Running Ragged

I woke to the piercing screech of my alarm clock that was my signal to once again start the day. I sat up and picked at a few knots that were at the back of my head. Another restless night. I sighed, "Just one more day Diana, one more day." I knew what was causing the tossing and turning. I'd started them just two weeks earlier. I was getting married.

Not that I was getting cold feet or anything. My fiancée Avery was the greatest thing that had ever come into my life. But as the bride, there are certain issues that inevitably keep you worrying late at night. Like, praying that the catering company got your memo about changing the main course from fish to chicken because your bridesmaids don't like fish. Or, hoping that Uncle Phil doesn't go too crazy with the open bar and pulls his pants down like he did last year at your sister's wedding. I turned at sat myself on the edge of the bed, letting my feet touch the cold floor. I pulled back from the initial shock but regained myself and found my slippers that Avery had given me this past Christmas. I convinced myself that I needed to start the day sometime, might as well start it now.

Avery had woken up about an hour before my alarm clock was set to go off. He moved the mattress and I woke up but was still a little groggy. "Morning sunshine." I remember him saying. "Sorry to wake you, I'm just headed off to work now." I acknowledged him by grunting. "Love you." He exclaimed just before he exited the bedroom. I answered with yet another grunt and fell back asleep. This was Avery's last day of work before the wedding, but I booked three weeks off. This week to take care of any last minute plans for the wedding, and the next two for our honeymoon in the Caribbean. I poured myself some hot water and lemon and started off my day reading the newspaper. I had just finished reading the front page when I heard the sound of someone knocking at my front door. "Hello!" The high pitched voice rang out like a bell. "Diana, open this door right now or we will be late for your final fitting. It's Vera Wang in her personal store! No one makes Vera Wang wait; you wait for Vera Wang! I booked this appointment months ago and I'm going to make sure that you are there!" I had been dreading this knock all week. I opened the door and there was the harpy herself, Andrea. Andrea had been my best friend since middle school and I loved her to bits, but as soon as she found out that I was getting married, she began planning it all out for me. I basically didn't have to lift a finger when it came time to make appointments for anything. I just had to choose the colours, taste the food, and listen to the auditioning bands. All with Andrea's help of course. Andrea looked at my matted hair and ripped pajamas and nearly fainted. "This will never do!" She screamed as she rushed me upstairs and dressed me. It was as if I had gone back to when I was four and my mother had to pick out all my clothes for me.

After I was, in Andrea's case, presentable, I was rushed to the car and headed out to try on my dress. If fit perfectly of course. It should when this you have had it fitted and rechecked six times! But that was Andrea for you. She took me uptown and downtown to every for every possible beautifying treatment that she could find. I had my eyebrows and legs waxed. My arm hairs bleached. A hot rock treatment and an appointment with a masseuse. A tan and another wax in a place that hurt so bad I didn't want my new husband to go anywhere near there. And my last, and most enjoyable, was the mani pedi treatment. I loved getting my nails done and Andrea decided to indulge herself along with me. Even though she had run me ragged all day, I was still glad that she agreed to me my maid of honour.

By the time Andrea's car pulled into my driveway, it was eight o'clock. My bachelorette party started in half an hour and I was too exhausted even get up out of the car. I walked up the path that led to my house and pulled my keys out of my purse. The door swung open easily. Did I forget to lock it on my way out? I made my way to the kitchen when all the lights suddenly turned on. "Surprise!" Everyone shouted and I nearly jumped out of my skin. I received hugs and kisses from all my girlfriends as we made our way to the livingroom where the party was set up.

The next morning I woke up with the biggest hangover I had ever had. The alarm clock was shrieking like usual but it didn't help with the headache. I couldn't even remember what had happened at my party. The girls must have brought me up to bed. I hoped that the house wasn't completely trashed. I didn't hear Avery come in the night before or leave that morning which was strange. When Avery snores it sounds like a motorcycle revving its engine. I admitted to myself that I was completely wasted. I was going to have to walk down the isle tripping all over myself. Great. Here comes the bride everyone.

I didn't even have time to read the paper before Andrea and my other bridesmaids were pounding on the door again. We had a hair appointment that didn't start for another hour, but Andrea wanted to be there very early just in case. I called Avery's cell dozens of times, just to check in on him and apologize for my drunken stupor that he inevitably experienced the night before. His cell was answered by Tom, his best man. "Hey Diana. No Avery hasn't arrived yet." I was confused. "Then why are you answering his cell?" "Oh," Tom remembered, "Avery decided not to drink last night so he could drive home sober. He lent me his phone so I could call a cab for myself but when I went to give it back to him, he was gone. He will be alright. Don't even worry about him. Okay darlin'?" Tom had always called me darling. I knew I was just being paranoid and that Tom was right. I said good-bye and hung up the phone.

I was ready. All the guests were either seated or about to be. My white dress was spotless and had a train that flowed like a fine mist behind me. I had a silver tiara on top of my head that was intricately placed between my neatly styled curls that had just been finished not an hour before. Andrea and the rest the bridesmaids chirped happily along side me. Everything was perfect. Avery and I had decided to write our own vows so I ran them through my head and tried not to ruin my makeup by letting my tears of happiness flow from behind my eyes. The wedding was scheduled to start at four o'clock and it was now five minutes to four. I took a deep breath and began to picture how happy our lives would be after this. We would go to our reception and I would make sure that people watched Uncle Phil's alcohol intake. We would dance, eat cake, and celebrate our joy with all of our friends and family.

I was brought out of my daydream when there was a knock on the door from outside the room I was being kept in. Andrea opened the door. It was Tom and he had a very serious expression on his face. He looked straight at me and then quietly called Andrea out into the hall with him. I watched as she closed the door behind her. The minutes passed and Andrea still wasn't back with me. I was now starting to get nervous. What was wrong? This was the perfect wedding. Wasn’t it? I looked to the clock that was mounted on the wall. It was twenty after four. What had happened? Just as I was about to leave the room to find Andrea or someone who knew what was going on, our entire wedding party began filing into our tiny room.

I was worried. "What's going on?" I demanded. "What's wrong! Someone please tell me." I could feel the tears fighting to get out but I fought them back with all my might. "Andrea," Tom said quietly. "Avery isn't here yet." I furrowed my brow. "What? Are you telling me that me stood me up?" I yelled as a few tears ran down my cheek, smudging my mascara. "Oh no, that's not what he's saying." Andrea piped in. "We all know that Avery isn't like that. But we don't know what's wrong." I was hysterical by this point. "Well, can't someone call his cell?" I cried. "No, remember I have it." Tom replied as he took the phone out of his pocket to show me. Andrea took both my hands and tried to calm me down. "Diana sweetie, I think it's best that we postpone the wedding. Just until we find Avery. Okay?" I nodded. "Can someone please just take me home? Please..." I whispered through the hiccups that were rising up my throat from the fit I had. Andrea nodded, held my tear soaked hand, and led me to her car.

Dear Avery

I can't believe that the next time I sat in a church was for your funeral instead of our rescheduled wedding. The police found you in your car. The body damage done to the frame told police that you were rammed off the side of the bridge on your way home from your party that night. They suspected a drunk driver. They said that you suffocated when the car sank in the water. There were signs of a struggle, which showed that you had tried to survive. I'd like to think it was because you wanted to come back to me. The police say that there was enough air in the car to last you at least eight minutes, and if he would have had your cell phone, you might have been saved. But that's just like you. A giving and caring person. Putting yourself before others did with Tom that night as you. I am sorry that I didn't say I loved you back that morning. I didn't know that that was the last time I would ever see you alive again. But if I had, I would have done more than grunted at you. And for that, once again I'm sorry. I love you too. But this is why I am writing this letter to you. You once said to me that you would be anything I wanted you to be. My past, present, and future. I have decided that I want you to be my future. We will get the wedding we never had. I will see you up in heaven and I will be ready with my wedding dress on.

Love
Diana

I turned up the radio and listened intently at the song that was playing. It was a slow song but it had an upbeat melody, which contradicted the lyrics. "Huh, perfect." I said to myself. "This is our song now." I removed my veil from in front of my face and whispered, "You may kiss the bride," to the barrel of the gun that was now staring directly at my open mouth. I pulled the trigger and the beautiful, lifeless corpse in her unused wedding dress slumped against the cushions of the sofa as the lyrics to the song continued...

"But does anyone notice?
But does anyone care?
And if I had the guts to put this to your head...
But does anything matter if you're already dead?
And should I be shot now by the last thing you said?
Before I pull this trigger,
Your eyes vacant and stained...
And in saying you loved me,
Made things harder at best,
And these words changing nothing
As your body remains,
And there's no room in this hell,
There's no room in the next,
But does anyone notice there's a corpse in this bed?"