***NEED WORK

I don’t exactly remember my trek back to my dwelling, but I’m pretty sure that went by mercifully uneventful. The moment I passed through my front door, I stripped off my new and soaked training gear, dropping it wherever on the floor and stepped right into the showers.
As the scalding hot water jetted down over my back, Taeri’s words echoed in my head.
“And I’ll kill her,” I murmured, echoing her last vow.

She will kill her…She’ll find her and kill her.

Those dark promises were so vehemently spoken; it was the most believable thing Taeri has ever said.
“I’ll find out who she is and where she is…And I’ll kill her.”

“Huh,” I scoffed, the sound passing my lips in a hollow, weak tone.

She is she-conscience, and she is nowhere.
She is no one; she had no life to give.
She doesn’t exist.

I stopped, frowning to myself at the still-settling unease in the pit of my stomach. I reached over and shut the hot water off.

She-conscience; for the short while that I’ve ‘known’ her, she was always somehow linked to my subconscious. So naturally, I just assumed that she was some weird projection my mind had conjured up to help me…somehow.
Help me…to save me…

Swirls of thick steam rolled around in the space around me as water continued to drip from my hair and cling to my skin. My eyes fell on my right arm that stretched to the hot water valve. Droplets of water clung to my arm, making the flawless skin glisten.
Flawless.

---Water.

Images, words, and sounds from my spotted memory floated to my mind in its repeated cycle, as if they were somehow supposed to help me make sense of the chaos that had suddenly taken over my mind and recent life. None of it made sense, but at the same time, they all seemed linked to one another in an inseparable bond.

”She healed you! It was her, wasn’t it? The one that saved you the other day---”
---The cloaked stranger.

My eyes flew open and I inhaled sharply, as the vivid image of the cloaked stranger shot to the surface of my mind. How they had loomed over my messed up state, so close that if I had reached just another inch, I would’ve touched the head of the cloak.

She healed you! It was her, wasn’t it?
The one…her…she.
The way Taeri spoke, it was as if she saw more of the stranger than I did.

Wordlessly, I stepped out of the shower and took the towel off of the hanging hook. After a quick pass through my hair I wrapped the towel around my waist and started for the door. Just as I was about to pass the sink, I stopped. I didn’t know what it was, but a part of me just had to look.
Not caring or thinking much of it, I let myself turn and stare hard at the reflection in the mirror.

Through the steady rolls of steam I stared back, holding the towel at my waist as water clung to the rest of my exposed skin. Everything seemed to be normal and as I remembered; same body, same skin, same build. Nothing on me reflected on the mental and physical beatings I’ve been taking for the last few days.
Was any of it real?
I approached the sink, drawing closer to the mirror. That was when I really saw my own expression.
Something about the way my reflection stared back bothered me. I couldn’t be sure at what it was exactly, but it was in the expression.

Clouded, muddled and troubled. Burdened by an invisible force. Confusion beyond the imaginable…it was all written on my face. And the way my reflection stared, it was as if it was telling me Please; tell me what is going on.

What is going on? That was too vague of a question. Maybe it wasn’t even a right one to be asking.
“I don’t know.” I muttered, staring evenly back into the mirror. “I don’t know.”

I sighed heavily in despair, my hands gripping onto either side of the sink.
I don’t know.
What a perfect answer for such a wrong question.
I don’t know anything; I don’t know what happened on that Electus mission. I don’t know why Sir Elder Ravador brought the beast back alive. I don’t know why we got wrapped up in all this.
I don’t know why Taeri attacked me, or why she was suddenly so unstable.
I don’t know who saved me three days ago, or why.
And I didn’t know who or what she-conscience is.

She-conscience…

I groaned a slightest bit and ran a hand through me wet messy hair.
Somehow she was also part of all this. With every thought and memory, it always leads my mind back to her.
But why?

I lifted my eyes off of the sink and back to my reflection with only one thing in mind.
The perfect answer to a wrong question.

I noticed a slight cut on my lower lip and I scowled, leaning in for a closer look. It was a split lip that had yet to heal for some reason.

“She’s not here to save you. Or stop me…from getting anything I want.”

Disgusted, I pushed away from the sink and swiped my hand across the condensation that was building on the surface of the mirror.
If only I could erase some memories.

I stepped out of my bathroom and into my bedroom. Feeling drained, unmotivated and just plain lazy, I fell right onto my bed in my towel, not bothering to find some cloths. I stared up at the ceiling and just thought, taking in all that had happened today. Immediately I felt guilty for running off on Thya in the manner that I did.
I was going to have to do some explaining to her, there was no getting out of that.
At the mention of Thya, my eyes drifted to my bedroom table. The book History of Galiasis sat ontop of the Immortal Perception and Discovered Senses, the two books in the mysteriously neat pile.

I’ll get to reading it, Thya, but right now was just not the time for it.

My mind drifted back to the scene I had caused in the market plaza, and then to the confrontation by Taeri.
A lot of things bothered me there, and I just couldn’t shake the feeling.
How she threatened to hurt the Civilian children just to get me to follow her, the clear abuse of her ability, attacking me; who was another Trainee---how was she not caught yet? Oh, a better question yet: How the hell did she become a Four Gates Union Trainee?

“Who is she?...Who is she, Zavius?
That girl that was with you---It was her, wasn’t it?”

At first I had thought she was talking about Thya, but that was brushed off as ‘another problem for another time.’ And then she continued to push on finding out who this other girl was.
Besides Thya, there were no other girl with me. That was the truth.
Yet Taeri was so hell bent on the idea that another girl was ‘with’ me at the time.
So who the hell was she talking about?

Scowling, I lifted my arms over my head in a limp stretch, feeling the dull ache of the muscles all over my body.
Fatigue ache, I thought dully to myself.
Then my mind returned quickly to the reeling twists of thoughts that had taken control over me.

This ‘girl’ Taeri is supposedly after now, was she just a projection of her crazy paranoia? Sort of like how I have she-conscience to help me?
Suddenly, a strange thought eased over me, the words materializing fluidly in my head.

What if they were the same? Not two projections, but one?

The twisted chaos in my head stopped for a second as I thought deeper. Not two, but one imaginary figure? How would that even make sense?
As I thought, just as I was about to dismiss this idea, my mind was suddenly drawn back to the memory of tonight’s events. It was true that I didn’t know who Taeri was talking about; Thya was the only person I was out with tonight. But now I can remember exactly where the conversation started to morph and take on a new standpoint.

It was the moment I slipped up on my knowledge of the Branding.

I had said ‘she,’ talking about the she-conscience and how she told me of the Branding in my dream. She wasn’t involved until I mentioned her this way. And though I was vague and didn’t give the identity of who this ‘she’ was, in Taeri’s mind I had just confirmed that there was ‘a she,’ just as she had suspected, and this was her.
At this stage, I was determined to not give her any more information for her to grow on.
I realize now that I had unknowingly gone along with the flow of her assumptions. She could’ve, must’ve just thought that my silence and my evasive answers as defensive. She was acting as if she had everything wrapped around her finger until---

“Where---where is it?”

I let out a slow, careful breath and closed my eyes. I don’t know why I was so tense, but it felt as if I were to move harshly, or even breathe out any harder I would break my already messed-up train of thought. Without caution, it felt as if all the toss-piled burden that was already swaying dangerously on my shoulders would come crashing down with chaos.
Maintaining my cautious breathing, I left myself get back to my thoughts.

…That moment was when Taeri’s mood took another twist, this time for the worst.
That was when this conversation---rather, the situation---turned into something else, something I wasn’t exactly sure what.
Something happened, when Taeri started getting agitated with me, when she discovered something was out of place. Something on my body, or rather something that wasn’t.

The burn. She was looking for the burn she gave me.

Then she went on to grab my arm---

…Release…

My eyes flew open as a shock ran through me. I froze, my muscles locking defensively as I stayed perfectly still on my bed.
Everything after that point, the last time I heard she-conscience’s voice, it happened to fast.

“She healed you! It was her, wasn’t it?”

My mind replayed Taeri’s demands, how unpredictable she was. And then I remembered the immediate response that had come flying out of my mouth.

“That’s none of you damn business!

I didn’t realize then how I had raised my voice snapping back at her and the shock of it came like the slap that had followed right after I spoke. It wasn’t that I felt I was wrong for yelling; I mean I didn’t think it was inappropriate, given my case. Thinking back now, I really did get defensive.
Because I knew exactly who Taeri was talking about: Taeri was going to kill she-conscience.

But why?

Why did I just know that it was she-conscience on both our minds?
---How did she do it? How did she ward of Taeri like that?
…Ward off? Wait a minute, when did---

…Release…
Taeri cried out suddenly, and jolted away from me. She held her right hand by the wrist and stared down at her shaking open palm before turning her incredulous stare to me…

“No.” I said solidly, denying it out loud.

I sat up and shoved myself off of my bed, heading or my closet. I shuffled briefly through the cloths and I pulled out a loose, sleeveless shirt and some baggy drawstring pants. As I busied myself dressing, my mind drifted off again.

She-conscience doesn’t exist. She is just some projection of my mind. She isn’t in any danger.
But then what hurt Taeri tonight? That moment; when she tried to grab my arm?
I must’ve reacted on reflex. Shot out some of my Energy.
But I know I didn’t do anything like that. I know…

I stopped, just as I was about to pull my shirt over my head.

If I didn’t do anything…then she really does exist…

“Ugh,” I half grunted, half growled.
I shoved my head through the shirt and yanked the fabric down over my torso.

I was going crazy…completely insane. So much so that my sense of logic was becoming twisted. If I didn’t do it, she-conscience did? In what world does that logic apply?
I threw myself back onto my bed, suddenly completely drained.
No more. No more thinking. Just sleep… All I need is sleep…

Why do you have to try so hard to believe she doesn’t exist?

I breathed out heavily again, completely at a loss against my own thoughts.

Why can’t it even be a possibility? Can’t she be a real, flesh-and-blood person?

I couldn’t come up with a single argument against my mind, which seemed to have turned on me as if I was another person. It went on, refusing to stop and without having any opposing thoughts fighting back.

With the two times you talked with the she-conscience, there was not one thing in her thoughts that suggested she was not real. If anything, her own ability to form the thoughts she did proves that she is a real existing being.

My mind stopped for a second, as if to allow me to take in these thoughts.

Why can’t she exist?

And then, just like that, it was as if my mind fused back into one. Everything settled into place and suddenly another shock drilled through me. I haven’t found the perfect answer to any of the questions I have yet, but a few things became clear.

She-conscience could be real.
And while one side of me doesn’t want her to exist, the other half wanted to see her.
I folded my arms and pillowed my head with my hands.

She is she-conscience.
She is someone, a living and breathing being.
She exists…

“She exists.” I said out loud, testing the words on my tongue.

Those words seeped deep into my fried and scattered mind like ice on a burn as I started drifting off into unconsciousness…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The moment I opened my eyes to the endless black void, I knew exactly where I was.

She-conscience! I blurted out, the first words that came to mind.

My voice came out without volume, not breaking the dense darkness. Like always, the air in this abyss was completely still. Just lightless, soundless space welcomed me, enveloping me in its heavy dull embrace. But there was no calm and serene tone or presence I was hoping to feel drifting towards my direction.

She-conscience! I tried again, thinking as loud as I could.

Maybe if I actually knew her real name it would help. I thought.
But she never gave me a name, saying she had not to give me when I had asked. Oh, and yelling at her that she didn’t exist doesn’t really help my case either.
And to think she stayed long enough afterwards to heal the burn…

Did she really heal me? If so, that was just more reasons to find her.

She-conscience? I asked into the space.
There was no response.

Frustration and irritation flooded me then, at a force that was enough to drive me insane. I swore in the dark, those words falling appropriately in silence. I forced myself to calm down, deliberately breathing in an out slowly. After another moment of that, I tried again.
Look…hey, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said those things I did last time. I was pissed, angry at--- I-I shouldn’t have said any of it.

I paused, testing the space as I tried to sense that familiar presence.

I…I really need to talk to you. Can I at least know your name?

Still nothing.

The silence started buzzing dully against my skin, shooting cold chills down my spine.
Suddenly, I felt really alone.
She-con--- no, I mean…
…I might really need your help.
I didn’t like this feeling…Deus, I hated this quiet.

Please. Just talk to me.

I was pleading, literally begging to hear that cool tone, or even her exasperated sigh. I don’t know why I felt this way.
I needed to talk to her.

Seconds went by, and the silence stood strong as ever. Seconds after seconds, minute after minute, the empty air stayed undisturbed. My heart started to sink to the pit of my stomach in defeat…

Suddenly there was a jolt, fast but strong and definite, drilling through the abyss in one shot. I bristled, the sensation so wrong.
It was as if the darkness was moving frantically, trying to preserve their still sanctuary. It was off-putting; instability resonated clearly into the dark as if the very space that surrounded me was in danger of falling apart.

Then, it did.

It was as if the black space caved in itself and the stillness and quiet was lost. A loud piercing ring ripped through my eardrums, catching me bewildered and off guard.
“Agh!” I heard my voice cry out, as I put my hands over my ears.
Then I froze.
My voice---sounds. I can hear sounds.
“What the---” I began to say.

There were more sounds, swooshing of a strong breeze coming out of nowhere and going in one direction: down.
My eyes flickered down as the air shifted, shoving up and howling in my ear. Light---there was a bright light far below my feet like an opening at the end of a tunnel.
The air picked up and the howling escalated to a whole new level. And with it, the light shot up, getting closer and closer to me…fast.
I shielded my eyes just as the blinding white light completely swallowed me whole---

The howling stopped and the upward wind fell. Slowly I opened my eyes and found myself back in another dark place.
What the---was I back where I started?
I inhaled sharply, but there were no sounds to it. I was back in my abyss; or rather I didn’t leave at all.
Ugh…

I went to turn when I noticed something new.
I couldn’t move.
I frowned, completely bemused. There didn’t seem to be any form of restraints or stiffness in my body to even suggest at the reasons behind my new immobility; I just couldn’t move. My muscles just didn’t respond or react to my orders.
I was paralyzed.

What happened to me?

---Huuuuh, huuuuh…

I stopped my fussing at this new sound that had suddenly broken the silence. It was loud, clear and it felt awfully close to my ears. In fact, it was as if the sound was right in my head. And I recognized this sound.

…Huuuh, huuuuh…Huu---Huuuh…

The sounds of shaky and unsteady labored breathing echoed in my ears, the sound scraping through the air in frail rasps. The way the sound caught in mid-breath…this person was weak and in pain.

The sounds continued, soft, weak and barely there. The dark in front of my eyes slowly faded, thinning to reveal some indistinct, blurry images. It was dark and somewhat eerie, and it seemed a bit off, lopsided.
Wait…was I lying on my side?
But then the images faded to black again, slowly as it came. Not that I could make out much; the very vague sight I got was still framed by filmy black. It was rather disorienting, like the way your vision is when you are on the brink of consciousness…

Suddenly, there were sounds, new sounds. The heavy labored breathing continued as my vision brightened up again. It was about the same as the last time, except now the lighting of the place was a little bit better…and there was a pair of feet directly in my view.
I was seeing through someone else’s eyes.

“Get it up on its feet.” someone spat in disgust.

There were scraping and grunting, rustling and other odd sounds. My viewpoint rocked and shifted back and forth as this person was righted. The view faded to black briefly before clearing up again to reveal someone’s broad torso garbed in some black featureless top.

“Did you get anything?” the same speaker from before asked.
“No sir; it doesn’t seem to speak, sir.” someone else replied.

The view lifted up a slightest bit, swaying unsteadily. I saw someone’s lip, the rest of their face obscured by my…or this person’s poor vision.
This person standing before me smirked, and it didn’t look warm or friendly.
“Is that so?” he said, his lips barely moving.
Then the image jolted, blurring once again but this time due to sudden movement. There was a heavy thud and a weak gasping grunt. The view righted again, but this time I found myself staring at the man’s kneecaps.
“Then we’ll just have to loosen its tongue.” the man said, almost sounding casual.

What---what the hell was going on?

I felt my heart wrench as I heard the labored breathing from before turn to painful gasping.
Why…why was I seeing this?

“Go ahead.” the man ordered.

There was some cranking noise, and some clinking of what could only be chains as my vision was slowly pulled back to somewhat of an eye level. It was slightly tilted, as if I was leaning at an angle.
I saw that the man that was speaking had now retreated to the far corner. There was a light hiss as a door slid open before him.

“Sir,” a different voice said.
This ‘Sir’ seemed to pause only briefly before he turned back.
“Just don’t break its jaw; we need it talking, not blubbering.” he said dismissively.

Then he stepped out of the dark room, the door hissing shut behind him.
The room fell into a heavy tense silence for only a few second.

“‘Don’t break its jaw,’ he says.” someone snickered.

I tensed, not recognizing this new voice. I felt icy fear shoot through my gut as another unknown voice answered.
“Eh, it can heal like us, right? Don’t pay too close of a care.” he sneered.
My viewpoint shifted, looking from side to side at the ground.
Three pairs of heavy gear booted feet stood in view. The one on the right took a step forward and my viewpoint lifted their eyes slightly their way.
The guy cracked his knuckles and pulled his black gloves on.
“Heal like us…It acts like us, sleeps like us, walk, breathes and even looks like one of us but it isn’t one of us, is it?” he jeered.

I heard the sickening crack before I saw my view lurch in sudden forward movement. Then came the painful gagging and I saw the ground swaying below me.
“Hey, easy! First hit and you’re already breaking things.” I heard the second speaker say.
Someone scoffed over my head and there was another sickening thud. I heard the chains creaking in protest.
“He said not the jaw. Don’t worry, I’m keeping this bitch it’s pretty self.”
“But if you are breaking ribs and puncturing its lungs, how is it supposed to breathe, never mind talk.”

“Hold it.”

This was the third person, the one that was taking orders from ‘Sir.’
“We have orders to get as much information out of it as we can, and to keep it alive. Remember, Sir Elder Ravador can’t hear of this interrogation.”
Someone barked out a short laugh. I think the same person let out a grunt, and there was yet another thud, and my vision line fell back to the men’s kneecaps.
“Yea, what a joke.” he was saying.
Thud.
“All this trouble for this thing.”
Thud. Thud.
”It’s not worth the effort.”
Thud. Crack. Thud.
“Ravador must be out of his mind trying---”
“Shut up! Don’t speak of our Supreme Elder in a place like this!” someone growled.

Someone seemed to be hovering, leaning forward close to they were speaking almost right to this person’s face.
“Who sent you?”

Slight pause.

“What is your purpose? What do you want with Sir Elder Ravador?

Someone scoffed and there was a scuffling of feet over stone.
“It’s mute. It has been like this for the last seventeen hours.” one of them groaned.
“It has only been seventeen hours?”
“Well, I lost count around that number.”

More laughter sounded. Something moved at a blurring speed to my right and there was another sickening thud.
Another sharp gasp followed by coughing.
“No, this thing is just dumb and useless.” the first guy said. “Aren’t you, you freak?

My view lifted to the left, catching the guy that just spoke. I saw the guy’s sick smirk, but again, not the rest of his face.
I saw the guy frown, and suddenly, he was angry.
“What’s with those eyes, huh?” he demanded.
My viewpoint didn’t move or sway as they stared down at this guy.
His frown progressed into a furious sneer.
“I said, what the hell are you staring at?” he snarled. “Who said you can stare?”

I don’t know what happened but there was a loud booming sound that seemed to shake the whole room, a sudden, bright flash ripping through the dark.
There were some sounds, all sound I couldn’t place, but it was chaotic.

“Hey! What the hell?”
“Dammit!”
“Let it down.”

Clinking and clanking of chains sounded again, and a sound of a body hitting a hard surface followed soon after. I could barely see. For some reason, my view was filmy and blurred worse than what it was. I squinted through the blur, and I saw that this person was back on their side again.

“Dammit, man!”
“Shit, it’s out cold.”
“Why did you strike it for?”

They continued to argue for a short bit until the one in charge spoke out.

“Calm down, both of you. We’ll take a break and will resume in an hour. By then, maybe it would be willing to cooperate.” he said.

Someone started to protest, and the other one groaned. They continued to talk as the sound of the door hissing open shot through the room. The second hiss sounded, and the room was returned to the dark, eerie quiet.

Nothing moved for about five minutes, not even this person I was sharing eyes with.

Get up. I thought, the horrible dread pulling at my chest. Please, get up.

I was just pleading, hoping but not expecting anything in response. So I was bewildered when I saw my view shift, and slowly lift itself upright.

…Huuuh…huuuh…
The labored breathing was back, hollow and raspy in every breath.

First, all I saw was the ground, the hard and cold stone surface in its nearly spotless condition.
But then, two small hands came into my line of vision as the palms were pressed into the ground. The hands were bandaged all the way to the tips of the fingers, not a single inch of skin left uncovered.
Then my vision blurred, this time worse than before.
What are you doing? I asked, more to myself.

…Plip-plop…plip…plip…

Dripping? Of what?

The blurs cleared some to reveal the fresh drops of dark red that now blotched the cold, stone ground.