Anorex-a-Gogo
What You Deserve
As soon as I get in the house, I run for the kitchen. "Mom? You home?" I call out. There's no answer. I look at the oven clock, it's only 4:17.
"Damn," I mutter, because Mom won't be home for at least another two hours. Just long enough for Owen to do something I'll probably really regret...
I run up to my room and lock the door behind me. Then I go into the adjoining bathroom and lock that door. I turn on the shower with shaky hands, trying anything to make Owen change his mind and leave me alone. My chest heaves as it becomes harder to breathe, almost like having a panic attack. He's going to find me anyway...
Outside the bathroom I can hear that Owen's picked the lock to my room already and is stalking over to the bathroom now. The sound of him picking that lock nearly makes my heart constrict. I sit down on the closed lid of the toilet and hyperventilate.
"Frankie, get out here," he coos sickly sweet through the door, rattling the knob.
"G-go away!" I choke out above the shower.
The lock gives away. My heart stops.
Owen steps in, smiling. He takes a look at the shower, thick steam billowing out from behind the curtain. He steps over to turn it off, the knobs squeaking as he turns them. Silence envelops us in its suffocating breath. Then he walks toward me, his smile fading until he's sneering.
"You. Are. Mine," he snarls in my ear, grabbing the collar of my t-shirt.
I don't struggle as he yanks me out of the bathroom and shoves me onto the bed. "But...but you said it yourself. You're my b-brother," I plead meekly.
He laughs cruelly. "We aren't brothers, Frankie, you know that as well as I do."
"Owen," I beg, "Owen, please." I've never really fought him. "Please, don't."
"What were you doing with that guy?"
"Nothing."
He grins, but no humor reaches his piercing blue eyes. "You're a liar, Frankie. You'll get what you deserve."
* * *
6:59.
The sun is slowly sinking behind the horizon. Outside the air has become cooler still, but I can't feel it any more than I can feel the blood rushing through my veins. This is unlike any sort of numb I've ever been before. I can't feel anything--not my hands, not my torso, not my legs. I think the only reason I know my heart is still beating is because I'm still alive.
But barely.
I am on the roof, the flat part just outside of my bedroom window. Already the stars are appearing in the fading evening sky. I am more alone right now than I've ever been in my entire life. All those years spent by myself, hiding away from everyone--they never meant a thing. I am surrounded by beauty--the emerging stars, the sun setting over the hazy Jersey skyline, the night waiting to envelop us all in heavy darkness--but I feel nothing except for this awful, empty loneliness. How can a person be so surrounded in a city like this and feel so alone? It's just not right.
There's only so much one boy--and that's what I am, just a boy--can take. Only so much before he's completely ripped apart. Only so much before he drifts away from the world entirely, seemingly unconscious. Only he isn't unconscious, he's lost. He's lost somewhere out there, but nobody knows it, so he's just floating silently away. So far that maybe they won't be able to get him back.
I am curled up on my side, staring blankly out at what should be a beautiful sunset. Except to me it just looks bloody.
7:00.
The sun finally sinks below the horizon and I am lost and alone in the dark.
"Damn," I mutter, because Mom won't be home for at least another two hours. Just long enough for Owen to do something I'll probably really regret...
I run up to my room and lock the door behind me. Then I go into the adjoining bathroom and lock that door. I turn on the shower with shaky hands, trying anything to make Owen change his mind and leave me alone. My chest heaves as it becomes harder to breathe, almost like having a panic attack. He's going to find me anyway...
Outside the bathroom I can hear that Owen's picked the lock to my room already and is stalking over to the bathroom now. The sound of him picking that lock nearly makes my heart constrict. I sit down on the closed lid of the toilet and hyperventilate.
"Frankie, get out here," he coos sickly sweet through the door, rattling the knob.
"G-go away!" I choke out above the shower.
The lock gives away. My heart stops.
Owen steps in, smiling. He takes a look at the shower, thick steam billowing out from behind the curtain. He steps over to turn it off, the knobs squeaking as he turns them. Silence envelops us in its suffocating breath. Then he walks toward me, his smile fading until he's sneering.
"You. Are. Mine," he snarls in my ear, grabbing the collar of my t-shirt.
I don't struggle as he yanks me out of the bathroom and shoves me onto the bed. "But...but you said it yourself. You're my b-brother," I plead meekly.
He laughs cruelly. "We aren't brothers, Frankie, you know that as well as I do."
"Owen," I beg, "Owen, please." I've never really fought him. "Please, don't."
"What were you doing with that guy?"
"Nothing."
He grins, but no humor reaches his piercing blue eyes. "You're a liar, Frankie. You'll get what you deserve."
* * *
6:59.
The sun is slowly sinking behind the horizon. Outside the air has become cooler still, but I can't feel it any more than I can feel the blood rushing through my veins. This is unlike any sort of numb I've ever been before. I can't feel anything--not my hands, not my torso, not my legs. I think the only reason I know my heart is still beating is because I'm still alive.
But barely.
I am on the roof, the flat part just outside of my bedroom window. Already the stars are appearing in the fading evening sky. I am more alone right now than I've ever been in my entire life. All those years spent by myself, hiding away from everyone--they never meant a thing. I am surrounded by beauty--the emerging stars, the sun setting over the hazy Jersey skyline, the night waiting to envelop us all in heavy darkness--but I feel nothing except for this awful, empty loneliness. How can a person be so surrounded in a city like this and feel so alone? It's just not right.
There's only so much one boy--and that's what I am, just a boy--can take. Only so much before he's completely ripped apart. Only so much before he drifts away from the world entirely, seemingly unconscious. Only he isn't unconscious, he's lost. He's lost somewhere out there, but nobody knows it, so he's just floating silently away. So far that maybe they won't be able to get him back.
I am curled up on my side, staring blankly out at what should be a beautiful sunset. Except to me it just looks bloody.
7:00.
The sun finally sinks below the horizon and I am lost and alone in the dark.