***NEED WORK

I couldn't see. I couldn't hear. There was nothing to feel.

Everything was just black; no light or shadow to give the space depth. And I was just floating in this dark space.
Oh, I'm back here again, I thought.
I blinked, but the pitch black stood steady before my eyes. I tried raising my hand to my face. My hand was there, and so was the rest of my body. The only thing visible in the black... me.
Completely isolated... kinda like a prisoner.

Except, whenever I find myself here, I can't help but feel sort of sheltered and safe. In a way a wounded prey would feel when they found safety; nervous, scared stiff, but relieved.
This was my sanctuary, where I waited for my wounds to heal. If there is nothing here, nothing can hurt you.
But at the same time, the pain was unbearable. It was always there, demanding my constant attention, devouring me inside-out right from my chest.
And I was all alone to endure it.

I breathed out softly, the sound resonating into the dark. My arms and legs felt like lead, heavy, tired and weak. There was a dull buzz that pulsed through my whole body, the vibe ringing in my head.
Why? I thought. Why am I here?

...I know not. Why are you here?...

I froze, baffled at the thought that spoke out. They were not word from my mind, but someone else's. It had no voice, no body. Just life in the words. The tone of it was... calm, soft... gentle... a conscience?

This... conscience seemed to muse, considering my surprise.
Who are you? I thought.
The conscience halted, as if it was hesitating.
...should not I be asking the same question?... it asked. ... Who are you?...
I asked first. I thought, thinking hard to find the source of the conscience.
Where was it?
The conscience hesitated again, thinking.
...if it is fated for us to meet, that is when you shall know what I am... she said.

---she?

Wait, I thought. Why are you here?
The conscience mused, and seemed to study me through my thoughts.
...I have my reasons and consequences... she said.
Consequences? I thought, curious.
The conscience didn't answer, uncomfortable. She seemed to sigh.

---really, was it a she?

The conscience mused, buzzing with amusement.
...I suppose I can be referred to as a 'she'... she said, answering my thoughts.
Hey, you weren't supposed to hear that, I thought.
The she-conscience buzzed.
...We are communicating through thoughts, not spoken words... she seemed to laugh. ...So of course I would hear the thoughts you think...
I flinched, not liking the idea.
Out, get out, I thought hard. Get out of my head!
Again, the conscience mused.
...Those words should be mine... she said.
What do you mean? I demanded.
...You are in my mind, in an intrusive manner, if I may add. I didn't invite you; you reached out to me... the conscience responded smoothly.
...Which returns us back to your first question: Why are you here?...

Anger and defiance burned in my chest.
That's stupid. I thought angrily. I didn't ask for this!
...And yet here you are, speaking to me through thoughts... she returned smartly.
I felt like laughing out loud, to scoff back at this smart-ass conscience.
Look lady, why would I reach out to you? I demanded silently. I don't know you, I don't even know what you look like. Now why would I be needing help from a faceless stranger?
Suddenly, I could picture this conscience lady smirking mysteriously somewhere in the dark.

...Who said anything about needing help?... she asked, amused.

I stopped, repeating my last thought in my head.
---Why did I just say that? I thought to myself.

The conscience answered anyway.
...You are the one that needs the help. I do not have an answer or a solution for you... she said.
A weird feeling of dread seeped into my chest for some reason.
Wait, you're leaving? I demanded in my thoughts.
My eyes flew open in the pitch black, searching again for the source of the other thoughts. I pictured the she-conscience sighing sadly.
...Have I a reason to stay?... she questioned, already starting to pull away.
She was starting to fade, her presence thinning.
No, no wait! I called out. There was no sound in my words.
Don't you want to know my name?

The conscience mused thoughtfully.
...Why should it matter?... she asked.
It doesn't. I admitted. She mused again, not saying anything else.
It's Zavius. What's your name?
The conscience stood still, discomfort buzzing in her presence.
...I have no name... she murmured. ...No name to give you, at least...
What? I thought incredulously. What the hell?
...If you are searching for help, I cannot give it to you... she continued sadly.
I'm not looking for help. I snapped back.
...But if you are here, perhaps you need the help, even if you are not looking for it... she said.

She started to pull away again, her thoughts drifting.
...Do not stay in the dark, Zavius.... she called. ...It should not be your place...
And it's yours? I yelled after her.

I imagined the she-conscience smiling a small sad smile.
...I have my reasons and consequences... she repeated.

Then I was all alone.
It wasn't too long before the pain returned, full blaze.

* * * * * * *

I gasped, and shot up from under my covers. My eyes swept around my surroundings, my senses on high-alert.
My bedroom was still dark, indicating the time.

"A dream... it was a dream..." I breathed, relief flooding into my chest.
I sighed and threw myself back down on my bed.

I was sweating, my Pulse beating like crazy and I was breathing hard like I just finished training.
"Whoa," I breathed, at a loss of words.
I took a few minutes to calm myself down before getting out of bed.
"Vardavit," I swore, as I trudged around my room looking for a shirt to wear.
I was practically dead on my feet but I knew all too well that I wasn't going to get another minute of sleep now. That's how it always was when I dreamed about that dark void...

My hand froze on the crumpled shirt on the floor.
I wasn't... alone in the dream this time. I actually had a thoughtful conversation with... ah...wait.
No; I had a conversation with someone else's thoughts, but for some reason, I couldn't hold back any thoughts but she did...
What was she?

I stood straight, tugged my shirt on, grabbed my boots and made my way out of my dwelling quarters.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It only took two knocks on the door for it to slide open.
"What do you need, Zavius?" Zarda yawned. rubbing his eyes.

My twin looked like he had just been dragged out of bed but he didn't seem surprised to see me. He gave me one bleary-eyed glance before understanding came over.
"Oh," he said, and moved aside to let me in.
"Thanks," I muttered and slipped into hie dwelling quarters.

Zarda had his lights on at a dim setting, just light enough for us to be able to move around without killing ourselves but dark enough to allow comfort to our eyes.
"I'll be right back," Zarda mumbled and disappeared into his bedroom.
"And I'll be here," I mumbled back, and fell onto his couch.
I heard something fall and Zarda swore under his breath.
"Need help?" I slurred half-heartedly.
"No," Zarda returned, and continued on with his shuffling.
Even though he wasn't there to see, I shrugged. Without getting up, I twisted my head and looked around Zarda's living quarters.

Like all the other dwelling quarters of a low rank Slayer, Zarda's living quarter's layout was the standard design. It consisted of a spacious bedroom, a wide living room area and a great window to a killer view of the city. It was also equipped with a decent kitchen, a decent bath and shower, and I don't exactly know why but a toilet... oh and a study room, which was basically a room with a desk and a shelf of scrolls and books for our research.
It was an ordinary low rank quarter. What amused me was that Zarda had his furniture arranged in the same layout as I did. It was one of those twin matching accidents. And the best part was that it drove Thya nuts.

Zarda stumbled back into the living area, dragging a blanket along with him. His messy black hair was even more lopsided than usual, cowlicks sticking his hair up into weird angles here and there. He had changed into his uniform, but it was sloppy and crooked.
He gave me one tired look and I started to laugh.
"What?" he demanded in annoyance, scratching his head tiredly.
"Your head looks funny." I said, laughing childishly.
Zarda scowled at me, and started to yank at his hair.
"Well at least I'm not wearing my shirt on inside-out." he retorted.
I took a self-checking glance down... and saw that I was.
"Hmph." I huffed, and peeled my shirt off.
"Gah, Zavius, come on." Zarda groaned dramatically. "Keep that to your self!"
"It's like looking in the mirror after you got some improvements done," I muttered, pulling my shirt right-side out and back on.
Zarda laughed.
"Come on, you're not coherent. Why don't we just get on topic?" he offered.
He flopped himself down in the seat across from me and waited patiently.
"So, what brings my idiot of a brother here in the dead hours of the night?"

I sighed, and dug through my head for a perfect set of words to explain.
"Well... I--- um, I had that dream again." I began slowly.
Zarda looked thoughtfully at me, a questioning look in his eyes.
"That dark dream of nothing? Zavius, you've had that reoccurring dream before. But none of the previous times have ever inspired you to get up in the middle of the night just to see me." he said.
I shifted a bit, thinking back to my dream, and the conversation I had.
"It wasn't exactly the same," I said.
Zarda studied me seriously, even with the dark shadows that was cast under his eyes from the lack of sleep.
"Okay." he said. "Tell me about it."

So I told him, how the dream started out the same; in the dark and how the pain was the same as usual. Then I told him about the she-conscience and the conversation we had through our thoughts, recalling it word for word. And how eerie and evasive some of her answers and responses were, and the heavy emptiness that followed after she was gone...

"And that's when I woke up," I concluded.
Zarda didn't answer, and the air was awkwardly quiet.
"Zarda?" I frowned. "Hey, did you fall asleep?"
"Of course not." Zarda muttered. "I'm processing my thoughts."
I snorted.
"Right. Thinking with your eyes closed." I said.
Zarda chuckled softly.
"No, really." he insisted. "I was trying to think of reasons why your dream was different this time."
That thought had come to my mind too, but I didn't have the answer.
"I don't know why." I said. "That's why I'm here."
"I'm not coming up with much either." Zarda admitted. "Though it's weird, isn't it?"
"Which part of weird?" I said.
Zarda mused, his expression serious.
"This conscience... she seemed very self-hating, don't you think?" he murmured. "Like 'reasons and consequences'? 'I have no name to give'? And the tone she spoke you in; it kinda makes sense."
He became thoughtful again.
"Like she's punishing herself."
"Yea, well if that's true, she's the one that needs help, not me." I muttered.
Zarda hummed thoughtfully.
"That's another thing." he said.
"What?" I asked.
Zarda glanced at me with shifty eyes.
"Oh, never mind." he muttered.

He sat up and stretched, grunting.
"Huh, I kinda want to meet this girl in person." he said lightly.
"What?" I demanded outrageously.
"What?" he demanded back, laughing. "Aren't you at least a tiny bit curious on who this mystery girl is? What she looks like, what she does---"
I groaned loudly and sat up to face my twin. He looked absolutely amused.
"Zarda, it was a dream. She probably doesn't even exist... she, it, it. Crud, it wasn't real!"
"Well, you don't know that for sure," Zarda said pointedly.
"Yea, I do!"
"Really?" he mused. "Then why are you here?"
I froze, a chill ripping through me,

...I don't know. Why are you here?...

"What?" I murmured, my mind muddling.
"Zavius, you're here because you're unsure. Maybe even unsettled at this 'she-conscience's' words. Whatever it was, the dream bothered you." Zarda argued.
I stared blankly at him, completely speechless. Zarda gave me an odd look back, raising an eyebrow.
"Zavius?" he asked, studying me. "Zav, stop gaping, will you?"
My mouth snapped shut immediately in response. I hadn't realized that I was gaping at him. I cleared my throat and shook my head.
"Sorry, I kinda dozed off." I lied, blinking to make it more convincing.
Zarda nodded, understanding coming to his expression.
"Ah sure, we both need some sleep." he said, yawning. He laid back down on his couch and closed his eyes.
"I don't know about you, but I'll be dead on my feet if I don't get a little bit more sleep." he sighed.

I watched my brother as he slowly drifted back to sleep, a feeling of shame growing inside of me.
I hated lying to Zarda; he was practically my better supporting half. And it was a stupid lie; there was no point to it.
I studied Zarda's peaceful expression as he slept. He seemed to be completely at ease, completely flawless. The only thing that took away from the perfect image was the dull bruising under his eyes, giving away his amount of fatigue. That only made me feel even more crappy.
Look at me, getting up at the dead hours of the night, dragging my twin brother out of bed to talk to him, without thinking twice about it. And on top of that, I still held my feelings and complete thoughts back from him, when he was being nice and not once complaining about my sorry ass kicking him out of bed.
Wow... what an asshole I am.

Zarda sighed in his sleep contently, shifting on his side. I breathed out silently, a feeling a of being alone sinking into my chest.
"You're too good to me, Zar." I murmured.

I waited until Zarda's breathing became completely steady before silently taking my leave.