Oh!Darling

Paul tossed and turned during the night while John lay next to him.A bead of sweat would often slide down Paul's forehead,his face itching in pain as John stared at his mate.He didn't know wither to reach over and comfort Paul or to wait it out; just incase the others thudded into the room at the wrong time.

John bit his lip and lifted his hand,wiping the sweat from Paul's forehead.He then wrapped his arm around Paul's waist and snuggled against his body slowly falling into a deep slumber.

The next morning,Paul jerked forward suddenly,eyes wide and alert looking about the small room.His breath rigid and his shirt soaked with sweat.He let out a low cry as he then fell back on the bed and stared at the ceiling.He could still recall the images flashing through his head the previous night when John had layed him in the bed.He was conscious through the whole thing; John picking him up in the alley way,lodging his body to the Top Ten,having weird glances cast his way by George,Pete and several other people.

"What're lookin' at?" John snapped when he realized that George and Pete were staring at the two.The two backed away slowly and went back to doing what they were doing before.John knitted his brow and pulled Paul up the stairs towards the bunks they had.He softly layed Paul down in his own bunk,hovering over his shivering frame.

John swallowed down and ran his soft hand over Paul's cheek.Paul opened his eye slightly,leaving John unaware that he was conscious.He noticed John's bottom lip begin to quiver and a flash of anger fill his auburn eyes.It wasn't a good thing when John was angry; he usually took it out on the wrong people or got drunk.Which eventually led to more trouble.

But what Paul didn't expect was John to slide into the bed next to him.He could feel John's cool breath on his neck,rubbing his hand over Paul's face and feeling his lips on his neck.Paul bit back the sigh and felt him slip into a deep conscious,hoping that this all wasn't real.

"I'm sorry,Paul." Was the last thing he heard before drifting off to sleep.

Tears stung the corners of Paul's eyes as he turned his attention to the body laying next to him.John was softly sleeping with his arm draped protectively over Paul's waist.At that moment,Paul wanted to give everything to him for saving his life.John was his savior and protector; and Paul thought he owed everything to John.

A single tear slid down his face as he leaned over and brushed his lips against Johns.Pulling away from him,John began to stir slowly,popping open one eye to look at Paul sleepily.Paul didn't greet nor smile at him,tears just stained his boyish face.John looked around the room,seeing it empty still,before looking back to Paul.His hand rubbed his younger friends cheek before kissing him.

Paul sighed,"Thank you so much."

"I'm sorry,Paul."John mumbled into his lips.Paul sobbed quietly and dropped his head onto John's chest.John chewed on his lip as his hand caressed through Paul's damp hair,"I'm sorry I wasn't the--"

"You saved me,John."Paul mumbled before looking up at John.John swallowed down and looked into Paul's swollen eyes,"If you weren't there--I don't know what could've happened."

John shook his head as his thumb softly rubbed the side of Paul's arm.He placed his finger to Paul's lips to silence him,"Sh,luv.Lets not think about that,alright.I got you in time and beat the piss outta the guy.But I promise you---It won't happen again."

Paul licked his lips and nodded,"Okay,John."

He lowered his head back onto John's chest,the tears finally coming to a stop.His eyes slowly closed and still the images from last night kept plaguing his mind.Everything he seemed to think about would just be ruined by those thoughts.How he was called a queer or how he was nearly raped.

Paul shuddered and huddled closer to John,drawing circles with his index finger on his chest,"John?"

"Yeah?" John answered back,wrapping his arm around Paul's body.

"What if the others come in here and see us like this?"

"Let them.I don't care.I'm takin' care of you,aren't I? Can you sit up for a mo',Paul?"John asked as he shifted on the bed causing Paul to sit up.He rolled over and grabbed his jacket,peeling out a cigarette and a match.He rolled onto his back and pulled Paul back down on to his chest,lighting the dangling smoke in his mouth, " 'Sides,when did I fall on me head and begin to care what other people thought?"

Paul smiled gently and kissed John's chest.

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The sun finally peeked through the clouds after days of cloudy skies and rain.

George sat back on the sand next to John and Paul heavily studying the water before him.He seemed to lose himself for a while,while the other two chatted back and forth between each other.Paul seemed more distant towards him ever since John carried him through the pub unconscious.It left him curious as to what had happened; he wanted to know,but on the other hand he didn't feel like bringing it up.

He shifted in his spot and turned his attention towards John and Paul.John was silently puffing on his cigarette while Paul layed next to him,staring up at the clear blue sky.They both looked worn out,hell,they all did from constantly playing every night.But thank god,it was almost over.

"Why do you guys do that?"George asked suddenly,causing John and Paul to look over at him curiously.

"What?"John asked.

"Just zone out of it? You two have been acting weird these past couple weeks y'know.I'm not the only one who sees it,Pete does aswell.."

"Who gives a shit what Pete thinks,the fucker doesn't even talk let alone have an opinion."John mumble and tossed ciggie towards the edge of the water.He pulled his knees to his chest and allowed the sea breeze to dance across and shuffle through his hair.Paul finally sat up and crossed his legs underneath each other.

"I'm just askin',John.I just feel a bit left out from the two of you.And 'sides,like you said,Pete isn't much company."George said and turned his attention back to the water.His sighed and pulled himself up and walked towards it and focused on something in the distance.He closed his eyes slowly and allowed the sounds and breeze to relax his young tired body.

"I think he knows,John."Paul whispered keeping a close eye on George who was a couple steps from him.John chewed on his lip and huddled into the warmth of his knees.

"So what if he does.George wouldn't do nothin',son."John said.

"I know.But he's right.We've left him out these past couple weeks,it's not fair to 'im."

John chuckled and glanced at Paul,"What? You want him to join in this secret thing we have goin' on Paul? You want him to know so more people will know about us? You want what happened a week ago to happen often to us?"

Paul swallowed down and looked away from John.He shivered at the thought and stared down at the sand beneath him.Fact was,Paul couldn't get that night out of his head.He was a little too close to death at that moment and he couldn't bare going through it again.John could sense the uneasiness in Paul once the words slipped from his mouth; he immediately regretted it.

John groaned and shook his head,"Ah,Paul.I'm sorry.I can be a real sod sometimes."

"It's okay,John."Paul mumbled.

John chewed on his lip and reached over,rubbing Paul's back softly.He could feel his body tense underneath his touch and wiggle in his seat uncomfortably.

John pulled away,a curious look itching across his face, “What is it? I can’t touch you now?

“It’s not that.”

“Oh.Cause George is here? I see.” John mumbled angrily and shuffled away from Paul.He peeled out another smoke and quickly lit it up.Paul cocked his head towards him,his doe eyes roaming John’s body expression closely.

“It’s not that John.It’s just..”Paul sighed and began nervously playing with the access thread that he had peeled off his jacket, “Do you think—that we might be too young to fall in love? Like this?”

John peeled his gaze from George who was throwing rocks into the water,causing a ripple to spread upon the surface.He looked at Paul blankly and shrugged, “Love is love,Paul.You should know this.”

“How should I know this? I’m just as new to all of this then you are.”Paul snapped.

“Well.You are closer friends to Mandi then I am.You should’ve at least learned from her and all her girlfriends.She didn’t care what she went through.Yeah,sure,she got the bleedin’ piss kicked out of her,but still didn’t change her none.And she loved whom ever she wanted.And she’s our age.”

“I’m talkin’ about love,John.Love is powerful.”Paul said lowly, “I just feel like I’m..”

“Making a big mistake with me? Cause if thats how you feel,son.Then stop fuckin’ around with me emotions.”John spat and took a drag of his smoke.

“No.I don’t think I’m making any mistake of being with you,John.I feel like I owe you everythin’,mate.You’ve always been superior to me,someone that I could look up to and learn from,ever since we met.And you saved me last week and I owe you nothin’ but love.Which I promise you..”He lent over and rubbed John’s thigh,which got him a surprised and shocked look from his elder mate, “We can work this out.”

John let the smoke exhale from his nostrils and a small smirk toy on his lips.He wanted to do nothing but to lean over and capture Paul’s lips with his,but it’d be too risky.One thing he had learned from last week,is not to be to risky with these things.

John nodded and placed his hand on Paul’s,which caused him to smile, “I think you’re the only lad who could keep up with me,Paul.Therefore,I owe you alot also.”

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That night after the performance,instead of staying with the others and having a ale,Paul dismissed himself to the bunks,where he peeled off his leathers and layed in bed.He sighed into the darkness and stared up at the bunk above him,thinking about the conversation him and John had earlier about love.

He felt like a bird going after her crush and finding out that the lad fancied her back.But this time,it was two bloody blokes who had feelings for each other.Paul could sense it,feel it in the pit of his stomach; twisting and turning and soaring through his veins.

He was in love,which wasn’t a big surprise.But to tell John that he was,scared him to think of his reaction.Was it too soon?

Paul chewed on his lip and sat up in his bunk,rolling to the other side and grabbing for his jacket.Pulling out the letter from Mandi,he finally began to read it in peace.

Hello Paul,
Long time no talk.Hope every-things going well up there in Hamburg.I miss it and I miss the lot of you.I’m sure you have plenty of stories to tell me so you better fuckin’ write me you twit.GOD,I cannot believe I ditched Livvypool for London and allowed you arses to go have fun without me.

But the bad news is,I can’t make it up to Hamburg and visit.

I know.You can kill me,I know I promised to.But work is work,need money to feed the wife and kids,y’know.Yeah,that was a joke.But I did find this nice french lass who seemed to fancy me a bit.Maybe you can meet ‘er when you come back to Liverpool or London.

So ‘nuff about me,tell me about you and John.Anything work out yet?

You can write me to this addy if you want too.
Later lover,
Mands.

Paul smiled widely and placed the letter beside him on the bed.He rummaged around the room quickly,finding a dirty stained piece of paper and a pen lingering on the floor.He hopped back onto the bed and began writing the first thing that came to his mind.

Mandi,love.

I miss you to pieces,girl.I can’t believe you’re not comin’ to Hamburg,that really pisses me off.No,but seriously,you should’ve,so many things have happened since we left for Hamburg.I honestly don’t know where to begin.

Lets see.Well,first off.John and I are indeed together,but secretively.We don’t want the others to know just yet,just incase.But ever since I’ve been with him,me heads been in the clouds.I don’t know how to take it or what to do.

I like John alot,but I think it’s starting to grow into love.I owe him so much but I don’t know how to show it without being so risky,Mands.

Paul sighed and continued to write.

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Last week,I got into a bit of a tussle with one bloke.He held a knife to me throat and nearly beat the piss outta me cause he thought I was queer.He called me a queer and touched me..I didn’t know what to do at that point,I felt disgusted with meself and often wondered how you got through all of that.But it takes a strong person to fight for what they want and love doesn’t come easy.I’ve learned the hard way.

But I promised John that we could make it work.

I’m happy that every-things going great for you in London.I’m excited to meet this French bird you were talkin’ about.I happen to know some French meself,y’know.We’d probably get along great.

I miss you and wish you were here so I could at least have someone to go to about these things.But I guess you’re busy with work and I’m off doin’ what I do best.But I’m sure we’ll run into each other very soon,luv.

Love you,Mands.
Paul.

Mandi swallowed down after reading his letter,letting her hand drop to her side.She lent against the wall backstage and closed her eyes.

’He called me a queer and touched me...’

“God.I’m so sorry,Paul.”Mandi whispered,feeling tears spring to the corners of her eyes.She quickly wiped them away upon seeing Sophie,her French girlfriend walk down the hallway towards her with a concerned look on her face.

“You okay,Amanda?”She asked with a heavy French accent.Mandi nodded and crumpled the letter into her hand.Sophie ran her soft hand across Mandi’s cheeks and wiped a tear that was slowly sliding down her cheek, “Miss.You haven’t been crying,have you?”

“No.”Mandi sniffed and shook her head.

Sophie smiled and pushed Mandi’s hair from her shoulders and cupped the sides of her face, “Good.You are too beautiful to cry,amour.”

Mandi smiled as Sophie kissed her softly and pulled away.

“Now come on.You’re on in five minutes.”

Mandi nodded and laced her fingers with Sophie's.She pulled her down the hallway towards the dressing room,in which all the girls in the club changed for their set.Sitting down in her chair,Sophie gave her a quick peck and left Mandi to her thoughts.

She gazed at her own reflection in the mirror and wanted to be nowhere else but with the others.She felt a cold chill shiver up her spine upon thinking about them and quickly stood,gathering her clothes and changed.