Moving On Up

Charlene POV

I awoke with a smile the next morning as I felt fingers brushing along my face, smoothing back my unsightly morning hair. A full on grin then broke out when a light kiss was pressed to each of my closed eyelids, which slowly fluttered open to reveal a gorgeous looking Mark. He was one of those people that looked amazing in the morning, his hair ruffled and sporting a light spray of stubble before his daily shave. Every day was a good one when I woke up next to him.

“Morning.” I smiled, cuddling even closer to him.

“Good morning gorgeous. I missed you.”

“Missed me? I didn’t go anywhere.” I muttered into his chest, feeling my eyes drooping again.

“Yeah, I’ve been so lonely for the last hour, waiting for you to wake up.”

“Aww Mark, why didn’t you just jump out of bed anyway?”

“Firstly, I like being with you when you wake up and I enjoy our random and stupid conversations we have in the mornings.” He chuckled, tracing my spine with his thumb. “And I couldn’t slip out without waking you since your body is so tangled with mine.”

Have I mentioned that he’s perfect?

I let out a content sigh and lay my cheek on his smooth chest, smiling as I watched my hand glide down and over his impressive biceps. “Plans for today?”

“The day is pretty much all yours today. I’ve got a conference at 12 which will run for about 3 hours and then I’ve got another one an hour after that; so I’ll be gone until about 7 unfortunately. I wish this was a business trip without the business.” He smiled whilst kissing my nose. I smiled up at him and pointed to my lips, grinning as he obliged. “So, what are you planning on doing today Miss Howard?”

“Urm, well I’m meeting Sara and Henry at noon.” I lied, looking away from his eyes. I had never lied to him before and I detested the feeling I got deep inside me like I was betraying him. “Then I was just going to go for a stroll around the city.”

“Do you want a lift to Sara and Henry’s? I can organise a driver to pick you up.”

“No no its fine.”

“Honestly, it will be easy to do.”

“Mark, its fine.” I said slightly quieter, feeling disgusting for lying to him.

“Hey,” He paused and took my face in his warm palms. “Is everything ok?”

I stared into his deep, beautiful eyes, seeing nothing but trust and love which made me feel even worse. “I’m just going to miss you today.”

His face brightened and he smiled softly at me. “I’ll miss you too; I always do. We should plan a trip together, no business or anything just us two. Its been 3 months since we went to Rome and I think a little romantic getaway will be just what we need.”

“That sounds perfect. But we will have to enforce the no phone rule again ok?”

He rolled his eyes and then laughed. Mark was pretty much always on his blackberry, especially since this huge deal with the New York Giants had come through, but for the most part he put it away when we were together and I could not have been more thankful. I frowned at his chin and slowly rubbed my hands down his cheeks, not liking the sharp feelings in my fingers from his stubble.

“Bathroom time.” I exclaimed and jumped from the bed, waiting for him to follow my lead. He did and finally reached me, wrapping both arms around me and slowly walking me backwards to the bathroom, sliding his shirt off of my head as he did so. I advice everyone to share showers, purely to help the environment of course, not because the guy you are sharing it with is insanely handsome and has a killer body. Yep, that played no part whatsoever…

…

“Tell Sara and Henry I say hello.” Mark said as he smoothed my hair, tucking a stray piece behind my ear. I just nodded, not being able to tell him any more lies. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” I spoke from the heart and gently grasped onto his cheeks, lowering his lips to mine. “I’ll see you tonight.”

“Yes and I’ll let you know if we finish early, which I’m praying will happen.”

“Me too.” I chuckled, kissing his lips once more and slowly letting go off his hand as he climbed into the waiting car which soon pulled out into traffic and vanished from sight.

I pulled a piece of paper from my jeans and examined the address, realising I had no clue where to go. Feeling like a true and fearless New Yorker, I stepped out into the busy road and hailed a taxi, feeling strangely proud of myself.

“Hi, could you take me to this address please?”

He gave me a nod and without another word, pulled into the long line of traffic.

“Accent?” He said 15 minutes later with a hugely thick New York accent that I barely understood.

“England.”

“Oh, that tiny island somewhere in Europe right?”

I scoffed quietly and rolled my eyes. “That’s the one.”

“I have a friend called Doug that lives there; you know him?”

Ok…seriously?

“Well, you know, there are over 61 million of us.”

“So, that’s a no. He’s short, black hair, got a bit of a gut.”

Lets play along, see how ignorant he really is. “Oh I know the one, he’s a really top guy.”

“Yeah he is. Have you met his wife Sandra?”

Oh dear Lord.

…

I knocked nervously on the door, noticing that there were no other doors on his floor. Either his apartment was massive, or he wasn’t very popular with the neighbours.

The large door opened, revealing a smartly dressed Nick. He wore a light blue dress shirt which was tucked into his smart beige trousers. Even his shoes looked designer. I looked down at myself in my skinny jeans and huge ‘Oxford University’ hoodie, feeling very underdressed.

“Hey, thank you so much for coming.” He smiled, allowing me into his apartment.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know I had to dress up, I feel like such a tramp.” I chuckled, suddenly conscious of my hair which was crammed into a scruffy bun and the little makeup I did have on. He was used to models, and here I was looking like I had put no effort in whatsoever.

“You look beautiful, I just like not having to wear sports clothes on my days off.” He laughed softly. “Would you like a drink?”

“Water please.”

He smiled and left for the kitchen. I walked further into the apartment, not being able to stop my jaw from hitting the ground; his place was massive. But what really caught me was the magnificent views of New York City, the multi-story windows taking up all the room. I didn’t even want to think about how much this place cost him.

“Here you are.” Nick had appeared, holding a glass of water. I laughed as I noticed 4 ice cubes inside, and half a lemon slice in the water. “Its hard to forget the specific way you liked your water.”

“I’m surprised you remembered.”

“I could never forget; never.” He spoke softly and I knew he wasn’t on about the water anymore. “Charlene, thank you so much for coming, you don’t know what this means to me.”

I stared at him, not knowing what do say. ‘Your welcome?’ as if I was doing him a favour; nothing seemed appropriate. So I did what I seemed to do a lot lately; I nodded. He eyed me suspiciously before turning his attention to the view. He sighed and crossed his arms over his large and firm chest.

“It’s a stunner, that’s for sure.” He sighed again, not looking my way at all.

“It sure is. Did you know Henry and Sara live in New York as well?”

He took a while to answer and when he did there was an edge to his voice I didn’t recognise. “Yes I did know that.”

“I feel like the one that’s been left out.” I chuckled.

“Well you haven’t been, if anything it’s the other way around.”

“Nick-”

“Did Henry and Sara know where you were all this time?” I looked up and he was staring down at me with intense pressure. He had grown a heck of a lot since school and the sheer presence of the man was enough to make your head spin. He was huge both in height and muscle. “Well?” He raised a dark eyebrow that slid smoothly up his tanned skin.

“Yes; they knew.”

He turned and thumped on the window. “I fucking knew it.” He growled. “Well you’ve got yourself some very loyal friends there, since they wouldn’t give on they knew where you were; not one bit.”

“You tried to look for me?” I whispered. He laughed coldly and shook his head, but his gaze wasn’t friendly, it was ice cold and accusing.

“For years I looked for you. I travelled all around the country searching. I flew to fucking England for Christ’s sake. I visited your grandparents! But I’ve got to give you props, I never would have thought of Oxford University. That is where you went right?” He pointed towards my University hoodie that I felt like disappearing into.

I nodded, feeling very intimidated by him which was a first.

“Wow, I always knew there was more than what meets the eye with you Charlene. You outsmarted even me so congratulations. So what, just when you know I have started to accept you are never coming back, you rock up with Mark on your arm?”

“That’s not fair Nick; that’s not fair at all. I was just as surprised to see you as you were me, so don’t make it seem like some sick plot against you because its not. I came over here to settle a few things, not to have abuse hurled my way.”

“It’s not abuse Charlene, it’s the truth and I’m sorry if you can’t handle it but maybe you should just stop and think about all the damage you left behind.”

“Excuse me?” I scoffed.

His head spun and his eyes were dark with anger. “You think everything was peachy after you left? You jet off to merry old England and leave all of us in turmoil. Jay had a freaking breakdown after you left him, did you know that?”

“No.” I whispered.

“Wow you really are ignorant to reality aren’t you?”

Without even thinking, I brought my hand up and slapped him hard, the sound echoing around the apartment. He slowly brought his hand up to his cheek, wincing as he did so. My mouth fell open slightly as I saw a bright red mark already forming. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.” I said as I quickly stepped forward and moved his hand away, gently settling my own on his flaming skin. “Do you want some ice for it? I’ll go get you something for it.” Before I could walk away his hand grabbed my wrist, my hand still on his cheek which he was now holding there. He let go and carefully placed both of his palms on my cheeks.

“Its fine, but you sure do pack a punch.” He chuckled softly. His thumbs brushed under my eyes and I looked away before slowly taking a step back.

“Nick, tell me what happened to you after I left.”

He looked at me with a blank expression before walking past without another word. I shut my eyes and took in a deep breath, refusing to cry in front of him. I turned and was about to head for the main door so I could leave but I caught his eye as he stood watching me. “Are you coming or not?”

I quickly caught up with him and walked into a room that was beautiful. It had a large fish tank that spread across an entire wall and there was old black and white pictures, mainly of Paris, all the while the room had an incredible view of New York. “This is where I come for some downtime; it’s just a place to get away from everything. Come and sit.” He patted the space next to him. I stared at him as I walked over and sat down. “Why don’t you lie with me?” He asked as he lay down on the huge couch, but he must have noticed my hesitation. “Don’t worry, nothing will happen.”

I shuffled over and lay next to him, turning on my side as if to cuddle closer but without realising it.

“I broke down after you left.” He started; deciding now was the time to answer me. “I knew you were going to have to leave at some point for university, but I just didn’t expect it to happen so soon and abruptly. I went to your house a few days after graduation but no one was home, so I waited and waited but still no one came. It was a whole week until I saw your family car pull into your house; but you weren’t there. Your parents wouldn’t tell me where you had gone and your dad pretty much threatened to kill me.”

He looked down at me and I gulped as I watched a tear fall down his cheek. “You never told me.” He whispered. “You just abandoned me like I was a toy you had outgrown. You made me feel worthless, like everything we shared meant nothing.”

“You can’t have thought that.” I said quietly, feeling tears building in my eyes.

“I did and still do. I know the way we left things as a couple was terrible, but I foolishly thought we were at least beginning to get back on track, but little did I know graduation would be the last time I would ever see or hear from you.” He shook his head and I watched as his eyes studied my face, whether he was admiring or looking for flaws, I wasn’t sure. I didn’t know if he was looking at me and wondering why the hell he ever loved me, which broke my heart. “Why did you tell me? Did you hate me that much?”

“I needed to get away from you, from everything and I knew that you would never let me go if I told you where I was. That is why I did what I did, not because of anyone else but because of me. I put myself first for a change. For my entire life I did what I felt other people would benefit best from, but I thought why bother when they give me nothing in return, it just didn’t seem fair.”

His fingers linked through mine and his gaze was hot and intense. “Is that what you thought? That I was just like everyone else, treating you like shit?”

I nodded and looked around timidly, before realising there was no where to long but into his eyes. “That Becky thing kind of settled my fate. Nick, you were one of the few people I thought loved me unconditionally and would forever have my back; but you didn’t.” I held my hand up when he tried to speak. “When I found out about you and Becky, everything just crumbled. I thought if I couldn’t trust you, then who could I trust? I honestly believed you were my soul mate, so devastated is an understatement for how you made me feel.”

“Charlene.” He croaked and now his eyes were flooded with his tears, his grip tightening on my hand. “I never meant to hurt you.”

“You’ve said.” I whispered.

“No, let me explain. Despite how much you try to convince yourself, you know how much I loved you and you know I would never want to hurt you. I did and still do love you unconditionally and that won’t ever change. Becky was a huge mistake, the biggest of my life, and not a day goes by that I don’t kick myself about what an idiot I was. Charlene, you were and still are the best thing to ever happen to me and you must believe that; you must.”

I sobbed and wiped under my eyes, seeing bits of runny mascara on my finger tips. “It’s just so-so hard.” I choked on my tears, not being able to stop myself. “I want to believe you, but you hurt me so much Nick, and it still freaking hurts and I hate that.”

He stared at me, his own eyes glistening with his tears. I shut my eyes when he stood back up and was now looking down at me. “Come with me.” He said softly. I looked into his eyes which were warm and loving, a far cry from earlier.

I sniffled and got to my feet, taking his outstretched hand and following him out of the room. I kept my eyes fixed on his broad back, wondering where he was taking me. He came to a stop and looked over his shoulder at me before slowly taking a deep breath and opening a door for me. I frowned and walked inside. A harsh gasp left my mouth and I stumbled backwards into a hard chest, looking up to see those deep brown eyes staring down at me.

“What is all this?” I whispered.

“Proof that I’m not lying.”

The entire room was filled with pictures of me and Nick, all of our memories in one room, too large to fit in his loft. I walked slowly around the room, staring at every single item in the room, chuckling at some and wiping my tears at others whilst I dodged around the mass of boxes I assumed were also filled with our memories.

“I know this may seem really creepy to you, but I just couldn’t bring myself to chuck any of it out or hide it in my attic. The memories mean too much to me.”

I didn’t find it creepy at all; just odd that he still cared so much. “Nick?” I spoke softly and glanced over at him. “Do you still love me?”

He walked slowly over to me and took my hand in his, sliding his palm down mine. “I never stopped and I never will. You are all I want; all I need.”

“Did you never want to just move on and leave me as just a figure in your past?”

“I’ve tried like hell to move on and numb the pain in my heart but nothing works; my love for you will never fade.”

He took my other hand and held them both to his lips, his eyes closing as he did so. I watched him and then looked down at my hands that he refused to let go off. I pulled one from his grasp and slowly stroked his cheek that was still red; wow I had been a bitch this afternoon.

“Charlene, tell me honestly, did you ever think of me?”

I sighed softly and stared into his beautiful brown eyes, not wanting to hurt him. “Up until the last few months, not a day went past when I didn’t miss you and wonder what you were doing.”

“So what’s happened in the last few months?” He whispered.

“I fell in love with Mark.” I watched the pain in his eyes as I said it and I could almost feel his heart break right there and then; hear it shatter. He knew I loved Mark; it just hurt him to hear it out loud.

“And you fell for Katie.” I added quietly with a gentle smile on my face, but his face remained void of emotion.

“I will never ‘fall’ for Katie.” Just as I was about to say something Nicks phone rang. He glanced at the screen and pressed cancel before turning it off and putting it back in his pocket. “Speak of the devil.” He sighed. I turned my back to him and ran my finger over a picture of Nick and I at Sara’s house, cuddled up on the couch and looking blissfully in love.

“I like this one.” I whispered, squeezing my eyes but failing to hold back the tears. I suddenly turned and wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face into the crook of his neck. “I’m sorry; I’m so so sorry.” I cried. He quickly wrapped his arms around my lower back, pressing me firmly into his chest. “I had no clue.”

“You should have known.” He sobbed. “You should have known I would never get over you.” This only made me cry harder as we continued to hold each other and cry, having missed being in each others arms.

“I’ve missed you Nick.”

His grip on my tightened and his face quickly buried itself in my hair, before he whispered softly. “I’ve been waiting fours years to hear you say that.”