Moving On Up

4 years earlier

“Nick, what a pleasant surprise.” My mum said when she found me on her doorstep. I crumpled down to the door and began to cry, tucking into a small ball. She quickly ushered me inside and into the living room. “I take it that you didn’t find her.” She said softly after a long time of hearing nothing but my sobs and whimpers.

“I’ve looked everywhere.” I cried, sobbing uncontrollably. “I went to every university she ever showed an interest in and nothing. I got turned away every single time.”

“What about England? How did your meeting with her grandparents go?”

“They wouldn’t tell me anything. I begged and begged for their help but her grandfather just said if I ever come near Charlene or her family again then I’ll be done for. I’ve done everything and come out with nothing. Mum, what if I never see her again?” I hiccupped on my tears.

She rubbed my back and stared at me. The look in her eyes told me that she didn’t think I would ever see Charlene again and I hated that people’s eyes always told the truth whether you wanted them to or not. “Everything that happens will be for the best.”

“How can you say that?!” I yelled standing and flipping out. “She is what is best for me! If I can’t have Charlene then my life is worthless, end of!”

“Don’t ever say that!” She yelled back. Thankfully no one else was home. “You can do anything you set your mind to and Charlene knows that! She would have wanted you to make something of yourself, so don’t pack it all in when you have your entire life ahead of you! Just stop and think logically! I understand how heartbroken you must be but-”

“You can’t understand! No one understands this pain I am living in!”

“Don’t interrupt me.” She said steadily, warning in her voice. “I understand how heartbroken you must be but you cannot give everything up for a girl. We all love Charlene but she has moved on and so must you, or at least try to. Surely if anything, you should want to make something of yourself so that in the years to come at a high school reunion she will regret ever letting you go and will end up kicking herself for the rest of her life. Prove to Charlene that she did have a positive effect on you, that it wasn’t all in vain.”

I stared at her before talking a deep breath and cooling down. “I’m going to go and unpack.” I said, pushing past to retrieve my suitcase and lugging it upstairs.

I had literally spent months on end looking for her. I went to Yale where she said I could visit but I was turned away, just like all the other dozens of universities, both stateside and in England. But I’d failed. She was out there somewhere, but where, I had no clue.

…

3 years earlier

“Now, Mr Jonas I hope you understand that you will be under our careful watch until we are certain you have recovered.”

“I understand.”

“Depression isn’t something you just swing in and out of; it takes a long time to be fully cured. You are to continue taking your medication and if you even feel like you may be swaying back into your severe depression, you contact us immediately.”

“I understand.”

“We honestly thought you would be in this rehabilitation centre for much longer than one year which is why we are wary to see you go so soon. The New York Giants are well aware of your condition and they also have our contact information, so they can be your first port of call.”

“I understand.”

“Now, you will already know this but I am simply reiterating that you do all you can to keep your mind off of Charlene. Any pictures of you together, any videos, any clothing, anything must be removed. It is not healthy to be around those kinds of things when you are trying to cover. Do you understand?”

I looked at him for a long time until he was squirming in his seat, getting impatient with me. “Mr Jonas, do you understand?”

I tensed my jaw and bit the inside of my cheek and slowly nodded my head.

…

Two years earlier

“Jonas! Jonas! Jonas!” The chants rang through my brain, even when I was away from the field and back in the safety of my New York penthouse. I stripped down to my boxers and strolled through to the kitchen to get myself a glass of ice cold water. I lined up all of my medication on the counter, sighing at how routine my life seemed.

My least favourite pills were the ones for insomnia, followed closely by my anti-depressants. And they were just two of the millions I had to take. But insomnia was by far the worst. They were just foul.

I remembered the last time I had a good nights sleep: June 3rd ,two years ago. Charlene was cuddled into my chest, smiling as she played with my curls.

“Nick, do you want to know something really random?”

“I would love to.” I smiled down at how beautiful was. So naturally stunning with no makeup and her hair tied back into a messy bun. As always she was wearing one of my shirts to bed.

“I love the little freckle on the side of your nose.”

“What? I don’t have a freckle on my nose.”

“Yeah, you do.” She lifted her finger and lightly touched the side of my nose, a smile on her lips. “Right there.”

“And you like it?” I chuckled.

“I love it, it’s cute.”

“You are a strange one.” I laughed, holding her tightly. “Well, would you like to know some really random things I love about you?”

“I would love to.” She grinned up at me. I pressed a soft kiss to her lips before going on to list every little thing I loved about her. From the small birthmark on her neck to the way she would kick her shoes off but then arrange them neatly which completely defeated the object. That’s what love is. All of the small things that no one else would notice, but that you treasure and adore.

That was the night before she went to England for her Uncles funeral, and the last night I ever spent with her, therefore the last night I slept properly with a smile on my face.

As soon as I moved into this apartment almost a year ago, I decided I had to follow the doctor’s orders and I put everything that reminded me of Charlene into boxes and stored them in the attic. There were millions of boxes. It took only an hour before I was up there again bringing them down, even if they had to be put away they didn’t belong in the attic so I placed them in my spare room where I spent hours just sitting and looking through every thing. This was a regular occurrence. But there was one picture I just couldn’t keep in a box so I put it on my bedside table. It was that same famous one. The picture Charlene took of us kissing before it turned into our first proper make out session. The same picture that had been by my bed for the entire time we were dating. It was a classic, just like our love story. But ironically, don’t all classic love stories end badly. Romeo and Juliet, Titanic, Othello. Any of those ring a bell?

I passed a mirror on my way out of the kitchen and I stared at my reflection, not remembering the last time I smiled. My eyes caught onto my tattoo. I had gotten a new one that only I had ever seen. ‘Charlene’ written across the skin that was above my heart. Only I needed to see it, no one else. Her brother’s necklace still hung around my neck and hadn’t been removed since she gave it to me all of those years ago. I even wore it for luck during games, keeping it safely tucked away.

Charlenes cold words were spinning around in my head from prom.

“Fine. You keep the last thing I have of my dead brother if it makes you fucking happy.”

When I saw her at graduation I managed to grow the balls to give it back to her but she had pushed it back into my hands.

“Jesse and I want you to have it. Just promise you’ll take care of it.”

“I’ll guard it with my life; I promise.”

And I had. I had stuck by my word. This was the one thing I refused to hand over when I entered rehabilitation and there was no way I was ever letting it out of my sight.

I walked over to the front of my apartment, the huge windows over looking New York. My apartment was two floors, but it was more of a studio, everything looking over the city. My bedroom was up a small wooden staircase and it looked over the entire apartment and had an incredible view of the beauty below that was NYC. My apartment was amazing but something was always missing. Charlene. Not a day had gone past when she wasn’t on my mind and I knew that wouldn’t change, but I couldn’t figure out if that was good or not. Moving on was not an option.

…

6 months earlier

“Nicholas, this is Katie Jones.” My mum smiled, holding out her arm to Katie warmly.

“Nice to meet you.” I shook her hand and then pulled it back.

“Well…we’ll leave you kids to talk.” Katie’s mum smiled, taking my mums hand and both of them squealing. They were best friends; best friends with two single children. Do the maths. My mum was also desperate for me to be happy and though she knew Charlene was the only way for this to happen, she thought I had might as well try with other girls.

I looked up at Katie and we laughed awkwardly. I rubbed the back of my neck and she stared down at her shoes.

“Would you like to grab a coffee or something, or would you rather speak with those two watching over us like hawks?” I nodded my head in our mother’s directions. She laughed and formed a beautiful smile.

“That sounds good.”

“Let’s go.” I took her hand and led her out to my car and we sped off to the local starbucks. It was coming up to Christmas and Chicago looked magnificent as always. My mum had insisted I come to Sunday practise at our local church and her insistence now made sense since she obviously had set something up with Katie’s mother.

Katie tried to pay for her drink but I beat her to it. “What are gentlemen for?” I smiled, handing her drink.

“Well, until just now I didn’t know they existed.” She raised an eyebrow and smiled, walking over to the corner table.

She was pretty, there was no denying it. It had been three and a half years since I had been with a girl, this being Charlene of course. Sure, Katie didn’t give me the warm and fuzzy feeling in my stomach that Charlene did but I knew I would never feel that way again. Katie’s long blonde hair stood our that’s for sure and it really did look beautiful on her. She had amazingly dark blue eyes and the longest eyelashes. Her makeup was light and natural; the kind I always liked.

“So, what do you do for a job?” I asked, taking a sip of my coffee.

“I’ve actually just finished training to be a teacher.”

“Awesome, high school teaching?”

“Oh no.” She shook her head and laughed. “I’m not quite ready to teach at a zoo. Elementary teaching. I love children so it makes sense.”

“That’s really great. Few people give back to the community like that. For most its all about what pays the most.”

“I know. So you’ve obviously heard about teaching payment.”

“Oh, I didn’t mean to offend you.” I stuttered, wondering how far I wanted to push my foot into my mouth.

“You didn’t. The pay is pretty dismal but emotionally you get the best rewards. It just makes you feel so amazing when you see children learn something they didn’t know an hour before, and that its thank to you. I know its sappy but I just love it.”

“Geez, I feel awful now.”

“Why?”

“Because you give back so much. I get paid way too much and do sod all for the community.”

“Sod all?” She crinkled her nose.

“It’s, urm, a British phrase.” I blushed, realising I still said things I’d picked up from Charlene.

“And you’re wrong about your job. You’ve got an amazing talent so why not use it? Plus you give back to all of the football fans. Sure you piss the losing team off.” She chuckled. “But I think its amazing what you do.” She said and I smiled and took another sip of my drink, looking at Katie over my drink.

Thank you mother.

…

One hour earlier

“Nick, what do you think?” Katie spun around in front of me in a black dress she had been on about for a long time.

“You look very pretty.” I smiled, turning my attention back to New York City.

“You could at least be a little more enthusiastic.” She chuckled.

She began speaking about a little boy she had taught who had autism but I had heard it before and tried my best to listen but I couldn’t quite pay attention.

It had been four years almost to the day that Charlene and I had broken up. Four years since my entire world fell down around me. Four years since she left with my heart and never had the courtesy to return it.

“Nick? Nick are you even listening to me?”

“Of course I am.” I snapped. She jerked her head back and went quiet, silently walking into the bathroom to finish with her makeup. I cursed under my breath and groaned, knowing I had to apologise.

That was one of the only problems with Katie. She just put up with my shit and never said anything back but it was putting me into bad habits. She was a great girlfriend which made me look and feel even worse. Charlene was the opposite of Katie in this respect. If I stepped out of line she would quickly put me back. If I snapped at her for no reason which rarely happened, she would snap back and tell me to stop being a bitch. She made sure I never went off track but it seemed like Katie was almost too scared to tell me what to do.

That was a huge problem about my relationship with Katie. Everything was perfect but everything she did, I would compare to Charlene. Would Charlene say something like that, would Charlene laugh at that, would Charlene disagree with her. Everything was compared and it wasn’t healthy. It was almost as if Charlene was religion, with me trying to live my life doing things she would approve of or be proud of.

I walked into the bathroom to see Katie having a sip of water and putting the mouthwash back down. She was addicted to that stuff.

“I’m sorry.” I pouted, standing behind her and wrapping my arms around her waist, resting my head on her shoulder. It was uncomfortable because I had gotten extremely tall but Katie was rather short; well compared to Charlene at least. I fitted perfectly around Charlenes body. Shut up Nick! Stop comparing everything!

“It’s fine. I was just rambling.”

“No, don’t do that. Don’t make everything seem like your fault. I’m just a moody old fart.”

She giggled. “Where do you get all these weird English phrases from?”

“I like English television.” I lied. In fact, that was what Charlene had called me once when I snapped at Frankie for knocking over some water. I still laugh at the memories of the weird phrases she would come out with. “You do look gorgeous Katie.” I pressed a soft kiss to her neck. “But you have to get your gorgeous ass out the door, the car will be arriving soon.”

“Oh how charming.” She giggled. Charlene would have said a similar thing. Nick!
Katie spun around and pressed a chaste kiss to my lips. “I love you Nick.”
All I did was smile and hit her bum, ushering her out of the bathroom and trying to move the conversation away from the love topic. She knew I didn’t love her but she was ok with that and I was so thankful she wasn’t trying to rush it from me because I honestly didn’t know if I ever would love again.

When we finally got down to the car that had just pulled up, she was asking me about what this evening about.

“New season; new kit. Taylors are a British company that we’ve just signed a deal with so tonight we’re just meeting with the owner Mark.”

“Oh, the guy you were speaking with last week?”

“Yeah, he wanted my honest opinion on the kit. He seems like a top guy as well. He’s not what you expect for someone that runs their own business. You imagine some old, fat man but he’s the furthest from. He’s 24 and what you girls call ‘dreamy’. Tall, dark and handsome.” I chuckled.

‘Sounds like you’, is what Charlene would have joked. NICK!

“Whoa.” Katie laughed once we entered the restaurant. “Nick, what time did we need to be here?”

“Eight.”

“Nick.” She hissed. “We’re half an hour late.” I just shrugged and she groaned, knowing what I was like.

We pulled up to the top floor and I saw Mark standing with his head down and his body turned away. He stood up straight once the doors opened and I laughed, realising he had been kissing someone. His dark red lips confirmed my suspicions; guilty.

“I guess Mr Dreamy has a girl.” I grinned, walking over and smiling at him. “Mark, my man!”

He laughed and stepped forward, giving me a strong, friendly hug. I opened my eyes and gaped at the sight in front of me. My heart stopped beating and I thought I might faint. She was staring down, then looked up and smiled at Katie. That smile; it couldn’t be. She glanced up and then again. I froze. My eyes scanned all over her, taking in everything. Mark was laughing and saying something as he continued to hug me but I was too absorbed in her.

She looked stunning. Katie was pretty but Charlene really was beautiful. There was a huge difference. She looked so different yet the same. She had gotten even more attractive which I never thought possible since she has always been beauty defined.

Her eyes took all of me in, looking all over my face like a child in an ice cream shop, not knowing where to look first. Then her gaze stopped down to my nose and she almost seemed to relax. Then it hit me; she had spotted the freckle. Only Charlene had ever noticed it. I then got the warm and fuzzy feeling in my stomach as realisation really hit home. It was her.

I wanted nothing more than to scoop her up in my arms and kiss her senseless, carry her home and make love to her for the rest of my life. It was like that thought made sense and as soon as Mark stepped away I would lunge for her and never let go.

Mark stepped back from me and wrapped his arm around Charlene affectionately. Oh no. This was not part of the plan. They couldn’t be? They can’t be a…? No. No. NO!

“This beautiful lady is my girlfriend Charlene. Charlene, meet Nick Jonas and his lovely girlfriend Katie.”

Shit. Fuck. Bollocks.