Hidden Within

I groan as I regain consciousness. My eyes flutter open and I let out another groan; squinting my eyes in hopes to ease the assault of the light.

God, what the hell happened?

I remember that I was in Gym. I remember getting a locker and a uniform. I recall Haner being an ass, as usual. I remember running laps. And then… Then I got dizzy. Everything else after that is just… It’s a blank.

“You’re up,” someone says from beside me, causing me to turn my head in their direction.

“Haner?” I hoarsely query, confused as to why he’s here.

Wherever here is…

“The one and only,” he replies with a small smile, and I give a weak one in return.

“Where am I?”

“Nurse’s office.”

“Oh…” I chew on the inside of my lip, debating if I should ask the next question on my mind. “Um… Why am I here?”

“You don’t remember?”

I simply shake my head.

“You took a nasty fall when we were running laps.”

“I did?”

“Yeah. You scared the shit out of everyone.”

“I’m sorry…”

“There’s no need to be sorry. I’m sure everyone’s just going to be glad to see that you’re okay,” he says with a warm smile.

I bite my bottom lip, fighting back the small smile that pulls at the corners of my mouth. I really don’t want to admit that Brian made me smile. Brian never makes me smile; he usually has the opposite effect on me. He usually makes me wanna throw up in my mouth.

“So… Why are you here?” I ask softly.

“I was the closest one to you when you passed out,” he quickly replies. “I helped Coach bring you here and I told him I’d stay with you to make sure you’re alright. He needed to get back to the class anyway.”

“Anything to avoid running laps?”

He pauses for a moment and nods his head. “Yeah, anything to get out of laps,” he says with a nervous sounding chuckle.

“I would have done the same thing.”

He nods again and a silence falls around us. I bring my gaze up to the ceiling, staring at the plain white stucco above me, and it dawns on me that I’m laying down. I push myself up, supporting myself on my forearms, and let out a small groan when that lightheaded feeling hits me again.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Brian asks, sounding a lot more concerned than I would have ever expected him to sound. I guess he wasn’t kidding when he said I scared everyone.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I lie as I lower myself back onto my back.

“You’re a terrible liar, you know that?”

I furrow my brow giving him a perplexed look. “What?”

“You’re a shitty liar, Fray. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, Haner. Now why don’t you just go get the nurse and go back to class?”

“Not until you tell me what’s wrong.”

“I told you, nothing is wrong,” I insist, unsure as to why it’s so damn important for him to know if there’s something wrong with me. As far as I’m concerned it’s none of his damn business if I’m okay or not. He’s not my friend. Hell, I barely even want to admit that he’s an acquaintance!

“Lana, I just wanna know what’s wrong. Please tell me?” he asks, leaning forward so that his forearms are resting on his thighs, his dark brown eyes pleading with me.

“I’m just feeling a little dizzy,” I whisper. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Not a big deal? You do realize that’s probably why you passed out while running laps, right?”

“I guess… But it’s not a big deal, Haner.”

“Yes, it is, Alana,” he stresses. “It’s a big fuckin’ deal. You realize how fucking scary it was to see you fall like that in class? Can you even fathom what you could have done to yourself? You could have really hurt yourself!”

“But I didn’t,” I mumble, suddenly feeling a bit drowsy.

“But you could have.”

“Well, I didn’t. Now I told you what’s wrong, go run off back to class or shut up so I can take a nap,” I grumble as I turn my back to him.

“Oh, no, no, no, no, no!” he says, placing his hand on my shoulder, turning me back to my previous position.

My body freezes at the sudden contact and I can’t do anything else but stare at him wide-eyed, my heart beating at a million miles an hour. It’s safe to say that I don’t feel tired anymore.

“Sorry,” he whispers as he lets go of my shoulder. “I just… You shouldn’t sleep now… You hit your head really hard; you might have a concussion.”

“Oh… Okay…”

“So… Why were you feeling dizzy?”

“I dunno…”

“Well, when did it start?”

“Um… A little while before I passed out,” I reply in the best ‘duh’ voice I can muster.

“And that’s it? Just happened once and bam, you pass out?” he asks skeptically as he raises an eyebrow at me.

“Yep…”

He nods his head, and we fall into silence again. I let out a heavy sigh and start to look around the room as best I can in my position. I’m almost too afraid to sit up. With my luck another bout of dizziness will seize over me. Where the hell is the nurse though? Shouldn’t she be in here making sure that I’m okay? Shouldn’t she have come in at least once during this whole time instead of leaving me alone with Brian? You can tell that she must really care about her job if she isn’t even in here taking care of the girl who apparently passed out during gym.

“How is she do-- Oh, you’re up!” a cheery sounding voice says and I lift my head up just enough to see a middle aged woman with a warm smile and fiery red hair. “How long have you been up, dear?” she asks me as she walks over to me, placing a cold hand to my forehead.

“Um, just a couple minutes,” I reply, unsure of how long I’ve actually been up. It’s not like I pulled out a stopwatch and started timing when I came to.

“Can you sit up?”

“I--”

“She said she feels dizzy when she tries,” Brian unnecessarily chimes in. If the nurse wasn’t in the way right now, I’d be glaring daggers at him.

“I see,” she says softly to herself. “Here, I’m going to try to help you sit up, okay?”

“Alright.”

I prop myself up onto my forearms again and the nurse slowly helps me sit up. I close my eyes and take a deep breath for a moment before opening them. The room isn’t moving around, but my head still feels a bit on the funny side.

“How do you feel?” she asks me, her hand resting on my shoulder to help keep me upright.

“Just a little lightheaded,” I reply, glancing over to see Brian watching intently. I really wish he would go back to his class already…

“Now you were feeling dizzy when you passed out?”

I nod my head as she continues to check me over, making sure that I’m okay and all that happy stuff.

“Now how long have you and your boyfriend here been sexually active?”

“What?” I choke out, my eyes practically bulging out of my skull.

“You and this young ma--”

“Oh, no,” I cut her off, vigorously shaking my head.

“We’re not dating,” Brian quickly adds on.

“Oh…” the nurse furrows her brow and looks back at Brian perplexedly. “I thought you said you were her boyfriend when you brought her in here?”

He said what?

“Oh, no, you must have misunderstood. I said I’m her friend and I wanted to stay with her to make sure she’s okay.”

“Oh, I see. Well, you’re lucky to have such a good friend taking care of you like this,” she smiles.

“Yeah, lucky,” I reply through gritted teeth, my gaze locking onto Brian and I glower at him.

“So you are not sexually active?”

“No.”

“Well, what did you have for lunch today?”

I bite my lip, debating if it’d be such a smart idea to lie to the nurse or not about this. I mean, it doesn’t really sound healthy to tell her that I didn’t even eat anything. Sure I grabbed that apple, but I never touched it during lunch; and I didn’t eat a single fry from Laney’s tray. She was too preoccupied with throwing shit at Brian to really notice that I didn’t bother to eat anything.

With my luck I’ll tell her that I didn’t have lunch and she’ll call up my parents, telling them that I have an eating disorder or something like that. And that is the last thing I need right now. Especially since the issue of my weight was brought up at breakfast.

“I had a cheeseburger, fries, and a Coke,” I reply.

I can see a puzzled look on Brian’s face and I can only hope that he keeps his mouth shut. He goes to open his mouth but he stops, letting his mouth fall shut once more.

“Well, I don’t know why you would have a fainting spell then,” she replies, her eyes looking me over. “Are you feeling okay now?”

“Mmhmm,” I nod.

“Well, I guess you’re free to go then. But I don’t want you doing anything in Gym today when you guys get back. You need to take it easy today. Understood?” she asks as she walks across the room and grabs a pad of paper from the counter.

“Yes, Ma’am,” I reply, as she scribbles something down on the paper.

She hands me the note and I take a quick glance at it, seeing that it just says that I shouldn’t participate in any activities for the remainder of class, at least whatever’s left of it. Brian quickly rises to his feet, too, looking like he’s prepared to catch me if I fall. I guess he was serious when he said that he told the girls that he was going to be nice to me.

“Do you think she has a concussion?” Brian asks her as he takes a step towards me.

“I don’t think so. She seems fine now. But just in case make sure she stays awake, alright?”

“Okay, thanks,” he smiles.

“Yeah, thanks,” I mumble.

“It’s not a problem. Now you take care. And remember, do not do anything in class today,” she instructs as she disappears out the door.

“Alright,” I call out after her, taking my first step towards the door. My legs are a tad on the shaky side and I feel my right leg give slightly under my weight.

“Easy there, Sunshine,” Brian murmurs as he wraps his arm around my waist in an attempt to keep me standing upright.

“I’m fine, Haner. Now let me go,” I grumble, taking another step and thankful to see that my leg is able to support my weight this time around.

He doesn’t reply; he simply drops his arm from my waist. He walks beside me, leading the way out of the nurse’s office and out into the hallway. We walk in silence to the gymnasium, cutting through the cafeteria since it’s the quickest way to get there.

“Stop,” he says as I reach for the door, breaking our silence.

“What?” I asked; confused as to why he would want to stop me from going into the gym.

“We’re not going back in there until we talk.”

“About what?”

“About why you lied to the nurse about what you had for lunch.”

I let out an audible sigh. I should have known better than to tell her that while he was in the room. Why he stuck around like he did I will never know; he was the one who said that he would scram once I told him what was wrong with me.

“Come with me,” he says, starting to walk down towards the vending machines.

I could take this opportunity to make a break for it and go on into the gym. But truth be told I don’t really feel like sitting on the bleachers while peoples’ sneakers squeak across the floor and the room amplifies the sound of everyone’s voices. Maybe following Brian wouldn’t be such a bad idea. I mean, there isn’t even anyone here right now; and we could always lie to a teacher and say we have a free period this hour. I gently gnaw on my lip for a second and let out a defeated sigh. I might as well.

I slowly walk over to where Brian’s standing as he pulls out a Coke from the vending machine. The boy keeps change in his gym shorts? Doubtful. He probably figured out some way to weasel one out for free. It wouldn’t surprise me if he did.

“Sit down at that table over there,” he says, pointing to a vacant table nearby. “I’ll be there in a second.”

“Okay…” I do as he says and take a seat, watching him as he moves to another vending machine. “Huh, I guess he does carry around change in his gym shorts,” I mumble to myself as I watch him extract some coins from his pocket.

A couple moments later he approaches the table with two small bags of chips, a Coke, and a candy bar. He sets them down and takes a seat across the table from me.

“Sour Cream and Onion or Barbeque?” he asks, taking the bags of chips into his hands.

“Umm… Sour Cream and Onion,” I reply, unsure as to what’s going on.

“Alright.” He pushes the green bag of chips along with the Coke over to me. “Those are yours then. Along with…” He unwraps the chocolate bar and breaks it in half, taking one half of it and pushing the other half that is sitting on the wrapper over to me. “That.”

“Okay…”

“You’re supposed to eat it,” he explains to me as if I don’t understand the concept of food and its purposes.

“I get that… But why?”

“Why did you lie to the nurse about what you had for lunch?”

“I asked you first.”

“Fine, you didn’t eat anything at lunch today and you pass out in the middle of P.E. because you felt dizzy. Sounds like you need to eat. So I’m keeping up my deal with the girls by being nice to you and feeding you before you pass out again,” he rejoinders. “Your turn. Why did you lie to the nurse about what you had for lunch?”

“I just didn’t want her to call my parents and tell them something stupid like--”

“That you have an eating disorder?” he finishes for me as he takes a bite of his chocolate.

“I don’t have an eating disorder,” I tell him firmly.

“Then what’s wrong? Why didn’t you eat today?”

“Maybe because someone keeps calling me a fat ass all the time,” I growl, hoping that the jab will make him shut up. I know he’s not the reason I didn’t eat at lunch, but he doesn’t know that. Maybe if I get him to believe he’s the reason then he’ll just shut up and leave me the hell alone.

He stares at me for a moment, unmoving and unblinking. He just stares at me as if I have just sprouted a second head and a pair of wings. I think I liked it better when he was grilling me about why I wasn’t eating, at least then he wasn’t staring…

“I’m going to cl--”

“Stay,” he says, stating it more like a question rather than a command.

I look at him for a moment, debating if I should do as he wishes, and simply nod my head as I settle myself back down into my seat.

“I was just messing around with you. I never thought that you were taking me seriously…” he starts off, staring at me with those dark eyes and he draws his lips together in a thin line. “You’re not fat, okay? You don’t need to go around starving yourself just because of some stupid thing I say. I’m sorry for being a dick. Now, will you please just eat something?”

My eyes meet his and I hate to admit it, but I actually kinda feel bad for the guy. And he does look like he’s sorry…

I slowly reach out for the chips and bring it towards me. “One condition,” I tell him, my eyes still locked onto his.

“What?”

“Drop the nice act when you’re not at risk of getting your ass kicked.”

He mulls it over for a moment. “Only if you don’t take everything I say seriously. We’re not having a repeat of this little fainting spell.”

“Fine.”

“Alright then, I’ll stop when Laney and the girls aren’t around.”

“Good.” I open the bag and take out a chip, popping it into my mouth. I slowly chew the chip and stop when I realize his eyes are still on me. “Could you not look at me when I eat?” I ask after swallowing the food in my mouth.

“Oh… Sorry… I guess I was just…”

“Fascinated by the way I eat potato chips?” I query with a raised eyebrow.

“No, I was just… I spaced out for a second.”

“Eat your food, Haner.”

He nods his head and opens up the small black bag. Neither of us says a word to the other as we eat. The only sound filling the air between us is the faint crunching of chips as we both chew our food and the faint sound of feet hitting the floor as people run around in the gym.

“So, how was your summer?” Brian asks, breaking the blissful silence between us.

I slow my chewing and almost painfully swallow the food in my mouth as the events of summer quickly flash through my mind. It doesn’t matter if it’s been two weeks or two months, the first thing that comes to mind when I think of summer is always going to be what happened. It’s always going to haunt me; it’s always going to be a part of my past, my history; it’s always going to be a part of me.

I feel the rims of my eyes grow wet and I quickly blink my eyes, hoping to keep any tears that are threatening to leak out, at bay.

“Are you okay?” he asks, yanking me out of my thoughts and back into the here and now.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I reply with a weak smile.

“Bad summer?”

“I guess you could say that…”

“Sorry to hear that.”

“It’s alright,” I tell him as I slowly shake my head. I glance up at the clock sitting on the cafeteria wall and realize that there’s only eight minutes left before class lets out. “We should probably get back to class. Get out of these stupid uniforms and get the hell out of here.”

“Yeah,” he agrees with a nod, pushing his chair back before rising to his feet.

I do the same and look down at the table, at my uneaten half of the candy bar and untouched Coke. “Uh, did you want either of these?” I ask him, gesturing to the leftover food.

“Nah, I got them for you.”

“I know, but I won’t be able to take them in there…”

“I’ll just tell Coach that the nurse said that you needed to eat something because your blood sugar tanked on you. It’ll be alright.”

“Okay… Ha-- Brian?”

“Yeah?” he asks with a small smile.

“Thanks for the food and stuff,” I mumble as I look down at my feet.

“You’re welcome. Now come on, Sunshine, let’s get you back to class,” he says, turning towards the door and I follow not too far behind.

We enter the gym and several people stop what they’re doing to look at us; Coach notices that we’ve returned and immediately jogs over towards us.

“How is she?” he asks Brian since apparently I lost the ability to speak for myself when I fell.

“She’s good,” Brian quickly replies. “Nurse just said she needs to eat a little something and she’ll be fine.”

“That’s good. Well, it’s about time to let you guys to head to the locker rooms and get changed. Thanks for keeping an eye on her, Brian. And you; try not to give us another scare like that again. If you ever start feeling weak just stop and I’ll understand.”

“Yes, sir,” I reply with a small nod.

“Good. You two go ahead and get changed, the others will be in in a couple minutes.”

“Alright,” Brian and I chorus, walking along the sidelines of the gym, making our way towards the locker rooms.

We split up as I approach the door to the girls’ locker room and I slip into the empty room. I look down at the Coke and chocolate in my hands and quickly pop the melting candy into my mouth before taking a step further. I quietly make my way to the locker, set the Coke down on the concrete bench, and pull out the small slip of paper with my combo out of my pocket. I open my locker and hurriedly change into my clothes just as I hear the other girls start to file into the room. All of them talking and giggling to each other. I finish pulling on my clothes just as the two girls I saw at the beginning of class, the ones who were ogling Brian, turn the corner.

“Oh, my God, are you okay?” the girl with the light brown hair, Hayley, asks me.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” I reply softly, slipping my Nikes back on my feet.

“You had us so worried!” her friend says. “I mean, you hit the floor and there was like a crack and everything.”

“It was like the scariest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”

“And you really scared that one guy.”

“What one guy?” I ask, picking my Coke up off of the bench.

“The one that you came back with, Brian,” Hayley says.

“Brian?”

“Yeah, I think that’s his name. He was like on the other side of the gym and as soon as he saw you fall he ran over to you.”

“He insisted on coming with you when Coach Miller said he was taking you to the nurse.”

What are they talking about? Running across the gym? Brian said he was right behind me when I fell and that’s the only reason he was with me in the nurse’s office. He said nothing about sprinting across the room. They’re probably just adding exciting details to the story to make it more interesting and stuff.

“Oh. Okay, I didn’t know that,” I mumble, unsure of what else to say.

“So, are you two like…dating?” Hayley asks, biting her bottom lip nervously.

“Me and Brian? No, we’re not. He’s just… He’s my best friend’s boyfriend’s best friend.”

“Oh, okay. So, is he like, single?” She looks a bit happier now.

I press my lips together in a thin line. “Uh, I don’t know. We don’t really know each other that well. Maybe.”

“Oh… Well, you think you can see if he likes me?” she asks hopefully.

“Um… Maybe… I’m--I’m gonna go now,” I tell them softly.

I walk past them and make my way through the room, out into the gym. I see Brian sitting on the bleachers. He looks up at me and gives me a small smile, and I return the smile as I walk across the gym floor. I walk up the bleachers, taking a seat on the row in front of the one he’s sitting on.

“Hey,” I say quietly, giving him a small wave.

“Hey.”

“You are quite the hero. Girls talking about you and how you saved the poor fainted girl.”

He chuckles softly under his breath. “Great, just what I wanted.”

“Oh, you know you love the attention, Haner. It strokes that huge ego of yours.”

“Whatever you say, Sunshine.”

The bell finally rings and everyone runs to the door, taking their first steps towards freedom. I slowly walk down the hall to my locker and see Lynn and Zacky smiling like a couple of goofs at her locker. I silently walk past them, not wanting to ruin their moment, and start getting my stuff together. I stuff my books and the drink in my bag and the sound of my closing locker is enough to pull Lynn out of her Zacky trance and bring her attention to me.

“Oh, there you are! So, how was Gym?”

“Eh,” I shrug. “It was Gym,” I reply dismissively, not wanting to reveal that I had fainted. I’m sure that hearing that will only make her freak out and that’s the last thing I need right now is a freaked out Lynn.

“Well, Zacky and I were talking and he said that Matt was wondering if we’d like to hang out at the park after school. You think you’d like to join us?”

“Uh, maybe,” I reply, slinging my backpack over my shoulder. “Who all’s gonna be there.”

“The whole gang,” she smiles. “It’ll be a lot of fun, Lana, really.”

“Yeah, it’ll be fun,” Zacky chimes in with a smile.

“Alright… I guess… I’ll have to ask my parents though. Um, what time?”

“Around four.”

“Me and Zacky will stop by and walk with ya if you can come along,” Lynn adds on.

“Yeah, that would be great. I’ll ask when I get home.”

“Great! Give me a call and let me know if you can!”

“Will do. But I’ve gotta get going, I’ll see you guys later.”

“Kay!” they call out after me.

I walk out to the bus circle and try to remember the number I’m supposed to be on. I walk past each bus, hoping to see some kids that I recognize from my neighborhood waiting outside one of them, and I smile when I see Sandi standing in line.

“Hey! How was your first day?” she smiles as I approach her.

“It was alright. How about yours?”

“Pretty good.”

“Hey, do you know if Mom or Dad’s gonna be home when we get back?”

“I dunno. Why?”

“I was going to ask if I could hang out with Lynn after school.”

“You know they never mind if you go hang out with her. It’s like how they don’t mind me going over to Whitney and Gaby’s all the time,” she says as we climb onto the bus.

“Guess I never thought of it that way,” I mumble as I follow her down the aisle.

We find a decent seat towards the back of the bus and she tells me about all the fun she’s going to have this year with cheerleading. Apparently, she’s already made friends with lots of girls on the squad.

“Hey, who’s that guy over there?” Sandi asks, stopping in the middle of her ramble about cheer.

“What guy?” I mumble, not really caring about some guy Sandi thinks is cute. She’s one of those girls who thinks that just about every guy is totally hot. She’s got a new crush just about every week. I love the girl with all my heart, but she is totally boy crazy.

“Other side of the bus, two seats ahead of us.”

I glance over to where she said and see a familiar face. I give him a small smile and he smiles back at me.

“Do you know him?” she whispers.

“Yeah, that’s Jimmy. He’s one of Lynn’s boyfriend’s friends.”

“Oh, I see. He’s kinda cute.”

“I guess,” I shrug.

“Wow, who’s the hottie that just sat down next to him?”

Oh, no… Please don’t be who I think you are…

I take another look over in Jimmy’s direction just as he points to me. The boy next to him turns his head, and I see that it’s Matt. He gives me a dimpled smile and I give him one back.

“Another one of her boyfriend’s friends,” I tell my sister as Matt returns to his conversation with Jimmy.

“Cute! Does he--”

“Yes, yes, he does,” I chuckle, dashing all her hopes of being with him.

“Damn. Well, if he has anymore cute single friends you’ll let me know, right?”

“Of course I will,” I tell her with a slight roll of my eyes.

I sneak another peek in their direction to see if Brian’s with them; he’s not. And though I hate to admit it, it kinda bums me out that he’s not.