A realisation, and confession.

Okay so my life hasn’t exactly been a bundle of laughs. Don’t get me wrong I’ve had happy times, really good times actually, but there has been bad times.

When I was young we didn’t really have a lot of money so I didn’t get the best clothes, food, or treats like other kids but I did get to spend time with my family.

Then we had rough times, my mum went into hospital and I fell into a pit of depression, not like anyone noticed! I did it with the help of one person Dawn, and I say now that she saved my life, and iv very thank full for that. It was also a time when I discovered real music. The stuff that a lot of people hate but made me think and listen to the lyrics. ‘Welcome to my life.’ by Simple plan really hit me hared, it felt like they where singing about my life and made me feel better that there where people out there that know what I was going thought.

Know in present day things are a lot better with my mum and I feel better within myself, I have more confidence and, apparently, more friends.

Now there is another problem, friends or so called friends! I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and it brings me down!

I have these two sets of friends, its not like there two gangs and they both want to kill eatch other, not like that. But it may as well be.

Okay so school friends I have known some of these people since I was basically born and others I haven’t but I do and did value them all, a lot! Now some of these people have problems with my ’new friends’, or me changing, or me even not being the best friend they tell me I am.

Now there are my friends from gardens. I like them, most of the time, yeah they can get a bit bitch and annoying but I can handle them. The are my kind of people. There fun and you should know ill do anything for a bit of fun, and to be bad for a change!

Unbelievable I have all these friends and I think, and know if people up gardens don’t like me or I piss them off, they will tell me where to go, and I’m ok with that, yeah I will be upset, I treated these people as my friends but id rather not waist my time with them if they don’t want me around.

But with school its hard these people screw with your mind and you get confused about you own life and… friends! I am not one of these people that wont pleasant to people I don’t like. Sure I might have a good time with them and be nice but I don’t consider them to be a friend… friend of mine you know?

There are people that have pissed me off because of me changing and all that shit, oh and yes I am admitting right here in this sentence that I HAVE changed but not in the way that people think, or why I have. If people where paying attention earlier they would off seen it then. I would also like to add that I lie the way I have changed, and think it will make my life better.

People have also got pissed off because of my mates at gardens, people guess what? I don’t care there not my ‘new friends’ they ARE my friends if you like it or not, people are just jealous because they don’t have me all to themselves anymore.

Now it maybe me getting paranoid (but I don’t think it is) do I always or nearly always come second best to other people? Now I know that this feeling doesn’t just apply to me! Okay before you all start I know people have other friends too! People always let me down, make me feel uncomfortable in my own skin and you have on idea how that feels! And this happens every day!

People say I’m a quiet girl, doesn’t complain, and knows where her place is.

Well I’m not a quiet girl, I have more confidence than I ever did and I voice my own opinions even if people won’t like me very much after, I still do it.

I do complain, and I’m complaining now!

I also know where my place is and I deserve to fit in to that place and get respect when I deserve it.

I’m not saying all the people I call my friends are like this. I have some friends I wouldn’t replace in the world, and have the best times with. If its messing about at break, talking to over myspace, msn, or mibba, sitting down Morrison’s and watching the boys fall off there skateboards, having a girly day up town, or causing trouble up gardens, I have fun, and I feel like I’m apart of something, and that makes me happy.

So now you have read it! Think about what type of friend you are! Do you think your one of the people I said about? I hope you do realise who is who. Maybe you will think harder about the way you people treat all your friends.

Disclaimer:

I have the right to write this because its how I feel, and everyone is aloud to talk about there feelings, don’t comment me giving me bull about this. Iv got the bottle to show my feelings, write them down, and post them on a fucking blog for people to read, and think about! If you don’t like what I wrote, what’s the point in commenting this, I like it! So piss off this fucking post!

BYE!

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