Oh!Darling

The pub was booming with loud entertainment coming from a woman on the stage; dressed in a long thin dress and boots. John didn't pay any attention to his surroundings, even if the drunken sailors fell at his feet. His mind was somewhere else; thinking about the conversation he and Stu had that afternoon at Astrid's while Paul and her where downstairs.

It bothered him and he wouldn't be surprised if Stu didn't show his face in the Top Ten either. John took a slip of his ale and stared ahead of him. He was the only one at the table not in conversation. The rest conversed and talked amongst each other often looking to John. Paul noticed John pull himself away from the group and seep into his thoughts. It was better off to leave him alone then to bug him about it.

Paul sighed and returned to his mates. Gazing around the table, seeing them all happy, sipping they're ales and having a bird on either side of them. Paul’s stomach lurched when he caught sight of a blonde girl, next to George, staring at him. She smiled sweetly and got up from her seat. He watched her closely walk past him and over to the lavvy on the other side of the pub. Paul hesitated, but quietly excused himself from the others to follow her.

John didn't notice Paul leave. He took another sip of his ale, a drag of his cigarette and let Stu's words flutter through his brain.

Stu’s lean posture was bent over the canvas. John stopped and eyed the man from head to toe; examining the paint covered trousers as well as the navy turtle neck that so sweetly hugged his torso.

“I don’t want to talk about it, John.”Stu mumbled. John paused and finally let Stu’s words process in his head. He looked at Stu long and awkwardly through his horned shaped lenses; watching Stu slowly turn to look at him, “If that’s why you came here. Then I don’t want to ‘ear it.”

“Why?”John heavily swallowed the lump which was forming in his throat.”Wait. What do you mean? You don’t want to ‘ear it?”

“I’m not goin’ back to the band John.”Stu dusted his hands off on his trousers and grabbed for his paint brush. “Let that be the end of it.”

John’s facial expression darkened and quickly grabbed a hold on Stu’s hand. His eyes widened as John grabbed for his hand, surprised at the sudden contact of both mens hands.

“You’re abandoning me, mate.For yer selfish ways. I thought we were in this together?”John whispered harshly.

Stu shook his head slowly and looked deep into John’s eyes, “You got it wrong, John.Thats your band, your dream mate. Not mine.”

Stu forcefully pulled away from John’s grasp. His facial expression softened and turned back to painting. John fumed, his nostrils flaring and eyes narrowing towards Stu’s back, “My band? My dream, Stu? I’m the one who fuckin’ brought you ‘ere, son.And now—all yer doin’ is shitin’ on me.”

“I’m doin’ what I want to do, John.S’all.”Stu mumbled.

John’s anger began to bubble up inside of him. His heart beat and breathing increased as he watched from behind as Stu threw his aside, “All you are is a sack of German shite, Sutcliffe.I should’ve known you do this. Come along to Hamburg, act like yer interested in the band and snag a little German bird aswell.Who would’ve fuckin’ known that all would’ve happened; clearly I was too fuckin’ blind to see ahead of meself!”

John fiercely removed his glasses from the bridge of his nose and stashed them into his pocket.”SUTCLIFFE! Answer me.”

Stu was frozen in his spot. Since John began speaking about him, Hamburg and Astrid, he hadn’t made a fine stroke on the canvas. His mind was somewhere else the whole time John was in the room. He let his eyes flutter closed and slowly turned around to face John.

“I’m sorry, John.For floppin’ out on yer band. But this is what I want.”Stu sighed and tossed the brush on the table. He noticed John’s sunken posture leaning up against the table, hunched over with his hands shakily running through his hair.Stu pierced his lip and inched his way closer to him.

It felt different for him to be as close to John now; being away from him for as long as Stu was, drove them apart in more ways then one.First,how he felt in Stu’s arms; he slung his arm over John’s shoulders and pulled him close.Stu noted the difference in John at that moment; he felt more..Distant and grown since they’re last meeting.Stu realized that John’s heart ached because of his decisions, but it also ached for another.

He gave John a slight shrug with his arm, “It’s not that bad, John.You have Paul, George and Pete with you. It’s not like they’re goin’ anywhere.”

John brushed Stu’s arm off his shoulder and shot him a glare over his shoulder, “Yeah.Thats what you’d think, until they stab me in the back like you.”

John took long strides towards the door, leaving Stu to stand alone by the window.Stu swallowed down and followed John, grabbing for his wrist to stop him, “Wait. John...”

John groaned angrily and wrenched his hand out of Stu’s grasp. He pulled Stu into him quickly by his wrist and reversed both of their positions against the door. Stu groaned lowly and hesitated to open his eyes but did upon feeling John’s breath against his cheek. He shuddered when they’re eyes met, so close and intimate.

“I wanted you...”John whispered hoarsely.

Stu didn’t say anything. He let the words process in his head until he found the right ones to reply with.

He felt bad for John, leading the life he has and loving him the way he did. Stu loved him; but never did he actually do anything serious with John. Except for that one drunken night John decided to show up at Stu’s home in Liverpool and practically forced himself on to him.

Stu’s flinched. He quickly tossed away the thought and was brought back into reality; John standing too close to him, breathing down his neck and looking at him with desire and lust.

“I’m sorry, John.I can’t help you; you’re better off with McCartney.” Stu mumbled lowly, meeting John’s dark gaze. John swallowed down and pulled away from him. “Tell him that he can use my bass guitar.”

John shook his head and ran his hand through his hair, “I can’t believe this...”

“I’m serious, John.”Stu sternly said gripping John by the shoulder, forcing him to look at him. “You’re better off with Paul, mate.”

John remembered feeling hurt by Stu’s words; a little lost and confused. Stu had known John for many years; even enough to read him like a book. But he never would’ve thought that Stu would be able to see past his rough exterior and realize how much Paul meant to him. Stu let himself go for him; for the sake of both him and Paul. And somehow, after leaving Astrid’s house, John realized what Stu had meant when he said that he was better off with Paul. He knew his long time mate meant it in more ways than one.

“Eh, you! Boy!” A rather large man tugged on John’s shirt, bringing him from his thoughts.

He blinked and glanced at the others around the table before gazing up at the man whom stood beside him, “You’re on.”

“But it’s not even nine-thir..”

“The act finished early tonight. Hurry it up.” The man said in a thick German accent and walked away. John groaned and stood up, along with George and Pete. The three of them quickly downed a couple of prellies, John taking four to five with a swing of ale. He climbed onto the stage grabbing his guitar, when he gazed around and noticed Paul missing from the group. His stomach lurched and he frantically searched around the pub, eyes landing on foreigners and drunken men.

“George! Where the fuck is Paul?” John gritted angrily. George shrugged, strapping his guitar to his shoulder.

“I saw ‘im go back there with a girl, John.” Pete spoke up from behind his drum kit. John quickly placed his guitar down and dashed towards the lavvy’s, pushing and passing the lot of drunks that got in his way. He cursed underneath his breath with each step he’d take as he finally reached the loo’s and forced himself inside.

Paul was in one of the stalls, silently panting and moaning as the blonde went down on him.

“PAUL!” John yelled angrily.

“Mmm.” Paul moaned hearing his voice. His hands ran through the blonde’s hair and forced her down onto him more. John kept calling out Paul’s name, banging on the stall doors until he came to the one which Paul was in.

“Paul. I know your fuckin’ in here!”

“Oh god!” Paul moaned.

John groaned loudly and propped himself against the wall, lifting his leg and kicking the stall door opened. Paul’s eyes shot opened and stared at John. The blonde let out a piercing scream, scrambling away from Paul and out of the lavvy.

“Fuckin’ whore.”John spat and turned back to Paul.

“Fuckin’ ‘ell, John! Why’d you haffta go and do that!” Paul quickly pulled his pants up and went to stand in front of John.

“Get yer arse on stage, Paul.” John said through gritted teeth. Paul swallowed down and nodded, making his way out of the lavvy towards the stage. John followed closely behind him until they reached the stage. He grabbed for Stu’s bass and shoved it into Paul’s chest. “Play it.”

“But I thought...”

“Just fuckin’ play it Paul!” John snapped and strapped his own guitar to his shoulders. Paul nodded shyly and did the same. John shakily ran his hand through his hair and stepped up to the microphone, adjusting the stand so the mic was inches from his face. He caught a quick look from Paul, whom was several feet away from him fingering the strings on Stu’s bass; but for his sake, the bass was upside down in a left-handed position to fulfill Paul’s need to play.

On the count of four, the four men began playing the first chords of Hallelujah, I Love Her So.

The silent crowd of about twenty men and women tuned into the band on the stage thrashing about and screaming the vocals. Sweat pooled down the boys foreheads as they stomped the stage and played each song note for note, word for word.

During one point of the performance, Paul stumbled with his bass; fingering the wrong notes to Lend Me Your Comb. John cut through the lyrics quickly and cocked his head in Paul’s direction, shooting him a glare. Paul stumbled once again, nervously fingering the bass.

John started to feel the itch begin to bug him. His anger built up inside while on stage, seeing Paul screw up the notes here and there; when he had been complaining about Stu’s playing the day before.

Two sailors began arguing over at the bar; shoving and screaming in each other’s faces.

The crowd directed their attention towards the fist fighting duo and away from the band playing on the stage.

The song had long ended and John lit up a quick fag.He watched on from the stage as the two sailors went at it and that itch that had been bugging him began to grow even more. The crowd no longer cared about them, but about the violence persisting in the pub.

“Can you see this load of shite?” John spat taking a drag of his ciggie. Paul placed the bass down on the stage and grabbed for a towel near the drum kit.

“It’s a load of drunks, John.” He replied.

“S’not the point, Paul.” John said as he jumped off the stage and pushed past the amount of people towards the sailors. Paul swallowed down and watched John get in the middle of the two, pulling one off the other. George watched on as well, standing next to Paul.

“What do you suppose this is about?” George asked.

“I donno. Something’ botherin’ him.” Paul replied hopping off the stage and making his way over to John. He watched on as John angrily pushed the sailor away from the other and was quite amazed at his strength.

One of the body guards the band has come to known ever since they’re last visit to Hamburg, Horst Fascher, broke up the fight as well. Paul pushed past a couple more people before getting into the cleared circle where John stood, heaving heavily. Paul hesitated, but placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“You wanna fight. Take it outside, you bunch of twits. Listen to the fuckin’ music up there!”

John spat wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. The lot of women and men surrounded him and Paul, but payed no attention to what John was saying.

“Come on, John.” Paul said tugging on his jacket, trying to pull him in the other direction. John groaned and snatched away from Paul’s grasp.

“Sod off, Paul.I’m not in the mood for you either!” John hissed and quickly crossed the pub.

Paul watched as John made his way out of the pub quickly, leaving the rest of the band stuck to putting the instruments away. Paul swallowed down and took off after John leaving George and Pete.

“John!” Paul called out once he hit the brisk night time air. He hugged his jacket closely to his body and looked up and down the street; noticing John’s form walking up a couple blocks, “Fuckin’ ‘ell!”

He jogged lightly, calling John’s name. He cursed to himself when John wouldn’t stop or look back at him.

“John! For fucksakes! Stop!” Paul panted several feet away from a fuming John. He groaned loudly and took a firm grip on John’s shoulder, forceing him to come to a halt. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

John took a long drag of his ciggie and shrugged Paul off. Paul refused to let him go and grabbed for him again, “JOHN!”

“FUCK OFF PAUL!” John warned and pushed him away. Paul was shocked and stood frozen in his spot. He watched John quickly stride down the street towards the harbor.He stood quietly against the wall, silently lighting up a cigarette and thinking about John. He never really blew up in his face like that and he certainly wasn’t acting like the normal John would. Maybe it was the Prellies?

Maybe it was the visit to Astrid’s today. Usually John got all choked up seeing Stu, maybe that’s what it was.

Paul took a long drag, the smoke expanding into a white cotton like ball in the cold air. He sighed to himself and finally decided where to go. Either back to the pub and put the instruments away with George and Pete. Or to follow John, to see if he really was okay. His heart ached for his touch once again, ever since that longing kiss they shared the other night. How real it felt between him was more realistic than any other person he’s kissed.

The feeling was pure bliss and yearning.

Paul picked himself up off the wall and began walking down the street.

------------

“John?”

John sat on the ground, legs pulled up to his chest with a cigarette dangling between his
fingers. His eyes searched the sky and the waters below it; it sketched out in his mind how the moon mirrored its reflection in the ripped water, stretching towards shore. The cold wind nipped at his bare arms, and finally, he huddled together seeking warmth.

Paul licked his lips and quietly sat down next to John. He slipped his jacket from his shoulders and wrapped it around John’s shaky body. John nodded thankfully and took a heavy breath.

“John. About earlier tonight...”

“Lets not talk about it.” He said.

“What did you and Stu talk about then?” Paul asked. John sighed and tossed Paul a tired look. His heart raced as he stared at the brown eyed handsome man sitting next to him. He ached to kiss, taste and touch him once again; the first time being pure bliss and electrifying.

“I rather not talk about it.”John mumbled. Paul nodded and noticed John staring at him silently, looking at him so often. He inwardly smiled to himself and couldn’t help but stare back. It was like a burst of fire crackers exploding in the pit of his stomach every time John was around. He loved the feeling John gave him and lived for it.

“What?”John asked noticing the look on Paul’s face, “Somethin’ on me face?”

Paul smirked and slowly leaned over, brushing his lips against John’s lightly. His eyes fluttered closed instantly and savoured the taste of Paul, moaning at the touch of tongues wrestling for dominance between each of they’re lips. Paul’s hand lightly made its way to the back of John’s head, caressing the small curls and deepening the kiss. John’s cold hands slipped from underneath Paul’s jacket and snaked up his chest, unbuttoning the last few buttons of his dress shirt. Paul gasped and jumped, feeling John’s cold hands come in contact with his skin.

“Bloody fuckin’ ‘ell, John.Yer hands are freezing!”

“Mmm.”John moaned and wrapped his arm around Paul’s waist. He slowly pulled Paul down onto of him with their lips still attached, moans filling the air and wandering hands exposing themselves to each other. John soon pulled away from Paul and stared up at him.

His face was flustered and pink, lips swollen from kissing and eyes dark, filled with lust and desire.

He slickly ran a shaky hand through Paul’s hair and lowered his head onto his chest.

“I don’t what it is about you, John.But I have to tell you—I’m fascinated with you.”

John chuckled lowly and drew circles with his finger tips on Paul’s scalp. Paul sighed and let his eyes flutter closed, hearing John’s faint heartbeats lully him to sleep.

A couple hours later, the sun broke through the clouds and over the skyline of Hamburg.
The low fog danced across the water and towards the harbour while Paul layed on the ground by himself. He shifted uneasily on the cement and opened his eyes. His jacket was wrapped around him comfortably and his arm asleep from laying on it all night. He moaned lowly and tossed his head to the side to see John leaning against the rails staring out at the water.

The thoughts of last night quickly came rushing back to him and he was hit with images of him and John on the cement snogging. He felt a little embarrassed but surprised at the fact that he’d actually do that.

He stood to his feet and pulled on his coat before quietly making his way over to John, whom was smoking a cigarette lost in his thoughts. Paul looked around him, noticing that nobody was around, he snaked his arms around John’s waist and kissed the lobe of his ear.

“Mornin’ luv.”

“Mornin’ Paul.” John responded lowly.

Paul nuzzled his chin on John’s shoulder and joined him by tuning out everything else and zoning into his own world. The thought that had been on his mind the whole night was John and him. What were they? Still best mates? Lovers? Secret Lovers?

“John?”

“Yeah?”

“...What are we exactly? I mean, I know we’re mates and all. But I just wanna kno-“

“What do you want us to be, Paul?”John asked. Paul swallowed down and pulled himself away from John. He hung his arms to his sides and watched John turn and look at him seriously, “Hm.What do you fancy on doin’ with this. You want to be lovers? You want us to end up like Mandi every weekend, bloody and bruised cause people know we’re poofters?”

“It’s not what I meant, John.”

“Then what did you bleedin’ mean, Macca!”John snapped. He took another drag before tossing the cigarette on the cement. His hands reached up to his temple and began massaging the area.

Paul chewed on his lip and thought back to a conversation he and Mandi had had before she left for London. The whole thing about the Two Suns hit him hard.

“What if we could be together, John? But nobody would know about it?” Paul asked and stepped closer to him. “I want to be with you John.”

John swallowed down and couldn’t resist running his hand over Paul’s soft cheek. It wasn’t like him to throw down his rough exterior, but Paul always found the right button to push, “We can try, how ‘bout that?”

Paul smiled widely and nodded, feeling his heart rush. It caused John to smile and lean in, trying for a kiss. Paul quickly pushed away from him and looked around the area, noticing several sailors making port at the docks. John furrowed his brows but quickly caught on as to what Paul was implying.

Not here.