Hidden Within

Brian’s warm breath dances across my cheek, making my heart rate accelerate. I can hear my heart thumping wildly in my ears and I swallow hard, sensing him as he draws closer. The tip of his nose lightly brushes over mine, and I wait for the inevitable-- for his lips to meet mine.

“Oh, Lana, I didn’t know that you were home!” Henry’s voice breaks in, tearing me out of my trance and causing me to jump as my eyes fly open.

I turn my head to see my step-father standing in the doorway with a somewhat pleasant looking smile on his face. He doesn’t really look angry or anything, but I have a sneaking suspicion that the smile is just for show. Heat rises to my cheeks and I chew on my bottom lip, feeling extremely awkward as I cast my gaze down to my shoes.

“Hi, Dad,” I mumble, keeping my eyes fixated on the ground.

“Hi, Mr. Benton,” Brian says, unease clearly evident in his voice.

“Hey, you two; I wasn’t interrupting anything, was I?” he asks, but everything in his tone screams that he knows exactly what would have happened if he hadn’t opened the door.

“Oh, no, not at all, sir,” Brian answers hastily while I quickly shake my head, unable to look at my step-father. Hell, I don’t think I can even look at Brian right now…

“That’s good. Did you two have a good time today?”

“We did,” I answer so quietly that I’m not even sure that Henry heard me.

“Yes, sir, we did.”

“That’s good. So, what--”

“Henry, did you open the door when I told you not to?” I hear Mom call out from inside the house, mortifying me even more. So Henry really had been watching us… This just gets better and better! “I told you not to spy on Lana and Brian when they’re on the porch. Let them have their privacy.”

“I wasn’t spying on them,” Henry counters, “I was simply going out to check the mail.”

“It’s Sunday, sweetie, there is no mail today.”

“Oh, right, it is! I guess I forgot what day it is. It feels like it’s only Saturday.”

I look up at the sound of Mom’s footsteps and see her walking into view, wiping her hands off on her apron. “Uh-huh, I’m sure you did. And Brian and Lana just happened to be on the porch when you decided to go ‘check the mail?’”

“I didn’t know that they were out here.”

“Yeah, you did, Dad,” Kris pipes up from the living room. “You were wa--”

“Kristopher, why don’t you go play a videogame?” Henry suggests, cutting him off before he can finish. But Kris already said enough to confirm everyone’s suspicions.

“Because it’s almost time for dinner, and you know how he gets once he starts playing a game, there is no tearing him away from it,” Mom reminds him. “Oh, and speaking of dinner, would you like to join us, Brian?”

“Uh, yeah, that sounds great,” Brian answers. “Are you sure it’s okay with you?”

“Of course it is,” she answers warmly. “I wouldn’t have asked you if it wasn’t okay with us.”

“Yeah, I’d love to. I’m sure they’ll be okay with it but I’ll just have to call my parents and let them know.”

“Alright, I’ll go set an extra place at the table, and you can use our phone when you want to call your parents,” she says, smiling. “I’ll let you know when dinner’s ready. And for now, Henry, I think we should let these two have a little privacy.”

Henry simply nods his head, obviously not too thrilled about the idea of letting me and Brian have some privacy. But then again, what father would be happy to leave his daughter alone with her boyfriend? Henry doesn’t know that Brian and I aren’t really dating. He doesn’t know that nothing will happen. Well, at least I’m pretty sure nothing will happen…

The door closes, leaving me and Brian alone on the porch. I bite my lip and glance over at him. He’s not looking at me, though. His eyes are now trained on his shoes, just like mine were earlier. I sigh, debating whether or not I should say something or just stand here for a few minutes in awkward silence until dinner’s ready. Frankly, neither sounds terribly appealing right now.

“So…” I trail off, not really sure what to say. I shouldn’t have said anything; I should have just stayed quiet and waited until it’s time to come in.

He looks up at me, his brown eyes locking onto mine, and gives me a tiny smile; a nervous smile. “So…” he echoes as he rubs the back of his neck. “You wanna sit down?” he asks, gesturing to the swing behind me.

I lick my lips, looking back at the swing, and shrug. “I guess…”

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to. I just thought that sitting would be a little more comfortable than standing here…”

“Sitting’s fine.”

He takes a couple steps forward, and I watch him walk past me and take a seat on the porch swing. “You gonna sit down?” he asks, looking up at me.

I nod my head and walk over to the swing. I sit down, making sure to leave plenty of space between us. I give him a small smile, not really knowing what else to do. I mean, it’s not like we’re friends or anything, it’s not like we have anything in common to talk about.

“So,” he starts, breaking the silence, “you think your step-dad’s spying on us again?”

My gaze flickers over to him to see a slight smirk on his lips, and I bite my lip as the corners of my mouth begin to curl up. “I doubt it,” I answer with a tiny chuckle.

“Why’s that?”

“Well, because my mom told him to give us some privacy. Knowing her, she’s got him helping her out with dinner now to ensure that he’s not watching us through a crack in the blinds or the peephole.”

“Ah, I see.”

“Yeah… I’m really sorry about that-- the whole spying on us thing. I didn’t think he’d do that.”

“It’s alright,” he assures me. “But I’m kinda wondering why he was spying on us. I mean, I thought he liked me. I thought I did my job and earned his trust.”

“Oh, he does like you,” I tell him matter-of-factly. “In fact, he likes you a lot. However, that’s not going to change the fact that I’m his step-daughter and you’re the teenage boy dating me. Well, the teenage boy that he thinks is dating me.”

“So does that make me the enemy?” he asks, laughing a little bit.

I can’t help but laugh a little, too. He’s got a nice laugh… Well, not nice, but it’s not exactly totally terrible. I suppose the best word to describe it would be contagious. “To a certain extent, yeah, I guess you are.”

“Damn, I never thought a girl’s dad would like me and hate me all at the same time.”

“Well, don’t be surprised if it happens to you again in the future. And those dads would really have something to worry about since, you know, you’d actually be really dating them.”

“Yeah…” he trails off and bites his lip. “What did he think was going to happen out here, anyway? I mean, there’s not really a whole lot we could do out here.”

“I don’t know.” I shrug. “He’s a dad. I think they just have the knack for coming up with the craziest things that could happen to their daughters if left alone with a boy for more than two seconds. But it’s not like anything would have happened…right?”

He looks up at me, his eyes meeting mine, and I gulp. “What, you mean with us?” he asks.

I simply nod, nervously chewing on the inside of my lip.

“Oh…Yeah, of course. Nothing would have happened with us… I mean, this is all just…fake…you know?”

“Right… Yeah… I know that, but I just thought that…” I pause and shake my head. “Never mind.”

“What is it?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Oh, come on, you can tell me, Sunshine. I am your boyfriend, after all.”

“You know that I don’t like that nickname, and you’re not my boyfriend. Not really, anyway,” I mumble, glancing up at him for a moment before letting my gaze fall back into my lap.

“Hey, even though this whole dating thing isn’t real, it doesn’t mean that we can’t talk. I mean, we’re friends.” I raise an eyebrow at him, and he frowns. “We are friends, aren’t we?”

A humorless chuckle passes from my lips and I gently shake my head. “Seriously?”

“Yeah…”

“It’s… I don’t know… I didn’t realize that you thought we were friends…”

“Why wouldn’t we be friends? We hang out now, we talk. And I don’t know about you, but I had a good time with you last night.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, I did,” he smiles. “It turns out that you’re a lot of fun to be around.”

“Well, you’re not so bad yourself, Haner,” I admit softly. “But I told you last night that I have to think about this whole idea of us being friends. I mean, you’ve been picking on me for a long time. You still pick on me, actually.”

“I’m working on it.”

“Only because Laney will kick your ass if you keep it up. Besides, it’s not characteristic of a boyfriend to make fun of his girlfriend all the time.”

“Or maybe I’m working on it because I actually want to be nicer to you, Lana.”

I turn my head and eye him. “And why would you suddenly want to do that?”

“Because I--” He stops and shakes his head. “I just want to be nice, that’s all. I’ve been an ass to you, and I’m sorry.” His hand rests on top of mine, and I twitch at his touch, fighting the urge to jerk my hand away from his. He quickly pulls his hand away from mine and he sighs heavily. “Okay, so you don’t think of me as your friend. That’s fine. You don’t have to. I’m not going to force you to do anything you don’t want to.”

I open my mouth to speak, but can’t find the right thing to say to him. I don’t really want to lie to him and tell him that I want to be his friend and that it’s just going to take me some time. But I can’t just shoot him down and say that we’ll never be friends, because it’s not nice and it’ll be damn near impossible for us to not be friends as long as Zacky and Lynn are dating.

“Brian, I--”

“It’s alright, Lana, you don’t have to apologize. I get it. I was a jerk to you, and you don’t wanna be my friend. That’s fine. I just thought we could try. You know, for Zack and Lynn’s sake.” He audibly exhales through his mouth and places his hands on his thighs. “Well, I think this was enough private time, don’t you? I think we should just--”

“I wanna try.” I blurt out, causing him to stop from standing up.

He turns his head and looks at me in surprise. “What’d you say?”

“I wanna try to be your friend,” I repeat, a little surprised to hear the words come out of my mouth. “It’d make this whole fake relationship easier on both of us if we were friends. And, like you said, we had a good time on that date last night. There’s no reason we can’t try to be friends.”

He leans back in his seat a little bit. His brown eyes watch me intently almost as if he’s trying to read me. “Really? You mean it? You’re not just trying to make me feel better?”

My eyes meet his and I feel the corners of my lips begin to turn upward. I nod my head and scoot a little closer to him. “Yeah, really; I don’t see the harm in trying. And we are going to be spending a lot of time together. I mean,” I sigh and-- against my better judgment-- gently rest my hand over his, “we are dating, kind of.”

A smile tugs at his lips and he chuckles softly as he slowly turns his hand underneath mine. His palm presses against mine and he clasps my hand in his. My heart races anxiously in my chest and I swallow hard, fighting back the urge to jerk my hand away from his. But it’s so hard not to pull away when every single nerve is screaming at me to tear away from him, to get the hell away from him before he can hurt me.

“Are you okay, Sunshine?” he asks, keeping his light grasp on my hand; the concern in his eyes visible and catching me off guard.

I’m not used to this Brian; this new Brian that seems to care about my well-being. The Brian I’ve always known wouldn’t have cared if I got attacked by a pack of rabid dogs, but in the last couple of days he’s almost seemed to make a transformation-- a total 180-- into a completely different boy. And while it’s nice to see that he’s not a total douchebag, I don’t know if I like this new Brian. This Brian notices too much-- is too perceptive-- and it makes me nervous.

“Lana? Are you okay?”

I gulp and nod. “Yeah,” I answer in a tiny voice, “I’m okay.”

He stares at me for a moment, searching for any hint of deception on my face or in my eyes, and my stomach knots up. He lifts his free hand up to my face and tucks my hair behind my ear, his calloused fingertips lightly tracing along the ridge of my ear. My heart races, I inhale shakily and exhale slowly through my nose, my gaze focused on his. “Are you sure?” he whispers.

“Mmhmm.”

“Okay.” He lets his hand fall into his lap, but his other hand stays clasped with mine. He rubs the back of my hand absentmindedly with his thumb. “So, um, since we’re gonna try to be friends, should we talk?”

“A-about what?” I ask him, watching his thumb as it lazily moves across my skin.

“Just get to know each other,” he answers, shrugging. “We’re gonna try to be friends, might as well see what we’ve got in common. Plus, it’ll make the whole dating act look more convincing if we know things about each other.”

“I guess you’ve got a point there,” I admit softly. “So, what do you want to know about me?”

“Well, what do you like to do? What are your hobbies? What kind of music do you listen to? What’s your favorite show? Stuff like that.”

“Okay… Well, um, I don’t do a whole lot,” I start, feeling extremely lame. “Um, oh, I’m in band. This will be my third year.”

“That’s cool. You play the flute, right?”

“Yeah, I do,” I answer slowly, giving him a puzzled look. How did he know that? “How’d you know that I’m a flautist?”

“You guys played for the school back in seventh grade, remember? I saw you play one, and I just figured that you stuck with it. You still carry around a flute case at school. At least I’m pretty sure it’s a flute case.”

“Yeah, it is,” I say, nodding my head.

“So, do you like the flute?”

“It’s not bad. To tell you the truth, I wanted to play the violin.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I don’t really know. I guess…” I sigh, “I guess it was that day in sixth grade music class; the day that all those band members from the high school came over. I remember watching the two flautists play, and I thought that it was just a pretty instrument. I never really listened to a flute before, but in that moment, it was instrument that kind of called out to me. Even after I heard the girl play the violin, I still couldn’t forget how much I liked the flute…” I chuckle at myself, realizing just how lame I sound. “It’s stupid, I know.”

“No, it’s not,” he says with a warm smile. “I think it’s a nice story. I like it.”

“I still think it’s stupid… I mean, it’s not like you and the guitar. You said your dad plays, so it must just kinda run in the family or something…”

“Just something I picked up… But, I’ve been meaning to ask you something.”

I turn my head and look at him. “What?”

“How do you know that I play guitar?”

I gape at him; my brain scrambling for an answer. Anything that doesn’t tell him that I can see into his bedroom from my window; anything that doesn’t tell him that I’ve been some sort of creep who watches him every night before he goes to bed. But my mind goes completely blank. I can’t think of anything. Not even the simplest excuse.

“Well, I--”

“Lana, Mom says dinner’s almost ready,” Kris calls out, poking his head out the door. “Hey, Brian.”

“Hey, Kris,” Brian says, finally releasing my hand and giving him a small wave.

“We’ll be inside in a second,” I tell my brother.

“Alright,” he says, disappearing back into the house.

“So, I guess we should go in,” I say, standing up. “You can call your dad and Suzy; let them know that you’re going to be over here… Are you sure it’ll be alright with them, though?”

“I’m sure,” he answers, getting up from his seat. “I’m always going over to one of the guys’ homes, so it doesn’t really bother them. Besides, I’m with you; they’ll definitely be fine with it.”

“Wish my parents were that chill. You’re lucky, Ha-- Brian,” I comment as I head for the door.

“Yeah, I am… Hey, Sunshine?”

I rest my hand on the doorknob and look at him over my shoulder. “Huh?”

“You never answered my question.”

“Um, which question was that, again?” I ask, playing dumb.

“How’d you know I play guitar? I never told you that I play, so how’d you know that?” he queries, running his long fingers through his hair.

“Oh… Well, I…” My eyes fall on his hands, and something clicks in my brain. “Your hands.”

“My hands? What about my hands?”

“You’ve got callouses on your fingers,” I state, pointing to his left hand. “And you’ve got those long guitarist fingers; I just assumed that you play.”

“Oh,” he says, looking down at his hand. “I guess they’re a bit of a giveaway…”

“Yeah, just a little.” I smile to myself, relieved to see that he bought my little fib. “So, ready to go inside and put up with my family again?”

“As ready as I’m ever going to be,” he chortles. “But you do realize that they aren’t that bad, right?”

“Just wait until you get to know them a little better. You’ll be singing a different tune then,” I tell him matter-of-factly as I open the door and head inside the house.

~

I bite my bottom lip as I check the time. Surprisingly enough, Brian’s been over for three hours and hasn’t run out of the house screaming. I don’t know if he genuinely likes my family or is just putting on a brave face for the sake of our boyfriend/girlfriend act, but whichever it is, he is doing a great job. He’s doing much better than I would, which in turn only makes me worried about how things will go if I’m ever invited over to his house for dinner.

Dinner hadn’t been completely terrible. Since there was definitely no chance of Brian stealing a kiss from me at the table, Henry went back to being relaxed and friendly with Brian. It’s almost scary how much he likes him. And Mom-- just like last time-- was thrilled to have him over for dinner. She couldn’t stop smiling at the two of us, and it only made me feel even worse for lying to her. I’ve always been honest with my mom, and now I’m keeping secrets from her left and right.

Something wraps around my hand, and pulls me out of my daze. I look down to see that Brian has laced his fingers with mine. My throat suddenly becomes very dry and I swallow hard as I stare down at our interlocked hands. I never noticed how large his hands are compared to mine; they make mine look tiny. You’d think it’d look weird, his hand engulfing mine, but for some reason it doesn’t look odd at all. They actually look like they fit together perfectly…

“…Sunshine?”

“Huh?” I ask, lifting my head to look at him.

“I asked if everything is okay,” he says softly, his eyes meeting mine. “You seemed a little out of it.”

“Yeah, I’m okay, Brian,” I answer with a small smile.

“Good,” he whispers, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. He glances over at the clock and sighs. “It’s getting kind of late. I think I should probably head on home. Is that okay?”

I nod my head. “Yeah, of course it is. We’re not going to keep you here against your will,” I tell him, chortling.

“It wouldn’t exactly be against my will,” he murmurs with a tiny smile tugging at his lips, and my cheeks suddenly become very warm. “Too bad my parents aren’t chill enough to let me stay.”

“Even if they were, I don’t think mine like you quite enough to let you stay,” I whisper as my gaze flickers over towards my mom and Henry, who are both watching TV.

“Good point. Well,” he exhales heavily through his mouth and releases my hand, standing up from his seat, “it’s getting kind of late. I think I should head on home now,” he says, getting Mom and Henry’s attention. “Thanks for having me over.”

“You’re welcome here any time,” Mom tells him, smiling warmly.

“Thanks.”

“I can give you a ride home if you need one,” Henry offers.

Brian shakes his head, politely declining the offer. “That’s alright, Mr. Benton, I don’t live too far from here.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” he says with a confident nod, and I realize that we never told my parents that Brian lives just across the street from us. “Thanks for the offer, though.”

“Well, you have a good night, Brian,” Mom says.

“Thanks. You guys have a good night, too.”

He stands in front of the couch a bit awkwardly, and it suddenly dawns on me that I’m supposed to get up and tell him goodnight. Man, I really do suck at this girlfriend thing. I can’t even remember that I’m supposed to tell my boyfriend goodnight. I quickly stand up, biting my bottom lip nervously and quietly praying that Mom and Henry don’t think it’s too weird that I was about to forget to say goodbye to Brian. I take a deep breath and muster the nerve to take his hand, and he looks down at me. I can tell that he’s trying to hide his surprise as he smiles at me.

“I’ll walk you to the door,” I whisper softly.

He nods his head and gives my hand a gentle squeeze as we make our way to the door. We stop in front of the door, and he glances over at my parents. “Do you wanna go outside?”

I look over at my parents just in time to see Henry quickly avert his eyes. “Yeah, maybe we should,” I answer, nodding my head.

I know that we’re doing this all for show and everything, but I don’t really feel comfortable with my parents staring at us; it’s just extra pressure. Brian opens the door, and I flip on the porch light before we slip outside. I shut the door behind us once we’re on the porch, and he releases my hand.

“So, I had a good time tonight,” he says.

“Did you really?” I question with a raised eyebrow, wondering if he’s just saying this because he can spot Henry spying on us from the window or something.

He chuckles. “Yeah, I did. And I mean that.”

“Well, I’m glad you had a good time tonight. It wasn’t too bad having you around,” I tell him, and I mean it. When he’s around, I’m forced to focus on our act, which keeps my mind off of…well, everything else.

“I told you I’m not that bad,” he reminds me with a smirk, and I nod. “So, I guess I’ll be seeing you tomorrow at school.”

“Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow…” I trail off, unsure of what to do next.

Should I hug him? Should I kiss his cheek? I mean, we aren’t in the living room with Mom and Henry and his step-mom isn’t waiting for us in the driveway. Unless Henry really is keeping an eye on us from the window or something, we don’t really have a reason to do any of those coupley things, right? But maybe we should, just in case.

“So…” He scratches the back of his neck, obviously not sure what to do either.

I bite my lip and glance back at the living room window. I think I see someone, probably Henry, peeking through a crack in the blinds. He’s so damn nosy. I return my eyes to Brian and nervously chew the inside of my lip as I inch closer to him. Wrapping my arms around him, I hug him tightly. He puts his arms around me and hugs me back, nestling his face in my hair. I fight my instinct to flinch away from him, reminding myself that couples probably hug like this and that’s all we’re trying to do, look like a couple.

After a couple of moments, we separate, smiling at each other. He brushes my hair behind my ear and places a soft peck on my cheek. The heat rushes to my face, and I cast my eyes down to my feet.

“Have a good night, Sunshine,” he murmurs as he places a finger underneath my chin and coaxing my face up.

“You, too, Superman,” I say, chuckling at the stupid nickname.

The corners of his mouth turn upward, and he leans in, placing a tender kiss on my forehead. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

I watch him as he begins to make his way home and sigh as I rest my hand on the doorknob and open the door. I step inside and look to my right, expecting to see Henry by the window or casually making his way back to his seat, but he and Mom are both sitting exactly where Brian and I had left them. No one looks like they even budged, which means that Mom was able to keep Henry in line. But that also means that I had hugged Brian for no damn reason.

“I’m gonna get ready for bed,” I inform them, drawing their attention away from the television. “I’ll be back down in a bit to say goodnight.”

“Alright, sweetie,” Mom replies before they both return their eyes to the screen.

I exhale softly through my mouth and turn, heading up the stairs to my bedroom. I pass the bathroom door, taking note that it is not occupied, and I step inside my room. Since the bathroom’s free, I might as well just take my shower now instead of getting up early and trying to catch one in the morning. I grab my pajamas off of my bed and pull out a clean pair of panties from my dresser before making the short trek to the bathroom.

I check with my siblings to make sure that they don’t need the bathroom before I go in. I usually do this so I don’t have to deal with a whiny sibling complaining about how I hogged the bathroom when they really needed to go. I figure that if I’m nice enough to them-- especially Kris-- then they’ll be just as considerate to me in the future. I close the door, lock it, and place my clothes on the counter. I adjust the water’s temperature before I slip out of my clothes and I hop in.

The warm water washes over me, and I close my eyes, relaxing underneath its steady flow. I start to wash my hair, and my mind begins to wander, thinking about today. Aside from the game of Truth or Dare, I had a good time at the park with everyone. It was nice to hang out and actually have fun-- I feel like I haven’t had real fun like that in ages. It’s almost like a step closer to feeling normal, to being like I used to. As if there is a chance that I can fix myself; that I won’t be broken anymore.

And everything had gone pretty well tonight once I got home. Brian-- much to my surprise-- is still a hit with my family. I kind of wish that he wasn’t so damn popular with them, because it only means they’re going to be so disappointed once we break up. And even worse, any boyfriends I may have in the future are surely going to be measured up against Brian, who they seem to believe is perfect.

While I will admit that he’s not nearly as bad as I thought he was, he is far from the perfect guy my family thinks he is. I mean, he’s not even that cute. His lips are too thin, his cheekbones too high for their own damn good. I know that looks aren’t everything, but I would be lying if I said they didn’t account for something. He’s just not my type-- if I even have a type…

Plus, he has many other flaws-- things I just don’t like. He pays too much attention to detail, he asks too many questions, and he makes me nervous. Whenever he touches my hand-- sometimes even when he looks at me-- my heart begins to pound and my stomach feels kind of…funny. That’s not exactly a good sign, is it? Huffing, I reach for my body wash and mesh loofa. I squeeze the shower gel onto the pouf and begin to scrub my skin.

My mind begins to wander, going back to earlier today when Brian and I were on the porch, before Henry opened the door and embarrassed the shit out of me. What would have happened if he had listened to my mom and minded his own business? Would we have kissed? Was that what was going to happen? And more importantly, was I actually going to let him kiss me?

I replay the moment over and over in my head, recalling every detail: the way he stared into my eyes, the way his hand felt on my cheek, the quickening of my pulse, the warmth of his breath on my skin as I let my eyes fall shut. I think it’s safe to say that I was actually going to let him kiss me. And the admission scares me. What was going through my head? Why was I going to let him kiss me? Had I gone temporarily insane for a moment and actually wanted it to happen? That can’t be possible. It’s Brian we’re talking about; Brian, the boy who’s picked on me ever since grade school. There is no way that I could have actually wanted it to happen. No way at all.

I do my best to stop thinking about the almost-kiss, shaking it from my mind as I quickly finish up my shower. I make sure that all the shampoo is rinsed from my hair before shutting off the water. I wring the excess water from my hair and reach for my towel, drying myself off before wrapping it around my hair. I step out onto the bathmat, grab my clothes off of the counter, and quickly pull on my pajamas. I lean forward and let the towel unravel from around my hair. I run it over my damp locks, getting them as dry as I can so that I’m not going to be sleeping on wet hair tonight.

Once my hair is somewhat dry, I toss my towel onto the counter and gather up my dirty clothes. I do a check around the bathroom to make sure that I haven’t left anything lying around, and I open the door to step out into the hall, carrying my towel and dirty clothes with me. I head down the stairs, throw my stuff into the washer, and walk into the living room, where Mom and Henry are watching the news. I make my way towards them and wait for it to go to commercial before telling them that I’m going to go to bed.

“Alright, sweetheart,” Mom replies, standing up from the couch and hugging me tightly, “you have a good night.”

“Thanks, you, too,” I tell her, breaking the hug and giving her a tiny smile.

She lifts her hand and tucks my semi-damp hair behind my ear and pats it gently. “Make sure that your hair dries a bit more before you go to sleep,” she says, “I don’t want you catching a cold.”

“I will,” I assure her before turning to my step-father.

“Goodnight, kiddo,” he says, getting up and hugging me. “Oh, and I forgot to tell you earlier, but I can’t give you kids a ride to school in the morning. I’ve got an early meeting at work, so you’re going to have to catch the bus.”

I try not to make a face, and force a smile. It’s not that I hate riding the bus. I actually don’t mind much. But I know that Sandi will be less than enthused to hear this news, if she doesn’t know already. “Oh, okay. Do Sandi and Kris know?” I query.

“Yeah, I told both of them just a couple minutes ago.”

“Okay.” I nod, making note that chances are pretty good that Sandi will be waiting in my room to talk about how lame Henry is for making us take the bus or something along those lines.

“You sleep well, kid,” he says, smiling.

“Thanks, Dad.” I smile back at him and start to leave the room.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” Mom asks, making me stop in my tracks and turn back to face them, confused.

“Huh?”

“Oh, I wasn’t talking to you, Lana,” she answers, her eyes trained on my step-dad. “I was talking to Henry.”

“I promised you, isn’t that enough?” he asks her, which only adds to my confusion. I don’t know if I should leave or not.

I slowly begin to resume the short trip to my room, but Mom stops me. I stand in place, looking back and forth between Mom and Henry, wondering what the hell they are talking about and how it involves me.

“Fine…” Henry sighs exasperatedly, almost as if he can’t believe he has to do whatever it is he is about to do. “Lana, I’m sorry that I barged in on you and Brian this evening.” He pauses and looks back at my mom, who simply looks at him, egging him to continue. “And I promise to let you two have your privacy from now on. No more spying.”

“Oh… Thanks, Dad…” I mumble, feeling slightly uncomfortable. “It’s really okay, though. I mean, you weren’t interrupting anything.”

In fact, he actually saved me from the mistake of letting Brian kiss me. If it weren’t for Henry, I’d probably still be up in the bathroom, scrubbing my lips raw until convinced that any trace of Brian’s no longer remained.

“I know that,” he lies, knowing very well what would have happened had he not opened the door and made his presence known. “But I still should have respected your privacy. You’re not a little girl anymore, I can trust you. And Brian’s a good guy; I should trust him, too.”

“Thanks, Dad. That really means a lot to me,” I reply, hoping that this conversation is done so I can retreat to my room and not talk or think about anything Brian-related.

He smiles at me. “You’re welcome, Lana. You have a good night and a good day tomorrow.”

I mumble another thank you and exchange another round of goodnights to my parents, telling them both that I love them before going back to the stairs. I trudge up the steps and down the hall. I enter my room, and-- just like I had predicted-- Sandi is sitting on my bed.

“Hey,” I greet her, sitting down beside her.

“Hey.” She smiles, but it quickly fades away. “So, did you hear the news?”

“That we’re going to be taking the bus tomorrow morning?” I query. She simply nods in response. “Yeah, he just told me a couple minutes ago.”

“Isn’t it just so lame? I mean, why can’t your mom take us to school? Why do we have to ride the stupid bus?”

I shrug my shoulders. “Maybe Mom’s got some errands to run in the morning before work and can’t take us,” I suggest. It doesn’t sound completely improbable to me.

“I guess. But do we really have to take the bus? I mean, I don’t mind the bus when we’re going home, but not to get to school.”

“What’s so different about riding the bus to school?” I ask, not grasping what she’s complaining about.

“We have to get up earlier just to catch the stupid bus, we’re going to have the worst pick in seats because we’ll be some of the last people to get, and we’re going to look totally lame getting off of the bus.”

“It’s just one time, Sandi. I’m sure that your social standing isn’t going to take a hit just because you had to take the bus to school once,” I assure her with a chuckle.

“I guess so… I just really don’t like the bus.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. I’m not a huge fan of it, either, but one morning won’t kill us.”

“Yeah, you’re so right. So, how’d today go with Brian?” she asks with a large smile on her face. It’s obvious that she’s expecting to hear lots of juicy details. Too bad I don’t have any to share.

I shrug. “It was alright. We just hung out at the park with some of his friends.”

“Was that Matt guy from the bus there?”

“Yes, he was there. And so was his girlfriend,” I answer, hoping to drive the fact that Matt is taken into her head.

She simply rolls her eyes at me. “I know he has a girlfriend, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t think the guy is cute.”

“Uh huh…”

“Anyway, what’d you guys do?” she queries, leaning forward a little bit, eager to hear all the details.

I hesitate. Now, I know that Sandi’s not going to rat me out to Mom and Henry if I tell her that there was drinking there; she wouldn’t even tell them if there had been weed there today. That’s just the way we are with each other; we trust each other with everything. Well, nearly everything…

“Not a whole lot,” I finally answer. “We just goofed off a bit. Played some Truth or Dare. It wasn’t really that eventful, but it was still fun.”

“Oh,” she says, sounding disappointed. I don’t know what she had been expecting, but that clearly wasn’t what she had in mind. “That was it?”

“Yeah, basically,” I reply.

“Oh, important question: did Brian call you his girlfriend in front of his friends?”

“Uh, yeah, he did…” I trail off, not seeing the importance in this detail. It clearly is very important to her, though, because she lets out a loud, giddy squeal. “What’s so special about him saying that?”

“How do you not know?!” she asks, completely flabbergasted. “That’s, like, a huge clue to show how much a guy likes you. If he tells his friends that you’re his girlfriend, then he really, really likes you.”

“Oh… I didn’t know that.”

“Well, now you do!” she says, beaming. “Doesn’t that make you happy?”

“Yeah, it does,” I answer, but probably not as enthusiastically as she had expected, judging by the look on her face. “What?”

“Why aren’t you more excited about it? Lana, he likes you! He might even love you.”

“I wouldn’t go that far…”

“Why not? He’s probably been crushing on you since you were little. I wouldn’t be surprised if he does.”

“Even if he’s had a crush on me for that long, I doubt that he’s in love with me. It’s just a little too soon in our relationship,” I reason, knowing that it’s the best excuse I can give her since I can’t tell her that he’s not really my boyfriend.

“Well, if he’s liked you since you were little, it may not be too soon to him.”

I sigh. Clearly, there is no fighting with her on this, because she’s not going to let me win-- even though I’m right. “I guess you’re right…”

“Gee, Lana, don’t sound so excited about it. What’s wrong? I thought you liked Brian.”

“I do,” I reply quickly. “I really do.”

“Then why aren’t you happy about this? I mean, if I were you, I’d be jumping and squealing and giggling like an idiot.”

“I don’t know… I guess I just figured that if he’s my boyfriend, he already liked me a lot. I mean, why ask me to be his girlfriend if he didn’t like me a lot?”

“Well, some guys will do that kind of thing, but I guess Brian’s not that kind of guy. I just thought you’d be a little more excited about it. I mean what if you’re one of those lucky girls and already found The One?” she asks, giggling with excitement.

“Let’s just try not to get ahead of ourselves,” I tell her, trying my best to smile. “Brian and I aren’t really thinking that far into the future. We’re more of a…live in the moment and take it day by day kind of couple.”

“Ah, I see.” She nods her head thoughtfully and smiles. “I still think that he might be your soul mate, though. I mean, when things like this happen, it’s because the two people are meant to be together.”

“I think you’re confusing reality with romantic comedies, Sands.”

She chuckles. “You think what you want, Lana. But that stuff comes from somewhere. And you never know, maybe that stuff actually happens and it’s not just some idealistic fantasy that’s placed into our heads by fairytales, novels, and movies. You never know.”

I look up at her and my eyes meet hers. She really does believe in this. She really thinks that there really is such a thing as soul mates; that there is such a thing as true love. It must be nice to be so hopeful, to believe in your heart that there is someone who is meant to be with you and that you aren’t destined to be alone for the rest of your life. I smile at her optimism and I nod. “I guess you’re right, Sands, maybe you just never know.”

She beams at me widely. “Exactly. Now, we’ve got an early morning ahead of us, so I’m gonna let ya go.” She leans in and hugs me tightly. “Goodnight, Lana!”

“Goodnight, Sands.”

“See ya in the morning!” she tells me before disappearing out of the room, making sure to shut the door behind her.

I sigh and turn my gaze to the window. I slowly stand up, walk over to it, and peek through the blinds, looking across the street at Brian’s house. The living room lights are on, and I can imagine his dad and Suzy watching TV, like my parents do nearly every night. I look at the rest of the house, and my gaze finally falls on Brian’s window. I bite my lip and close my eyes. I reach for the wand and begin to turn it, but I can’t resist the urge to look into his room.

My eyes open, I look at his window, and my heart falls when I see that his lights are off. He’s already asleep. I exhale heavily through my mouth and rest my head against the wall.

“Goodnight, Brian,” I whisper as I finish closing the blinds.

~

“Come on, Sandi, we’re gonna be late for the bus!” I call up the stairs, tapping my foot impatiently as I wait for my step-sister at the bottom of the staircase.

“Just a second! I’m almost done with my hair!” she hollers back from the bathroom, and I roll my eyes.

I love Sandi, she’s my sister and all, but I really hate how she’s so caught up in her appearances. It’s not like she needs to be, anyway. She’s one of those naturally pretty girls who think that she’s ugly and needs to pile on the makeup and style her hair every day. Now it maybe have been useful for her to have all this experience with hair and makeup when I needed to get ready for my date, but the rest of the time it’s just annoying.

After a few more minutes, Sandi finally comes down the stairs. Her sandy blonde hair falls down her shoulders in loose waves, and her makeup makes her skin look absolutely flawless and glowing. No wonder she’s so popular at school. She’s glamorous-- especially when she’s compared to me in my standard ensemble of jeans and a somewhat baggy t-shirt. And when you’re gorgeous and outgoing like Sandi, you can quickly skyrocket to the top of the social food chain.

“Alright, all ready,” she says as she reaches the last step. “How do I look?”

“You look great, Sandi. Now let’s go,” I reply, picking my bag up off of the floor and slinging it onto my shoulder.

We head out of the house, and I double check to make sure that the house is locked up before we begin our short walk to the bus stop. Kris isn’t with us; he lucked out at the last minute and grabbed a ride with one of his friends. I guess it was best, though, since he’d have to catch a different bus than us.

I cross my arms over my chest and look up at the sky. It’s a nice day. The sun is out but it’s not too hot. There are a few fluffy, white clouds spotting the otherwise clear blue sky. At least the weather is nice. It’d be terrible if we had to walk to the bus in the pouring rain or something.

We arrive at the stop just in time. I can see the tiny speck that is our bus off in the distance. If Sandi had taken any longer getting ready, we’d both have to think up really good excuses about why we’re late for class because our only other option is to walk. And as much as Sandi hate the bus, I know she’d hate walking even more.

“Ugh, I don’t even know why I tried today,” Sandi grumbles as she runs her hands over her long hair and pulls it into a low, loose ponytail. “The one day I get my hair looking perfect, and we have to ride the stupid bus. I bet as soon as I step on my hair is going to get all frizzy and ugly.”

“It’ll be fine,” I assure her, turning my attention back to the bus, watching as it draws closer.

“I guess…” she says, trailing off. She looks behind her and smiles. “Hey, don’t we know them?”

I turn my head to look behind her and see a familiar looking figure running towards us, his backpack slung over his shoulder. I swallow hard. Even at this distance, I know exactly who it is-- he’s unmistakable.

“Hi,” Brian greets us, sounding a little breathless.

“Hi,” I reply quietly. I don’t know what else to say or do. I never anticipated this to happen.

“Hi, Brian,” Sandi says cheerfully with a sly smile playing on her lips. She steps away a little bit, letting Brian stand beside me. “You two don’t mind me. I’m not even here.”

I bite my lip and give him a tiny smile; he gives me one in return. “Hi,” I mumble again, glancing down at my feet.

“You already said that, Sunshine,” he whispers with a chuckle, inching closer to me. “How are you doing today?”

“I’m okay. You?”

“I’m good.” He brushes his hand against mine, but I shy away.

This is just too much to handle in the morning. I haven’t even had time to process what is happening right now. He lets his hand falls to his side, looking slightly disappointed, and I feel a little bad for him. He’s trying so hard to make this a convincing act, and here I am ruining the whole thing. I open my mouth to speak, to tell him that I’m sorry, but the bus pulls up before I get a chance to even get a syllable out.

I follow Sandi onto the bus, and Brian gets on after me. I look towards the back of the bus and see Matt and Jimmy. There doesn’t really look like enough room for both of us to sit with them, so I figure Brian can sit there and I’ll just sit with Sandi.

“Where do you wanna sit?” I ask Sandi, as she quickly surveys the bus.

“Aren’t those your friends over there?” she asks, pointing towards Matt and Jimmy, who see us and wave.

“Yep, but there isn’t enough room for all of us to sit there.”

“Oh, well, there’s an empty seat there,” she says, pointing to a seat just a couple up from where Matt and Jimmy are at the very back.

“You wanna sit with Matt and Jimmy?” I ask Brian. “Sandi and I can--”

“I’ll sit with Matt and Jimmy,” Sandi quickly pipes up. “I’m sure they won’t mind. You and Brian can sit together; I’m sure you want to.”

“Sandi, it’s really alright. Brian can--”

“Nonsense,” she says, waving her hand as she makes her way to the back of the bus. “I’m not separating you and your boyfriend. Now sit. It’s fine.”

“Okay.” I sigh and slide into the empty seat.

“Brian, you can sit with Lana, I’m gonna go sit with your friends back there,” Sandi tells him with a wide grin on her face.

“You sure that’s okay?” he asks.

“Yeah, I talked to them the other day, it’ll be fine,” she assures him before walking off to join Matt and Jimmy.

“Well, I certainly wasn’t expecting to see you here,” he says as he scoots in beside me. “I thought you got a ride to school in the mornings.”

“I do, but Henry had a meeting this morning and Mom couldn’t take us, so we had to catch the bus. What are you doing here, though? I thought you said that you walk.”

“I usually do,” he starts, “but ever since Matt and Jimmy said the bus comes by here, I decided that it’s just easier to take the bus. It’s actually my first day on here.” He casually drapes his arm around my shoulders, and I take a deep breath while reminding myself not to jerk myself away from him.

“Oh…” I trail off, looking up to see a few people staring in our direction. “I think people are looking at us.”

He looks up for a moment and nods. “Yeah, they are,” he states matter-of-factly. “Does that bother you?”

“It’s just weird, that’s all,” I answer as I sink into my seat a little.

He slides himself down a bit, too, and brings his head close to mine. Close enough that I can feel his breath against my neck. “Does this bother you? The whole school thing?” he queries, his brown eyes locking onto mine.

“I’m just not used to the attention. Why are they staring at us? I don’t even think they know us.”

“It just happens when you see people together that you haven’t before, I guess. I don’t really know…” He stops and stares at me for a moment, as if he’s choosing his next words very carefully. “Is this couple thing at school going to bother you, Lana?”

“I don’t know…” I shrug my shoulders and sigh. “Maybe…”

“Well, if it does, we don’t have to,” he whispers softly, and I knit my eyebrows together in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that we don’t have to act all coupley all day at school. We can just do it when Sandi’s around or something. The rest of the time we can just act like…well, like friends. That is what we’re trying to be, right?”

“You’d do that?”

“If it makes you feel better, yeah, I would,” he replies sincerely.

“You don’t have to do that, you know.”

“I know. But I want you to be comfortable. I know this has been difficult enough for you.”

I stare at him, dumbfounded. I never thought I’d hear Brian say something like this; never expected that he’d care about how I feel. Yesterday he was so insistent upon acting like a couple all the time, even in front of our friends. I try to find any hint of deception in his eyes, but see none. He’s being serious.

I lick my lips, prepared to tell him that that is exactly what I want, that it will make everything just so much easier. But the words don’t come out. Instead, I now feel conflicted. I don’t want to pretend to be his girlfriend all the time, but there is a part of me that wants to keep this charade going no matter how uncomfortable it may make me.

“Can I have time to think about it? Maybe see how today goes before I make a decision?”

“Is that what you really want to do, Lana?”

I nod my head. “Yeah, it is. One day can’t hurt, can it?”

He smiles and gently places his right hand on top of mine. “I don’t think it’d hurt at all.”

“Hey, lovebirds, are you going to get off?” Sandi chuckles as she, Jimmy, and Matt slowly walk past us. “Aren’t they just cute?” she asks, giggling to the two boys behind her.

“Yeah, they’re downright adorable,” Matt says with a teasing grin.

Brian simply gives him the finger, making me laugh a little. “I guess we should get going, huh?” he suggests.

“I think that’d be a good idea,” I agree, nodding my head.

He gets up from his seat after the last person in line moves by us, and waves his hand out in front of him. “Ladies first.”

“Why aren’t you just the perfect gentleman?” I giggle as I slide out of my seat and pull my bag onto my shoulder. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome, Sunshine.”

We head out of the bus and start walking towards the school in silence. I bite my lip and my gaze flickers to his hand. I inhale deeply through my nose and lift my hand up a little bit, clasping his left hand in my right. He looks down at our hands and smiles, moving his hand around slightly so that our fingers are laced together.

I smile back at him, and-- for reasons beyond me-- I lift myself up onto my toes and place a soft kiss on his cheek.

He stops walking and stares at me for a moment. “Wh--What was that for?”

“I don’t know…” I reply honestly. “I guess… Just thanks for…caring about how I feel. It means a lot to me. So, thanks, Superman.”

He gives my hand a tender squeeze, his smile growing just a hint. “You’re welcome, Sunshine.”