I Love You

I looked down at Ianto, my Ianto and realised what I had done. This was because of me, it's always because of me. If I had just stopped them the first time then this wouldn't have happened. Ianto would be here, with me.

I knew he would die first, they always die first, but not that young. I thought we had time, I thought.....The colour draining out of him, the life running from his eyes. Till theres nothing, just blankness, just death.

I'm glad he died before me. He always hated it when I died, he hated not knowing whether this was the last time, to never wake up. But to watch him knowing he would never wake up. It broke the little piece of my heart that Ianto had managed to put make together. Because I knew, I knew he would never wake up.

The way he looked at me, I was so lucky to have him and I took it all for granted. I never told him how much I cared. I couldn't even when he was there, dying, in my arms I didn't have the courage to say those three little words. He needed me to say them, that one time and I couldn't. I was just thinking of myself.

"Please don't leave me."

That's what I said and when he was there slowly dying he just needed me to say, needed to know that....but I didn't I couldn't and know there is no more oppotunity, no other chance he is gone and I have never had the chance to say, to tell him....

"I Love You"

And tomorrow I will have to go on and save the world like nothigs happened, pick myself up with Gwen and start again. Just like we did with Owen and Tosh but that time I had Ianto with me and now...now me and Gwen, a pregnant Gwen, will have to start again and rebuild. But this time I don't think we'll survive, this time I think it might actually be the end of the world.