Except One

After what seemed an age, Regan slowly got out of the water. The sky was pink as the sun rose in the sky. She stayed out all night, waiting, watching, thinking about everything. She began to tremble as she bent down and picked up her tunic of elm leaves. With a loving smile, she traced the pattern of the leaves that made the garment, the tiny lines of the fairy stitches, so small only keen eyes could see them. So much had been done to help her fit in, to welcome her to Neverland, to ensure she stayed. But she couldn’t, not right now. She knew what she needed to do, but bringing herself to do it for a time period she was not sure of would break her heart.

She pulled on her tunic with care, tutting at a ripped part of it that must have happened during the fight with the pirates. Tinkerbell or Felin could fix it for her, her fingers were too large and she would ruin the carefully made piece of art.

Regan padded through the forest, wanting to touch every tree and smile at every fairy she passed. It wasn’t long before she heard a familiar fizzing sound, and she smiled to herself as Felin appeared from behind a nearby tree, burning a hole through a dark green leaf. He zoomed happily onto her head and then climbed onto her nose where he sat thoughtfully, looking into her eyes.

“Thank you for yesterday Felin, you were so very brave..”

Felin shook himself and fizzed happily, basking in the compliments. Spits of fire flew about him as he moved and disappeared into thin air. He hopped onto the finger she held out, his little feet curling for grip around her skin and he sang to her, as she rose into the air towards the Nevertree. Though his song didn’t seem like a song to any listeners, just a strange continuation of high fizzes, spits and sparks, it made perfect sense to Regan because he was her fairy, hers alone and only she could tell what he was really saying, and singing to her. He knew she was sad, in the way the corners of her mouth were drooping and a strange swirling sensation was occurring in her vast blue eyes.

The Nevertree was quiet and empty and suddenly without the cheerful presence of Peter, Regan felt quite alone but she shook it off. He must have gone to the festivities held in the Indian Camp. He would have danced with all the girls playing a game of pretend. He was the Chief Indian, and they all his wives.

Regan shook her head in disgust and then to her surprise began to cry. Great rivers of tears rolled down her cheeks and she sobbed in confusion into her hands. Felin hovered, his wings flapping and body sparking as her tears fell on him, he kissed her head, running is little hands through her hair in soothing gestures until she fell asleep on the soft feather filled mattress in the corner of the room, her heaving breaths and quiet sniffles fading away to be replaced by a face that was young and untroubled by grown up things.

~

It was late afternoon when Regan’s tired eyes flickered open from an uneasy sleep filled with dreams of an angry, distraught Peter as she bid him goodbye. He had even tied her down, not allowing her to leave, tears pouring from his child like face, marking white lines down his dirty cheeks. She had cried too, begging him to understand what she had to do, why she to go, but he had not listened, instead becoming angry, his eyes flashing red like Hooks when he killed.

Regan heaved herself up from the soft bed reluctantly, looking around the room sadly, saying goodbye. The notches in the wood from when she and Peter had been play fighting, the collection of feathers and stones, the pearl snail shell she had discovered on the beach. She picked it up and with Felin’s help who knew where they were going and what they were doing, punched a small hole through the shell to fit a thin string through to make a necklace which she placed around her neck, a memory in case she never came back.

She padded to the door of their house, looking outside and into the sky in vain, hoping she would see him before…before she had to leave. But the sky was empty of any boy like figure, and perhaps it was best she didn’t see him. Perhaps it was best if she allowed him to forget about her. To pretend she never existed.

She stepped out onto the branches, closing her eyes, her feet hovering inches from the ground, it felt wrong leaving without saying goodbye, so in her head she whispered her farewell, praying wherever he was, he could hear her.

“No!”

There was a loud shout behind her, as a hand shot out and grabbed Regan’s wrist, dragging her back into the house. She stared at Peter in shock, rubbing her wrist from where his grip had hurt. He looked bedraggled, his hair sticking up everywhere, tears marking tracks down his cheeks as they had done in her dreams. His eyes were angry, his mouth thin and hurt. He rose a finger to point at her, “No, no you will not leave me!”

Regan’s throat was clogged by tears, “Can’t you understand Peter? I need to leave, I need to go and find the answers of all the questions I need to ask. I need to get away from this big game of pretend! I need…I need…”

Peter dropped his hand, walking closer to her and enclosing his hands around her own. He walked her backwards into the wall, his face inches from hers. His eyes were now wide, fearful but desperately trying to understand the adult situation he was in. He shook his head, “No Regan, you need Neverland, you need me and the faeries, the magic. You need here. Don’t leave us, please.”

Regan sniffed, “If I can Peter, dear Peter, I will return. I promise. Let’s say goodbye for now.”

“No, no, no, no! You cannot say goodbye, goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting. Don’t forget me Regan, they all forgot me, they all forgot me who had given them the chance to live here in dreams. They left, just like you.”

He started to cry heavily, “Please Regan, don’t leave me. I need you here with me. I cannot be myself anymore without you, You’re my happy thoughts!”

“I’m sorry Peter,” she stroked his cheek, catching his tears, “I’ll come back to you.”

Peter rose his head and in an act of strength pinned her against the wall, and kissed her in a way he never had before. A kiss of possession, of desperation. She gasped but her hands clutched into fists in his hair, pulling him closer as he began to kiss down her neck, his hand trailing up her leg to grip her thigh. They crashed into the various objects littered around the room, finally landing on the floor, where Peter ran his hand through her hair, kissing her again and again, “I love you.”

Regan closed her eyes, “Peter…I love you too but this doesn’t change anything.”

He dropped his head so it lay resting above her breasts, his lips still grazing the grace of her neck, he placed his hand into hers, grasping it.

Regan rose, bringing Peter with her, “Goodbye Peter. I’ll return, you don’t forget me now.”

Peter smiled, one more tear dropping from his cornflower blue eye, and Tinkerbell came from outside to perch on his shoulder.

“Me forget, never.”

He stood there, a solitary figure of a boy lost, waving sadly as the one girl he truly loved rose into the air and left him alone.