She's Dancing Alone

You never forget your firsts. First kiss, first love, first boyfriend, first time. No matter how hard you tried to forget, you wouldn’t be able to. Believe me, I’ve tried. My name’s Brianna. I’m a college student, but I graduate this semester. So I suppose you read Dark Eyed Dreamers? A lot’s happened since then. Relationships have changed, people have changed and most certainly, I’ve changed. I remember the first few months after they left, I couldn’t cope. I prayed that I could just be erased from existence quite a lot of the time. I hated not seeing them. At first I hated college. I blamed college for taking me away from them. Carolyn often spent long periods of time in our room on the phone to Zack. I wasn’t jealous but I was upset looking at her and seeing how happy she was. After they’d admitted their love for each other they couldn’t be parted whenever they were close enough to visit.

That’s something that hasn’t changed. Something that has though is the boys. I remember Carolyn turning on the TV one day when some classmates were over and screaming.

”What is it?” I jumped at the sudden ear piercing noise causing the whole room to go quiet.

“Anna! Bri! Look! It’s- look!” She rambled. Looking towards the TV I could see why.

Dear Maria (Count me in) – All Time Low.

At the words on the screen we both leaped forwards leaving the others in the room clueless.

“Dude, does anyone else know what’s going on?” Curtis, a black haired guy in my biology, asked.

“That’s my fucking boyfriend!” Carolyn squealed pointing one finger at Zack and using her other hand to cup her mouth.

“What!” A large portion of the room yelled. We shushed them and everyone instantly gathered around in complete awe at the boys on the screen. There were slow motion clips of the band playing every now and then, but every time my eyes would fix on Jack. Both Carolyn and I were in fits of laughter whenever Alex appeared on the screen. As a girl appeared on the screen Carolyn frowned and ran her hands down her sides.

“I could do that,” she muttered making me laugh. As I turned my eyes back to the screen Jack was dressed as a DJ in a floral shirt with a fake moustache and sunglasses. We both laughed at the state of him but kept watching as we did. Even though the people around us were also laughing we found it even more hilarious because we knew, this was something the guys would have fun with.

“What d’you think Kara would say at that?” I asked Carolyn pointing at Rian grinning wildly at the pole dancer on the screen.

“I think she’s polishing her rifle as we speak. He looks so much better with his hair cut,” she quirked.

“Alex’s voice sounds different,” I commented tilting my head to the side.

“Maybe he actually learned how to sing,” Carolyn teased. As an image of Alex riding a mini motorbike filled the screen we instantly burst into another round of laughter which caused us both to end up in tears and gripping our sides within seconds. But when another image of Jack filled the screen my laughs died down. He was beckoning the half dressed girl back to him and grinning like a mad man as he did. Even though it was only for the sake of the video it made a feeling in my chest sink. It reminded me of the day the van sped away and I had only seen him once since. I always had a feeling the guys would be noticed. No one else thought they’d get this far, premiering on MTV, but I always had a feeling they’d be big. The look on Alex’s face as his character jumped up from his seat caused sniggers to erupt throughout the room, typical Alex. Although, I suppose he was free to do what he liked with strippers.

That happened every time we saw them on TV, even if we’d seen the video before. I remember the first time we saw Poppin’ Champagne. It made my blood boil to see all those girls throwing themselves at Jack. Oh, and as for the last part? Louise and Alex were no longer together. They hardly ever spoke and she didn’t go to visit any more. It was a messy break up, one that I’m pretty sure Lou will never forget.

“I honestly don’t know what to say,” Kara admitted as her hand covered her mouth slightly muffling he words as I walked through the door from the kitchen.

“Don’t know what to say about what?” I asked causing Carolyn to turn around. The look on her face made my chirpy mood turn more serious. I set the soda cans I’d grabbed off Louise down on the coffee table and stood with the other two forming a small group.

“I just got off the phone with Zack,” she began looking cautiously between me and Kara and keeping her voice just low enough. “Alex cheated on Lou,” she confirmed. My mouth hung and my eyes went wide for a short moment before my jaw clenched and I balled my fists at my sides.

“He did what?” I asked as if I’d heard wrong.

“They played two shows in Pittsburgh,” she sighed running a hand through her hair. “Apparently he was getting pretty cosy with some girl the first night and got her number. Then she was at the show last night too and he saw her, took her back to the bus and...” she trailed off letting me fill in the rest for myself.

“I can’t believe he’d do that to her,” I muttered only loud enough for myself to hear. We all exchanged glances but something didn’t feel quite right. It felt like I was being watched. As I turned in the direction of the door I could see the small girl I called my best friend stood with tears streaming down her face. “Oh my god.” My hand cupped my mouth and the other girls snapped their attention to the door, their faces flushed with regret just like mine had. Louise was stood in the door way totally motionless. She didn’t say anything, her eyes were fixed on a spot in the room but she clearly wasn’t paying attention to what it was. She looked completely vulnerable and over everything, shattered. I knew exactly what look she had on her face as her lifeless eyes continued to leak tear after tear. She was heartbroken.

That was long before the release of So Wrong, It’s Right. In fact it was straight after they went on tour and word got out about them. The girl even got a song written after her, it had become Alex’s way of dealing with one night stands and breaking girls. Louise didn’t get a song named after her though. But unlike me, she moved on. One time during a break Carolyn and I along with Shaun, a boy in Carolyn’s English class visited Baltimore. Both Shaun and Louise instantly connected and within weeks they were officially together. She still wasn’t over what Alex had done to her, and although he wasn’t happy with the break up he was enjoying being single. He’d slept with a couple of girls since then but not many and he made sure the girls knew nothing was going to happen, he had respect for women.

This isn’t a clichéd story about how we never spoke to the boys again. This isn’t a tale of how Jack suddenly walked back into my life and we fell in love and lived happily ever after. We stayed in touch with all of the boys. This is a little more realistic. Should I tell you the story now?