Moving On Up

“If you are visiting England then we hope you enjoy your stay and if you are a resident, then welcome home. Thank you for flying British Airways.”

I smiled at how quickly first class passengers were let off the plane, feeling superior as I walked off the aircraft before the stampede of those in economy. I couldn’t thank Nick enough for getting me into first class. Never had I slept so well in all my life.

I always took the same large pillow with me wherever I travelled and I clutched it to my chest as I walked with the upper class crowds to passport control and baggage claim. Shortly I discovered a further benefit to travelling in first class, no long delays for baggage. Only a minute or so later and I spotted my bag just as I spotted the herds of people coming down towards baggage claim. Swiftly picking up the bag I headed for the exit, feeling a mix of emotions to be back in England.

Walking through the small duty free shop I decided to buy Nick a bottle of wine to say thank you which though it was only a small token, it was something. It was only after I had walked through the doors to the arrivals strip that I realised I had no clue where I was meant to be meeting Nick.

I’d always hated this part of arriving in a new country; the runway. Having to walk past lots of curious eyes, waiting for their loved ones and judging how crap you looked after such a long flight. It was always like a freak show.

I decided that I’d leave the building to get some fresh air and call Nick once I got out there. My hands began to sweat and clam as I thought about what these next few days would entail. Keeping my head down and clutching tighter onto my pillow I headed for the exit, colliding with a huge, rock solid body and within one sniff of his scent I knew it was him.

He was wearing a baseball hat and a scarf wrapped tightly around his neck and covering most of his chin. His curls were escaping under the sides of the hat in his attempt to both keep warm and hide his identity if by chance there was an avid american football fan around. He held out his hand which I took before he pulled me into his chest. I gripped onto him and shut my eyes tightly to keep the tears in as he too held me tightly. My fingers held firmly onto his shirt, pulling myself further into him. The sheer size of the man would intimidate many, but his hugs were still the best you could get and I’d missed them greatly.

“I’ve missed you.” He whispered into my ear, his curls brushing my skin.

“I’ve missed you too.” I said quietly as I looked up at him, still being held tightly into his chest. He smiled softly at me and pressed a kiss to my forehead before I snuggled into his chest once more.

“Let’s get out of here.” He said, taking the handle of my suitcase along with my handbag, leaving me to carry my pillow. The airport was ridiculously busy and Nick wrapped his arm around me to keep me close to him and avoid being separately.

“Did you have a good flight?” He asked, looking down at me. I still hadn’t adjusted to how tall and well built he was.

“Yes. My seat was amazing. I slept the whole way.”

“The whole way?” He laughed as I nodded and smiled proudly. Being a gentlemen, he opened the door to his range rover for me, waiting for me to be safely inside before closing the door and loading my luggage into the boot. I placed my pillow between my seat and the window and lay my head against, feeling strangely comfortable being with Nick despite all of the words that had been left unspoken between us. He quickly jumped into the drivers seat, removing his hat and scarf and putting on the heating.

“You cold?” He asked. I nodded and looked out of the window at a couple who had just arrived in the parking space next to Nicks car. The boyfriend was clearly leaving the country and the tears on both of their cheeks made my heart soften. I knew that feeling far too well.

“Hey,” Nicks soft voice broke through my thoughts and I spun my head around when I felt his hand on my thigh; “you ok?”

I looked at him blankly, letting out a deep breath as he continued to stare at me. “Yeah, just a little jet lagged I guess.”

“Even after all that sleep?” One side of his mouth lifted into a half grin that I know would have melted any girls heart. I simply smiled back and snuggled further into my pillow as Nick removed his hand from my thigh and carefully manoeuvred his car out of the parking lot and back onto the main roads, heading back to Oxford which was a fair distance.

“I wanted to thank you for visiting my mum whilst you were in Chicago. She loved seeing you again.”

“I’ve missed your mum. That woman’s a legend.” I chuckled and Nick grinned as he looked briefly at me before turning his attention back to the road. “Thank you.”

He frowned and again looked over at me with confusion on his face before focusing on the road once more. “For what? I haven’t done anything.” I lent over and picked up his hand that was rested on his thigh and brought it over to my leg, wrapping my smaller fingers around his much larger ones.

“For just being you.”

...

“So...what do you think?” Nick said, his arms open wide as he stood in the middle of his new apartment.

“I think...I think I love it.” I laughed. It wasn’t anywhere near as large as his huge New York penthouse but this apartment was...perfect. It was cosy and welcoming and I absolutely loved it. He’d always had good taste in properties.

“You want to know something I love about living in a smaller place? If I lose my phone it only takes 5 minutes to find.”

I suddenly had an overwhelming urge to hug and hold him close as he stood there looking adorable and so good looking it was almost not natural. He continued to stare at me, noticing the intense look on my face. I quickly shot my eyes elsewhere and scratched the back of my neck, trying to escape any awkwardness.

“Wanna see your room?” Nick asked. Smiling softly I nodded and he smiled widely as he walked over to me and picked up my suitcase. He walked down a small corridor and pushed open a door which he disappeared into. I followed suit and entered the bedroom which was absolutely immaculate.

“You can tell I haven’t spent much time in this room since its so clean.” He laughed and again that urge to hold him returned. “Come look at your view.”

I dropped my handbag and pillow on the bed and walked around to the window where Nick was. A soft gasp escaped my lips as I stared at the beautiful landscape. A crystal clear lake surrounded by masses of trees, all with a scattering of snow on its branches which was falling slowly to the ground as birds soared above and landed.

“This is beautiful.” I whispered, amazed that such a place existed so close to home that I had been so oblivious to.

“Yeah.” He breathed and I turned my head up to see him staring outside with admiration, appreciating all of its beauty. The urge returned but this time much stronger than before. Placing my hand on his cheek, I stood on my tiptoes and pressed a soft kiss to his other cheek, closing my eyes at the feel of his soft skin. I dropped back down onto my feet and slowly removed my hand from his cheek. His eyes were heavy and dark as he very slowly turned his body to face mine, his hands rising to cup both of my cheeks as he stepped closer. My hands slid up his chest, his beating heart pumping fast under my hands. Looking up, I saw his face much closer to mine and I could feel the adrenaline in the air, in his movements, in his eyes.

My eyes fluttered shut as he brushed his lips gently over mine and I pushed myself into him, my hands pressing further into his chest. His lips hovered above mine as he lay his forehead on mine, his breathing soft and even. I closed my eyes as his lips slowly and softly travelled to my cheek and up to my forehead; gently covering all possible ground.

“Nick.” I whispered as my eyes opened and penetrated his. I gulped as fear and excitement built in my stomach at being this way with him. Pushing back my nerves I reached up and placed my hand on the back of his head and slowly pulled his lips down to mine, feeling my knees weaken when his lips finally moved ever so gently against mine. Nick wrapped his arms around my waist and held me closer, ensuring I wouldn’t fall if I lost my balance and my knees gave way once more.

I smiled as Nick pulled away ever so slightly and brushed his nose repeatedly against mine.

“I love you.” He said in a hushed voice and the pure and raw emotion, the vulnerability; it made my heart ache. I held onto his cheeks firmly and ensured I held his eyes.

“I love you too.”

His eyes widened more than I had ever seen and his mouth opened slightly, his previously smooth breathing now disorientated and ragged. I had not said those words to him in five years and the meaning behind them was evident as tears seeped from his beautiful eyes. I brushed my nose against his and spoke softly once again. “I love you and I’m sorry it’s taken so long for me to say again.” One of my hands slipped behind his head and tangled in his soft curls and he shut his eyes at the sensation he had missed. Slowly his eyes reopened and were even more emotional than before as I spoke again. “Nick, I love you and I have never stopped loving you. Regardless of how hard I have tried, I cannot deny my love for you and pretend that this draw between us doesn’t exist. You will never know how you make me feel.”

“Charlene.” His voice cracked and at that I felt my own tears push down my cheeks. He tried to speak once more but again nothing came out. We remained standing just staring at each other at tears fought down our broken faces, our postures fallen. In one swift movement I was against his chest as he pinned me to him, clutching to me as if I wasn’t real.

“Nick?” I whispered, my voice full of my emotions as his posture stiffened; his muscles clenched.

“It’s not a dream.” He said so quietly that it took me a while to process what he had said. “So many nights I’ve dreamt you were in my arms yet the tighter I held you...” his voice lowered once more as he finished; “the faster you disappeared.” A quiet sob fell from his lips and he clung even tighter; still convinced everything was a dream. I hugged him back tightly, clinging to him, wanting to be absorbed by his love.

“Nick.” He pulled back and looked down at me with enquiring eyes, praying I wouldn’t say something to shatter his whole world. “Make love to me.”

His breath caught in his throat and I whimpered slightly, fearing rejection. My eyes followed his hand as he lifted it to my arm, slowly caressing and warming it. “Are you sure?”

“Only if it’s what you want as well.” I said quietly, my eyes no doubt matching his; dark and now lustful.

“You are all I’ve ever wanted.” He drew me to him and brushed his fingers down my face, his eyes taking in every facial feature; only absolute adoration in his eyes.

“I love you Nicky.”

The most beautiful smile formed on his lips as he pressed a kiss to my forehead; “I love you too.”

Gripping my hand he walked me to his bedroom which again was just...perfect. He closed the door behind me and wrapped his arms around my stomach, his chin resting on my shoulder as he softly kissed my neck. I noticed a picture on his bedside table that meant so much. The same one from high school of us kissing, both with smiles on our faces, nothing but love being emitted.

Turning in his arms, I grasped onto his cheeks and crashed his lips onto mine, feeling my need for him rising. His hands slid around my side and slipped under my shirt, gently smoothing up and down my back. His fingers curled around the ends of my shirt and I removed my arms from his neck to lift them high, allowing him to discard my shirt. If his eyes weren’t taken over by lust before; they were now. He reached for my bra but I shook my head and held onto his hand.

“Your turn.” I smiled and pressed a kiss to his chest as a grin appeared on his face before his lips attached to mine in a soft embrace. Sliding my hands under his shirt, I moaned at how defined his muscles felt under my warm touch. Not being able to handle it for much longer I slipped his shirt off and threw it behind him. My eyes feasted on his incredible chest, not being able to believe this was the same man I had fallen in love with 5 years ago. My heart stopped when I stared at the skin above his left nipple. My name had been tattooed on the skin above his heart and I began to tremble as sobs slowly racked through my body.

“When did you get this?”

“4 months after we broke up. When I said that my heart will always be yours I was being serious. My heart will never pine for anyone or anything the way it does you, Charlene.”

I sobbed softly, feeling my heart break at the pain he spoke through. “That’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me.”

That’s when it clicked. The fact he was never photographed without his shirt, and when he was shirtless that side of his body was always covered, hence the towel in the magazine spread. He’d had this the whole time.

“Has anyone ever seen this?” My fingers traced the beautiful tattoo, my eyes transfixed.

“No. It’s just between us...and the tattoo artist of course.”

A laugh burst through my lips at his ability to forever lighten the mood and provide comic relief, even when he didn’t intend to. I stood on my tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his lips with a smile. “I love you.” I chuckled.

He lowered his head and kissed me back with a grin. “Love you too.” I pushed myself into him as his fingers slipped beneath my bra strap, unsure of whether or not to undo it. As I slid my tongue into Nicks mouth he seemed to gain the confidence and slowly removed my bra, sliding it down my arms and placing it behind him. Suddenly feeling very exposed, I stood closer to him, not wanting him to see me like this. He tried to step back to take a look at me for the first time in 5 years but I scrambled for his shirt and held it in front of my chest, beginning to panic.

“Baby?” He whispered, confusion evident.

“I can’t do this.”

“Can’t do what?” He frowned, knowing how ambiguous my statement was. I motioned to my chest and then to his, feeling ashamed of myself.

“It’s just not right.” I croaked. “I don’t want to feel like I’m sneaking around if I’m with you. Making love should feel right and...I just don’t think I’m in the right emotional or mental state to do that. I’m sorry.”

“So...all of that; all of that back there...it meant nothing to you?”

My eyes shot up and stared into his which were dark and on the verge of anger and hurt. “No no no; I didn’t mean that.” I quickly stepped forward, losing the shirt as I pressed myself into him, covering my chest from sight. “I just don’t think now is the right time for us to make love to each other. It should feel special and passionate, not rushed.”

“So...you don’t regret all of the stuff that just happened?” I saw the anger fade leaving him with a confused look on his face which appeared to be extremely common these days.

Grasping onto his cheeks, I brought his eyes down to mine, the extreme passion and chemistry between us was almost unbearable. “I will never regret anything that happens between us. I’ve always wanted everything between us to be perfect and I just don’t think now, what with all of the outside drama, is the best time for us to be doing this.” I again referenced out bare chests and let out a soft sigh as a smile grew on his lips. He understood.

“You’re perfect.” He whispered onto my forehead, closing his eyes and pressing repeated kisses. I clung to his warm chest and nuzzled my face into his torso, smiling as I did so. “I didn’t mean to pressure you in-”

“No baby, you didn’t pressure me at all. I just want everything to be perfect between us. I love you and I just want you to be happy.”

He grinned and nudged his nose against mine. “You make me happy.” Wrapping his arms around my lower back he held me firmly against him. “Speaking of happy...I best go have a cold shower.” He reached to the side of him and handed me my shirt before stepping away from me.

“What? Why?”

He turned and raised an eyebrow and it wasn’t long before a blush crept onto my cheeks and my mouth made the perfect ‘o’, making him laugh loudly. I heard the water begin to run and I stared at the shirt in my hands. Looking around the room I spotted his wardrobe and walked over to find a warm and comfy hoody.

I smiled when I saw one of what would have been many of his New York Giants hoody with his surname on the back which I knew all players had to wear at training sessions. I threw my shirt onto the bed and slid the hoody over my head and smiled at how warm and comfortable it was.

Deciding to get a better view of the amazing surroundings of Nicks apartment, I slid open the door to the balcony from his bedroom and then closed it again to keep in the warmth. I shivered within seconds of being outside and walked further down the balcony. I looked over and saw another much larger balcony which connected off the kitchen and it was absolutely beautiful. There was a jacuzzi in the corner of the wooden boards and a scattering of flowers and roses aligning the balcony. I never knew apartments could look like this.

I remained outside a long time, snuggling into Nicks hoody and watching a young family down by the lake, the young daughter seeming fascinated with the snow which was rare for England. The door to the other balcony flew open and a distressed Nick appeared. He was wearing just boxer shorts and was running his hand through his hair quickly. I frowned as I watched him before he swiftly went inside again. A few doors in the apartment were being slammed and I grew curious as to what was wrong and why the atmosphere had changed so dramatically.

Pulling open the balcony door slowly and stepping inside, I quietly closed the door behind me and walked warily over to the corridor. He was muttering a string of curse words as I watched him pace the living room.

“Nick?”

His head flew up and his eyes were wide with surprise, completing confusing me with what was happening. “You’re still here.” He whispered.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” I asked as I walked closer to him, still anxious as to what was going on in his head.

“I couldn’t find you and...I thought you’d left.” He hung his head. “I thought you regretted everything and left whilst I was in the shower.” He cleared his throat as he croaked some what, showing the effect this fear had had on his emotions.

“Baby.” Now standing in front of him, I linked my arms behind his waist and waited until he returned the movement. “Why would I have left? Where would I have gone?”

“Mark.”

He spoke in merely a whisper yet the effect of his tone was astonishing; the raw emotions, the vulnerability, the fear. “Listen to me.” Grasping onto the back of his head, I pulled him down to me and pressed his forehead to mine, ensuring we maintained eye contact. “Sure, I may have a lot going on in my head and my heart right now, but I wouldn’t be here with you like this if I didn’t feel that spark between us again. Nick, I’m not stupid, sure I’ve done some dumb things in my time but I wouldn’t be opening up myself to you like this if I didn’t feel so strongly for you. I love you and I hope you can trust and believe me when I say that.”

He sighed and rolled his forehead against mine. “This is all happening so fast.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well two days ago I didn’t know where anything stood. All I knew was that you’d fled somewhere and I hadn’t heard from you at all. Now, two days later, I find out;” He let out a deep breath and shot his eyes up to stare into mine; “that you love me.”

Silence fell between us and we simply stared into each others eyes as our foreheads remained pressed together. “I’m sorry.” I whispered when I finally got the courage. He tilted his head to one side and I wondered how he could always be so easily confused. “I’m sorry for causing you this pain and-”

“Pain?”

“Yes, all of this must have come as such a shock to you and I know it’s probably hurt you and pained your heart at my sudden turnaround, but-”

“You haven’t done anything of the sort, Charlene.”

I went to speak but he lifted his finger to my lips and walked me over to the couch
where I sat on his lap and lay my head on his shoulder, smiling as he played with our hands. “I’ll admit that these past two days have caused havoc for me mentally and emotionally. I had slowly begun to accept that you would never love me again and then I hear that you do and it threw me off. And my emotions; well I’m so up and down. I still cannot believe you are here;” He brought his hand up to my cheek which he softly caressed whilst he spoke, “and with me of all people. In the last hour alone I have experienced emotions that I have been isolated from for five years and it just feels incredible to delve into them again. Charlene; you make me feel things that no one else can. You taught me how to love, but it is only you I know how to do this with. If it were up to me, you would live here with my forever, our own private getaway where we can simply just...be. Charlene, I need to know something.”

I did not say anything, I just turned my head to look at him and felt my heart pick up speed in waiting for him to speak.

“How serious is this to you?” He nodded to our conjoined hands. “Is it just a thing on the side for you; a bit of fun? Or does it really mean something to you?”

“Nick you shouldn’t have to even ask that.” I replied nonchalantly, disgusted in myself that he would think of me as some sort of floozy. “I would never put you through the pain of being ‘the other guy’. I’m here with you because I love you and I wanted to see what the draw between us was like when left alone and Nick...it’s indescribable. Never has anything felt so natural and good as when I am alone with you.”

“What about with Mark?”

I sighed and shut my eyes, wanting Mark’s face to vanish from my mind and relief me from the pain and guilt. “Nick; nothing compares to what we had as kids and what we still have. I have never felt such chemistry with anyone before. I won’t lie to you, I do love Mark and that hasn’t changed. But our love is different. Sure, with Mark I feel calmer because I know there isn’t always a drama creeping around the corner waiting to happen. I should enjoy being with him more than I did you because technically speaking it is better because he hasn’t hurt me like you did and he is as close to perfect as you can get. But regardless, you are the one my heart is pining for and I don’t think that’s ever changed.”

Slowly he lifted me off of his lap and lay me down on his couch, carefully climbing on top of me, keeping his weight off my much smaller frame.

“I love you so much.” He whispered, scattering butterfly kisses over my face. I sighed softly and held onto his shoulders, brushing my fingers against his neck.

“I love you too.”

He smiled widely and nuzzled his face into my neck, causing a fit of giggles to leave my throat. He vibrated his lips against my neck and I laughed even louder, squealing and begging him to stop.

It was things like this that I had missed. Nick wasn’t afraid of opening himself up and acting like a total nerd in front of me. I had never been with someone that was so open and relaxed around me. As much as I loved Mark, he had never been as affectionate as Nick; no one had ever been as affectionate as Nick.

“Nick.” He continued to nuzzle his face into my neck and groaned when I tried to pull him back. He whined and snuggled closer, wanting to stay there forever. “Nick.” I said once again.

“What?” He whined, pressing a kiss to my neck and nestling his face there again.

“I’m going to leave him.”

That brought his attention back. He sprung backwards and was suddenly sitting on his heels staring down at me with wide eyes. “What?”

“I’m going to leave Mark.” I let out a deep breath and stared into his eyes, waiting for his reaction. Slowly his eyes turned down to squint at me as if to check I wasn’t bluffing. His head was tilted to one side and he had an eyebrow raised.

“You mean...” He knew what this meant but I knew he wanted to hear me say it aloud.

“I want to be with you and only you.” I breathed, letting out an agonisingly deep breath. “It’s over between me and Mark.”