Vermilion

I couldn’t understand anything anymore, as if the common knowledge I held in my brain was stripped away like the thinnest piece of cloth. Completely enveloped by my thick comforter and sheets, sunk deep into the mattress, I lay completely conscious with closed eyes, unable to comprehend I was awake. There was sweat on the edge of my hairline, my neck, my back, everywhere.

I can remember it as clear as day, the nightmare that plagued me.

I was running through the rain, like I had the day I found out about Chris, and as the drops beat against me it felt almost too real. The smell of the wood, the mud that caked my entire body as it squished between my toes with every stomp of my feet. I knew who I was searching for, Jacob, but that’s not who I found.

That same figure from before, a black silhouette against the monotone blue of the world around me. He stood from a crouched position, something was beating in his hands. My heart.

I let my head fall to trace the trail of a deep cut in my chest, fresh, with the blood clotting around the edges. It was slowly turning into a great big scab, and I watched it transform before me.

“This belongs to me.” The figure whispered, clutching the heart tight against his chest. “I didn’t mean to scare you away like that.”

It was when I felt that figure’s lips against mine, warm and familiar, did I jolt awake to squint against the bright sunlight through the thin curtain on the other side of the room. Lighting up the ugly brown shaggy carpet, the fake wood panels of the walls. I could catch a small glimpse of light snowflakes falling past the window.

It was a small knock on my door that interrupted my deep trance to get back to sleep, to find that figure, and attempt a different demonstration of physical contact. My lips tingled from the warmth of the kiss, like that dream was a reality so far beyond my reach…enough to leave a small trace.

“Yeah?” I asked, my voice scratchy. Obviously my ‘I’m not ready to get up’ morning voice that comes before I can even open my eyes correctly.

“Elaine?” It was Jacob. What the hell was he doing home?

The door opened and I heard him slip inside, closing it softly, probably as to not alert Billy who had suddenly become a strong enforcer to keep us apart. Like the police for my sanity. There was weight on the bed near my upper torso area as Jacob sat beside me, running his warm fingers through the strands of my black hair away from my still, sweaty face.

“Why are you all wet?” Jeez, he can be so ignorant sometimes.

“I had freaking a nightmare.” I responded, not bothering to open my eyes and look at him.

“Oh…” His voice trailed off, like it had finally dawned on him, “for how long?”

“Forever, Jake. I’ve had them forever. Weeks ago. I don’t know.” I shifted, turned around away from him, his hand though landed on my shoulder, caressing it softly. Ever since I had come running to him that specific day after what happened with Chris, he’s gone a bit touchy, probably thinking we’re together again. I can’t complain, over the week that he’s been going back and fourth between Forks and here (to visit me of course) I’ve still been increasingly lonely. I can’t stop thinking about my parents after I had seen Bella’s child, Renesme, who, come to think of it, is rather too fond of Jacob.

“Anyway. I was wondering if you wanted to come visit for the day at the Cullen’s.” He wasn’t wondering, he would take me anyway. Jacob’s found it a rather odd sport to force me into things, like riding on his furry back every evening when he’s able to slip away from the chaos at the Cullen’s fancy modern mansion.

“Okay.” His warmth left my skin after that, closing the door, probably heading to the living room to invade the couch and pantry while I try and catch a few more minutes of…laziness.

I decided not to just lay there, like I do every morning. Finally, I had the burst of strength to throw all the sheets and comforter from me and off the bed to the side, and roll off the bed. Landing on my hands and knees, I then made a dash to my closet, sliding the door open and then opening a drawer. Dark jeans that are loose fitting and are a bit too long, a purple tank top with lace at the top and bottom underneath a black long sleeved shirt, finished with my lace arm warmers, my studded belt, my buckle boots…and a messy bun for a hair do. Of course my usual make up too.

That had to have taken thirty minutes, minimum. Slow morning, and Jacob had woken me up, setting my bodies alarm clock way to early then I’m use to.

Slowly I opened the door and ventured into the dark hallway, taking note that Billy’s door was closed. He must still be sound asleep then. As I entered the living room I noticed it was empty, a stillness that haunted each inhale. Looking around, the curtains were pulled letting a dark shadow loom over the furniture. Remembering Chris, a sting in my heart formed where, in my dreams, that hole would be.

“Are you coming?” Jacob asked, startling me into jumping, my heart beginning to pump faster.

“Uh, yeah.” I looked around nervously, my face heating up and no doubt, my cheeks turning red. Quickly I dodged the furniture in the dim room, jabbing my foot into one of the legs of the end table by the couch. Earning a deep bellied laugh from Jacob. Giving him a slight glare I past him through the front door, and it screeched closed as we silently made our way towards my yellow baby.

“I think your getting a flat tire.” Jacob pointed out as he tossed me the keys over the top, I unlocked the driver’s door and nodded.

“No doubt. Their bald as shit too.” Was it me, or did things feel to normal after what happened with Chris? It’s been two days since I had last talked to him, erasing the messages he’s left on the machine and refusing to come from my room when he knocked on the front door. Jacob was never around then, Chris made sure of that. We both knew very well what Jacob would do had he seen Chris coming up to the door step to talk to me.

Poor Billy. He’s had to keep all the secrets. A stash of them in his head from both Jacob and myself.

“I bet I can fix that. I may have some spare tires in the garage, or I can get them at the auto shop.” He had a large grin on his face as he said that, and I knew what he was thinking. Discount. A couple months ago, after what had happened, Jacob had gotten a part time job at La Push Auto and now he gets discounts on parts and tires. He’s promised me tires, so I expect them soon.

“Billy told me about Chris.”

The air became tense, my eyes closed slowly but before I could get too distracted from the road I opened them again. My breath had hitched a slow ride in my throat, I wasn’t able to speak.

“How come you didn’t tell me?”

More silence.

“Because Jacob. Both him and I know you’d shred him to pieces.” I told him softly, gripping the steering wheel tightly. Between us was a spark of tension when I felt his stare on my hands. Then I felt warmth in the shape of a hand on my inner thigh. Jacob.

“Elaine…” I was choking on tears. Pulling the car over I pulled the keys from the ignition and banged my fists against the steering wheel.

“Why can’t you let it go?” I screamed, desperately. He wrapped me in his big, strong arms, making sure to coo in my ear softly. I had missed that, so much.

“Fine, it’s taboo. Now lets switch so that you can calm down.” Without saying a word, I nodded and pulled the door handle, giving a kick to the door and it swung open. As he came around the side he gripped my waist tightly.

“I can fix that too.” Then he kissed my cheek.

I would have given him a questioning look, raised my eyebrows, and demanded an explanation for his actions but I wanted away from him. With the break shift between us. That’s what I wanted. Thus, I ran to the passenger side and slid in.

That door was much easier to open, being a bit underused and under appreciated. However, the driver’s door gets harder to move every time it’s been opened or closed. As if it’s getting to old to feel motivated. That’s the sad truth.

The scenery past by quickly, Jacob was speeding as usual. Like the vampires, his knack for speed grew ten times what it was when he was a literal human.

Soon the long dirt driveway to the front of the Cullen’s home came into view and he took a sharp turn. I sway a bit, bumped into his shoulder, and he mumbled a small sorry before stomping on the gas.

“You know, my car isn’t going to go as fast as you demand it too.”

“That’s because it’s old as shit and you drive it so much I’m surprised it hasn’t fallen apart yet.”

“Hey! I take offense to that!” I shouted loudly and he rolled his eyes with exaggeration.

“Only you.” I scoffed and just as he parked the car I got out, almost falling to the cold ground and held my palm out as he came over to me.

“Now, as long as you promise not to have an emotional break down, I’ll give you your keys when the visit is over.” My mouth hung open as he smirked widely, messing up my hair with his big hand and walked up the porch steps. Making a grunt noise I followed him reluctantly, wishing more then ever that he could just have left me home. Seeing the way Bella’s child hang over Jacob does make me jealous, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Even if Edward knows.

The moment I came through the door I was engulfed in several hugs, coming from Alice and Bella. No matter how much I may hate her child, no matter how much that little sting of what happened three years ago is alive, I can’t pull away from her. She’d ventured into my life that had threw everyone fits of terror for my survival, I’m sure that she’s stuck around even after Jacob admitted what I’ve said about her behind her back is worth my effort for friendship.

Then I heard the obnoxious giggle that Renesme would let out every time she saw Jacob. Edward gave me a look as my eyebrows furrowed in frustration.

What? I asked in my head and he shook his, moving away to stand behind the couch his daughter sat on. Jacob gave Renesme a short hug before he handed her to Edward, and he waltzed over to me.

“How’s everything between you two? No more fights?” Esme asked as she entered the room with a broad smile on her face, almost identical to the one that Jacob had earlier. One of excitement and motherly enthusiasm.

“None yet.” I whispered, but I know he heard me. The way his face sort of frowned, every part of him sunk down like he expected it and it disappointed him to hear that I still believed…that this was wrong.

“Well Carlisle has found an explanation for everything.” Bella said hopefully, her skin dazzling with the faintest of sparkle from the sunlight through the windows. I envied her this way. That made Edward smirk.

“Explanation for what?”

“For the fights, the little break you guys took.” Carlisle answered as he leaned against the frame of the kitchen door. Not as if they really needed a kitchen.

My ears were at full attention now, and I couldn’t help but part my lips in surprise and anxiety.

“And that is?”

“The scars disappeared, abnormally. That’s not something that usually happens, especially since the one you’ve had for three years just disappears without a trace. The connection that chained you to one another disappeared once the venom had left Jacob’s system.

“What I know so far is that because we had destroyed the vampire who did this to you, that chain was temporary. It must have been your last suicide attempt.” Carlisle explained, and at least seeming to be confident in what he had to say.

“That doesn’t make any sense. What your saying is that because those scars disappeared as well as that connection that it triggered Jacob and I to try and bite each other’s heads off, that we really did imprint on each other?” He nodded his head slowly.

“Why?”

“I don’t know that.” I sighed in disappointment, simply because I don’t know how the fuck he can’t know that.

“I’m sure you remember Carlisle said a case like that is rare, he’s never dealt with that before. Don’t throw your disappointment at him.” Edward warned, and I lifted my eyes slowly and sharpened my glare.

Suddenly, a sharp screech came from the monster in Edward’s arms, the young girl squealing and wiggling her arms towards Jacob. A familiar sting of jealousy went to my chest and I felt like running out of there, sick and uncomfortable. Jacob, however, listened to her demands and went across the room, cradling her in his big strong arms, tickling and playing with her.

Letting go a wretched and shaky sigh, a cold hand graced my shoulder. “Don’t worry about it, Jacob has no intentions in letting her take him away from you.” Alice told me with a bright smile on her lips.

“How do you know that? I thought you couldn’t see werewolves in your visions.” I said softly, though I definitely knew that everyone else in this damn room could hear me. Jacob and Renesme included.

“Because he told me.” And she skipped off to take that boyfriend stealing baby away from Jacob, directing her eyes towards me.

“Are you okay going home by yourself?” Jacob asked me, and that stinging in my heart grew. I watched a bit of emotion hit his face, but disappear as quickly as it had come.

“I think you should take her home yourself.” Edward piped up, glaring at Jacob coldly.

“Or she could just stay here for a bit longer. I haven’t had her company in a really long time.” Alice pouted as she held Renesme, who was giving me the evil eye of all evil eyes.

“It doesn’t matter. I’m sure Billy is wondering where I ran off too. I guess I’ll see you guys soon.” With as much might as I could, I tried to hide the bit of sadness in me, but enough of it had slipped through to be apparent enough that I was hurt. Really hurt.

Closing the glass door behind me, I stood on the porch for a second, letting the cold air nip at my skin as I bit my lip to stop my chin from shaking. Stomping down the stairs, a snowflake hit my nose, and I couldn’t help but feel that maybe Carlisle was wrong this time…Jacob and I didn’t imprint on each other. We never did…

And probably never will.