Vermilion

The rain drizzled slightly, the drops falling sweetly down on me as my rain boots sloshed and sloshed against the very wet sand of the beach. The sea water rose to my boots and then fell backwards into the ocean, and as I looked out towards the horizon I saw the clash of the graying murky waters and the rolling pewter clouds that rumbled and lit with life. I felt my insides burn as I hugged my arms ever so tightly around myself, dreading what I was about to uncover from the sand and seaweed, but knowing it eventually would give me closure.

My mother’s headstone was only a few yards from me, and I could see the rock, eroded from the weather, erected from the sand. My heart clenched as I continued to make my way towards where her decaying body lay in the sand, but I couldn’t stop my legs from carrying me there, and it was too late to turn back now.

I kneeled before the headstone, brushing away the sand from the crevices of her name. “Loving. Carefree, but troubled. May she rest in piece.”

My head fell limp against my shoulders as I choked out the sobs, and I felt more then ever that I was trapped in a world I could not release myself from. Jacob continues to deny that he may have ever imprinted on me, and I have even convinced myself that its all a myth, and I haven’t seen him for days. Bella’s his main concern. More then ever I’ve been relying on my magick to get me through even a minute of breathing, and I find myself always anointing myself with soothing oils, always making brews to enlighten my spirit, always making and lighting and burning out candles.

I’ve spent my days cooped up in Billy’s house, cooking macaroni and cheese for dinner, fixing cereal for breakfast, and not bothering to leave my room for lunch. I haven’t seen the sunlight in days, and when I do step out for air, its when the clouds have consumed the sky. Even my nightmares have embraced me in trouble, and I find myself trying harder and harder to keep myself awake.

They’ve filled to the brim with gore, with that shadow, and even full fledged conversations about how that heart belongs to me, about how that shadow must trade a girl for a girl who lives in two worlds. Then there’s always a polished amethyst stone with a pentacle carved into it flying through the window and landing at my feet.

I inhaled deeply and closed my eyes, my fingers grazing against the rigid surface of her headstone, unpolished, a natural rock that Jacob found fallen on the beach next to a cliff. The vibrations of sadness and unbelievable amounts of pain seemed to waft through the air, like the smell of the sea the licked at the sand just behind me. I found myself falling deeper into the pit of unmotivated self pity that Jacob had left me in as I kept looking back at memories that hurt me.

Then I heard another pair of shoes sloshing against the sand, and I turned my head to see a dark figure walking the edges of the beach, making a beeline straight towards me. I stood to greet the dark figure, with a black jacket sporting a favorite band of mine and the hood over his head, baggy black jeans, and converse. I looked down at myself and saw jeans, my calf high rain boots much cooler then his converse, and my Bullet For My Valentine jacket. Not much of a difference.

“Hello.” I saw awkwardly, noticing his piercing blue eyes and dark hair, wet and sticking against his forehead.

“Your Elaine, right?” He asked, and I nodded slowly. “Well I’m Christipher Sullivan. I live down that way.” He spoke as he pointed in the direction he came from.

“How do you know my name?” I asked him quizzically, narrowing my dark black eyes at him.

“You were a conversation starter a few years ago.”

“So your one of the rumor starters?”

“No, I’m not spiteful or judgmental. But I did hear things. Plus you were my science partner for most of that semester.” That struck a light bulb in me.

“Oh, that’s right. You were the boy I had a lot in common with. The boy who never picked on me.” His lips broadened in a smile and he nodded, his perfect teeth shining white against his pale chapped lips. I couldn’t help but stare into his eyes, feeling more at home with him then I ever did with Jacob.

“We should probably get out of the rain, wanna come over for tea?” He asked, and I stifled a laugh and nodded, I have never been invited to someone’s house for tea before, so this was a shocker. As the clenching of my heart eases away, he held out his hand for me to take, and I took it.

“I don’t consider holding hands a relationship thing. Sort of a trust bonding thing for me, I do it with most the people I know.” He explained and I nodded in understanding, his big hand warming my frigid, ice cold fingers.

“So? How have you been enjoying summer vacation so far?” He asked.

Shrugging I responded, “It’s been fine. I’ve just laid around the house not making much of myself.”

“Do you still write music?” I bowed my head in shame.

“No. I haven’t found the motivation.”

It was quiet after I had spoken, Christipher ceasing his questions and leading me towards his house, his fingers still tangled with mine. This is bound to be the oddest friendship I’ve ever encountered, and I have never trusted someone so quickly before, but the more the minutes passed before we come upon his two story house, the more I realized there’s a spark in my heart that I haven’t felt for more then a couple months.

He lead me up a pair of concrete steps through a weathered fence with a white picket gate and through a dirt trail, leading around the side of the yellow house to the front, where a red Dodge was parked. The rain splashed against wind chimes of wood and metal hung up against thin iron poles, green vegetation surrounding a small garden and a tiny brick wall only a foot in the air all in the front yard. Already I could tell I’d be spending most of my days here.

The porch was adorned with lawn chairs and green plants, and above the door was a small five pointed star intertwined with a moon, and from that I could tell that Christipher and his family must practice Pagan traditions. I could now sense the tickling feeling his fingers gave me, that touch of magick, and immediately afterwards, my heart swelled.

Jacob was right. We didn’t imprint. And I was free to go.

**

“Well, this is the living room.” Christipher said, and I took a long look of the room before me.

A small entertainment center with a big, but old television in the center with a cable box on top, a sound system equipped with DVD player, a Wii, also a Playstation, and then a five shelves full of DVDs beside it all at the wall opposite us. The top of the entertainment center was just covered in different colored candles, homemade, and then a big book on the right side of the top. The coffee table was a rich dark chocolate color, and had a stash of Barbie doll clothes, an unopened bag of diapers, and an old coffee mug in the center of the room. The couch and loveseat were a white color, and as I ran my fingers against it, it was soft and cool feeling.

There was also, in the middle of the walking way, a little green playpen stood, with other baby items lined up against the light green walls. The place was just cluttered with family stuff, a place to come home to, and I looked into Chris’s eyes with pure amazement, and he seemed to understand. After all he’s heard, he must know everything about the situation with my mother, but if he had the gift, certainly he’d feel I was grieving for my father as well. I couldn’t tell, but then he’d certainly understand that I’ve never felt quite at home for a very long time.

“Sorry about the mess. I have two little sister’s. Ones just three, and the other is six. They are both at daycare. My Aunt’s working the shop.” He explained, dragging me into the kitchen, with brown granite counters and dark wooden other things. The appliances were all black, even the sink.

“What shop?” I asked, and he laughed.

“You know, you’ve already been there. The herbal store just three miles from here.” He answered, and I ‘oh’-ed and felt completely stupid. That was his fault, how was I suppose to know that was his aunt?

I watched him pull out two white mugs with a yellow flower on one side, and then a box of tea, I couldn’t read what flavor from where I was standing. He then plugged in a white modern looking kettle device, and pushed a red button on the top, and then he turned around to look at me.

“So…how’s life been the past couple days? I heard Bella got married to Forks handsome knight, Edward Cullen.” I knew exactly what he was getting at, and frankly, I wasn’t offended like most would have thought and I probably would have cussed at him for it, but I felt too ‘go with the flow’ around him.

“Yes, and she’s pregnant too.” I saw his eyes widen, but despite I guessed he probably knew about Jacob’s and Edward’s situation with the ‘undead’ and mythical and what not, I pressed on, “I haven’t heard much of that. I refuse to speak to Billy, Jacob’s father, about it. After the wedding Jacob and I sort of, decided to break up.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. It doesn’t really matter though. After what he’s been through I’m not really surprised.” He nodded and looked down at the ground, and I followed suit, feeling worse by the minute. But I closed my eyes tightly and sucked in a heavy breath, not letting Jacob’s ability to ruin my life get to me. This was a new person in front of me, and Christipher opened up a door full of new opportunities, and I was going to pick and try each of them without shame or hesitation. Jacob wasn’t going to hold me back.

“Well,” Christipher held out his hand again, smiling wide, “Follow me and I won’t let you get hurt again.”

A chance to be normal. A chance for all my endings to begin. I took his hand and smiled back, letting my body conjoin with his, in an almost too friendly hug.