoughts race throughout his head.
“…No one.” I shrug. “Want me to take Ellie back? You look like it’s starting to hurt.” I whimper noticing his disgruntled look.
“I guess…but I swear when I’m better I’m going to hold the crap outta that baby!” He smiles gently as I lift her from his arms.
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” I return his grin, shaky fingers trace his prominent jaw line as his body seems to move closer. Or maybe I’m moving?
“Oi! What do you think you’re doing?!” Kanon snaps, breaking me from my trance.
“Huh?” I blink.
“You! You were about to get all up close and personal with this air head!!” He snarls glaring at me. I open my mouth to retort, but surprisingly Die beats me to it.
“Don’t talk to her that way!” He barks, making the once sleeping Ellie wake and jump slightly in my arms. Her large eyes stare up at me, and for the first time I notice that it’s Die’s eyes looking back. Don’t get me wrong, Asian eyes do seem oddly similar, but I KNOW these. They’re his eyes. Well isn’t that weird? I totally forgot about their argument until I see Die stumble out of his seat in a fit of rage, only to cripple over himself, falling to the floor, his head smashing against the steel of my bed with a sickening crack.
“Die!” I cry out rushing to the site of his twisted body on the floor. Ellie screams in my arms as my body cries out in pain. I fight the urge to fall next to him, and thankfully he shakily pushes himself to a seated position, a glare still evident on his face until he turns to me.
“Don’t cry Aie!” He squeaks, eyes laced with worry as his fingers move to my cheeks.
“I-I thought something bad happened to you again.” I choke, my body shaking. “That sound…” It reminded me too much of that night. I thought I’d lost him then, that I’d never see his smiling face again, never hear his laughter. I was sure I’d never have to sit through another corny joke ever again, or tease him over some ridiculous, idiotic moment. I thought him laying there, bleeding on the pavement, twisted in wrong angles, would be the last image I had of him. “Die…I-I don’t know what I’d do without you.” I confess, breaking down into heavy sobs. I almost don’t even hear the angry sound of Kanon bolting from the room.
“Aie…you need to go talk to him.” Die states, gingerly taking the crying Ellie from my arms. But I don’t want to go…I want to stay here. Thankfully, my feet have a mind of their own.
XOXOXOX
“Kanon!” I shout for the billionth time, finally cornering him in a hallway and about ready to fall to my knees.
“What?! What more could you want?!” He shouts finally turning to face me, tears in his bloodshot eyes. It makes me shudder a bit.
“…Uh…” He rolls his eyes, moving to brush past me.
“Enjoy your new boy toy.” He hisses.
“Kanon! You’re just being---“
“Just being what? Jealous?! Me!!! The guy who was only willing to give up everything for you and only you?! For god’s sake Aie we were going to get married! Do you realize how much I care about you?!” I suck in air, ready to come up with some decent answer. “I see how much you care about me.” He whispers taking my hand where my engagement ring…should be. It’s empty. “I’ll send you child support and what not…just…please don’t come looking for me. Just…just leave me alone Aie. I don’t want to see you again. I can’t.” He chokes shoving me to the side and moving down the hospital wings, out of my sight, and out of my life. Finally, all that pain catches up to me and I fall to the floor, no tears leaving. I don’t deserve to cry. This was my choice. But I’m still sorry…
“Aie?” A gentle voice whispers above me, his tiny body moving to crouch beside me. “Aie we’re taking you back to the room…he’s worried.” I only nod in response to Kyo’s attempts of consoling. My heavy eyes flutter as long, gangly arms hoist me into a tall, lanky body. Toshiya. “Thanks Toshi.” Kyo nods as we move down the hallways. Empty dreams fill my mind as sleep overwhelms me.