Vermilion

The sun was filtering through the curtains of my window, and I could see the dust floating about. Imagining myself breathing that shit in, again. There was a throbbing in my chest, but it was dull until I stood. My heart clenching tightly, I felt as if it was going to burst inside my rib cage, and it only worsened as I opened Billy’s door. He was gone. His wheel chair and everything.

Closing the door, I walked over to Jacob’s, knocking slowly, softly. There was no noise, and I almost opted to opening the door to see if he was just sleeping heavily. I felt something wet against my chest, gazing down and screaming at what I saw, my bloodied hand over my mouth. My chest was open wide, the hole bleeding so much, like a river painting my pale skin red as the wide hole bled into my sweater. Then I heard the screen door slam shut, and I turned from his door, bracing the wall of the hallway to peek out in the living room.

There was a tall shadow emerging from the light coming in through the mesh of the screen door, his hand held out to reveal something bloody. Something with life.

“We too feel alone.” He seemed to say, his voice deep and sounded hoarse. Like he needed a glass of water.

I stepped closer to get a better glimpse of the face of the tall shadow, but he took a step back every time I moved forward.

“Who are you?” I asked, feeling sick as the blood continued to fall down my chest, my tears falling with it.

“We too feel alone.”

“We too feel alone.”

I was close enough to see his face, but everything about this figure was black, I felt a sickening draw towards him. His hand, with the beating heart, lifted high enough to my chest, the blood staining his dark fingers red as it puddle onto the carpet.

“I think this belongs to you.”

**

I gasped, awakening from the dream, grabbing my comforter as my chest heaved. I glanced around the room, noticing that the sun wasn’t up yet, and the blue candle I lit last night before bed had burnt itself out. The room was an inky darkness that soothed away the nerves still rattled about from the dream. Touching my chest, I felt a small scab against my fingers. Bumpy, smooth, and it tingled as my fingers grazed it.

It wasn’t there before I went to bed last night.

I removed my comforter and threw open my door, not bothering checking to see if any body else living in this house was there. It was just a dream, so they have to be there. I stood in the middle of the living room, with only a tank top on and my underwear. Stuck. Wondering now what I was going to do. I had no idea now that I thought going into the living room would help, but maybe I’m a little delirious from the dream.

“Elaine? What are you doing?” Jacob asked, and I gasped and jumped ten feet in the air.

“God, you startled me.” I whispered harshly, and Jacob threw his hands in the air in defense.

“Sorry, but at least I’m not standing in the middle of the living room with only underwear and a shirt on.” He pointed out, coming behind me, the warmth of him prickling my skin, bringing a sense of wanting with it.

“I had a dream.” I whispered, feeling my eyes close and my chest wanting to collapse.

“About what?”

“It doesn’t really matter.” I spoke, passing him on my way back to my bedroom, feeling like my heart was going to explode like a grenade. But Jacob stopped me, his hand grabbing my forearm and dragging me back into his body.

“I thought you didn’t care about me.” I wanted to spat, to snap, but Billy was probably still asleep.

“Just tell me about the dream. I know your developing your senses.” Or they are developing all on their own.

I sighed, caving in, “Fine.” Then I took him into my room, sitting cross legged on the bed, Jacob sitting a foot apart from me.

“I always wake up to see the sun through my window,” I couldn’t see his eyes through the darkness, my room seemingly eerier then earlier, “I see the dust that floats around in the air. Then I go into the hallway, my chest hurting really bad. I open Billy’s door, he’s not there. Then I knock on your door. You don’t answer.

“Then I feel something wet against my chest, and I look down and there’s a big hole. At first the hole was really tiny, just a deep knife cut with blood crusted around it and it’s bleeding badly. By the second dream, this time, its like a river of blood against my chest and it spoils my sweater.” The light around us begins to brighten, the sun probably about ready to peep in through the trees. I can see his face twisted in horror as I continue to spill out the beans.

“I hear the front door close shut, and I go into the living room to see a shadow with the light of sun behind him. I can’t see anything besides his hand lift and there’s a still beating heart. It was this time that he repeats the phrase, ‘we too feel alone’, and then he tells me that he thinks the heart belongs to me, and holds it up to my chest.” I’m finally done explaining, feeling my nerves calm completely, and I’m not longer frazzled by the dream. But Jacob looks almost horrified, as if he’s never heard anything like that. I know he’s experienced worse before.

“Who do you think that guy is?” Jacob asked me, and I shrug in response, lowering my head in thought. I know exactly who it is, I can feel it in my bones. It’s Jacob. He has or had my heart in his hands, I gave it too him, but yesterday he told me he didn’t want me anymore. That means he’s giving it back. But what does he mean when he says, in my dream of course, ‘we too feel alone’?

“Well I’m going to get a few more hours of sleep, Sam wants to meet up today.” Jacob said, getting off my bed and making his way towards the door, “I suggest you try and get to bed too.”

As the door closes behind him, I take in a long inhale of air, remembering the dust that flies around in the room I wake up in. My room. I know I can’t get back to sleep, so I’m not even going to attempt it. All I want to do now is figure out what that figure in my dream is trying to tell me.

**

“Bella’s sick.”

**

Jacob wasn’t here when I left my room again, but that didn’t bother me one bit. It might have, if the situation before us wasn’t so confusing and so painfully strange. But Billy was here, sitting in the living room with an empty bowel of cereal on his lap, staring blankly into the television screen.

“Good morning.” I said softly, Billy lifting his head to great me.

“Bella’s sick.” I stopped on my way to the kitchen, giving Billy a questioning look, “They had to cut their honeymoon short.”

“And Jacob is there?”

“Yes.” Of course he was, ever since the wedding he was always going to be there for Bella, be there and leave me back home in the dust. I can’t care though, because he’s only going to bring me down.

I whispered to myself as I left the house, “I won’t let this build up inside of me.”