Midnight

Raymond, do you know? Your spirit haunts me.

I’m not sure can you hear me, or can you read this, but I want to write this down. Maybe you’re beside me right now, laughing at the words now, who knows? It doesn’t matter. Actually, that’s even better. I want you to know this.

Every single day, every single minute, second, and even now, I’m drowning in guilt.

Because of you.

It was once again: my fault. I should’ve known, I should’ve known that… The signs…they were so obvious, dammit! Your sudden change of personality, mood swings…the symptoms!

You were suffering.

Why didn’t you tell me? I thought I was your best friend! I...You…Ugh! Why didn’t you tell me your grades were slipping? I could’ve helped you. You know me, I’m a total nerd. Why didn’t you tell me your parents abused you? I could’ve been your shelter, your comforter. Why didn’t you tell me you broke me with your girlfriend—Lena? I could’ve—and would’ve—been you support!

Why?! Raymond, you…

I should’ve known this too. You were always too stubborn for your own good. I want to laugh at your stupidity, yet I can’t. It hurts too much.

Was pride really that important? So important that you’d rather die silently, without anyone’s help, than to live longer with someone else’s assistance? Was that considered honorable to you?

I miss you so much, do you know that too? Ever since your death, I never had a good night sleep. Whenever I close my eyes, the only thing— the only one—I can see is you. I can see your untidy chocolate hair, your emerald eyes that stole my breath, the teasing smile. You’d hold out a hand for me.

It was a beautiful picture.

But then, the delicate masterpiece would fade into something horrible, something that was…words can’t explain or describe this feeling. It’s just that…it’s something I don’t want to see, no matter under what circumstances. You can put a knife to my chest, and I’d thrust the metal into my heart than to witness it again.

It was the way how I had found you that day.

You lied on your bed, your eyes shut. A silver razor in your right hand, covered in blood. Crimson liquid kept oozing out from the wounds on your left wrist, staining your clothes and the bed sheets underneath. I screamed and shouted, but it was already too late. You were gone.

I couldn’t save you.

If I had arrived earlier, you’d be fine. You would be still…alive. Seeing you in such state, I’d cry and cry, until my eyes are red and puffy, until I’ve lost my voice.

And that’s how I wake up every morning.

Each night, I’d carry fear and hope into my dreams. I fear that I’d see the terror once more, and I hope it will disappear. Though the hope is little and faint, it always gives me the strength. Nevertheless, it fails repeatedly night after night. The scene sends fright to the very center of my core. As a friend, this is frightening enough, but…

Did you know that I was, and still am, in love with you?

Your unexpected death was unbearable. It was worse than any pain I had, and will, ever experienced. Stabbed by a thousand needles, burnt in a pit of endless hellfire or getting my heart ripped out is like a merciful saving compared to what I’m going through, because at one point, I’d die. But this… This is…unthinkable! It’s like a sharp edged spear piercing through me, aiming my heart. It never missed its target, and it never stopped.

That’s not the only thing that proves you’re haunting me, Raymond.

Since your death, there was something strange with me. It feels…weird, like I’m being watched by someone. However, whenever I look around, there’s nothing, save myself.

I thought I was stalked by some creep, but as more unusual things happened, I began to grow more suspicious at another thing—you. At first, I began to hear voice calling my name when nobody is around. I searched high and low. However, I couldn’t find any trace of anyone, as if there was a ghost. And later…

I forget.

I’m 100% sure that some strange things had happened, but most of the time, I cannot recall it, though I can remember some.

When my grandmother jumped off a building, I didn’t cry as much as I had expected, like you were really there, soothing my messed up thoughts. You’ve led me pass the tearful times.

I also remember that last week, I saw you.

I was walking back home that night. It was raining heavily, and as usual, an additional walking sound could be heard clearly. I turned my head out of the blue, hoping to catch the creep who was stalking me. I didn’t see a beard old man or some robed woman under the streetlight.

No, I saw you.

You were the same as you normally was—Dark hair, gorgeous green eyes, fair skin, wearing an over-sized T-shirt and jeans. You looked like how you were, apart from…you were transparent.

A spirit.

I was just too happy to see you, so I ran towards you, jumping into your arms…and fell right through, landing on the wet floor. When I glanced back, you had vanished.

At that moment, I could’ve cared less if I appeared pitiful or broken as I cried with the rain.
You’ve come back to me. Yet, I can’t reach you.

That night frightens me, especially at night. You know how scared I am when it comes to ghosts and spirits, right? Yet, at the same, this—your haunting spirit—makes me happy.

It feels as if you never left me, like you had promised.

Thank you…for everything.
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Tina drew two small red hearts at the bottom. Tears formed in her eyes as she thought about how Raymond would’ve made fun of her. He would’ve said she was acting like a preppy girl, he would’ve said she was being mushy, he would’ve…

He would have…

She wiped away her tears. Tina decided she was tired of all the crying and weeping. She went to the bathroom to wash her face, and to gather courage for herself, and him.
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Raymond stared after Tina as she strolled into the bathroom, locking the door behind her. He wanted to punch himself for being so foolish, so blind.

The one he was in love with, the secret crush he admired, had returned his feelings after all.

If he could choose, he’d watch after Tina forever, to protect her from any danger, as he had been doing for the past months. He’d have to erase her memory, but that was fine with him. Tina was safe, everything else was insignificant.

But he knew he couldn’t stay anymore.

He had let his guard down and Tina had discovered him. According to the rules above, he had to leave the mortal world within seven days.

Today was the last day.

Raymond peeked at the clock. 11:58. There was two minutes left before time would run out. He begged the heavens to hold the gates for him, so that he could do the final thing for his love.

He gave thanks as his request was permitted, clutching the gift in his hand.
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The first thing she noticed was the difference in her notebook. Someone drew an arrow through the red hearts. Her tears spilled unwillingly out of her sapphire orbs.

She picked up the silver chain necklace besides her notebook, in the middle hung a heart-shaped locket. Its side was decorated by carved lines. Tina gasped when she saw the content of it—pictures of Tina and Raymond were placed inside.

Tina circled around, looking for the one responsible for this. An invisible force pressed lightly against her lips, two droplets of water fell onto her cheeks. Gentle breeze passed by her and went out of the window. The pressure of being watched was abruptly lifted.

Above her, the clocked stroke, signaling the current time—

Midnight.