Hidden Within

“Alana! Hello! Earth to Alana!” Lynn calls out, knocking me out of my daze. I gently shake my head and blink my eyes a couple times as I try to focus my attention back to the present.

“Huh?” I ask, realizing that I had completely missed out on what she was talking about.

“I asked you if you were going to come with us to get something to eat,” she replies with a small smile. “The line’s starting to die down a bit and I’m starved.”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” I mumble, nodding my head and starting to slip out of my seat.

“Make sure you don’t get too much, Sunshine, ‘cause your fat ass can barely fit on this bench anyway,” Brian comments from beside me and I bite my bottom lip, hoping that he doesn’t notice that he got to me. The last thing I need is for Brian to know that he’s getting under my skin with his snide little remarks. “Ow! Laney, what the fuck!?”

My gaze falls over to Laney to see her rising to her feet as well, leaving her spot next to her boyfriend. “I told you to be nice, Haner,” she replies warningly.

“I was just joking!”

“Well, it wasn’t a very funny joke because none of us were laughing,” she retorts. She rests her hands on Matt’s broad shoulders and she leans forward, pecking his cheek softly. “I’ll be right back, hun. If Brian keeps being an ass, smack him for me, alright?”

“Alright, baby,” Matt chuckles, revealing a pair of cute pair of dimples. “But I think I’ll let you take care of Brian; you’ve got a stronger right hook than me.”

She simply chuckles at him and plants another quick smooch on his cheek. “Alright, babe. I’ll be back in a few.”

“Kay.”

Laney and Lynn come around to my side of the table and we begin to walk off to the lines to get our food.

“You don’t talk much, do you, Alana?” Laney asks me as we get closer to the lines.

“Just not much of a talker,” I reply with a small shrug of my shoulders.

“Don’t worry, she opens up once you get to know her,” Lynn chimes in. “Pretty soon you’ll be wishing for the days when she’d shut up.”

I chuckle half-heartedly at the joke, knowing that Lynn didn’t mean anything by it; and I’m pretty sure that Laney does, too.

“So, what do you think of our little group of friends?” Laney asks with a light chortle. “They can be a bunch of goofballs, but they’re pretty cool most of the time.”

“Yeah, everyone seems pretty nice…” I say softly, forcing a smile.

“I know that Brian’s been a pain, but he’ll get better. He’s not as big an asshole as he’s making himself out to be.”

“Alright,” I reply unbelievingly.

I guess Laney’s not aware of the fact that Brian’s picked on me ever since we were in kindergarten. He did everything from pulling on my pigtails when he’d sit behind me in class to pushing me on the playground at recess. The boy and I have never gotten along and I don’t see things changing anytime soon just because our best friends are dating now.

We split up when we get to the lines, Lynn goes to the salad bar while Laney and I make our way to the main line. I grab a tray and feel my stomach begin to churn as I look at the food that the cafeteria has to offer in this line. It’s not that the food’s gross or anything, far from it actually, the stuff here is two steps up from the slop they were feeding us in junior high, but I just don’t have much of an appetite. I quickly go through the line, grabbing only an apple and a bottle of water since I know Lynn won’t let me get by with nothing.

“Wow, no wonder you’re so thin! Is that all you’re getting?” I hear from beside me and I turn my head to see a somewhat worried looking Laney.

“Yeah, I’m not really that hungry today,” I mumble, trying to avoid looking her in the eye.

“You guys ready-- Whoa, Lana, is that all you’re getting?” Lynn asks stopping in front of me and staring at my tray in shock.

“I’m not very hungry,” I tell her, avoiding her gaze as I had Laney’s.

“Lana, you need to eat more than that. You’re gonna be starving for the rest of the day if you don’t.”

“I’ll be fine, Lynn, really. I just don’t feel like eating much today,” I insist, hoping that she’ll get off of my back.

“But, hun, that isn’t healthy.”

“Are you doing this because of what Brian said?” Laney queries, causing me to cast my gaze in her direction.

“N--”

“Because he was an asshole for telling you that. You’re not fat, Alana. Brian just has a really shitty sense of humor sometimes,” she continues, effectively cutting me off.

“It’s not because of what he said. I just don’t have much of an appetite right now. I had a big breakfast, still full from that,” I lie, rubbing my neck nervously as I speak.

They both eye me warily and I can see that neither of them is fully buying my bullshit excuse.

“At least share my fries with me? I got way too many,” Laney offers with a smile.

“Sure,” I reply with a small smile in return.

“Alright, well then I guess it’s back to the table,” Lynn says, casting me one last worried glance before she turns around and leads us back to the table where the boys are sitting.

I scrunch my eyebrows together when I see a girl sitting at the table next to Johnny and I’m about ninety-nine percent sure that she wasn’t there earlier. I glance at Laney and Lynn to see how they’re reacting to the presence of this new girl, but they don’t seem to be fazed by it. I guess she’s just another member of their group…

“There you are, Danni!” Laney smiles when we get to the table. “I was worried that Johnny ran you off forever.”

“Nah, my class was just held up. Mrs. Graves just doesn’t seem to know when to shut up. I mean, I know I can ramble, but damn, that woman puts me to shame,” the new girl, Danni, replies with a chuckle.

“Damn, now that’s saying something,” Lynn chortles as she takes her seat next to Zacky.

I take my seat in between Jimmy and Brian, my eyes flickering over to Danni and Johnny, who are obviously a couple. Seriously, is everyone in this group paired off or something?

“Oh, Danni, you haven’t met my best friend, Alana,” Lynn says once it’s dawned on her that I have no clue who this new girl is.

The girl turns her head in my direction and flashes me a warm, friendly smile and I can’t help but do the same in return.

“Hey, I’m Danni. I’m Johnny’s girlfriend,” she says, that comforting smile still on her face. “It’s nice to finally meet you. Lynn’s told me so much about you. It’s a shame we never got to hang out this summer. I’m sure we would have had a blast.”

“Nice to meet you, too,” I reply, feeling my smile begin to fade away.

Now that I think of it, why didn’t I get to meet everyone over the summer? Why did Lynn wait until now to introduce me to all her new friends? Was it because she wanted to save me from a summer having to deal with Brian every day? Did she just forget about me? No, she couldn’t have forgotten since she’s apparently been talking about me all the time. Then why on Earth didn’t she let me meet everyone this summer?

“Holy shit! Is that all you’re eating?” Jimmy exclaims, startling me a bit and causing me to jump in my seat. I hear Brian chuckle from the other side of me and I press my lips together for a moment.

“I’m not very hungry,” I reply, taking my water bottle and beginning to unscrew the cap.

“You sure? I mean, that’s barely enough to feed a small bird,” he says, his eyes reflecting with concern.

“Jimmy’s right, that’s not much at all. Are you feeling sick or something?” Danni queries.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” I tell them with a reassuring smile.

What is it with these people and being worried about me? They’ve just met me; there is no need to worry about me.

Maybe Jimmy’s just acting nice so I’ll let my guard down… That way it’ll be easier for him to…

I flinch as I stop myself from finishing the thought.

But it’s not like it’s a ludicrous thought. I mean he is a guy. And all guys are the same. They just want one thing; it doesn’t matter who they are or how nice they may seem. They’re all a bunch of filthy, rotten, dirty deceivers.

“Alright. Well, let me know if you want anything. I’m willing to share,” Jimmy smiles.

“Thanks.” I give him a tiny smile in return, still wondering what his true intentions are.

Sure Jimmy seems like a nice guy, but I also thought Craig was a cool guy and then he… I don’t wanna think about what he did.

“So, what do you have next, Alana?” Danni asks me, taking a bite out of the sandwich she brought.

“Um…” I dig out my schedule from my pocket and take a quick glance at it, finding my sixth hour class. “English with Richmond,” I reply, pocketing the piece of paper.

“I had him second hour; he’s awesome,” Danni tells me with a grin. “You’re going to love his class. He’s gotta be the coolest teacher I’ve ever had.”

“Nice.”

“What about the rest of you guys? I wanna know if I’ll have any friends next hour.”

“Gym,” Laney and Matt chorus.

“Biology with Swift,” Zacky and Johnny answer in monotone.

“English with Richmond,” Lynn replies with a smile and I smile, too, happy to hear that I’ll have my best friend with me.

“History with Lauderbach,” Jimmy says with a bored sigh.

“Me, too,” Danni smiles. “Don’t worry, Jimbo, I’ll help ya out.”

“Thanks, I’m gonna need it.”

“What about you, Brian?”

“English with Richmond,” Brian grumbles and I turn my head to look at him in disbelief.

He’s shitting me, right? There is no way that we could have another class with each other. There’s just no fuckin’ way. I catch a glimpse of his unfolded schedule and see that he isn’t lying; he’s got the same class as me yet again. And my stomach lurches when I notice that he’s got Gym last hour, just like me.

This is going to be one long school year.

~

“Whoa, this is a classroom? It looks more like a college dorm room,” Lynn says in awe as we walk into what is supposed to be our English classroom.

“Well, Danni did say that Richmond’s a cool teacher,” I reply as my eyes scan the room.

I will admit that it is like no other classroom I’ve ever been in in my entire life. The fluorescent lights are turned off, the room being lit by floor lamps in each corner of the room and one in the middle against the back wall, providing just enough light to be able to read whatever text we may have in front of us without straining our eyes. There are several posters tacked up on the wall, but not the usual ones that I’ve seen in classrooms telling us to strive to achieve or how reading will take you to other worlds; these posters are of musical artists like The Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, and Janis Joplin. And to top it all off there is a stereo sitting on the counter usually used for turn in trays. All in all this was a pretty interesting classroom.

“So, where do you wanna sit?” she asks me as her eyes look around the room.

“Somewhere towards the back,” I reply, trying to find a spot with two empty desks.

“Oh, we can sit over there by Brian.”

I let out a soft, but audible, groan at the suggestion.

“I know you don’t like him, Lana, but it’s the only place left with two empty seats. Besides, he’s not that bad once you get to know him. He’s a really nice guy.”

“Sure he is. Come on, let’s go sit down,” I grumble, starting my way over to the back of the classroom where Brian’s sitting.

“Well, hello, Sunshine. I was wondering when I’d see your bright, shining face again,” he replies with that stupid smirk of his.

“Shut up, Haner,” I mutter, taking the seat next to him since the only other seat open is in front of him. What can I say; I’m still scarred from all the times he pulled on my braids when we were little.

“Hey, you two be nice,” Lynn says threateningly as she takes the seat in front of Brian. “I don’t wanna hear your bickering all class period.”

I glare at Brian warningly, hoping he’ll get the hint that I’m telling him to stop being such an ass. But he just grins at me widely as if he doesn’t have a care in the world. I huff, taking my eyes off of him and looking forward just as the teacher enters the room.

If his room hadn’t been set up the way it is then I probably would have been completely surprised by his appearance, not saying that I’m not just a little surprised right now, but the room did prepare me for someone a bit more unconventional. He’s isn’t dressed like all the other teachers at all, and if he didn’t look like he’s my father’s age then with his attire he could pass for a student.

He has long dirty blonde hair that stops about an inch above his shoulders, a pair of jeans with holes in the knee, a shirt that reads “Strawberry Fields Forever”, and a pair of bright red Chuck Taylor’s on his feet.

“Alright, my name is Mr. Richmond,” he announces to the room as he grabs a dry erase marker and writes his name sloppily on the board. “And this is Sophomore English. If you’re not supposed to have me or this class then I’m afraid to tell you that you guys are in the wrong place and I suggest that you leave to go to your class.”

I look around the room and notice that no one’s getting up.

“Alright, well, I’m going to start off class asking you a simple question. How many of you hate to write?”

Hands shoot up all around the room, with the exception of Lynn and a handful of others.

“Wow, now why do you guys hate writing? Give me a reason,” he says as he looks around the room. “You in the back, green baseball cap,” he says to a boy sitting a couple rows to my right. “What’s your name?”

“Hunter.”

“Last name.”

“Stringfellow.”

“Stringfellow, why do you hate writing?”

“Uhh… Because I just don’t like writing papers. They’re boring.”

“I think you misunderstood the question, Mr. Stingfellow,” Mr. Richmond says with a chuckle. “I simply asked why you hate writing. I said nothing about writing papers. Writing’s more than just research papers and all that boring stuff. How many of you like to do creative writing; things like poems, lyrics, and stories?”

Several hands go up in the air, including Brian’s. I’m one of the few who keeps their hand down and I begin to feel nervous that Mr. Richmond’s going to notice. And that’s the last thing I need right now, to be singled out by the teacher.

“Well, for those of you who don’t like to do any of those things I hope to open you up to the world of writing and get you to at least tolerate writing,” he says with a smile. “We’re going to be writing every day in what I like to call journals. These journals will not be taken up, they will not be graded, these are for you guys to get into the habit of writing and letting the creativity flow, so to speak.

These journal assignments will be at the start of every class. I’ll come in and either put up an image on the overhead or I’ll hand out some lyrics. When I hand out lyrics you will get a chance to listen to the song once without having to write anything. I want you guys to think about the song and how it relates to you and your life. Or you can write how it has nothing to do with your life. I don’t care, as long as you guys write something. The same goes for the pictures. I put up an image and you guys connect to it and write. Just write something and we’ll be good, if you don’t I’ll be able to tell and then these will be take up for a grade. Understood?”

Everyone nods in affirmation.

“Wonderful. Now after we write we will always have the option of discussing what you guys think of the song or image of the day. That sound cool to you guys?”

Again, everyone nods in agreement with a few scattered “yeahs”.

“Great. Today we’re going to start with an image.”

He takes the overhead out of the corner of the room by his desk and wheels it out in front of the whiteboard. He pulls down the screen and turns on the overhead, a spot of light hitting the white screen. He grabs a folder off of his desk and extracts a transparency, placing it on the overhead and projecting the image to the room.

“Now, I want you guys to write what you think of this picture here.”

My eyes go to the picture in front of us and I feel my throat go dry. It’s a picture of a girl with her knees hugged tight to her chest and her face buried firmly in them. She looks scared; she looks scarred and damaged… She looks like someone who just needs someone to talk to. She looks like someone who just needs someone, anyone, to realize that things aren’t okay; someone to reach out and help her.

She reminds me of me.