Moving On Up

“So did you get your Dickens essay in on time?” Mark asked as he took a sip of his wine, his piercing blue eyes melting my heart as his lips held a slight smirk.

“Just.” I laughed. “I would have blamed you if I had missed the deadline.”

“Hey! You could have said no to going to dinner, I didn’t strap you to the chair.” He laughed and shook his head.

The waiter came and put the bill on the table, smiled and walked away, clearly expecting a tip. Mark glanced at the bill and pulled out his wallet. I tried to pick up the small piece of paper but he snatched it away. “There’s no need for you to see how much it cost.”

“Mark, I can’t let you pay for this meal again. This is like our 6th date and you have paid every single time.”

“Yes, but you have offered every single time which is nice because most girls just expect the guy to pay but I know you’re not like that and it’s refreshing.” He picked up my hand and held it to his lips. “And very attractive.” He pressed a lingering kiss to my hand and I thanked the lord I was sitting down or I would no doubt have collapsed.

“I’ll just have to find a way to repay you.” I smiled, some how regaining my composure. He cocked an eyebrow and sat back in his seat, a smile on his lips as he took out several notes to pay the huge bill. He always insisted on taking me to the best places and I never complained.

We thanked the waiter and Mark guided me out of the restaurant with his hand on my lower back.

“Thank you for dinner.” I smiled up at him as I cuddled up to him whilst we walked to his car.

“Thank you for joining me.” He grinned. I leant my back on his car and smiled as he took a step closer. “You’re by far the best girl I’ve ever dated.”

Both of our eyes opened widely at his statement. He began stuttering and it was the first time I had ever seen him lose his cool. “So…are we dating? Like, boyfriend, girlfriend?” I asked, running my fingers through his hair.

“Would you like to?” He asked. I could feel his heart beating fast as I pulled him closer to me, his chest pressed to mine. I nodded and bit my bottom lip, breaking out in a grin.

“Would you?” I could not stop grinning.

“Like to? No. Love to? Yes.” He smirked and stared into my eyes. My gaze dropped to his lips and I gulped, steadying my stance. I looked up to see him still staring intensely at me. We had been seeing each other for just under two months and we were yet to even kiss, both of us just wanting to get to know each other before it developed into something else. But it had certainly developed into something more than either of us could have imagined.

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispered, his hand smoothing back some of my hair that had fallen forward with the wind. My eyes began to close as our lips moved towards each others and my entire posture relaxed when his finally settled on mine. I gripped tightly onto his neck to get closer and he wrapped his arms around my back to hold me close. My hand ran through his hair as the kiss began to heat up, leaving both of us wondering why we had waited so long. I could not remember having so much natural chemistry with anyone since Nick. But things were different with Mark, unlike Nick I had warmed to Mark straight away and he was much calmer than Nick had ever been which was something I needed during my stressful time at university. Mark had such a calm and soothing effect on me and I didn’t plan on letting him go any time soon.

We pulled back from the kiss and rested our foreheads on each others, trying to catch our breath. Mark let out a breathy laugh and rolled his forehead against mine. “Just when I thought my girlfriend couldn’t get any better, she happens to be the most amazing kisser ever.”

“Wish I could say the same for you.” I grinned. He scoffed but then laughed. “I’m kidding. You’re incredible.”

“Will you come back to mine? I don’t want to leave you.”

“I’d love to.” I pecked his lips as a warm feeling settled in my stomach. Happiness. I climbed into his car, sighing happily as I touched my lips and remembered how amazing my life had become since meeting Mark. Mark climbed in and reached over, placing his hand on my own which was resting on my knee. We sat in silence as we drove to his home, sneaking glances at each other and smiling like teenagers.

“No way.” I whispered as we pulled up to Crescent Grove, aka the Oxford neighbourhood. “You live here?”

He nodded and squeezed my hand. I stared out of the window at the huge houses we passed, each more glamorous than the last. We turned into a large, Victorian style house that was so beautiful it simply blew me away. I stepped out of the car and stared at the stunning house in front of me. There was a small water fountain in the front garden and pretty flowers leading to the large wooden door, like the entrance to a palace.

“Your house is beautiful Mark.” I said as he stepped behind me.

“It’s not a house, it’s a home.” He pressed a soft kiss behind my ear. “Come on, lets get in before you get a chill.” He took my hand and opened the gate for me before walking up to the entrance, my hand still in his. He opened the door and flicked on the light, opening my eyes to the stunning sight that was his house. I stepped inside and turned around in a circle in admiration.

“Your house is beautiful.”

“You already said that.” He laughed. “Relax, kick your shoes off, it’s a chill house.”

I grinned and removed my heels, wondering where to put them. He took them from me and placed them in a small closet with a few of his own shoes. There was a loud barking from the other room and I jumped and watched as a tiny Yorkshire terrier came bounding into the room and into Marks waiting arms. The dog licked all over Marks face and continued barking loudly. Never would I have thought such a small creature could make so much noise.

“This is Lola.” He smiled over at me as the tiny dog looked at me and started barking again. I walked closer to him and rubbed her tiny head, grinning as she leant into my touch, hinting to scratch behind her ears.

“She’s so cute.” I smiled as she quietened down. “I would have put you as more of a German Shepherd kind of guy.”

“Nah, Lola’s a hit with the girls.” He grinned, sending a wink my way.

I laughed and rested my head on his bicep, continuing to stroke Lola.

“She likes you.” He said as she licked my hand and stared up at me, warmth in her beady little eyes. “To most people she’s a bitch, both in gender and personality. Guess Lola can tell a good person like her daddy.” He grinned down at me and pressed a soft kiss to my lips. He put Lola on the floor and wrapped both of his arms around me, nuzzling his face into my neck.

“I’m so happy to have you in my life Charlene.” He mumbled into my neck and pressed a soft kiss to it. “I was kind of in a dark place for a while and then you came into my life and gave me hope.”

“What do you mean?”

He pulled back and stared at me as I stared right back. “Nothing. I’m just all emotions because I’m so happy. I haven’t been this happy in a long while.”

I continued to stare at him and we were broken from our moment when Lola began whining for food. “Looks like someone is hungry.” I smiled and so did Mark. He gave my hand a reassuring squeeze and led me into his huge kitchen. I knew there was more than what he was letting on and I was determined to find out what it was.

…

I snuggled into Marks arms as we lay together in his extremely comfortable bed. He had given me one of his oversized shirts that I changed into since I was definitely going to be staying the night. I feared he would try to pressure me into sleeping with him which was something that certainly wasn’t on my mind this early on. That was why it was so nice that he didn’t even push or seem to think about it. He just wanted us to be together and I was more than happy with that arrangement.

“Baby.” I said as I stroked his chest.

“Mmhmm.” He mumbled as he ran his hand through my hair, rubbing the back of my neck comfortingly.

“What did you mean earlier? When you were talking about being in a dark place.”

He sighed and shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. Just forget I said anything.” He sighed again and looked into my eyes, arguing with himself mentally about whether or not he could trust me. His whole posture fell as if he was being stupid. “I was just scared about opening myself up but I already have so much trust and faith in you that I feel I can tell you anything.”

“You didn’t kill anyone did you?”

He chuckled and shook his head. “No; I didn’t kill anyone.” He let out a deep breath and looked away from my waiting eyes.

“Baby, you can trust me.” I whispered, holding onto his now worried face.

“Last year, I’d just celebrated taking over the reigns of the family business and I was on such a high. Everything was perfect. I was a bachelor and living life to the full. I thought nothing could bring me down.” He gulped and his eyes suddenly got dark. “We arranged a huge party in Central London, rented the biggest club in London for the night and invited everyone down. My oldest brother Aidan drove down with me since he doesn’t drink and knew I planned on getting pissed. My two sisters and other brother were coming down as well but they were in the car behind us. Zoe, my youngest sister who was 20 at the time was driving and had no clue where to go so was behind us literally the whole way down the motorway.” He chuckled. “We could see her yelling at them to be quiet so she could focus on the road. Her temper was always such a funny thing.”

I continued to stroke his face, encouraging him to continue but inside I was wondering where he was going with this. His breathing became shaky and I tried to prepare myself for what he was going to say.

“There was a huge lorry on the other side of the motorway that we could see coming up in the far distance. As it got closer I noticed it was skidding on the road and then air coming from the tyre, meaning it must have burst some how. Aidan noticed as well and was cursing at how dangerous it was.” His voice now broke and I got a horrid feeling in my stomach, knowing what was most likely coming. “The lorry swerved way out of control and came smashing through the barrier on the motorway and onto our side of the road. Zoe was too busy telling Anna and Rob to be quiet that when she finally saw the lorry.” He let out a sob and his entire body shook violently. “It was too late. Their car was instantly smashed and they all died on impact; all of them; just gone; like that.”

I held onto him tightly, allowing him to cry into my neck for as long as he needed. I sobbed into his hair at the pain he must have experienced. He had not lost one sibling, but three. He tried frantically to stop his crying but I ushered his hands away and held onto his face again.

“It’s ok. Let it all out.”

“I’ve just never opened up to someone about it before. Something about you is extremely special and I’m so blessed to have you.”

I brought him to me again and clung on to him like there was no tomorrow. He continued to sob and I continued to comfort him, to show him he was not alone.

“It just feels like no one understands. No one knows how it feels.” He whispered between his sniffles.

“I do.” I let out a deep and almost painful breath and prepared myself to open up like he had. “I know what it feels like.”

“No you don’t. No one knows. No one understands.” I wiped his tears with my thumbs, my eyes forcing him to hold eye contact. “Imagine having a sibling and then losing them when they are still so young. Imagine having your heart torn out with even the slightest memory of it all. And the fact a total stranger killed them, like it could have been avoided. Imagine, that being in the wrong place at the wrong time resulted in the loss of your siblings lives.”

“I don’t have to imagine.”

“What are you talking about? You don’t have any siblings.”

“Not any more I don’t. Mark, I lied to you. I told you I didn’t have any siblings purely because I didn’t want to talk about it.” He shifted in the bed and pulled me up to eye level, begging me to explain what was going on.

“I had a brother named Jesse…”

And it went like that. I told him everything about Jesse and he told me everything about his siblings. Neither of us had ever been able to find someone who understood the pain of losing a sibling but now we had. We’d found each other. The only other person who had come close to consoling me was Nick. I would cry and he would hold me which was all I needed back then. But it was different with Mark. He understood what I was going through, the emotions pulsing through my veins, the lonely pangs on my heart. Nick couldn’t. He could never understand and it often stopped me from leaning on him when it came to Jesse because I knew he couldn’t relate and would no doubt grow irritated with me forever going on about it. But I didn’t feel like that with Mark.

Neither of us thought we could create the bond we did that night, having grown closer than most couples do even two years into their relationships. I knew that Mark and I would only grow closer as the days passed and that we were already leaning on each other despite only being in the early stages of our relationship.

Mark had taken up a huge part of my heart and I knew the feeling was mutual. But by taking up such a large part of my heart, other things were forced to leave it; old loves being one of them.