Oh!Darling

John often found himself fidgeting, shifting around nervously, using the occasional cigarette as a distraction whenever the conversation between he and Paul would flop. He could see Astrid’s house in the distance, growing larger and larger as they both dragged themselves down the road, chatting and kicking rocks with the toes of their boots.

A sudden jolt of excitement stirred within him as he thought about reaching Astrid's house. He’d finally be able to see his best mate, Stu. The last time they’d seen each other was a couple months ago when he and Astrid visited Stu's family in Liverpool.

John smiled. Even though Stu had admitted he didn’t feel right in the band, John wanted him there with him. Stu was his best mate and secret lover; the very first man John had ever had feelings for. He was a very special and dark individual, filled with mystery and talents that had attracted John from the start.

John swallowed and took another drag of his cigarette while Paul trudged along noisily by his side. He whistled a familiar tune; a song they’d often play in the Top Ten each night. John caught a quick glimpse of Paul and studied him while his head was turned. John often compared Stu to Paul; even when he wasn’t thinking about it.They both were quite beautiful, talented, mysterious and special to him.

He'd considered that maybe the reason he liked Paul was because of his similarities to Stu, but he knew it couldn't be true. He knew there was more to Paul than just the qualities he shared with Stu. Paul had impressed and attracted him from day one, when his musical skills had outshone any of his then band mates or, John hated to admit, even him.

John hadn’t realised he was staring until he felt the ashes from the cigarette burn the tip of his finger. He shook his head quickly and took one last drag before tossing it to the ground. To the best of John's knowledge, Paul still paid him no attention. Paul shyly glanced at John from the corner of his eye, a small smile tugging at his lips before he once again focused on the road ahead of him. He didn’t feel uncomfortable with John beside him, with the silence between the two of them. What bothered him the most was the ‘queer’ feeling he’d often get when he was with John for too long. It bothered him.

John looked to Paul as he stared down the road. His eyes were far away and distant, as if he were in a waking dream. John knitted his brows together before a wicked smile toyed on his lips. Paul was completely oblivious to John’s actions as John sucked on his finger and rammed the tip into Paul’s ear.

Paul gasped loudly and pushed away from him. ”JOHN!” His eyes grew wide as he stumbled backwards cupping the side of his head. His heart was racing, threatening to beat out of his chest as he finally came to a stop on a nearby wall. John paused before a roar of laughter escaped his lips. His face grew cherry red and tears began to leak from his eyes. Paul drew his fine eyebrows together and crossed his arms at the chest. ”You’re a bastard, John!”

“Oh shut it, Macca. You should’ve seen yer face, mate!” John said through his laughter. Paul huffed and shook his head, looking up and down the streets. A warm gust of wind blew against his face and tossled his hair, tickling the edge of his nose. John calmed himself, Paul looking anywhere but to John. He watched the only other inhabitants of the otherwise vacant side street, an elderly couple, as they shuffled down the street, talking and laughing. The nightlife of this area of town vastly contrasted with the daytime. At night, it seemed as though the area came to life and everyone hit the streets. Though most of their acquaintances since they'd arrived had probably contracted more STDs in their lifetime than their age, Paul was fascinated by the city and it's people. Liverpool paled in comparison to this vibrant German city; it seemed entirely foreign to them and they drank it all in greedily, dreading the time they'd return home to their all too familiar homeland.

John cleared his throat and tossled Paul’s hair, snapping his friend from his thoughts. Paul's brows were still knitted together as he stared silently at his best mate. He never did understand John or how he acted sometimes. One moment, he’d be calm and rational. The next, he'd be breathing down your neck, ultimately doing everything he knew pissed you off.

“Bugger off.” Paul mumbled and began walking up the road, leaving John still standing still, watching his back. He could hear John chuckle as he approached, the sound of his boots slapping against the concrete growing louder. Paul shoved his hands into his pockets and fixed his gaze straight ahead.

“You’re honestly gonna be pissed off at me for doin’ that to yeh?” John asked calmy. He squinted and blinked, his vision suddenly becoming blurry. He mumbled and took out his black horned glasses and slipped them on the bridge of his nose, “Macca. You ignorin’ me?”

Paul cast John a sideways glance and giggled to himself when he noticed the glasses. He couldn’t help but let John hear his laughter, attempting to quiet the sound with his hand. John furrowed his brows and put out a hand to stop him.

“What you gigglin’ for?”

Paul shook his head, trying to suppress his laughter every time he looked at John. He loved those glasses; John's eyes always looked larger then they actually were. “It’s nothin’, John. Honest.”

John swallowed, ”So you're not mad at me anymore?”

Paul rolled his eyes and gently pushed John’s shoulder, ”I was never mad at you. Just don’t—Do that again. It scared me.”

Paul began walking once again, John on his heels.

“Scared you? Seriously?” John cackled as their shoulders brushed against one another. ”Paul.What would you rather have, mate? My finger or me tongue?”

Paul smirked, a slight blush tinting his cheeks, ”You’re such a twit, Lennon.”

They approached Astrid’s flat, Eimsbütteler Str. 45a. The old antique building stretched high above them, a window at the top leading to the attic where Stu did most of his art. Paul stared at the cream coloured door until John stepped in front of him, knocking loudly.

“You think they’re deaf?”Paul asked, a chuckle escaping his lips.

John smirked and licked his lips. “I dunno. If they are, it’ll be loud enough for them to ‘ear it. If not, it’s just a misunderstanding.” John crossed his arms and silently waited for the door to open. Paul shook his head.

“If they’re deaf, they can’t hear a thing.”

John stared at Paul, running his eyes over his boyish features. He took in the faint smile lines on his face, and how his upper lip curved whenever a smile appeared on his lips.

The door opened suddenly and a young, dough eyed blonde, clad in a beige wool sweater, jeans and round-toed shoes stood in the doorway. Her eyes widened as she stared at both John and Paul with surprise. John dropped his arms to his sides, ”Astrid! M’dear!”

Paul smiled and followed John's lead. Astrid smiled broadly. ”John! Paul! Guten Morgen!"

“Guten Morgen to you too,luv.” Paul replied kissing her on each cheek and following both her and John into the house. Klause Voorman, a friend of Astrid's they'd known since first arriving in Hamburg, was there for a short time before excusing himself. John and Paul slipped off their jackets and hung them on a nail before following Astrid into the kitchen.

“I am so happy to see the two of you here. I’m sure you are playing here again, ja?”Astrid asked pulling out two separate chairs for them. Paul sat down next to John, who, Paul noted, was watching him settle in, before glancing to Astrid as she prepared cups of tea for the three of them.

“Yeah. We’re playin’ the Top Ten for a bit, then back to Liddypool.” John replied glancing over at Paul.

“How’s that going for you? Better?” She asked, then, “Would you like some tea?”

They both nodded,”Yeah.” Paul added, ”Please.”

“It’s goin’ better. It still stinks like a Chinese restaurant though.We still haffta wash all our t-shirts and socks, not like anythin’ changed.” Paul said.
John chuckled as Astrid looked between the two of them. John glanced at Paul and they exchanged shy smiles, quickly averting their eyes to the tiled floor. Astrid squinted and cocked her brow before a smile spread across her face.

“Well,y’know. Nothin’ serious has changed. Hamburg's still the same shitty town, same as Liverpool,” John chuckled, itching the back of his neck nervously, ”Some things have though…”

“It seems as so.” Astrid said placing the kettle on the stove. Paul chewed on his lip nervously and watched her move around the kitchen quickly. He noticed John shift in his seat next to him and cross his arms at the chest.

“Speaking of things changin’. Is Stu ever goin’ to come back to the Top Ten and play an actual show with us?”John asked.

Astrid sighed and turned around, facing the two. She ran her hand through her short blond hair and stared at John.

”Where is Stu?”

“He’s upstairs working on a canvas. You can ask him yourself.” She said.

John quickly pulled away from the table and stood up, turning towards Paul. ”You comin’?”

Paul shook his head, "No,I’ll stay down here.”

John shrugged and left the two in the kitchen, breaking into a half-jog in the direction of the staircase.

Paul watched him leave the room. With each step John took towards Stu, he grew more jealous by the minute. He knew John had something for Stu and with him being as close to Stu as he was, there was a very real possibility that their relationship was quite a bit deeper than anyone, including Paul, realised.

“Have you had any breakfast yet, Paul?”

Astrid’s voice interrupted Paul from his thoughts, pulling him from the massive flood of images of John and Stu. Upon hearing her voice and the mention of food,his stomach growled.He rubbed it softly and smiled.

“No, I haven't actually.”

“What would you like?” She asked, opening the small fridge and grabbing the milk. Paul swallowed and licked his lips, imagining how wonderful that milk tasted. Paul cleared his throat and just settled on some milk and a biscuit. While he ate, Astrid sitting across from him, he wondered what was taking John so long with Stu. His eyes subconsciously travelled over the rim of his cup to the doorway John had disappeared through, and this didn't go unnoticed by Astrid.

After taking a sip of her tea, Astrid placed the mug on the table. She crossed her arms and stared at Paul from across the table. She no longer recognised the immature boy that she had met less then a year ago; the same boy who had ended up in jail for lighting a condom on fire. He seemed and looked different. His doe eyes were filled with worry, curiosity and devotion.

She fingered the napkin and gently dabbed her lips. ”So. You like being back in Hamburg?”

Paul looked at her over the rim of his mug before placing it back down on the table, ”Oh. Yes - Well, I guess so. It’s better then being back in Liverpool all the time. It’s very interesting here.”

“I can tell you're having a good time.” Astrid replied, standing. ”You've finished, ja?”

“Oh. Yes. It was very good,” He smiled and passed her the plate.” How do you say thank you in German - Danke?”

Astrid giggled and nodded, ”Bitte, Paul.”

She took the plate and walked over to the sink, tossing it inside. ”So, Paul. Where is the girl? She is still in Liverpool too?”

“Oh, Mandi?” Paul asked.

“Mandi?”

“Amanda. Thats just a nickname I call her by.” Paul mumbled picking up the cup and lifting it to his lips. The steam from the tea rose out of the cup, brushing against his upper lip and the tip of his nose. His doe eyes flitted round the room before looking into the rippling liquid below him, “She’s in London. Doin’ some business.”

“That’s too bad.” Astrid said, coming back to her seat across from him. ”I would’ve liked to see her again.”

“Well,y’know. She’ll visit, I’m sure of it.” Paul took a sip and licked the residue from his lips. He chewed on his bottom lip lightly, looking down at the white table covering.

A sudden feeling of loneliness and confusion passed through his mind. He had no idea what to do about John, about his feelings. He was lost, inexperienced with these things. At least John had Stu. They had, Paul assumed, experimented a bit in their time. Paul felt alone and was suddenly wishing that Amanda had come with them.

“Something wrong, Paul?” Astrid asked, pulling him from his thoughts. He shook his head lightly and grinned.

“Everything's fine.”

His hand was partially raised, his lips poised to take another sip, when creaking on the stairway was heard and, just as Paul glanced up, John appeared in the doorway.

“Ready to go?”

Paul blinked and looked between John and Astrid, ”Already, John. But—“

“Come on, Macca. We don’t have all bloody day. We gotta show to do, son!” John spat grabbing his and Paul’s coats from the hanger. Paul swallowed and caught his coat in mid-air when John tossed it to him.

Astrid stood from her seat and was silent.

”I’m sorry,luv.We’ll come back to visit sometime.” Paul smiled apologetically, calling over his shoulder as he followed John.

John was already halfway out the door when Astrid opened her mouth to speak. ”It was nice seeing the two of you again.”

John paused and gazed at her from the doorway.

She took a long hard look at both of the men,”You two seem—very grown since I last saw you." Paul sneaked a quick glance to John before Astrid continued. ”I’d like to invite the two of you to the beach next weekend.”

“I’m up fo-“ Paul began, but was quickly cut off by John’s words.

“We’ll let you know. Come ’ead, Paul.” John said grabbing the younger man by the shoulder. ”Ta, Astrid.”