Don't Fool Yourself

We pulled into the driveway and I slowly got out of the jeep, making my way to my room. Walking up the stairs, I felt a hand on my wrist, keeping me from moving. I looked back at Esme who cast me a worried look. "Dear, are you okay?"

My brown eyes shifted from looking at her, to slowly looking at the ground. I thought about it. Was I really okay? Would I even be okay? Would I be okay with the man I love, loving someone else once again? Would I be okay?

I let out a small smile and my red puffy eyes slipped back, holding her gaze. "No, I'm not." Suddenly, I heard the front door slam shut; my eyes shot pass Esme and into the familiar eyes of Edward. He looked at me pleading and I sighed. Not this time. I pulled my hand away from Esme and she nodded. I turned around again, speeding up to my room. I shut the door and reached under my bed for two largeduffle bags; I packed slowly, taking everything -- clothes, books, photographs. Everything.

A knock sounded at my door, opening without waiting for a reply. It was him. I looked up and went back to ignoring him.

"What are you doing?" he asked me.
--

She moved around the room silently while I watched her. Her steps were fluid as if she were dancing. "What are you doing?" I asked her sadly, watching her meticulously putting her things in the duffle bags.

She let out a scoff. "What does it look like? I'm packing."

Pain shot through me, but I ignored it. "Where are you going?"

She huffed, rolling her eyes left and right, pausing for a moment. I peered into her mind but she glared at me; she thought about the kiss over and over again, making sure I was reading her mind. Guilt soared through me and she continued with her packing, no doubt satisfied of my pained reaction.

"Why won't you listen to me?" I questioned frustrately. She continued to ignore me, shoving more things into her bag angrily. I growled and walked up to her, grasping her left wrist tightly in my hand. I pulled lightly, forcing her to face me. Teary brown eyes met with mine angrilyand my own eyes widened. I quickly regained my posture and glared back.

"What are you doing?" she hissed. She tried pulling away, but I held on to her tighter. "Let go, Edward," she continued, looking away from me, and out towards the window.

My eyes narrowed further. "Not until you listen to me!"

She let out an incredulous laugh and turned to me swiftly causing her chocolatey brown locks to whip around her face. She pulled at her wrist again and I continued to hold on tighter. She stopped and glared. "Fine! Tell me! Tell me what I saw, what I heard!" she cried; tears spilled down her face and my grip on her loosened. I hated to see her cry. I hated putting her through pain. I began to hate myself even more for doing this to her. I raised my hand, cupping her cheek in my hand and wiped away a tear before she jerked away. "Don't. Touch me."

I swallowed the pool of venom once more. "Bella came to me today, saying she wanted me back. I told her no. I love you, Maria!"

She walked to the window and was about to leave. "I don't believe you."

I ran toher, holding her around her waist as she clawed at my arms. "She wanted me to kiss her, explaining that after that she'd leave me alone. I did. She thought of her next request, and I said that too. Please, please understand that I did this just for eternity alone with you."

I felt a tear fall onto my arms and she gasped, crying more. I turned her around, wiping her tears away. Thankfully this time, she didn't jerk away. "Don't lie to me Edward," she pleaded.

"I'm not," I told her, holding her tightly to my chest. I kissed the top of her head and we stayed like that for a little bit. She pulled away, and moved towards her duffle bags, continuing to pack. I frowned. "You're still leaving?"

She nodded solemnly, zipping up the two bags. She slipped on over her shoulder and picked up the other, walking slowly towards the door. She stopped and looked over her shoulder. "Can you honestly tell me you didn't feel anything when she kissed you?" she asked spitefully. My eyes widened and I looked at the floor. When Bella and I kissed, I did feel a little spark, but it wasn't a lot. I wouldn't do anything; I loved Maria. I love her.

She smiled sadly. "Don't fool yourself, Edward Anthony, it's unbefitting of you. This is why you and I can't be; at least not entirely. Admit it Edward," she whispered, her voice shaking as tears once more threatened to fall. "A part of you still yearns for her touch, her scent, her eyes, her smile...her heart."

I lifted my eyes to meet her and I opened my mouth to say something, but she cut me off with a wave of her hand. Her beautiful eyes traveled across the room, finally landing on me; her brown puffy eyes smiled sadly as she left, the wind carrying her last words to my ears as she took the keys to Alice's car, driving off for God knows how long.

"Call me when you find your heart."