The Voice Within

Waking up alone on the hard wooden floor was not a very good start to the morning. My head was still pounding from last night's tear fest. Heat flooded my cheeks as I recalled all that occurred. How was I supposed to face any of them now? Zach, as he had made clear last night, despised me without a doubt. Also, after my outburst, he probably thinks that the feelings are mutual. But what about his friends? They probably thought of me as a childish idiot who can't handle anyone being mean to her.

Oh well. If that's what it comes to then so be it. It's not like I was about to defend myself by sharing with them the horror of my mother's passing. No. That would stay my secret. This was supposed to be my fresh start. This is the place where no one knows me, no one can judge me based on my past. If people think I'm a bitch, then let them think that. This was for the best anyway. Better they hate me and stay away rather than love me and try to get closer. There are just some mistakes I don't wish to repeat and letting someone in was one of them. Yet I still wondered... What could have set him off like that? A soft sigh left my lips, quickly followed by another which blew across my ear. Whipping my head to the side, my eyes widened at the creature.

"Damn dog!" I muttered as I peeled myself off the floor into a sitting position. The thing quickly seized its opportunity and jumped up, making itself comfortable on my lap. "Oh you've got to be kidding me..." Staring into the dog's face, I couldn't help but be stricken with painful familiarity. Ichabod looked just like Moose. Thoughts of my beloved old dog plagued my mind as I stared into the eyes before me. It was as if life itself was laughing in my face, taunting that my past would never erase. I always did love Moses, which immediately made me have a soft spot for the dog before me. Absentmindedly I scratched the dog's tummy, just as Moses used to love it. And just like Moses, Ichabod gave a satisfied groan as his tail wagged happily back and forth as I cradled him in my lap like a baby. Suddenly stricken with an idea, I gently set him down and ran to get my ipod. After plugging it into the stereo I strolled down to what had used to be Moses' favorite song. "Let's see if you like to move like him too..." Instantly the music flowed through the room.

Oh, when the sun goes down and burns the tar up on the roof...

Spreading my arms far out, I began to spin in circles as I threw my head back in a soft laughter. After a quick bark from Ichabod, I stopped to see him jumping around to the music too. Grabbing him, I continued to twirl with him with me before setting him down again and continuing with my random dance movements. I was by no means a dancer, I couldn't dance to save my life, but that never stopped me from moving in my own ways, that from far way probably made me look like a moronic idiot. But I didn't care, it was not like anyone could see me anyways.
Under the boardwalk, down by the sea, on a blanket with my baby is where I'll be.
As the song came to an end, I walked over and shut the stereo off. Out of breath, I looked over at Ichabod who was also panting, with his tongue lolled out and his tail giving a continuous happy wag. I gave a soft chuckle as he started prancing around again. I knew right then that me and this dog would develop a deep connection. He just might make life, or least my mornings, livable.

My high mood was shot down quickly as I heard voices in the backyard. I quickly tensed, rooted to my spot as fear coursed through my veins. Not again... My panic was short lived though as I recognized that same female voice from yesterday. Dashing to my window, I took a quick peek behind the curtain and glanced at my backyard. Sure enough, Val and Matt were back there.

"I could have sworn I heard his little bark back here. He was here yesterday!" Val's voice drifted from outside. I really needed to get a fence or something because I could not handle random visits to my backyard. But then again I wouldn't want to keep my good friend out. Thinking about that dog, I quickly looked back to make sure he was still there, and surly he was. Good thing he didn't rat me out and race out there to the sweet voice calling outside. Or god forbid, bark. I knew I couldn't hide forever, but a few more days would do me good. I wasn't ready to face them just yet.

"Little buddy, you are so getting a big fat steak one of these days!" I gushed, scratching the dog's ears. Now what? It's not like I could just stay locked up in here forever. And I really needed to go grocery shopping. But how to get out... Well, first things first, I needed a shower. "Be right back bud," I whispered and made my way into the bathroom.

Usually, I was pretty much anchored to the shower while the water was so warm, but not today. Today, there was just way too much on my plate to enjoy something such as the warm water. After doing my business quickly, I was clean and ready to go. I really didn't care what I looked like so I just grabbed a red sweater and some white sweats. Little buddy was sitting on the bed, waiting patiently for me to be done. After looking at him for a few minutes, I realized it was probably time for him to go home. After contemplating, I decided to check if the coast was clear. So once again, I made my way to the windows, and to my luck, no one seemed to be outside today. "Hmm. Strange." For California, it was weird for it to be an overcast day. Or at least that's what I thought, but then again, I've only been here for less than a week. Of course no brochures going to advertise overcast days in "the sunshine state".

"Come on bud," I urged the dog, but he just whined and scooted further back on the bed. "Ichabod, now!" I urgently whispered. This may have been the only time I would be able to get out, and I couldn't afford to waste time. "Please, you could come back tomorrow morning!" I pleaded. This was sad. I was resorting to begging a dog to do my bidding. It was sad that I was having a conversation with a dog period, but hey, beggars can't be choosers. It worked though, he jumped off the bed and started trotting his little butt down the stairs. "By buddy!" I gave one last whisper as we were out the door and he was making his way back home, looking back every few seconds. After one quick glance around I wasted no time making my way to the car, jumped in and backed out. I may have been a little paranoid, but I was still extremely embarrassed over the previous night's events. On my way to the grocery store, I made a mental note to stop by 'Sweet Jill's' on my way back. It was a little bakery I passed by on Second street in Long Beach before I decided to check out my new house. A minute later, I realized I had no idea where I was going. It didn't occur to me that I would have no idea where a grocery store was, but I decided against turning back and just roaming around until I came across one. And as luck would have it I found one. Maybe today was just my lucky day. God knows I need one.

"Dude, you're never going to decide, just get the steak and the burgers," I heard some men talking in the next aisle over. Rolling my eyes, I just continued grabbing a few things that peaked my interest. Men. Looking to my left, I saw a mother and her daughter picking out different cake mixes. I frowned as I remembered my mother and I used to do the same thing. I used to want one of every flavor to build a rainbow cake.

Not looking where I was going, I accidently bumped into someone behind me. "Oh my gosh! I am so sorr..." I trailed off as I stared into the wide eyes I bumped into. "Zach..."